Sunday, July 31, 2005

'Martin and Neil'...the touring years

Well now that the band has split up I thought i would share some sordid tales of touring life with you...

'Martin and Neil' were on tour for most of 2004, it was here that the rows started and I tried to change the name to 'Neil and Martin' on many occasions but the other one wouldn't have it being as he was "more charismatic". We spent the days not talking to each other while we were on the road. The tour bus almost had a divide line drawn down the middle and it effected everyone that worked for us. We couldn't rehearse together, we had to do seperate soundchecks and would only appear on the stage together for that ninety minutes every night. The gigs were getting smaller profile was only three years previously that we played to 100,000 people in our free gig at Central Park NY, the flower children certainly came to play that day...there was enough weed and groupies to satisfy an army. We shared this huge Harem tent as a dressing room and lay on silk cushions whilst admirers fellated us in turn...those were the days, ...and here we were just pulling up outside 'Wyndham Whippet club and Victory Hall' to play for a 60th birthday party for Agnes Bunklethorpe.

For fun I used to piss into Martin's beer and i never found out what he did to retaliate... but my donner kebabs always seemed a bit squishier than they should have been. I sneaked on to the tour bus one day whilst Martin was having some groupie action with a young lady from Carlisle and I overheard him as he confessed to not being able to 'get it up', so the next night I wrote a new song and put it into the performance to Martins suprise..i seem to remember the title of the song was ' you know you're getting old when you can't get it up with a groupie'...oh how i laughed, but after turning the colour of a really ripe plum Martin never ever spoke to me again. I used to spend my time on the tour bus snorting coke off a copy of Big Boy monthly and generally lying there, unwashed with genitals in hand, but the public never saw this side of us. We always had a clean cut image and were the 'beach boys' of the new era...our version of 'Nights in White Satin' is still played today, mostly at funerals and at old peoples parties , but never the less played.

I remember once Martin caught me on the tour bus rogering his dresser, a nice lad from Bournemouth who in a drunken haze had thought that sleeping with me might have got him the stardom that he longed wrong he was, all it got him was a screaming rage from Martin and a naked walking experience on the hard shoulder of the M5 after he had been thrown off the bus with nothing to hide his dignity, apart from the cap of a bottle of 'super lube' that was now dangerously spilt all over the tour bus floor.

Another Martin tour bus story was when he was persued by a young lady fan from Chipping Norton who happened to be blind...she won some sort of fan competition to be on the bus for a day and really fancied Martin even though she could not see him...Martin did not think her attractive at all so was not sexually interested. The day went on and she got more and more high on the old 'green' with a smattering of vodka and decided that she should like to sleep with what did martin do?, he worked her up a bit until she was ready and then got one of the roadies to shag her while he stood next to her making all the right noises. He then wrote on her in felt tip...he told her he was signing his name for fact the writing said 'Easy blind girl for rent, ugliness no object' and after dressing her in her clothes the wrong way round, he sent her on her way...that was the sort of guy Martin was...

Until we split up as a band we didn't realise how much we liked each other as ordinary people and now we are very good friends once again...who knows...anyone for an anniversary reunion?
Piddy77 x

*Ladeez 'n gennelmen, this may only be a fictional account, nothing deflamatory is meant,it's all written in the sense of bad taste and humour. names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Thank You.

Saturday, July 30, 2005


Cumming tomorrow... 'Martin and Neil, the touring years'

Sufferin''s Steve!

The car that my brother bought to replace my morris marina was a volvo 66 variomatic,for those of you not familiar with this model it was a three door estate car powered by a 1100cc engine and two "rubber bands" attatched to a set of conical spindles so the faster the engine revved the rubber bands would ride up the spindles and the car would move, theoretically it could go as fast backwards as it would forwards,i did try this experiment out on a disused air field in flookburgh but ony managed to get up to thirty until i got a bit of a wobble on so i gave up but it was a really fun car!.

