Saturday, April 30, 2005

Ulverston...home is where the heart is... Posted by Hello

An outstanding entry!

Ladies and i proudly present to you part one of Steve M's autobiography. It is a truly moving piece of work and I hope you will give Steve all the encouragement he deserves...enjoy...blogmaster

I was born on the 29th December 1965 at Oubas house maternity home in Ulverston
Lancashire {well it was Lancashire in’65} to William and Margaret McDougall , they had a bit of trouble thinking of names for me so they asked around the family for suggestions to no avail until they asked uncle Jimmy Mac, who said “give him my fathers first name and my middle name and I’ll leave him something in my will, when I’m gone” so obviously thinking I was going to be rich they named me Stephen Cole McDougall, sadly when uncle jim died he was skint so I got fuck all, just my luck!

Growing up in Ulverston was great, it is such an interesting place with its cobbled streets and grand Georgian architecture and everybody was so friendly.
We lived at 11a Town Street from 1966 to 1977 I remember these years fondly as they were the only years I lived with my parents and brother as a proper family which while writing this fills me with great sadness.

My Mum was a hairdresser, her salon was in the village of Coniston a small village in the lake district ,where my mum is from, I remember she used to use me to test out her new products like perms and dye’s {you can imagine the stick I got at school}
So I blame her for being folically challenged now.

My Dad was an hgv driver for a frozen food distributor and covered Cumberland, Westmorland and the north east, he did that until 1969 the year which my granddad died in a car crash, This is probably my first childhood memory we were travelling back from a day out to Morecambe { I think!} my parents, brother {Graham} and me were in our car a Ford Corsair , My granddad was travelling with my dads friend in the car in front , I cant’ remember what it was but it was a two seater sports , we were 4 miles from home at a place called Arrad Foot, when the car in front lost control and smashed into a wall, my granddad was killed instantly, the driver got away with a broken collar bone, it turned out that the car had odd tyres on one axle {crossply + radial} which tragically altered the handling of the car, I think back now and it all seems like a dream , we were taken to the local hotel so as not to see the events of the aftermath, I remember my dad was devastated thumping the roof of his car and my mum just cuddling my brother and me, what a great first memory hey!.

Time went by and my Nan moved out of the farm she lived in and moved to a large flat in Market Street in Ulverston with her sister Mabel, Mabel could not read or write and was addicted to Coronation Street which over the years sparked a few arguments!.
Underneath the flat was a large space which used to be a stable for the breweries’ horses, My Uncle Barry and My Dad set up in business as mechanics in the space under the flat and called it “Mac’s Garage” they stayed in the garage business until 1982, “I’ll come back to these years later”.

I started school in1971 aged five and a bit at Dale Street Infants School, My first teacher was Mrs Robertshaw , I remember we all used to sing a lot and she used to play the piano.
I also had my first visit to the headmistress’ office in this year for pouring paint down Carol Wilson’s dress, it was a place I would come to know quite well over the years.

These days were so happy go lucky especially in the school holidays, my friends at this time were Tony Wilkinson, Kieth Rushforth and his sister Claire, Alan Stainton and my cousins Micheal and Tony McDougall we used to get up to allsorts of mischief, like, tying door knobs together and ringing both door bells we would be in hysterics watching the people trying to open their front doors, or we would throw eggs at each other followed by flour but most of all we would play football in the street .

My second teacher was Mrs Birkett who was an absolute tyrant she was always shouting and had a very red face, woe betide anyone who was late or forgot their dinner money “ooh it chills me just thinking about it”.

A new boy started school this year his name was Mark Fisher he made his mark on his first day by hitting me over the head with a blackboard rubber OUCH!! needless to say we became the best of friends and spent the rest of our school life in the same class.

My last infant school teacher was Mrs Wilding, wow this lady had the biggest beehive hairdo you could imagine long finger nails painted blood red and always wore thick green eye shadow “thinking about it now she looked like a drag queen” she was the one that always gave out the worst punishments, she would make you stand in the corridor with a chair right behind you and she would say” DO NOT SIT IN THAT CHAIR OR ELSE” god it was torture.
That’s it for now, next week junior school years and the family breakdown.

Friday, April 29, 2005

what i hope to look like except for the hair!!! Posted by Hello


I really am having a struggle recently knowing what to write, i don't feel i can go on with the story at present, it doesn't feel right...everyone is bored of lists now and my life is very humdrum at present, well except for a possible new love interest....all praise to the 'Gazelle Elite' exercise machine, I just had one delivered and i was gliding happily last night, it's a terrific machine so expect me to be ultra thin in the next few months with buttocks of steel which i will be happy to show to anyone who asks! lol

Its pub night tonight so i wonder what shenannigans we will be up to this evening...working tommorow afternoon so i have plenty of time to get rid of a hangover. On Sunday lisa and myself are off for a romantic picnic to grafham water (is that how you spell it) so look out on flickr website for the lisa watersports shots!

ciao x

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Matts Meanderings...

