Monday, May 09, 2005

Sitting on a rock
looking at the pond life
wondering what is living
in a world that isn't wet.

I feel like that sometimes, and today finds me in sort of a reflective mood, feeling that i have gone full circle in the last 10 years and ended up where i was before. My world is a lot richer in experience and emotion but the fact remains that i am and always will be a no brainer...i mean i can fool myself by getting a degree and pretending that it matters but what good is it at my age. Where can it possibly take me that isn't six feet where i stand before my peers today. This is a pretty negative thing to say but i suppose that one day i was going to have to be honest with myself and i think this is it, I am facing up to my life and my mortality. The idea of this posting is not for people to feel sorry for me and come up to me and say 'Everything will be fine', because it fucking won't be and that,ladies and gentlemen is the truth that i have to throw at myself.

I always knew that i had made a wrong career move when i left school and to this very day I am paying for making this very dreadful error. Well, there's nothing I can do, here i am in a job that i like but feeling empty and worthless. Perhaps this is just a today feeling but we shall see over the next couple of days. I know some people who are reading this are thinking 'pull yourself together' and 'here he goes whining again' but thats not what i need right now. Perhaps I need some sort of therapy or counselling, i really don't know.

Excuse me for using this as an offload page today but it's hard when you don't have anyone to share things with...lets see if Mr computer will give me some answers on what i'm feeling.

Love and Peace

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

god niel you must have read my mind today cos i feel the same way
steve.

Anonymous said...

I dont want to make light of this but I'm having similar feelings, is it the time of the year, the weather or may my hormones? Hope you feel better sharing these feelings, you have lots of good friends who care about you. How is Lisa these days, I have not spoken to her in ages. Is she having these "single" feelings? Gx

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, posted my comment then read others, what is going on???? Gx

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, have just posted comment then read others, what is going on???? Gx

Anonymous said...

Shit, computer is having a funny, did not think it had posted comment, now on there twice-sorry

Anonymous said...

Neil x

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot... goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures are people... together.
Realize that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have health and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.
And don't ever forget... for even a day...
How very special you are.

It is by chance we met, by choice we became friends... Friendship is a strange thing....we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives...things we don't even share with our families who raised us...But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover? A fellow email junkie? A shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to feel?... A friend is all these things...and more. No matter where we met, .... I call you friend. A word so small...yet so large in feeling...a word filled with emotion.

It is true great things come in small packages. Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed... it is a constant book always written...waiting to be read... and enjoyed. We may have our disagreements...we may argue... we may concern one another...friendship is a unique bond that lasts through it all....

A part of me is put into my friends...some it is my humor... some it is my listening ear... some it is real life experiences... some it is my romanticism...but with all, it is friendship.

Friendships forged are a construct stronger than steel built as a foundation....necessary for life... and necessary for love. Friends...you and me... you brought another friend.. and then there were 3... we started our group... Our circle of friends... and like that circle... there is no beginning or end...

Lisa xxxxxxx