My cousin tony had recently been to london with his brother and while he was there he had purchased two tickets for the Rocky Horror Show which was playing at the Wimbledon Theatre, I don't know why but everyone in Ulverston about this time was into the Rocky Horror Show we would all be doing the "Time warp" and "Hot Patootie", Anyway the day of the treck to London came and we had to be up early as two of the girls who worked at the hotel next to my uncles house were coming round to get us ready, Tony was going as Riff Raff and I was going as Frank'n'Furter, the mad doctor and transvestite extraterrestrial, Tony's make up looked fantastic he had used a swimming cap to look bald on top but had his own long hair sticking out at the back he wore a black jacket with tails, ski pants,one flourescent green sock the other flourescent orange and chinese slippers, my get up was somewhat different full face make-up (a bit like someone out of the group Kiss) a long cape, feather boa, green basque, black silk knickers (from one of the girls) fishnets, suspenders, lace gloves and bright pink stilletto's, we looked fantastic!. when we went to leave the house my Auntie said "god are you going too, Margeret?" looking right at me I said "who are talking too?" then she said in her best englitalian "ithoughta you werea your motha" and laughed. we set off around 10am to give us plenty of time to get there as we had no idea of how to get to wimbledon and niether of us had driven through london before,come to think of it, tony had only passed his test about a week before and had not even driven on a motorway before! we stopped at the first services on the southbound carriageway on the M6 which is Forton to get some fuel, as we were leaving there was a hitchiker thumbing a lift, we got past him and stopped, he was running up to the car with glee as he had got a lift aas he got closer I got out of the car to let him in he suddenly stopped the look on his face was a picture, i said "where are you going mate?" he said London Isaid it's your lucky day so are we, he got in the car reluctantly as he was desperate to get home, we drove for a few miles then he asked "errm, are you going to a party?" we said "no!", he seemed to get a little nervous at that answer!! then he said do you dress like this all the time? Isaid no, not all the time! we stopped for fuel again at Watford Gap services and our travelling companion took his leave of us, don't know why? we were quite friendly to him, anyway we set off again as we were leaving the services he was still thumbing a lift so we stopped and said you can get back in if you like which he did with a "oh, alright then" we asked him where he would like to dropped off at and he said stanmore please as we got closer he would say "you don't have to drop me off in the centre of town" we said ok and we eventually dropped him off near the tube station as he got out he bumped straighjt into one of his mates who just laughed at him, he said thanks and gave us £15.00 for some fuel.

we got to the centre of london pretty easily but soon got hopelessly lost looking for wimbledon we drove up the mall down the mall round trafalgar square up piccadilly we ended up on Oxford street where we had the brilliant idea of asking a policeman! so we stops the car and get out, we walk up to this policeman and asked him the way to wimbledon, he looked us up and down and said "just keep driving you'll find it" thanks a lot we said got in the car and set off again somehow we found our way across the thames and soon we got signs for wimbledon Tony suddenly starts whistling the Wombles theme tune so i join in pretty soon we were singing every wombles song that we could think of, "super womble", Bungo's birthday, minueto allegretto and so on,then by accident we found the theatre as we were going round a roundabout, we parked the car and walked up to the theatre everyone in the queue started applauding us everyone came up to talk to us saying god i thought i was daring putting on eyeliner! we had a great time at the show dancing and singing all the songs.

we left london about 11.30pm to drive back to Ulverston which took us about five hours, we stopped at the first services we came too and washed off our make up and changed into our normal clothes. Tony and i still talk about this trip to this day it was just so funny...............................see you soon Steve x

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Mythical's Matthew!

Ok Blog time again and what oh what to write about. All seems ok on the rant front and as Gx has already mentioned the party which seemed to go down well with all concerned. As it turned out it was a very busy few days. Not only did we have the do on Saturday night but we also when up to Newcastle to see the tall ships on Monday and Tuesday.

This involved leaving dear old Bedford at 06.45 and being “up north” for breakfast. So I am sitting here feeling like the nice restful weekend I deserve never happened. Well it didn’t but sometimes it’s just worth forgoing that sleep to enjoy life to the full. Perhaps a few statistics about the party just to put a bit of flesh on the bone. As well as me and the wife there were about forty guests at it’s busiest. We kicked off at seven thirty; well it was supposed to be that time but a rowdy Gx, her sister, and a couple of other friends arrived early. Good job because we were running just a little late and needed some help finishing off some of the preparations. Lynne had dropped off some extra garden chairs earlier in the day. Good job as the garden was heaving during the evening. Actually we would have been in real trouble if the weather had turned to rain as we were just about at capacity. And they would have been all over the house and with no space.

Ok back to the statistics. If you remember I said about forty people came, and during that time they managed to consume seventeen bottles of wine, two wine boxes, and each holding five bottles. Nearly two bottles of pimms, and the associated lemonade to go with that, about ten litres. And here is the biggie. About ninety cans of larger or bitter and about twenty five bottles of beer. Now I am no expert in these matters but that strikes me as one hell of a lot of booze. And of course on top of that there was the odd sober person who drank only coke or orange. So anyway thanks to all those who came and made it a great evening. I have to mention Neil (Piddy) he put together a fantastic quadruple CD set of music from the forty years that Marie has been around. It was played during the night and since. We ended the evening with some very loud music from the Who (Won’t get fooled again) and some Pink Floyd (Comfortably num) sorry neighbours. Time I think to go now as its Wednesday and the last few days are catching up with me. I can hear my bed calling me, night night everyone see you next week

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Whispering's Gina!

Feeling a little battered an bruised today, I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the hectic but very enjoyable last few days. It was a great night Friday, and a fab party at M&M's on Saturday, and of course Sunday, I can't say any more on this at the moment, but I may "show and tell" the girls one day after a few drinks. I now need to spend a few days in bed recovering from the weekend but instead I have to think of ways to entertain 7 year old, he has also had a busy weekend and managed to sleepover at his friends house on Sunday night. Downside of that is it's all been a little too much for him and he now seems to be feeling poorly(lets hope he doesn't take after his mother), so we may both spend the next couple of days recovering in bed, to ensure we can fully enjoy our weekend away, this weekend.

Maybe my survey for this week could be, great, cheap places to visit during the school holiday, that are not too physical.