For this weeks outing I thought it might be a good idea to look at the General Election. And a few of the issues that come with the inevitable bun fight that happens.
I suppose at this point I should say that I’m not a massive political animal, although I do have a few views as I’m sure you’re about to find out.

Are you thinking what we are thinking is the slogan that the Tories have chosen to plaster all over the front of any lectern you see at a press conference. Well yes I am as it happens. You’re completely fucked is actually what goes through my mind whenever I see it. Of course it’s now way way to late to change. The papers and all those political hacks would have a field day. And lets face it old “There’s something of the night” could never be seen to back down, he has to live up to his past. This is the last chance for one of Margaret’s little yes vegetables to be something other than a joke in the eyes of the public. Well at least they dropped the Vote Blair get Brown slogan, because it turned out the great British people like that. There’s probably no doubt that dear Tone is going to be replaced by Prudence at sometime during the second half of the next parliament. In fact poles have said for some time that Gordon is a much more votable property that Blair. It was probably the single biggest boost the blues could give the reds. Imagine the look on the faces of the Labour Gods sorry New Labour Gods. When they all sat round the fire burning the last copies of clause four just before the off listening to what Lord Campbell has as his plan to slip the voters the Scottish Mickey Finn. When the word comes in that there’s no problem the opposition has already done it for them. Not that the New Tories sorry Labour should rest on there majority, there old faithful are just as pissed off as any chinless Thatcherite, It’s just they have nowhere else to go. What’s the option for the old red army, orange I don’t think so. The trouble is the papers in this country don’t give you a balanced view of what’s happening. The owner will decree his allegiance to whoever he or she thinks is more likely to give them a gong on retirement. And the reporter is sent by the editor to dig up some juicy political in depth tit bit about the last time a minister drank Forty-two pints and crapped in a flower bed. Let’s face it there’s not much to choose between the two or three main political parties. I’m willing to bet that if you gave Joe public a copy of the manifestos of each without telling them which is which they would be hard pressed to tell them apart. And that is probably the main problem today. As each colour nosedive towards the centre, in a bid to capture the vote of middle England. We inevitably end up with a sludge brown colour.

Once upon a time when I was a lad the Labour party all wore red rosettes and sang the red flag at every opportunity Men who smoked pipes and wore unfashionable suits were in charge. And they admitted that the unions ran the country. Tories all wore bryll cream in there hair and pin striped suits and had a mistress in town. But the public has got wise to this, or is it more stupid.
Mr and Mrs Chav want gossip sleaze and to feel that there small little lives mean something. And that’s where papers like The Sun come in, no news, no in-depth analysis, and no factual content of any kind. Just tits. Honestly if you get your information from the Sun and it’s like’ you deserve all the crap that life throws at you. Most of the Sun readers I know are ill informed ignorant small-minded little people. Having said all that I still think that your write to vote is the most important single thing you have. There are many parts of the world where people still die fighting to have what we take for granted. Make sure you use it; you have no write to complain if you don’t.

Let me leave you with a quote from a man called Jonathan Lynne who co wrote with Peter Jay the most cutting and accurate political satire ever Yes Minister. This is from the later years when Jim Hacker had become Prime Minister and is talking in the cabinet office to Sir Humphrey and Bernard about the press enjoy and goodnight.
- ;Jim Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by.people who think they run the country.
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;-
The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?"Bernard Woolley: "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."


Wednesday, April 27, 2005

This was meant to be Gina's blog spot today which due to unforseen circumstances didn't materialise. So here we have a picture of Dr Sensual for all the ladyeeeze... Posted by Hello

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

me on a good day! Posted by Hello

Lisa's bits!

Hi all

I was going to follow on with more endless lists but I think the girlies amongst us don't get the list thing. I could be wrong - so apologies to all you girlies.

So that left me with a blank sheet of paper and a lot of thinking as to what to write about. A few things popped into my head, but after Dr Sensual`s banishment from the blog I quickly popped them out of my head and straight into the recycle bin lol

As I was getting ready for work this morning a programme came on after GMTV called Peoples Court and basically people come on to the programme and then let the viewers decide there fate the one I saw this morning but did not catch the verdict got me thinking and so I am posing it to you all for your decision

Basically two morning radio presenters were on and what had happened was that the male presenter had put the female presenter on the Internet for guys to bid for a date with her all done in the aid of charity , but the female presenter had taken exception to the fact that the male presenter had offered her up for auction and used the words Hot date , he could not understand what all the fuss was about and said he was doing her a favour as she was young attractive and single

So my question to all of you is what do you think?

This should start a healthy debate amongst the sexes

Which leads me onto the next quickie

What do guys expect on a first date?

