Tuesday, January 31, 2006

sorry i did not get it in on time Mr Editor !

Road rage starts at an early age, just the other day 6 year old Edward was playing total driving on the playstation when i hear the faint whisper of "get out of the way you twat!!" eminating from the living area, i dont know where they pick up these little quirks from, then on saturday at his birthday party he came downstairs ever so upset and announced that one of his friends had called him an A-hole!, yours truly almost wet himself at this point.
On Sunday we met up with my cousin Mike and his wife and four kids and went to kidsworld where the lads had lots of fun on all the apparatus that they have thier also to burn off lots of energy and build up an appetite for a surprise visit to Pizza Hut aka. pizzashit as you will see later.
It was great catching up with mike as we dont see each other that often he had brought some photo albums for us to look at while the kids were busy they were full of pictures he had taken of their recent family holiday to america, you know disneyworld, mgm studios , kennedy space centre and the house they stayed at with the obligatory swimming pool, all lokked very interesting he even had some photos of the time mike and me went to italy when we were 14 or 15, brought back some great memories for me, time soon rolled round and we were soon gathering up the kids and heading off to Pizza Hut, I had booked our table well in advance so when we got there i said who we were and i get the Oh! i'll just check that, after checking that we had indeed booked we were shown to our table, looking around there was only eight other people in and they had just about finished their meals, our waitress arrives and aks if we are ready to order and we ordered five kids pizzas one deep pan pizza (medium) a medium edge a medium chicken supreme pizza and a individual lasange also some wedges and GARLIC BREAD!!!!!!!! drinks arrived pretty quickly, after about 15 minutes it started to fill up a bit and other people were ordering thier meals, not a problem i thought as ours was quite a big order it may take some time to get it all ready, then a mum dad and two children sit at a table behind us and order ten mins later they get thier pizzas at the same time we got our starters we ask the waitress where are our pizzas as we had asked for it all to come at once, i get the Oh! i'll go and check line again, i am now getting a little cross as now the place is full and everyone is eating pizza apart from us, we had now been waiting for 50 mins, 20 mins later our waitress appears at the table behind us where the family were getting ready to leave i heard her say " was everything ok for you?" as she turned to go back to the kitchen she comes over and says "Who is having the chikcken supreme pizza?" "thats me!" i said "We run out of the bases for that size of pizza!" isaid "no fucking wonder everyone else has been served before us even though we were here before any of them!" not even an apology passed her lips "Would you like to order somthing different?" she said "as long as it turns up this millennium" i replied, another fifteen minutes pass by and still no sign of any pizzas, by now the kids were getting quite hungry and were whinging quite a lot which did not do my state of mind much good at all, eventually i asked the waitress if we were ever going to eat tonight to which she said jokingly "Oh! i thought those were yours coming out now" but guess what they weren't, finally after another five mins we got our pizzas all the kids cheered and tucked in ravenously. Needless to say i will not be going there again.

ancient chinese proverb:-
man who enter airport lift sideways
going to Bangkok!

Steve x

Monday, January 30, 2006

the sad blog...

today i'm sad....it's a sadness that only people who are sad understand how sad it feels...don't know why, perhaps things are getting on top of me one way or the other. I try so hard everyday to be a bright and cheery little soul but you know, life is shit sometimes and there ai'nt nothing you can do about the fucker.

It's funny that when you feel sad you can look around and find sadness in most things...the grey day, the unhappy and lonely people walking the streets, the old ruined buildings, needles in gutters, kids in dirty jumpers playing with broken bicycle wheels, little dogs running around collarless and hungry, 'closing down' notices in private shops, the hearse leaving from the local funeral directors etc etc...

Even my music cannot raise a cheer today, I keep finding myself playing the same melancholy favourites, it's like i need to wallow in self pity for a while just to get it out of my system...but i HATE that feeling, when it happens I just want to curl up womb like and cry...fuck...I suppose KS not replying to my email is screwing me up a lot too. I sometimes feel like I do my best writing in my down days, perhaps it's sort of a self destruct thing... a bottle of wine, a PC and the literary world is your oyster...you can become really selfish too, like I really don't care who reads this or what you think about it, but be grateful for me writing this because it's probably doing me good.