Going back to Saturday night, it was great seeing everyone, and catching up on all the gossip. As usual Lisa had a few interesting "girlie things" to share and has promised to include them in her blog on Tuesday. Of course there was one topic that I was really interested in and that was the details of her most recent purchase. I know this will surprise everyone but she has just bought another "bob", it's called a jolly green giant. Just incase Lisa has decided not to include it in this weeks article(that's if she amazes us all and writes one, lol) I though I would as there are a few questions I would like answered. I know this is so unlike me, but I really do find the whole subject quite fascinating and need to know if it would be money well spent.

So would you please answer the following questions Lisa. Have you tried it yet. Is it value for money. Was it worth the embarrassment of being caught purchasing it? Should I get one? Is it really green, or does that mean it's environmentally friendly? How many "bobs" does one girl need? Lastly, maybe people thought it was a 40th birthday pressie, so they will be giving M a few knowing looks.

Have been hitting the sale's today, not sure that was very wise but the retail therapy was clearly needed. Have overspent and over-indulged on some unnecessary purchases, so now can't afford the jolly green thing even if it does come highly recommended.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Confessions of a bingo caller!

· 1985 is the year and i got paid off from my job as a builders labourer which left me with just my night job as the roxy's bingo caller and barman, although the manageress did give me a few afternoon shifts calling, and a friday morning shift cleaning the bar and beer lines to boost my wages a bit which is always good in my opinion. Working all these extra shifts at the club brought me into contact with the afternoon staff one of which was a 35 year old lady who will remain nameless but she was quite attractive and she took an instant shine to me, she would always be trying to chat me up and she would say "when are you going to take me out" and i would say shyly "i don't know" this went on for a few weeks until it was one of the other girls' birthday's, we were all invited to go, i think it was at the local conservative club (not somewhere i would normally go i might add) but the booze was cheap!! any way things were going along smoothly getting slightly tipsy and eating the nibbles when i was asked to dance by said 35yr old, i would have said yes but the song was "boots up side your head" and i was not doing that!!. Later on she asked me again, we were both a little worse for wear and i said yes, soon it was all over and everyone was leaving and she asked me to walk her home i said "don't be daft you only live there" as i pointed across the street, "drrr!" she said "no, i want you to WALK me home" nudge nudge, (god i was so thick!) any way after that we spent the next few months going out, much to the disgust of my dad but hey i had got used to his disgust over the years. she finally broke it off with me as she said it was not fair on me being a lot younger than her.

· This year also brought my mother back into my life for a while, she had rang up my Uncle Barry asking him if Graham and me would go and see her, so we go to see her and she explains to us that our grandfather was dying and that he had requested to see all his grand children before the end, So one sunny sunday morning my brother and i set off in my morris marina coupe' on the 14 mile trip to Coniston, when we arrived at the house we were welcomed in by our grandma who hugged us both saying we had grown into big lads, grandad was sat in the lounge watching the snooker (boring), he was wearing a oxygen mask as he had developed a breathing problem brought on by years of working in the slate quarries and copper mines, the day turned into a giant friends reunion as all the people we knew kept popping in it was a great day spent reminicing about years gone by and all the things we used to get up to.

· One night when i was at the bingo i was calling the numbers out my Dad appeared at the back of the hall, at the break i went to see what was up as he had never been to the club before, he asked me where my car was and i said it was parked outside my nan's house, he then said that actually its lying on it's roof on a road called Hill Fall and that he was sure that it was my brother who had crashed it, i pondered for a moment and said "but graham can't drive, has no liscence or insurance" so i went to the police station as they wanted to know if i had given graham permission to drive the car as i would have been in trouble if i had, then we went to look at the scene of the accident, what a sight my car had hit a parked car on the right hand side of the road turned on it's roof and smashed into the playground wall of my old junior school but graham was nowhere to be seen , aparrently he was helped from the wreckage by a ten year old boy and he had ran off. he eventually went to court and was ordered to pay £600 to the owner of the car that he had crashed into also to buy me a new car and got banned from driving for 6 months.
· thats it for now, next week ..............drag queens in a volvo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve x

Friday, July 22, 2005

The blog with no heading...(apart from this one)

Well here it is...6pm Friday and my drinking has started for the weekend of fun, debauchery, shame and humiliation (although the last two will only happen at a friends party if i go too far!)...I have a friend who often ends with shame and humiliation and that is on a normal pub night! we will see who has a guilt complex!

This has been one of the worst weeks I have had to battle through and it seems to be all around with other friends saying the was a full moon this week and i wonder if the lunar cycle had anything to do with it...

Have been watching Big Brother and I pray to God that Science is out this week...please, please, please...I have to feel sorry for Craig because he is in a situation with Anthony that I have felt on many many occasions...the situation of one-way love...its awful when you really love someone and they just have no interest in you at sort of turns into obsession and normally ends with an emotional smack in the head that knocks you for six for a few weeks...or normally you end up in a therapists chair being asked "...and how do you feel about that". I seem to have spent my life down this route (apart from the therapist is normally a bottle of Gin and a TV that magically talks back after a while)...its a's all going to end in tears...