Meal at a nice restaurant and lovely conversation
Nice Pub and lovely conversation
Meal then back for a coffee
Meal then coffee and then I will leave that to your imaginations lol

I was just wondering for all us single females out there what the male etiquette is as its not the same as mine J

Anyway sorry it short and sweet but I am looking forward to the comments and maybe I will do a list next time my 15 favourite things to do in bed ....... apart from snore! :-)

Love Lisa xxxxx

Monday, April 25, 2005

Cruel Destiny...

After making such a rip roaring introduction on Saturday, it is with great sadness that I announce the death of Dr. Sensual who appeared to drown in a pool of lube after one of his more orgiastic is with regret that we shall no longer be able to offer the sexual advice clinic for the time being so please no more emails on the subject as my right hand needs a rest after all your stories...

Today I present for your delictation and delight my 20 favourite films, please respond at will...

Piddy's Big Movie List! (in no particular order)

01. Brief Encounter - celia johnson and trevor howard, so typically typically english!
02. Casablanca - I always wanted to be Rick
03. Now Voyager - Bette Davis's finest moment
04. Jaws - the first and the best
05. Nightmare on elm st pt 1 - the daddy of all modern horror films
06. The English Patient - I just can't help crying every time i watch this one.
07. Jean de Florette - Classic French family drama
08. Manon des Sources - part two of Jean de Florette and equally magnificent
09. Cinema Paradiso - a very beautiful example of Italian cinema
10. Close Encounters of the 3rd kind - I just remember being in awe as the mothership made its appearance
11. Decalog - Kaslowski's 10 hour comment on Polish life, so so satisfying
12. Priscilla Queen of the Desert - Drag queens with attitude, excellent cinematography.
13. Until the end of the world - Wim Wenders 3 hour treat of love and sci-fi in the australian outback
14. Romeo and Juliet - Baz Luhrman's exciting and visionistic version. Shakespaeare with bollocks!
15. Muriels Wedding - one of the best Australian films ever made
16. Picnic at Hanging Rock - the other best Australian film ever made...simply beautiful and atmospheric
17. True Romance - violence in extremes but a bloody great film
18. Pulp Fiction - a work of art which i can watch over and over again
19. Magnolia - Tom Cruise as the chauvanistic sex therapist is outstanding, this P T Anderson film has to be near the top of my list.
20. The Usual Suspects - Everything was just so right about this film, Brian Singers masterpiece.

I hope you enjoyed that, I could have gone on for hours but I thought i might give you all a chance to have a go...

Friday, April 22, 2005! Posted by Hello

Lists, lists, lists...

For those of you who thought you were going to get the next section of the book today, you are wrong. For those of you who thought that piddy77 was going to jump on the list band wagon currently rolling, then you are right...I really can't resist a really good list....

Todays list....the top 15 acts that I have enjoyed live (in no particular order)

1. Prince...has to be the 'Lovesexy' tour though. Have seen him 32 times and counting!
2. Queen ...The Works tour...lucky to see Freddie sing!
3. David Bowie...Astoria Theatre, invited personally to a gig for 300 people that he!
4. The Cure...all tours, just always amaze me how together they are on stage.
5. Siouxsie and the Banshees...especially the 'Ju-Ju' tour where i got to sleep in the same room as Robert Smith after going to a party with them.
6. Diana Ross...the glam queens all join hands for a glam night out!
7. was just so surreal
8. Katie Melua...we were there at her first ever gig (Matt, Lisa and I)...bloody marvellous but loses marks for shite support acts
9. Sigue Sigue Sputnik...just absolutely amazing live, never really transferred to vinyl well.
10. Mike Oldfield...Tubular Bells 10th anniversary concert 1982, wembley...just absolutely amazing and so many guest stars on stage.
11. Pink Floyd...Venice, in the middle of the lagoon sat in a gondola with the floating stage in front of us...just so so wild...
12. The Tubes...if only for Fee Waybills cock!
13. Depeche Mode...always consistenly electric live
14. U2...when the first album came out in a small London club, i was there at the start.
15.cocteau twins...elizabeth was so nervous she couldn't stop shaking, but out came the voice of an angel...

Hope you enjoyed that, it's nice to reminisce...

Just a word of warning about the blog tomorrow, I did wonder whether to print it or not but i gave in and will present to you Steves blog unedited and uncensored...serious warning though that those who are easily offended by sexual writings please do not read tomorrows blog.

I love you all....blogmaster x

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Lets talk vinyl, baby! Posted by Hello

Marvellous Matt makes his move!