I feel sometimes that I was put on this earth for a reason, but after 42 years I'm still looking for what that reason was...I wonder if I'll ever know or will my life come to a full stop before I have had time to insert a pregnant pause (sorry, a literary joke there!). Don't get me wrong, I've had really fun times travelling the world with my family, visiting places that some people have only ever dreamed of, I've had great times in my social life too, in fact more up days than down...if only life could imitate art I'd make a great cartoon character!

...but today I'm sad...and it's a sadness that only people who are sad understand how sad it feels...

Neil x

Sunday, January 29, 2006

just a bit of self help...

The end of a relationship...

Relationships are difficult to end and to have ended because of the emotional and physical investment involved.

However, one has the right to end a relationship and to be told that a relationship is ending because it is no longer working, either of you would rather be with someone else, or with no one at all.

This period is difficult for both of you and requires clear communication, time, and self-care.

Feelings May Include

Denial ...we can't believe this is happening to us, and we can't believe the relationship is over

Anger...we are angry and shocked that our partner has shaken our world so much

Fear...we are frightened by the intensity of our feelings and by our need to face our partner

Self-blame...we blame ourselves for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over

Sadness...we cry and feel sad for what sometimes feels like an eternity for our loss

Guilt...we feel guilty especially if we end the relationship because we don't want to hurt our partner, yet we know the relationship is not for us

Disorientation & Confusion...our familiar world has been shattered

Hope...sometimes initially for a reconciliation and later for a new and better world for ourselves

Bargaining...we plead with our partner to give us another chance

Relief...we can be relieved that there is an ending to the pain, and the fighting

Ways to Cope
Pamper yourself

Express your feelings: cry, punch the pillow, talk out loud, go for long walks, do what you need to do

Try to keep your sleeping and eating habits regular and continue or begin an exercise program

Recognize that although some feelings may seem overwhelming, they are all "normal" reactions and are necessary to the healing process

Talk to your friends and/or family and keep the other aspects of your life going

Rekindle friendships that may have been neglected during your romantic relationship-- most people are forgiving and pleased to spend time with you

Get Help. Take advantage of resources such as the Wellness Center and Personal Counseling.

What to Avoid

Rebound relationships. Don't start a new relationship before fully working through the issues around the end of this relationship.

Giving mixed messages to the other party involved. Take some time to think through what you want and how you are feeling to avoid giving false hope.

Excessive use of alcohol, tobacco, caffeine and other drugs. Sometimes these substances are unhealthily used to block out feelings of pain.

Neil x

Friday, January 27, 2006

...the jolly green giant wasn't so jolly after the dog poo in the burning bag incident...

hi all

just a couple of things today...went to hospital yesterday and forced the consultant into letting me have aforementioned operation...he was on my side anyway, but at least he can now go to his other team members and tell them that i really want the surgery to go ahead even if it does mean that I might suffer heart failure and death on the operating table...I still have to go and see cardiologist and anaethestistiesiest before surgery takes place but at least now i know what the operation entails...more soon on that

Lisa had a dream last night which involved us getting married and me dying the next day...who the fucking hell does she think she is ...friggin anna nicole smith!!!!!!....apparently it was very romantic and i wore a lovely 3/4 length nehru suit with broccaide innards and lisa looked fabulous also (but doesn't she always)....some of you may know that I no longer have KS in my life, it was short lived but I think i understand what went wrong....thats a lie, but it sounds like acceptance!

Lots of stuff happening on the music front...Barry Manilow has a new album which myself and Steve have been warbling to for the last couple of days, he is singing all the great american songs of the 50's...on that front, look out this year for 'Neil and Steve' the album!!!!...did i mention the new Sparks album lol....

Am off to enjoy Big Brother celebrity final now, with sole mate Lisa in situ...I really couldn't live my life without her...heres to a lovely weekend...peace and out

Neil x

Thursday, January 26, 2006

...thwunk...thwunk....thwunk was the noise as it got closer and closer...

A few weeks ago I put an Email address on the blog asking for comments and ideas for things to write about. Well I got one or two and as a result I was asked to do a little more on making your Pc run better. So with great pleasure part one.

Remember all these are tried and tested but carried out at your own risk and for use only on your home Pc or Laptop (Not a work terminal).
Before doing anything to your Pc it’s always worth backing up any valuable data. I hate the system restore feature on windows it slows up your enjoyment terribly and is very system hungry but its worth switching it on and making a restore point just in case. When finished switch it off until you need it again. As a default Windows come shipped with system restore active so just click on “start” then “help and support” and follow the links to create a new restore point. I also like to burn photos/music etc to a disc just in case and any letters/work you might need. Playing with a Pc it’s always a case of better safe than sorry.