Its a big crowd for the pub tonight...My adorable Lisa, Dr Sensual, Wolverine, Gx, Matt, Marie, Lynn and our latest guest Rosemary (who happens to be my roof neighbour)...I don't tend to report anything about the pub nights anymore due to privacy restrictions enforced by myself on myself...i just felt that in the last few months of the blog I have bared my soul and now I'm at the point of collecting a new set of beliefs and information that I am sure I will share in the future at some point.

Well thats me signing off for now...hope to have a blog from Steve tomorrow for you...until then..

Thursday, July 21, 2005

a bowl of cherries and a whiff of old baby rub...

As promised the saga continues. Just to recap Son, GCSE’s, Bribe (Sorry incentive), Laptop, Wrong laptop,

Part two When I got said electronic fun box home and opened it up it was the wrong model. Well the box said it was the correct one but the contents were not as advertised. Piss, Fuck, Bugger, Wank. Can’t get hold of the help desk there shut? Not bad I think for a 24 hour operation. Spend ten minutes looking at the web site and find that sales are open every minute of every day but customer support. Fuck off no chance take your money yes but help in a crisis!!! Bastards. I calm down as we have friends around that night with booze and too much Pink Floyd loud in the garden.

The help desk opens at 10am. On the dot I’m dialling and a young lady with a northern accent and too much training answers, poor her. It takes her approximately 20 seconds to work out that I am in no mood to get anything other than my own way. I explain the problem very very politely and refuse even to raise my voice above a nice happy contented tone. Even though deep down I would happily spit roast her unborn child and set light to her uncle’s testicles if I thought this was going to get my problem resolved any quicker. The main problem seems to be there total lack of belief about my story. They seen totally convinced that they could never make such a basic mistake as the wrong thing in the wrong box. Well they did and I have the proof even though it’s not the proof I ordered.

After being asked to read various code numbers from the box and the machine the nice but dim girl started to back track ever so slightly. “Can we ring you back “she said “I need to talk to my manager and another department”. Ok when will you phone me back? “Within the hour” the young girls reply. I’m inclined to disbelieve things like this at the best of times, but one has to keep an open mind. I stand corrected the young girl who I now know as Lisa is back within ten min’s. “Hi Mr Hunt” Please call me Matthew. I’m so shocked that a company has kept a promise that I’m caught quite by surprise. “Ok hi Matthew we can do something about this for you “Fucking fantastic (Not out loud).”We have two ways to do this” Ok. “You can buy another and send back the old one and when we get the old one we credit you back the cost of the new one”. And what’s the second because there’s more chance of my wife being able to wax successfully (In joke) than me handing over more money to you. “We send a courier out to pick up the one you have and when it’s back we send out the replacement”. That’s better Lisa when will I .get the new one as you know I need it by Friday Pm (it’s Wednesday morning). “Matthew I promise that it will be with you before 5pm Friday Trust Me”. Oh I want to but it’s cutting it tight. I’m also reluctant to let them take back something I have paid for without crediting my account. Or giving me anything in fact. Lisa is obviously good at reading a situation and say “Trust me” again with just a hint of eastern promise if you know what I mean. Well into the blue. And let’s face it what choice do I have. I need this sorted and there is no other alternative. Ok I say feeling like I have just asked Glenn Close to look after my pet bunny.

About 3pm that afternoon a man in a van picks up the wrong box. Well the correct box but the wrong contents keep up. Wow I’m dancing in heaven and the world is beautiful. Nothing to do now but wait.

I can’t wait Thursday lunch time and I’m on the phone to Lisa just to see if they received the box. “Yes Matthew” says Lisa, with a kind of I told you so in her voice. God was I that much of a problem yesterday. “No” says Lisa “We don’t have that many problems and we are quite a small company”. I don’t know if it’s true but Ill buy it, any one who can remember me like that has got to be great. “It will be with you tomorrow I promise” Lisa says. Wow I want this girl at the end of every phone number I dial. I put the phone down and think about the great service and then remember that I don’t actually have the box yet let alone the contents.

Shit isn’t reality a real cunt sometimes. But I need not have worried the next day Lisa lives up to her promise and it’s here and it’s the correct one.(Thanks Marie and Gina) They risked life and limb stalling a City link man in the middle of his round to check the inside to make sure. And thank you to Lisa where and who ever you are as customer services is a free phone number. But I have emailed your boss to tell them what a great person you are and how helpful you were.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The end of days?

Some days just don't add up...

With love from Gina...

I have to report to wasting another weekend. Usually story, went to a friends BBQ at 3pm on Saturday, sat outside playing with the kids and the dry cider was slipping down a treat. I had intended to have a couple to drink and then be sensible, but once again that did not happen. When will I learn? I broke all the rules, and instead of sticking to my usual fairly weak cider, I was persuaded to drink the strong stuff and then I ended the evening with a couple of glasses of port. Did anyone see me cycle home, I hope not! The one thing I really hate about living alone and feeling poorly(self inflicted or not) is if you need a glass of water or some paracetamol, you have to struggle downstairs and get the yourself. It can be a very lonely time.