There I was it was Sunday night and a hard weekend of relaxing was coming to an end. The TV was not good but The One hundred greatest Albums was due to start and as I’m a music fan it looked fun, all that reminiscing with the wife about music long forgotten. Well to cut a long story very short I was very disappointed, there was so much missing and their top album well I have it and it's not a seminal work. (Radiohead's - OK Computer)
The whole thing left me feeling cheated it was not the greatest albums of all time more like a reflection of the demographic of the channel four watcher. Anyway this got me thinking about my fave albums of all time, the ones that changed my view of music and got me, no kept me interested. It was much much harder than I thought mainly because I had put some rules in place to stop this little game turning into a monster Nic Hornsby moment. Rule one I was really ruthless and limited the list to only ten. Rule two there could be no multiple entries i.e. I could only have one album per band or artist. Otherwise I might just have had Ten Pink Floyd or Fleetwood Mac etc… Rule three the albums chosen simply had to have taken me on a journey and not just been one offs, they sound good, play it to death and never touch it again crap. I then also had to get myself into the mind set. Pretend that these chosen few were the only music I was ever going to be allowed to have for the rest of my life. After many hours thinking and soul searching I had my list, but the order was impossible. That’s when I came up with the last rule. Rule Four each of the ten are equally important not a list but my ten. So here goes in no particular order with a little commentary for each.
Making Movies by Dire Straits.1980. The third fantastic album sealed Mark Knopfler as the greatest lyricist of his generation.
Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette. 1995. Poetry with angst set to music, sharp and very fresh. On as I’m writing.
Joan Armatrading. By the artist of the same name.1976. The sheer class and sophistication of this album along with the quality of Joan’s voice and the delicate production make it the perfect late night music. Try “love and affection” with a pair of head phones. It will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
Rattlesnakes by Lloyd Cole and the commotion’s.1984. From the first bar of perfect skin to the end of the album people listen in silence. One of the most accomplished debut albums ever.
Rumours by Fleetwood Mac.1977. What can I say if you don’t know it just listen to” Gold Dust Woman” and you will understand why it spent more time in the album charts than any other album so far.
Suzanne Vega by the same.1985. Fantastic debut solo album from the first of the modern day female singer songwriters. New York grit on vinyl.
The Lipstick conspiracies by Thea Gilmore.2000. My wild card I’m guessing that most of you has no idea who she is. English female singer songwriter. Records to an independent label fucking stunningly fantastic. Look her up on the net and get any of her albums. I promise you will wonder why she is not bigger than Joss Stone.
Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel.1970. Sorry I grew up with it and I love it every track a classic. If you go to a party you will find it in the collection of most people of my generation. And they can also recall the entire track list in order. How many albums have had that effect.
The Hounds of Love by Kate Bush.1985. It’s like modern Art, Ballet, and Opera all rolled up. Where is the next album?
Last and by no means least The Division Bell by Pink Floyd.1994. Every body singes the praises of dark side of the moon. Yet I think this is more mature and somehow complete and a more thoughtful album.
Well that’s it; of course all these are my opinion. Feel free to disagree or post yours back in the comments. It’s a fun thing to do and quite cathartic.


Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Gx's ginormous ramblings!

I would really like to talk about work, but that subject is taboo and rightly so! But you know when things happen and you just need to share the event with friends, that how I feel at this moment, but as I love my job and would not wish to harm the organisation in any way shape or form, I will say no more! Gag applied and will remain in place until this article has been edited by the Blog Master.

Talking about the "master" why do we both fancy the same men? Neil and I are very different people, but it does not seem to matter if they are straight or gay, we often like the same things about them, gorgeous eyes, bald head, nice smile, erection showing through jeans, lines on body leading to vital bits, etc, please could some-one explain this.

I am still doing the sad and, but I have decided to stop. It's all wrong, you spend weeks emailing, texting, phoning, then meet and think, oh bugger, thought I knew him, but this is a complete stranger with really annoying habits that of course I could not see on the internet or over the phone. Well when I say I am stopping, I have to confess to emailing 3 long term contacts,(none have seen a photo of me) 2 I don't fancy at all and have been fairly upfront with them, but they still seem happy to continue to contact me(of course until something better comes along). The 3rd is rather gorgeous(here I go again), and of course modest with it(yes Neil, I think you would like him). Do I want to meet him? I'm not sure I can be bothered, this is how this dating games makes you feel. I thought the idea was to put loads of effort into sustaining a relationship, and the early days should be fab and exciting, this way of dating means by the time you meet you are knackered and pissed off with the time and effort spent arranging the first date. Am I doing something wrong?


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Here's Lisa!

Hello Everyone...Lisa Here...

Well doesn’t the time go quickly – here I am again writing another entry in the blog and as I am sitting here watching another series of `Hells Kitchen` it made me think of disasters in the kitchen I am sure you can all think of at least one (ok maybe not Steve I hear you are a culinary genius although I have yet to taste any of it lol – ifs that not a huge hint then I don’t know what is) Marie’s cakes are talked about for days and days and are gorgeous and Neil can cook but your not always guaranteed what’s on the menu it depends what the corner shop has on special and if he can think of a good title for it!!!

