Thursday, May 05, 2005

Matts Moods...

Well its that time again when I get to write a few lines about whatever comes into my tiny warped little mind. And for this Thursday I thought I might look at a subject that we are all aware of, sometimes without ever knowing its having an effect Advertising. Not just any old adverts but the ones that have made me cringe, or cry, or laugh, or just want to throw the nearest household object at the TV. Because lets face it most are beamed strait into or rooms and minds when we are at our lowest ebb. The turkey twirler is sitting heavy on your stomach mixing with the chips and coffee. Your feet are up and it's ok to undo the top button of you trousers because none of your friends can see.

So ok there you are and what greets you? Fucking Boswelox that what having searched the web and can find no basis in reality for this product. Apart from the fact that a clever ad-man at Loreal made up a name for their stuff to sound like Botox which is a trademark. So what do they do, take one super model who already happens to look fantastic and try and persuade you that if you smear this gunk on your skin you to will look like the person you always imagined you would.

Its all one great con, fact your skin loses its elasticity as you get older. Not to mention the late nights, booze, fags, chips, and just living. Lets face it smiling talking singing etc all give your skin that lined look. And then they tell you "Because your worth it". Don't be conned, Mrs Chav ain't going to look like Claudia Schiffer in a million years, lets face it not even if she spent a million quid. Spend you hard earned on enjoying yourself, leave that crap on the shelf.

Talking of being conned why oh why do people buy potpourri (there he goes...on about pot pourri...nothing wrong with pot pourri, it'll be "blessed are the cheesemakers next") the greatest con of the last century. Get a handful of wood Chipping's or better still go to your local Forest and collect a spade full of dropped leaves and twigs. Take them home, separate into piles, dye each pile a different colour, mix back up, spray with some god-awful cheap scent, bag up and sell in your local supermarket for a fortune. For some unknown reason ladies (and men) of a certain age think this is the height of taste and leave in bowls around the house gathering dust. Incidentally the smell wears off after the packet has been opened for more than ten minutes.

Whilst I'm on the subject of adverts and advertising I have to mention my personal favorites. All those ads that try their hardest not to mention what you actually do with toilet paper. Soft, Strong, and very very long give me a break. What you really want to know is when you wipe your arse will your finger go through. Or does it have the strength to deal with the aftermath of the Saturday night curry. Nobody in their right mind is going to buy a product that turns to a sodden mush at the first sign of a moist turd. Which the consumer magazine could do a survey with trials as new products come on the market. We could have the international turd rating. Number One for those little lady jobs, you know the ones they pretend are all delicate and fragrant. Going all the way up to a five for all those builders logs that could be used as pit props. Mind you they would have to come up with the standard turd as a reference point.

My final picking is, Digestivus Bifidum What the fuck? Why do companies think that giving a product a long complicated name will make you buy it. The add is another euphemism for bodily functions. Oh I'm feeling bloated says the mother, I used to get that says the daughter. But now I drink one of these a day and I don't get bloated anymore. "I'm feeling bloated" why can't they just script "I'm bunged up inside and haven't been for a crap for a month." Get some fiber in your diet and take a bit of exercise each day. Remember all there trying to do is sell you stuff you never new you needed. Its all a load of old boswelox just remember whatever they tell you "it probably doesn't do exactly what it says on the tin. "

See you next week. Matt

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Matt i have to totally agree with you but you need to preach to the uncoverted lets name and shame one person in particular our lovely blogmaster Neil who`s bathroom is like an ad for anti-wrinkle cream - `hide those bags` cream and anything that has the word `lift and firming` on the lid trust me if you want to know if a beauty product works ask Neil he has probably tried them one in his life lol - so all i can say is Neil ditch the potions you are gorgeous without them Lisa xxxxxxx