The longer you run a system the more it will fill with bits of junk that slow thing down and sometime cause a lockup or random crash. You know the type of thing when you click on something and the mouse freezes and you can not close the application. We have all been there and it can happen to the newest empty operating system. Most of the time if you go away and have a cup of coffee or a fag the Pc has sorted itself out when you get back. This is because most of these freezes are due to you asking it do too a task whilst it is already doing stuff in the background. (Like run System restore.) Windows will always choose the most inconvenient time to back up/update etc. Sometimes though a lock up can be caused by more sinister things going on.

Fore instance has the Pc just started behaving like a naughty teenager after being absolutely fine? Most locking/program crashing problems get worse over time starting with a page loading slowly or a program not opening the way it used to, and giving you plenty of notice before it stops like a Skoda hitting a wall. If it just started then before panicking and deleting any file name that you think you do not recognise stop and think. Oh I do know a person who shall remain nameless who tried to delete a file called “system32 arguing that it must be a virus as there no “system 1 to 31 files. Have you just plugged something in or downloaded a new program. Or my personnel favourite has your anti virus just downloaded more updates. Because of the nature of computers some seemingly unrelated things have massive effects on programs and integrate with the system at a fundamental level.

Sometime its because the poor thing is bunged up with spy ware or add ware, these are down loaded without you permission from many sites and generally they are no harm apart from sending info back to there home site. Because they are not a virus just a pest anti virus software does not pick them up. And because they come from sites you visit the firewall nearly always lets them send stuff back. But help is at hand I use a great program to remove these pests and its free, its called Ad-Aware SE and you can get it at


There is also a Microsoft version and I personally run both regularly but never at the same time. You can get the Bill’s brigade version at

Do yourself a favour and download them both use them and I will see you all next week for part two.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

ranting on a shoestring....

Wow what a week it’s been

Big Brother what can I say its addictive cringe worthy telly (Rula and George and the cat task was the most bizarre TV I have seen this year). I would not want to be locked in the house with Pete his tongue is vicious. He loves to rub every one up the wrong way and tonight’s episode is very good from all accounts. George has just lost the plot it’s a game show for charity get over it. His ranting last night about the people who nominated him not to vote was quite unbelievable. Double eviction on Wednesday night I wonder who the public will be booting out mm………. George springs to mind.

Another Lib Dem has resigned is there many left or are they diving for cover awaiting the next scandal to break out. What a Politician does in his private life has nothing to do with me I could not care less. So Oaten had a dalliance with a rent boy and he was married are you telling me he is the first or the last. No I think not did he tell top-secret information to the guy. No so what is the fuss, can any of us stand up and say we don’t have things we would rather no one found out about. So why are we expecting anyone else.

Which brings me on to my last rant, as all of you know it’s the World Cup (136 days and counting!) in June. So instead of getting behind Sven and the team the News of the World decides to do a fake Sheikh scam and then make it headline news.
So he made comments about players, managers, the handouts, payouts,
(nothing most fans were not aware of). But it’s Sven the England Manager. Yesterday the FA announce that he Sven will be leaving after the World Cup, just as they did to Bobbie Robson a few years back. So now not only is the pressure on for him and the team to win the bloody thing we are now going to have press speculation from now about who the next manager will be. My advice is don’t take the job unless you are prepared to be praised by the press until your first game and then when they think you’ve got to big for your boots take them from under you.

How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck from your eye,’ while you yourself don’t see the beam in your own? You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7 - 6:42

Rant over and biblical quoting too but this leads nicely on to say
Happy Birthday to my Dad 64 years young on Thursday I am sure he will not mind me mentioning his age.

Lisa xx

Sunday, January 22, 2006

...and all was quiet apart from the snivelling sound in the darkened corner...

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...the suns involuntary interaction with Uranus is causing a right kerfuffle at the moment...all around me friends seem to be in conflict with each other while i just sit and listen to all sides of all stories...never have i felt so helpless in the fact that i cannot get involved in any of the conflict as I can see good and bad in all aspects of everything. I think I shall declare that I am Swiss for the next couple of weeks and sit on the fence like a good coward always does!