This made me think of disasters that happen and I can remember one time when I was much younger and I had a birthday party – had lots of friends from school and we had a really good time and then came my birthday cake. My Mum had baked a fabulous chocolate cake with icing and candles, and everyone sung Happy Birthday and my mum cut the cake and started to give it out – my brother (who shall remain nameless) was the first to taste it and pulled the most awful face and spat it out shouting `yuk. ` All eyes turned and looked at him in horror. My Mum who wanted to know what was wrong took a bite of the cake and then went quiet, she then went into the Kitchen and came back out and took the cake off the table and went into the Kitchen and returned with Ice Cream!

When all my friends had gone home and we were clearing the table, my grandma turned to us and said that Mum had picked up the wrong packet from out of the cupboard and instead of chocolate had added bisto, we all started laughing – my poor Mum never lived it down it was always mentioned at parties and weddings and even at her funeral.

I have had some cooking disasters in my time usually its around timing (no innuendoes please). But I have to say that one of the best dishes I have made in a long time was on Eurovision Night at Neil’s last year. Martin, Lauren, Neil and I cooked a different dish from countries that were performing in the Eurovision. We put the names of the country in a hat and drew one out and the country we pulled out we had to cook a dish from that country. Mine was the main course and the country was Greece.

I made moussaka from scratch it cost a small fortune but was worth it, as I have to say it was one of the best dishes I have cooked for a long time. Gina and Neil and maybe some others may agree with me here but when you are single and live on your own you don’t get much of a chance to show off your culinary skills and I do love to cook. But maybe it would be nice to do a dinner party in the not too distant future (another hint at Steve lol).

Anyway thanks for letting me waffle on and I will see you next Tuesday x

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight." The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

The manager hired a new secretary. He was young, smart, handsome and polite. One day while taking dictation, he noticed the manager’s fly was open. When he was leaving the room, he courteously said, "Oh, by the way sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?" The manager did not understand the secretary’s remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling him in, he asked, "By the way Mr. Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was also quite witty, replied, "Why no, sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

Monday, April 18, 2005

on a sickie!

sorry but due to illness there will be no blog posting today, the blog will continue as scheduled tomorrow with the next instalment of the story on friday...sorry...

Saturday, April 16, 2005

'YOU' made this kitten feel bad!

. Posted by Hello

an Aye for an aye!

On March 9th 2005, I ordered a shiny new computer from a web based company, which will remain nameless but it rhymes with bell,
After filling out screen after screen of info they wanted from me, I finally got to the place your order section, which I did, after a few minutes I received an email confirming my order. As I had decided to pay by finance they also emailed the finance documents too, this
Is where the fun starts!, Because my printer is knackered I emailed them back to ask if they could post the documents instead, to which they replied “of course, no problem at all” . Days went by and there was no sign of the documents, meanwhile I was being bombarded with email demanding that I return the docs A.S.A.P. and I would reply “I still have not received your documents” so after three more attempts to post me the docs (that never arrived) I decided to phone them, I asked them “Are you sending the docs to the right address” it turns out that they are and they sent me out another copy,

Saturday March 12th 2005
Six rather large envelopes arrived in the post today all with the same logo on them, yes! they were all from “Bell”, after opening
One of them I discovered the finance documents, I sign and date the relevant forms and post them back the same day, “job done” I hear you say! As did I.

Wednesday March 16th 2005
Logged on to the Bell web site to track my order, I entered the receipt number and clicked “find”, yes you guessed it they said
“we are sorry but we could not find your order!” oh my god!! The red mist was descending fast!, I decided to give them another ring, I spoke to a guy called “Simon” he took my order number , after a few minutes he came back to me and said “that order had been cancelled” I said “you what?” he said “that order has been cancelled” I said “why? and who by?” to which he said “we cancelled the order because we did not hear anything from you, and we did not get any forms back” then I said “@#’;.,$%^&!!!!!!” or something like that, then he said “would you like me to email you some more documents” I said “you can stick them and your order up your fucking arse you idiot” and gently replaced the receiver.

Friday April 8th 2005
I was telling Gina of my plight at work today, and she suggested I try ordering from the company where she bought hers from.

Saturday April 9th 2005
I got an email from Gina this morning giving me the link to the web site she ordered her p.c. from, I quickly typed the address into my browser and before long I had ordered my new computer, again I chose to pay by finance and I asked them to send me the documents to sign in the post.

Monday April 11th 2005
The documents arrived in the post this morning, I filled them out at lunchtime and posted them in the letterbox at work.

Tuesday 12TH April 2005
I received confirmation that savastore had received my documents
By email today.