It was a great day, managed to catch up with a couple of friends I had not seen for a while. They sold their house last year and moved into retirement housing. I have to tell you they look fantastic, and are really happy. They were a little apprehensive about the move, but they now know they have done the right thing. They love their flat, they think the warden and staff are great, and they are now financially secure enough to live life to the full, and believe me they do. It's really good to speak to people who are able to enjoy their retirement, this is how it should be.

I will be going out again next Saturday, so a plea to all my friends, please remind me to start drinking water about 10pm, I can't spend another Sunday in bed feeling poorly!

what i've learned...

I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet
> paper. The closer it
> gets
> to the end, the faster it goes.
> I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't
> give us everything
> we ask
> for.
> I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.
> I've learned....That it's those small daily
> happenings that make life
> so
> spectacular.
> I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is
> someone who wants to
> be
> appreciated and loved.
> I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in
> one day. What makes
> me
> think I can?
> I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not
> change the facts.
> I've learned....That when you plan to get even with
> someone, you are only letting that person continue
> to hurt you.
> I've learned...That love, not time, heals all
> wounds.
> I've learned...That the easiest way for me to grow
> as a person is to
> surround myself with people smarter than I
> am......that's you!
> I've learned....That everyone you meet deserves to
> be greeted with a
> smile.
> I've learned....That there's nothing sweeter than
> sleeping with your
> babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
> I've learned...That no one is perfect until you fall
> in love with them.
> I've learned....That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
> I've learned...That opportunities are never lost;
> someone will take the
> ones
> you miss.
> I've learned....That when you harbor bitterness,
> happiness will dock
> elsewhere.
> I've learned...That I wish I could have told those I
> cared about that I
> love
> them one more time before they passed away.
> I've learned....That one should keep his words both
> soft and tender,
> because
> tomorrow he may have to eat them.
> I've learned....That a smile is an inexpensive way
> to improve your
> looks.
> I've learned....That I can't choose how I feel, but
> I can choose what I
> do
> about it.
> I've learned....That when your newly born child
> holds your little
> finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for
> life.
> I've learned....That everyone wants to live on top
> of the mountain, but
> all
> the happiness, and growth happen while you're
> climbing it.
> I've learned....That the less time I have to work,
> the more things I
> get
> done.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


Its amazing how something just comes up and slaps you on the arse so to speak. I can be sitting without a clue about what to write then all of a sudden bang. And it was like that when I sat down to write this, Bang red butt cheek time. Ok to set the scene, my son has just finished his GCSE’s and back this time last year I basically bribed him. Although I would prefer if we called it an incentive. Now for a successful bribe sorry incentive to work you have to know the person pretty well. Pick something that is really going to fire them up to get the desired result. Now in this instant the result we are looking for is consistent hard work over a whole year. Quite a hard goal ill bet your thinking. Especially for a fifteen/sixteen year old.

So the prize had to befit the effort put in. Now I am not that up with the teenage kids and what’s in and what’s out etc. And I know that girls at that age are very different to boys. I have one of each and there like chalk and cheese, apart from one very simple thing there desire to absorb vast amounts of your hard earned cash without a thought. Anybody out there in blog land who has small kids take note of this next bit. If you think that having the children the Prams, Nappies, Toys, New car to fit it all in etc is expensive and that it must get easer financially think again. No the older they get the greater the cost. The bigger they get the bigger the bills. Not toys or nappies any more but clothes, mobile top ups, new shoes/trainers the list just goes on and on.

Anyway back to the point of all this. Like I guess most lads of his age my son is into his PS2 or Xbox. And is completely proficient with a keyboard when it’s attached to a computer. Nothing wrong with that the trouble is that he spends so much time on the PC that none of the rest of us can get near it. Not game playing you understand, not surfing the web, but doing home work. Yes ladies and gentlemen the modern secondary school is a hub for the IT literate. There is not much that is not done or connected with the PC. Homework is emailed to teachers for marking. Work sheets are available to download from dedicated servers in the school. Both my kids were given dedicated email addresses when the started so they could talk to tutor and friends. As I said my son loves computers and so I decided that a fitting incentive was on of his own. Now in a rare moment of sanity he decides that a Laptop or as they are called now notebooks is the best option. There more portable than desk top PC’s. Thinking ahead to uni.

Great sorted the game is afoot Watson as they say. And I have to say he rose to the challenge magnificently I have never seen him work so hard. So there I am a year on and about to spend over £900 (yes he is worth it) on this miniature miracle of modern technology. All good, order on the web, yes, well no. If I want it delivered to work I have to phone so they can get extra security clearance. Ok work address not recognised even though I work there with other workers. After many arguments on the phone I have to agree to let them send it home so day off at short notice is needed. Fuck annual leave running low because of extensive holidays but son and heir is still worth it.

Now this is the strange bit. Because of not finding my work address on there computer even though I could prove it existed I had to have it delivered to home. However I was able to pay with someone else’s credit card without even a flicker. All the company wanted was for me to read the number from the card quote the expiry date and give the security pin which is on the back. I know it’s my wife’s card but it’s not in joint names or even has the same name on it. And I’m clearly not a Ms. they did not even want to speak to her. Honestly I could have lifted it out of someone’s bag ten minuets before and had a spree. So much for security.