We had a nice time in the pub on Friday night...it was great to get back to The Wellington for proper beer and proper conversation and nothing had changed at all, it was a s if we had never been away...Alan turned up later after jaunting around the countryside with a lot of russian ladies in a people carrier...sounds a bit suspect doesn't it!..but i can assure you that it was done for the benefit of British industry!

Not much happening today...a couple of exciting musical things to tell you about...my album of the year for 2006 (and i REALLY don't think that anything will beat it) is the new Sparks album 'Hello Young Lovers'...it's an amazing album and i feel an album that they have been working towards for the last 30 years, I think this will be their career pinnacle so please get to hear it if you can. Also listening to the new PLacebo album called 'Meds' which is just bloody marvellous, Brian's voice as distinctive and evocative as ever...oh enjoy, enjoy, enjoy....features Michael Stipe and the guy from The Kills on guest vocals.

all for now...
Neil x

Friday, January 20, 2006

happy happy land...

once upon a time in happy happy land there lived a mouse who could not really understand what all the happiness was about. He used to curse at the other mouses and look back on his life to try and think what had been wonderful enough to make him happy...he had lost his mother and father at an early age, his father was in something the big people called the 'great plague' and his mother was entranced and hypnotised by a flute whilst she was visiting her german side of the family. The pied Piper led her to an untimely death and unhappy mouse was left all alone to fend for himself in the big happy world.

Unhappy mouse was grumpy and told the smaller mouses to 'fuck right off' whenever anyone came near. He was like this every day. The townsmouses all wondered how they could help unhappy mouse to lead a more fruitful and fun life, so one day they decided to ask unhappy mouse to tell them what he would like most of all to be given. 'I would like a new door for my house' he said...so the townsmouses went to work and created the finest hand crafted door which was a glorious red in colour. The door had lovely brass furniture and glistened in the morning haze of the happy happy land sun. The townsmouses went to visit the next day and once again he told them to 'fuck right off'. They were all agog and had a short mutterance between them. They decided to ask what he desired again and this time he told them thet he wnated 'four upvc triple glazed windows for my lovely house'...once again the townsmouses went to work and by the end of the day unhappy mouse had aquired four new upvc triple glazed windows to go along with the glistening red door.

On the third day unhappy mouse was even ruder and not at all tolerant...he was making fun of all the crippled mouses and the mouses that were different colours. The mouse elders once again decided to try and appease unhappy mouse and decided to throw more money at him. This time unhappy mouse asked for a huge industrial fence to go around his house so he could feel safe at night protected from wandering toms. They dutifully provided an industrial fence, prison graded with razor wire at the top of each section. They all slept well that night, all except little charlie mouse who had been tangled up in the razor wire and was not expected to live through the night. In the morning the elders told unhappy mouse that charlie mouse had passed away and all unhappy mouse had to say was 'serves him fucking right'...they were shocked at his heartlessness, especially when he kicked charlie mouses mum for making too much noiuse while she was crying. That was it, they ordered a decree that there would be one last chance to make unhappy mouse happy in happy happy land.

Unhappy mouse asked for the biggest set of gates that they had ever seen to be attached to his high grade prison fence...it took a day of mouse sweat and graft but by sunset they had finished...the townmouses had a party that night because they had created the finest looking house in happy happy land. The sun rose and as the townsmouses gathered at the gates of unhappy mouse house they realised that the gates were padlocked with the biggest unbreakable lock they had ever come across. That was it, from that day unhappy mouse was never seen again. The townmouses had provided unhappy mouse with his own isolated life. Unhappy mouse sat there in his chair in his triple glazed lounge smiling and wondered to himself whether the townsmouses realised that by helping him SO much they had created the perfect reason never to be in contact with anyone in happy happy land ever again....

do you see what i'm getting at?.....

Neil xxx

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Confessions of a Caretaker....