Wednesday 13th April 2005
I got a call at work today from shaun of savastore telling me my order is being processed, but I had forgotten to order a back up disc
And did I want one, I said “yes please”, he also said he “throwing in a anti surge plugbar,and if I had any other queries to phone him immediately.

Thursday 14th April 2005
Hopefully I will be writing my next blog on my new computer woohoo!!
Next time you want a computer for godsake don’t ring the “Bell”
Go to instead.
thank you Gina for the link.

A woman goes to the doctors and asks if you can get Pregnant having anal sex.The doctor says of course you can where do you think scousers come from?.

See you later, steve

Friday, April 15, 2005

Belly bouncing in Bali....2

...I realised from experience that the uninvited guests (at this point please play Alanis Morisette - Uninvited) would take about an hour to get to the village from where they were at the moment. I looked at the time and decided it was the right moment to wake Simon. Simon often hit me and treated me with disrespect but i loved him for it, and i wondered what sort of mood he would be in today. I retraced my steps to the bedroom, slowly peeled back the rest of the sheet and just stood there and watched him for a while, my vision of male dominance lying prone before me, his cock did a cute jump as it realised it was exposed to the light and air and Simon rolled towards me and opened his eyes. I knelt down on to the bed and he grabbed my hair and pulled my face quickly towards his morning dragon breath, "What the fucking hell are you doing..." were the first morning words of love that he whispered to me that day. I made lots of snivelling apologies and told him of the events of the last half hour. He jumped out of bed, unhappy at the thought of being up early and unhappy at the thought of visitors. He took his anger into the shower and i watched him relax in the cool water as it cascaded out of the silver tongued shower head. He took joy in exploring the whole of his body and i had to go and put the coffee pot on with images of Simons jumping cock dizzying my thought process.
We quickly had coffee and went out to the front of the house, where in approximately 15 minutes the travellers would turn the bend and witness the village in front of them. People had started moving round the village by now, totally unaware of what was about to occurr. Kai (40 year old male, married with two children) and his wife Milly (25 year old female) were cooking monkfish and trying to seperate their children, ruth and Joseph (missionary aquired names) from fighting. The fishermen of the village had taken the nets and were already working, as were the sponge divers, and the women of the village operated a sort of communal laundry system which was worked out on a rota basis which i had never really got to grips with.
Strangely, Simon turned and gave me a kiss and it made me worry because public displays of affection were really not Simon. He told me he loved me many times before, over and over again but this was always just before being hit and fucked to unconciousness. It was a never ending cycle, but if i wanted to keep Simon that is what I had to put up with. A kiss scared me, what would a kiss mean?
Around the corner walked the first of the visitors, a young 18-20 year old blond girl who was actually looking for a place to take a piss amongst the bushes. She looked shocked as she saw us looking at her, the villagers were shocked at seeing strangers, and so the whole area just recinded into silence, no voices, no bird song, even the sea stopped its salty song for that fleeting moment. "Fuck me" were the first words spoken by her colleague, a guy of about 23, whose shirtless body glistened in the bright morning sun. Slowly more and more people came around the corner rocks and inhabited the village...a group of 20 was the final tally, 10 boys and 10 girls, all exploring an island which they thought was uninhabited.
We moved amongst them with messages of welcome and offers of refreshment, I noticed a glint in Simons eyes, a look that i hadn't seen since he first arrived at the village and saw me, but this time the look was saved for a younger man, athletic, supertanned, defined stomach lines which led to the small area of hair above the pubic bone...his name was Patrick...I hated Patrick...

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Well it’s Thursday night and this is the first of a weekly column that Neil has asked me to do so hear we go. I thought for our first little outing it might be quite nice to look at something we all have in common, the thing we all use to gaze into the world of Piddy and Blog the computer. Or as I have heard it referred to that fucking thing that never does what it’s supposed to. If that sounds even a little familiar then read on if not or your PC never lets you down then sorry and next week is your turn. (The instructions below should only be carried out on your personal computer and not on any workplace networked pc’s, thank you – Editor)
As you read this you’re on the Internet and probably using Internet Explorer. At the top you will find a number of words in a row, File, Edit, and View etc click on the word “tools” and a little drop down box appears. The bottom line says Internet options, click it and a bigger box will appear. Under Temporary Internet Files you will see “Delete Cookies” click that with the old rodent and then do the same to the “OK” box. Next point and click on “Delete Files” again click on the” ok” button but this time first put a tick in the “Delete all offline content” box. If you have never done these before don’t worry that horrible little egg timer might be there for a while. When I went to a friends house recently to do just this and more her offline folder was so full it took twenty minutes to clear.
Job two find the “My computer icon” it’s probably on your desk top near the Recycle Bin. If not click” start “at the bottom left hand corner of the screen and it will be in the menu that pops up. You are now looking for your hard disk probably called “Local Disk (C)”.Point your cursor at the picture and use the right hand mouse button to click. Guess what a box appears, at the bottom is the word “Properties” point and left click this time. Fuck me another box with a round circle telling you how much crap is stored on your PC pops up. Just beside this little pie chart is a little box saying “Disk Cleanup” Two guesses correct first time with the left button this time. Then tick all those little boxes saying “Downloaded Program Files” and “Temporary Internet Files” etc. Then left click the ok tab at the bottom of the box a small box opens and asks you if you’re sure you want to perform these actions, left click yes and it starts to do its magic. When it’s all done hit the red X at the top right of your page and get on with the rest of your life. What you have just done with these two jobs is clear all the stored muck that surfing the net drops into your PC. Over time this will clog up your system and make your PC crawl along at a snails pace. I would strongly recommend doing these simple things most days to help things run at there best. If you have never done them before, do it now go on. Next week how to build a working model of Neil using only readily available household products and a banana.
Bye, Matt