This last bit is written just before sending piece off to the Ed.
The Note book when delivered was wrong model. Have spoken to customer services about getting it swapped. I feel another saga coming on. Will keep you posted.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Down memory lane with Gina...

Firstly I will apologise for not sending a blog last week. I did write one, but as it came from "the heart" and could leave me feeling slightly vulnerable I decided not to send it. I do have a soft side, which, for my own reasons, I try to keep hidden. Also I have recently discovered there are people reading these entries that never comment but enjoy reading my open, honest and sometimes outrageous stuff, then tease me about it. So here is an edited version of last weeks entry, without, I hope, too many sentimental bits:-

Saturday 2/7/05, finished work at 2.30pm, filled up with petrol, checked the tyre pressure and started my journey north up the A1 for approximately 230 miles. I was going to visit a friend, and also I was returning to the area where my dad was born, and where he spent most his childhood, until he headed south to Bedford, where he worked at RAF Henlow as a Military Policeman. This was short lived as soon after arriving here and marrying, he spent 18 months in hospital recovering from TB(a subject he would never ever talk about).

The A1 is a fantastic road now, but I still had memories of making this journey when I was young, 6 of us in a car, the 4 children in the back all wanting to sit by the window, the numerous stops because one of us was feeling unwell. It would take hours to complete, it was a trip non of us really enjoyed, but the end result was always worthwhile.

As I travelled further north, I didn't recognise many of the place names, then I saw the sign for Scotch Corner. As I child this was very significant, it meant that we were nearly "home". Of course it was not my home, but it was home for my dad and his mum(a formidable character, who worked for the NHS as a family planning adviser. I now wonder how effective she would have been, because believe me, she was a really scary lady).

I had the most fantastic weekend, I was totally pampered and spoilt, the weather was great, the deserted beach at South Shields(I suppose most beaches are deserted at 8am). Newcastle is superb with it's fab quay side, full of coffee shops and up market apartments, the Millenium footbridge(very memorable for me as I have always had a bit of a phobia about footbridges), it's all a far cry from the bleak place I though I could remember, it's now a really happening place.

So this summer(invite or not) I will be travelling north again, with my 7yr old. I'm going to visit my old house, the farm and school(I spoke about these in a previous blog entry), also my nan's house(which she lived in for as long as I can remember) I can almost picture it, It's a typical council semi on a typical council estate. I'm sure 7yr old will be asking why, when, who for most of the trip, but I really would like him to visit an area that clearly still means a lot to me, why, I'm not sure, maybe I am getting very sentimental in my old age!

If this is my attempt at cutting out the sentimental bits, than I'm glad I chose not to post last weeks entry. Just think, the alternative blog this week, was to relay a very amusing story about a friend who tried a different method of waxing her bikini line. I really liked her partners helpful remark at the end of the experience "did you read the instructions". The things us girls have to do just to go swimming. Of course there is another friend who refused to go on a date because she could not be bothered to shave her legs. Was she planning to have more than a drink or two?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

from lisas lips...

Wow the weather at the moment is fabulous – to stay in seems a crime so apologies for the lateness of the blog tonight. I was too busy enjoying the sun up at Neil’s. While I was there I did have a session in the stand up tanner and I have to say its very good nicely basted in 4 minutes can’t be bad.

At lot has happened since we last caught up. Neil, Matt and Marie and I went to London last Wednesday to the Lyric Theatre to see a play called ` Some girls are bigger than others. ` (20 songs from The Smiths) We all sat there and looked at the stage and then for the next 90 minutes I have to say I sat there and thought what the **** is going on – it was very strange. But I did not want to seem like I did not know so said nothing. Neil sat next to me and was totally enthralled, which made me nervy as I thought he gets this and I don’t. After the show we left and Neil nipped off to the boys room. I asked Marie what did she think we both then burst into laughter as neither of us had any idea what we had seen and both felt the same that if you shut your eyes and just listened to the music and lyrics it was really good. Sometime later I asked Neil what he thought and I was relieved to hear that he had not really got a clue what the play was about. (I have to say that even the Evening Standard review had no idea what they had seen either) so I don’t feel so bad now.

Imagine my surprise the next day when getting ready for work to hear that there have been bomb go off in London especially as the night before we were there, it makes you think how lucky we all are. Life is too short to worry about the future we should enjoy the here and now as we never know when the here and now will end. We all worry too much about the future and put off doing what we want to do now because we cant be spontaneous but what if this was your last day week or year would you still be the same or would you live for the moment. I know that if I could go back 10 or more years there are a few things I would have changed – but having said that I contradict myself because if I had the chance to change my life I would probably not be where I am today surrounded by family and friends that I care about in the here and now. Anyway enough of the soppy stuff I will end on a high I have had a few comments about the lack of a message to the beautiful message left me by Neil on Sunday. The song is one of my favourites and was played a lot on our Holiday. I was really touched by the gesture, so I am repaying the compliment and adding one that was another popular song that we would sing away too while lying on our sunbeds in the beautiful Eden that is Nueiweba and in 8 weeks we will be there again. I can’t wait!