January is with us and all around people are moping that Christmas is over and there is nothing to look forward to. It’s true you have to dress up nice and warm to go outside and the days are still short. This last point struck me on New Year’s Day as I struggled out of bed at about 3.30pm and it was already getting dark. The last time I had got up this late was the day after I flew back from the USA and the hangover was replaced by jet lag. It is widely reported that when the winter comes we naturally want to curl up and sleep until the spring. And yes it certainly is going against the grain when you get up to go to work in what your body is convinced is still the middle of the night. But having said all that when the days are so short it does seem a shame to waste the daylight by staying in bed late.(it doesn't seem to affect lisa lol...blogmaster) Back in the summer when I had the jet lag at least when I did surface there was still a long part of the day to do stuff so it did not seem quite so bad. I do not know if this year is worse than normal because of the continuous grey blank weather we seem to be having. Give me some cold crisp frosty days anytime. January is also the traditional time to pay the bills that you forced yourself not to think about before Christmas. My advice for what its worth to anyone who cares is this, give your self something to look forward to. Booking a holiday is a good one, forcing you to think about the hot sun and which place to visit this year is great for banishing the winter blues. If you’re reading this it means you have a PC and you’re on the web, so minimise this and go look on the internet there are some fantastic deals around if you are prepared to do some leg work.

By the time you read this most of the regular readers will know that I have a new job and for those that don’t I do. After ten years Caretaking the time has come to hang up my keys and move. The new job is with the same company, and is one I did a number of years ago as a secondment. So I will still see the same old gang but now I will be wearing a tie. Well there had to be a down side. The up is better and more than compensates for the neck wear. No on call weeks, no compulsory weekend working, no more tortuous team meeting that make you want to slit your wrists because of the stupidity of some, (my forehead will be grateful if nothing else from not having to bang it against a brick wall all the time) no more mixing with ignorant, rude, spiteful, vindictive, two faced, nosey, stab you in the back, tenants. I bet you thought I was going to say seniors didn’t you.
Matt x

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Temptress Lisa spills all!...

Well there goes another one……..

Hello well time flies when your having fun but it only seem like five minutes since I wrote my last blog – a big thank you to all the BB Fans who voted out Jodie – Faria, Dennis and Pete are this weeks choice. I am surprised no one has placed a pillow over Dennis his snoring is LOUD!

I just wanted to start this blog by congratulating all the contributors for some really excellent blogs this week. I particular liked Matt’s it was really very good. I had thought about making a comment about the whole Liberal shenanigans but the only thing I can say on that note is that if you have a drink problem DON`T TELL ANYONE!

I have had a really good weekend on Friday I went on some Training and the only comment I am going to make about it is why was it not available before now. If I knew what I know now, I would not be where I am today. Don’t get me wrong I love where I am now but I would have stayed where I was happiest. Still cant look back have to move forward.

I have to tell you about a couple of DVD `s I saw over the weekend, if you are wanting to watch a really lovely film then I would highly recommend `The Notebook`starring Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling I wont give the story away but just to say you will need tissues at the ready. The other is `White Orleander` starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Renee Zellweger, Robin Wright Penn and Alison Lohman.

I have to let you know that my brother is now a Grandad at the grand old age of 39 her name is Lillie Mae – 6lbs 1oz and she is gorgeous.

Short but sweet this week

Good Luck for Friday Gina x hope all goes well

Monday, January 16, 2006

off with the fairies....

Hi one and all, nice weekend I hope...i hope this blog makes sense today as I am still coming down off the drugs they gave me at the hospital today lol!

A couple of things to report...had a great weekend with KS, went over to his house on the Saturday, got attacked by his two daft dogs and then we went off to Milton Keynes for first of all a very nice pasta meal followed by the 9pm showing of 'Brokeback Mountain'. This film is a tremendous effort by Ang lee (whose film direction inspires me immensely). Its a sweeping romantic love story with an amazing landscaped background. Its a truly great film and i hope they try to throw lots of oscars at it, but i doubt that will happen in the homophobic United States.

Went off to hospital today for a further exploratory by consultant...it was a sort of one step forward and two steps back visit. On the one hand the cancer has not reached the liver but it looks like it could be in the lymph nodes. The growth has started to grow back in its original position which wasn't too promising. The consultant had had a meeting with his multi-disciplinary team and it ended up with 50 percent of them in favor of surgery and 50 against. The main concern is whether my heart and weight could take the general anaesthetic, but if they don't operate then I will keep having to go back and have it checked to make sure the cancer hasn't got any worse. Personally if someone was to ask me what i wanted , i would go down the surgery route and stuff the consequences. I would rather have the cancer cut out and know its not there anymore...anyway the saga goes on and I have to wait until next thursday to talk about it further.