proposed schedule

Hi all
this is the proposed schedule for the blog week...please email me the blogs at least 1 day before publication...any problems just mail me!

Monday : Neil
Tuesday: Lisa
Wednesday: Gina
Thursday: Matt
Friday: Neil
Saturday: Steve
Sunday : Blog day off

Occasional jottings by my sister, Robbie and anyone else who would like to participate.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Village... Posted by Hello

Belly bouncing in Bali....

It was the wind that woke me up that night, I had slept peacefully on the island for at least 1000 days and it was the first time that I had been woken from my deep slumber...the wind sang eerily through the passage between the two mountains and the village rustled with meteorological energy. I slipped the sheet off me and lay there in the night humidity, a small rivulet of sweat running from the small of my back to my buttocks which in turn slowly dampened the mattress that we lay upon. I got up and looked at my partner fast asleep on the bed, he was dead to the world and it would have taken a hurricane to waken him properly. I touched his cheek and smiled a little, thinking of how lucky I had been when my life in England had changed all those years ago...that was the past, here we are NOW and i had to discover why the wind woke me up. There was an unatural stillness in the air, no bird song, no monkey-jump noises, silence personified.

I padded quietly from the bedroom onto the ocean-facing veranda and stared intently at the sea, the tide was making it's way slowly in, ready to invite the morning fisherman to rape its waters of the sea-life it contained. The moon still glistened on the surface of the water as it played with its own reflection. Everything seemed okay there so I passed through the house from back to front and looked out onto the village scene in front of me. The small family huts were quiet as people slept away the excess of the night before. The villagers were big drinkers, the norm around these parts, whether it was boredom or social habit had never been explained to me but I knew that it was the only reason I found my partner that now slept so soundly, one night of drink, fumbles in the dark, illicit kisses and longed for passion...then he moved in, it was as easy as that. His name was Simon and he had come to the islands as a back-packer two years ago, in theory only staying for a couple of days but history was to decide differently. Simon was fit and had been on the reserve team for a second division football club...I snapped out of thinking about him as the noise from the mountains made me was an excited scream, female, followed by laughter from others, two or three i think but could not tell from the distance they were away from the village. It was a long time since there were visitors and it felt uneasy and dark to think that we were soon expected to play hosts to an unknown party...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Due to Public Demand...

...Tomorrow...belly bouncing in bali......

Monday, April 04, 2005

Robbies Guest Blog

Hi, well I am the guest blogger for this week. I have to apologise actually- I was supposed to be last weeks, but when Piddy told me, I thought he was joking! As you can tell, its not often I get asked my point of view.

Anyway, there has been some discussion about what I am going to talk about. The facts are that I play the bagpipes1fairly well, good enough to play them for medium sums of money in pubs and village halls on New Year and Burns night. Also, When I was on holiday last year in Fuerteventura, we went to the nudist beach at the dunes in Corralejo. Incidentally, the dunes are one of the most fantastic sights that I have ever been privileged to see, one of natures natural and untangled with wonders- well worth a visit. The nudist beach was quite good too! If you ever want to see men behaving like bulldogs, then thats the place to be. As a matter of fact, at one point I was laughing so much, my friend refused to walk along with me until I shut up, and if any of you have heard me laughing, you can understand why he felt that way. By the way, has anyone ever been to a show called Puppetry of the Penis? Two blokes stand on stage, get their dicks out and arrange them into the most amazing shapes, from hamburgers to making them disappear altogether. Its grrrrreat! Sadly, I have never been to the show- I couldn't find anyone to go with me at the time, so I just have the DVD. Anyway, back to my original plan. As I say, the favourite points under discussion seemed to be bagpipe playing and nudity. I can assure anybody reading this that bagpipe playing is not the most elegant hobby in the world, and takes a significant amount of deep and steady breathing. As such, the thought of seeing me in the nude AND playing bagpipes is enough to turn a man completely. I have seen photos of myself doing both activities but never at the same time, let me assure you. To combine the two would be a disastrous mistake!