If you're not the one
Then why does my soul feel glad today
If you're not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way
If you are not mine
Then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine
Would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away,
but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you

Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay, in your life
If I don't need you
Then why am I crying on my bed
If I don't need you
Then why does your name resound in my head
If your not for me
Then why does this distance maim my life
If you're not for me
Then why do I dream of you as my man
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away, but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay, in your life
Cuz I miss you, body and soul, so, strong that it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
Cuz I love you whether its wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away, but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay, in your life

Monday, July 11, 2005

Caged Tiger

Caged Tiger
Originally uploaded by Mute*.
just found this on flickr...a pissed off pomaranian...thought it was hysterical and very scary at the same time!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

... for Lisa

Games, changes, and fears
When will they go from here?
When will they stop?
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll keep my cool,
but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey I play it off, but
I'm dreaming of you
And I'll keep my cool but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possession?
Boy I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny I play it off but I?m dreaming of you (But I'm dreaming of you, babe)
And I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (oh)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(ahh) Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear (say it Lord)
My world crumbles when you are not near (Lord, the Lord kisses us)

Goodbye and I choke (I'm choking)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

courtesy of Macy Gray

Friday, July 08, 2005

Colder play...

well, first of all sorry for being awol last week as i had a very busy boozing session on friday and even busier cricket schedule on saturday and i got nothing written!.
some of you may or may not know that i went up north on monday to see Coldplay in concert at the reebok stadium in Bolton Lancashire, i just thought i would share the events of this day with you!, it was a quite warm day and i was really looking forward to the concert, the venue did not open until ten to five so i decided to set off at 14.30 hopefully to arrive in Bolton at around 17.30 to meet my cousin Tony and Family, so , i went to fill up with petrol at tescos and set off, all was well, i flew up the M1 to junction 19 and joined the M6 journey was going well so to make it easier i decided to use the M6 Toll road (or the midlands expressway no less) which costs £3.50 in the daytime, managed to hit the ton on here as i was nearly the only car on the road! i rejoined the normal M6 after about miles still had no problems and i am sat in the car listening to the local radio stations, when i got to about sandbatch there was a newsflash about a n armed siege in Rottenstall and also that the Manchester ship canal had sprung a leak over an eight mile stretch and the local water authority were planning a rescue mission to save the fish and leisure boaters who might get stranded, All of a sudden without warning traffic came to a sudden stop just about at the junction of the M62 which is the one i needed i sat there for a few minutes waiting patiently, feeling calm and not swearing at all as i had plenty of time to get to the venuethe time was 15.45 soon we started to crawl along at about 14mph which we kept up for ages, the next junction that i needed was coming up and i thought "it will be alright when i get on the M61" the time now is about 18.15 and i get a call from my cousin saying that they had arrived and would wait till i got there before they went in i said "ok" i finally got onto the M61and everyone else on the motorway decided to go the same way (bollocks) now i am starting to get a little stressed at this point, then the car i was following braked suddenly and all the doors opened and four girls got out and ran up the grassed banking one of them turned to me and said "sorry but we all need a wee" then a rover 75 ran out of petrol and it took him ages to get it on to the hard shoulder in between all this comedy the radio kept saying if you want to travel on the M61 don't bother as it is gridlocked isaid "YES!! I KNOW!!!" as i almost head butt the steering wheel then my cousin phones again to see my progress which was not much further than the last time he rang, time now was 19.20 and he said that his wife and daughter had gone in and that he was waiting for me at Tesco's so i asked him to get me a sandwich as i was starving, soon i got signs for the Reebok stadium and finally left the motorway at 20.15 five and threequarter hours after setting off i got to the Reebok at 20.30 where i met Tony who had been thrown out of Tesco's as they thought he was a dosser HA! HA! it turns out that tony and me had missed the first two support acts (Elbow and the other escapes me) and i settled down to watch and listen to Coldplay then the tannoy announcer says that they were delaying the start of Coldplay to allow people stuck on the motorway to get here, after half an hour Coldplay arrived on stage and did a stunning if not brilliant performance, on the track "speed of sound" i phoned the blogmaster to give him a listen, i had no idea what he said on the phone as the music was quite loud so i just held the phone up in the air for about a minute evidently he texted me but i did not get that till i got home!!, i left the concert early as it was getting late and i had a long drive home which was uneventful apart from getting cramp in my right leg so i had to stop at a service station for a while, i finally arrived home at 02.20 in the morning very tired but i was happy to have seen my family and Coldplay who where brill.................see you, steve.
p.s. back to the real story next week!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005


Is this really what it's all about?

Matt with an 18 certificate!

I find it quite interesting that over the last few years what has become acceptable in the media.. Look at what we can get away with on telly now, even before the Watershed. By the way can anybody give me a serious answer to the question why we call the “Watershed” the “Watershed”. What is or was it and how does it have any relevance to things happening at a given time?