Oh my God!...I have just seen the first episode of series 2 of 'Lost' ...Oh my God!.....that is all i will say for now...stay tuned my deers for further updates...

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Funtime Freddy!

enjoy your spare time, be trivial, be childlike....have fun!...go here!


Mangey Managers....

Modern Day Management Techniques...

You can really confuse the staff by paying well but treating them
It's harder to leave and really screws them up.

Make sure that you notice and comment on every little error your staff
But don't ruin it by thanking them when they do a bit extra or
achieve something.

Prepare well for the Annual Review
A really good trick is to make no comments all year and then make some
major criticism at the annual review.
This can save a fortune on your salary budget.
Some staff can be difficult to deal with

i.e. they are bigger than you.

Avoid confrontation - Moan about them behind their back.

Operate an "Open Door" Policy
Say stuff like "My door is always open, if you need help". When the
staff come pestering, try one of these tactics:
"I'm just off to a meeting"
(Actually, as a manager, you should be in meetings all the time)
Keep looking at your computer screen or writing, while they talk.
They'll soon get the hint.
Make a big promise such as "Leave it to me. I'll get that sorted out
for you."
Then forget all about it. Chances are they won't dare bring it up

Top phrases to shut up whingeing staff
"I'm surprised you have time to think about that. The rest of us are
far too busy."
or the more subtle:
"I'm not sure that is what you should be focussing on."

Practice motivational techniques
Managers should never use physical cruelty.
Mental torture is so much more effective (and leaves no tell-tale

Keep Your Staff Informed
Being a manager means that you are expected to feed information to the
Here are some alternatives for dealing with this:
"I'm too busy." They'll find out eventually, via the grapevine.

Taking Responsibility
If you have to get the staff to do something that they might not like
and you can't use any of the techniques above, then try this:

"Well I know this is a pain and I feel the same as you, but the exec
say that we have to do it."

Mmmmm ........see you soon

steve x

Friday, January 13, 2006

early morning madness...

'snickety thwick' was the sound of the stick as Dorothy poked around the tin mans nether regions...

Why is it that you wake up with a hard on when there is no-one around to appreciate it?...just one of the many unanswered questions in our world today...or, what happened to Easthampton and Westhampton when Northampton and Southampton were created?...oh the folly of it all...

Here I sit then, the sounds of GMTV in the background as i prepeare myself for another day of caring and sharing. It is Friday though, soI'm always in a good mood no matter what the outside world throws at me. KS and myself have decided to go and see 'Brokeback Mountain' tomorrow night in Milton Keynes. I hope the films good, have been looking forward to seeing it for a while and I don't think you can go wrong with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall in the same film, especially directed by the marvellous Ang Lee...I am sure I will tell you if it's rotten!

Not a lot happening in life at the moment...I am meant to be on a strict diet at the moment ready for surgery but i keep cheating as I get so hungry so I will probably get told off by the consultant when i go into hospital on Monday...am just going in for further exploratory and results of scan from hell as described the other day...and a decision on surgery date...eek!

Oh, just had to rush into the lounge as Aha were being interviewed by Kate Garroway, they looked fantastic and Morten actually spoke (a quite rare occurrence)...the first question set by Garroway was "what moisturiser do you use cos you look fantastic"...hmmm, an in depth interview it wasn't going to be!...the questions were okay and the boys looked relaxed...nice to see them back..new single 'Analogue' out on Jan 30th...great album too!

Well I shall leave you all for now...will let you know about film on Sunday...have fun with Steves blog tomorrow...
Neil x

Bouncer the dog looked on in disgust as his new friend Barney licked his butt most enthusiastically...

Thursday, January 12, 2006

a partly political broadcast...

Hello again and welcome back to my little piece of the web. I am beginning to get confused by politics. I do not yet know whether it is my age or just the times we live in. Back in the days of old when I was a student it was easy the world was divided into two camps and you new where you stood. Margret T was on the throne (sorry but she was, people go on about the current Presidential style of leadership but Margret ran a Monarchy) and any opposition was always to the left, way way to the left. Russia was a strange and not to be trusted place, full of people who lived in black and white and hated anything from the west.