Anyway, another suggestion was to talk about S-E-X and if I get any. There are two points of view on this, one being that I am getting more than my fair share, and the other being that I get less. I am afraid that I will have to leave it that way- my reputation couldn't stand that one being solved.

So, I think I have managed to get through the blog quite pleasurably actually. I have quite enjoyed doing it. Although it took me ages to put together, so I will leave you with one of my favourite jokes.

Four nuns die and go to heaven. On arrival at the pearly gates, they are greeted by St Peter. Before you come in, he tells them, you must tell me if you have ever had the slightest contact with a mans penis. The first nun steps forward and says that she once saw a mans penis. OK, says St Peter, wash your eyes out in the bowl of water and enter the kingdom of heaven. The next nun steps forward and says that she once touched a mans penis with her hand. Fair enough says St Peter, wash your hand in the bowl of holy water and pass into the kingdom of heaven. Suddenly, the other two nuns start scuffling and pushing each other. St Peter says "quieten down, you two, what is the matter, there is room for all in the kingdom of heaven "
Sister Mary pushes forward and says " If I'm going to have to wash my mouth out in the holy water, I want to do it before Sister Martha sticks her bottom in it!"

Thanks for reading my drivel, I hope it gives you a small amount of entertainment.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

The End... Posted by Hello

Decision day

Hi folks...this is just an announcement...we have been together on here since December 29th 2004, three whole months of fun, outrageousness and everything so politically incorrect...but I have decided to close down the blog for good. Its a decision i have not taken lightly but the main reason is the amount of stress it has caused me recently due to the problems the server was having, the problems also about the membership and abuse, and lastly the stress that i get from having to sit down and come up with something interesting on a daily basis. Sometimes it has been a blast but in recent times it has become a bit of a chore and thats not really what i set out to achieve.
So thats it really...I am sorry and I hope you will all forgive me...

Neil (the blogger formally known as piddy77)

Saturday, April 02, 2005

I hope you feel guilty...tee hee! Posted by Hello

In a dubby stylee!

...the slim guy looked at the two huge wobbling hairy men in front of him and decided that he didn't want to know what a bear sandwich was after all...

It needn't be hell with Nicotinell, except when you smoke at the same time as you are wearing the patch! I witnessed this incident last night and the person shall remain nameless, bit it wasn't pleasant...funny yes, but not pleasant (love you!)...the pub was great last night with old and new faces amongst a regular bunch...keith and rosemary were a no show (that was a shame, nice couple) Martin appeared like a lost son...Gina arrived (woo hoo!) and Alan and Claire joined us (friends of Matt and Marie) who are a lovely couple. Had a lovely conversation with Alan about the band 'Rush' and I remember asking him whether they were still alive!(in a nice way)...Alan has the most amazing eyes, almost wolverine in fact, i was quite entranced...anyway the night went on, Steve turned up from nets practice (cricket) and Lisa sped us all on our way home via the KFC where i restrained myself from singing my order to them (like the advert). All in all a very nice evening and not feeling too jaded this morning really!...

What i did notice last night was that most of the filthy conversation was coming from the ladies...hmmmm.

A quandry...there are two men in a lifeboat, there are two cigarettes in a packet, the men want a cigarette but have no way of igniting it, there is nothing else in the boat and nothing else around them for miles and do they get the cigarette they desire?

...bree van der camp didn't like the idea of dirty sex after she found out it that she couldn't use domestic laundry devices...

Friday, April 01, 2005

How soon is now? was only when the lady that was cut in half could not be magicked back together again that entertainment turned to irony...

First of all apologies for the membership thing, its just that one very distasteful person bombarded the site with utter filth about the people who read this site and myself...i don't care being ridiculed but i will not have my readership abused in this way...and so as of today only members will be able to post comments...i have sent invitations out but if you have not got one let me know and i will forward with immediacy...sorry for the upheavel (it was either that or close the blog down)...

You know what, whoever nets Gina will end up with one of the most thoughtful and beautiful people that i have ever come across, even in the face of adversity she always has time to talk to you and ask how you are, nothing is ever too much trouble and she has an outlook on the world that is normally only found in spiritual people. I just wanted to share that with you because she touched me today, and for today made my life worth living...

ITS PUB DAY!!!! (those attending so far: Neil, Lisa, Matthew, Marie, Martin?, Steve, Keith and Rosemary? and suprise guests)

I'm so glad its the weekend, these short weeks always seem a lot longer than the long weeks (if that makes sense), but not long to wait for the next bank holiday or two!

Anyway, its just a quick blog today, just for admin purposes, so i will catch up with you all tomorrow...

...David Copperfield was very good at making airplanes disappear but had a lot of problems getting the coke residue off the end of his nose...