Lets take as our first example the coverage of Live 8 last Saturday. It was fantastic by the way but that’s not what I’m on about. Twenty years ago Sir Saint God Geldof uttered the immortal line “Give us your fucking money” during the live broadcast to the planet. He actually never said that, it’s got a bit embroidered in the telling like the “Play it again Sam” moment in Casablanca. But that’s not the point either. The point is everybody went on about it, and by it I mean the use of the word Fuck. And they’re still going on about it as a landmark piece of telly broadcasting for that reason. Yet last Saturday at a very similar event Madonna asked Hyde Park if it was “Fucking ready” and nobody has even so much as coughed in embarrassment. Fuck has become part of the English speaking world’s language. Just to give you another example about Sixteen or Seventeen years ago I went with some people I new to see Billy Connolly. Now the big Yin is known for his colourful language and I think he is also probably the funniest man on the planet. But I digress. The point again is you don’t go to see him on stage if Mary Whitehouse is your spiritual Grandmother. Within the first Two minutes Billy started by saying, “I better warn you that Fuck is my favourite word and if you don’t Fucking like it you can Fuck off now”. And people did. Strange why go in the first place you know what you’re going to get. I mean it’s like watching porn for the story you just don’t.

Anyway fuck is now used in all but the most sanitised situations my place of work springs to mind. We seem to have sided with the nanny thought police and decided to be very wet and pamper to the softies. And I suspect that the whole use of swear words has moved. Cunt probably has taken the place of fuck today as Wanker has taken the place of Sun reader. Sorry could not resist that. But they are aren’t they. People have a greater tolerance to swearing or do they just hear more and get used to it. I have no end of CD’s in my collection with warning about lyrical content on the sleeve most of which I don’t even think are offensive. I guess it’s all about context. Try listening to gangster rap. Even the stuff in the charts is full of swearing because it’s no big thing.

Today we are much more worried by the use of offensive racial words such as Nigger, Wog, Sambo, and Pakki. And quite rightly so. Interestingly I’m writing this in Word and its spell checker does not recognise any of the words just mentioned. I bet if it had been around Thirty years ago they would have come up. The world has moved on try watching Till death us do part. Apart from the fine acting and great scripts the use of racial or rather anti racial language just makes me cringe. It’s the same with numerous sitcom’s of the day all way out of step with today. Going back to Fuck and Cunt etc I think there quite an important part of out language. There are times when only Fuck can sum up the way you feel about a situation or person. We could however do with some new Twenty-first century swear words. Any ideas you know where to leave the suggestions. Time for me to fuck off then. Until next time Bollocks to you all.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Lightup, Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Courtesy of Snow Patrol 2003

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

death to dentists!

All things painful……

Today I have had the unfortunate experience of going to the dentist to have a tooth out – my face feels huge like I have gone 10 rounds with Tyson and I just want to crawl into bed and sleep so I am posting something to make us girls laugh for a change

Normal Blog will be resumed next week Lisa xx

T-shirts Seen On Women
My husband could have had any women he pleased-he just couldn't please any!
Men have feelings too. But like...who cares?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
Coffee, chocolate, men... Some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
I run things at my house! (e.g. the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, iron, etc)
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
Do not start with me. You will not win.
If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all... I just can't remember it all.
You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
My husband is the head of the household, but I'm the neck (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Pink Floyd @ Live8 Posted by Picasa

where were you when Live8 happened Grandad?

That will be the question that children will be muttering in about 20 years time after the events of yesterday. Our Steve seems to have gone AWol this week so I thought i would just fill in with a bit about Live8...summing it up it was everything that i wanted it and expected it to be.

I must admit that I don't feel Jonathan Ross offered anything in the way of entertainment or humour in between acts and i do feel that we should have been left to enjoy the films and feeds that the live audience were watching. Apparently a lot of the filler films had a lot to say and a lot to explain so why they deprived the tv audience of that I don't know. The event did not run as smoothly as Live Aid as it seemed that everyone wanted a private soundcheck before they went on, signs of change I suppose...20 years ago everybody was happy to use one set of drums, one vocal mike, keyboards etc and the acts filed on one after another.

Mcartney and U2 were a great partnership to begin with and Sgt Peppers went down a storm. It was great to see newer acts as well as older acts take the stage, personally i didn't really enjoy Razorlite and I think Pete Dougherty should have stayed at home but overall the rest of the acts were great. Annie Lennox shone, as did Madonna. The night was made for me by the arrival on stage of Pink Floyd, the first time they had all played together in 22 years and it was magnificent. The pure musicianship was a joy to watch even if they did look like they had all just stepped off from doing a gig on a cruise liner.

I had the pleasure of having Lisa and Martin with me for the whole day and I think we all enjoyed it in between the eating, drinking and general merriment. I do hope the day makes a difference and i will be interested to see what happens in the news by the end of the week.


Friday, July 01, 2005

pre live8 day

Oh Goodness!... I am so excited..its here...live8 begins at 2pm tomorrow and i've already had a few tears of excitement when i heard a taster of Pink Floyd playing.

Haven't really got a lot to say today so I just wish you all the happiest of live8 days, enjoy the event and remember what its all about.