The Iron curtain was keeping the two half’s of the planet from killing each other and the west was always right and whilst I think of it they were always telling us they were correct as well. Or so it appeared to an impressionable young rebel like me. In our own back yard politicians did as they were told (usually by Margret) and the Unions were out on strike supporting the plight of Hungarian goulash makers or having tea and sandwiches with well any body who would listen to them. Oh how times have changed and life has turned into a million colours of grey. The Tory party has adopted a youthful dare I say it left type feel to it. It’s only going to be a short time before they have a name change. The only shame is that “New Tory” sounds too much like a copy of what dear Saint Tone did as part of making the Labour party into new Labour with all the management speak and add agency hype you can throw at it.

Talking of New Labour they are rapidly becoming the party choice of the right old guard as they slip more and more into the private sector. How long I wonder before they decide to privatise the Labour party. And then there is the poor old Liberal Democrats’ who have not got a clue what the fuck to do any more. No wonder Charlie has turned to the drink. There traditional centre ground is looking a little bit crowded at present. It used to be red left, yellow middle, and blue right. Now there all in the middle all piled up. What colour do you get if you mix red, blue and orange? A sort of brownish sludge which describes the state of thing better than I probably can in words. It’s got like there all playing a game of Monopoly and all three have landed on the same square. Accept that the poor old Lib Dims always seem to pick a chance card that says “Go past go do not collect any seats, remain irrelevant for ever”. And now just as the other parties are electing younger more youthful leaders to appeal to the young vote the Lib Dims are about to put some aged Sir at the helm to deliver another great yellow own goal. No wonder you can’t get people to vote, and the turn out at elections is dropping. It’s no good when they are all alike you need the good cop bad cop bit. I suspect that in the long run the winner will be the party that has the strength to realise being different is no bad thing.
Matt x

An added extra!

you HAVE to go here....


enjoy xx

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I'm a big brother celebrity...so get me out of here!

Well some of us wait all year for it and some don’t – what you may ask am I talking about well it can only be C4 Celebrity Big Brother! Maybe I should use the term celebrity lightly, Neil and I sat waiting to see who would be going in the house with baited breath.

What can I say is that the best person they could find out of the thousands that applied Chantelle! Well we knew that it was going to be bad. What followed were hardly celebrities a couple of token Americans and loads of wannabes and wannalesses. Oh well if it helps their career they must be all pleased.

I mean to say where is the eye candy for the ladies if the best they have to offer is Maggot, Dennis, George, Michael, Pete and Preston I mean hardly drop dead gorgeous are they. Pete swanning around in his gorilla fur causing such controversy and outrage that an arrest in imminent.

Dennis wanting to jump into bed with any female that gives him a wink. Maggot less said the better. George in there to promote his party but admits there is not enough intellectual conversation for him what did he expect did he not see BB this year!
Preston well if you did not know his band Ordinary Boys before you do now so will help push his album mainstream.

But then the women are no better Jodie, Rula, Faria, Tracey and Chantelle. Jodie went in to prove that she was not what people thought she was and she wanted us to see that really deep down she is a nice person. (well that hasn't worked...so what next then?...BM)

Ok give the benefit of the doubt I say but I cringed at her antics on the TV last night she just confirmed what we all thought. No class. Faria nice person but what is she famous for having an affair with a couple of old codgers (should that read giving blow jobs to desperate partnered old codgers?...BM) that just happened to be her employers and one of which was the England Football Manager. So that makes you famous for what.

Tracey former model and Baywatch babe famous for donning a tight red swimsuit and running slowly along a beach flicking your hair.

Rula the only real celebrity girl I think she has come a long way since Rock Follies but admits that she wanted to do BB to help enhance her TV career rather than her theatre career.

Well we are not into the first week and the papers are full of it, the nominations have been announced and I wonder who will be the first for eviction this week Jodie, Pete or George you decide………..

But on a serious note all the celebrities are in there to support a charity and raise funds for them and just in case you wondered who is sponsoring which charity


Rula Wildlife Line

Preston St Patrick’s Trust – Helping the homeless

Traci Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy

Dennis National Alliance to End Homelessness and Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease

Maggot The Guide Dogs for the Blind

Michael Breast Cancer Care

Jodie Women’s Refuge and Beat Bullying

Pete Mermaids – provides support for children and teenagers who are faced with a gender identity issues.

George Interpal – provision of relief and development aid to needy Palestinians in the Occupied Palestinian Territories and the refugee camps in Jordon and Lebanon.

So George, Pete or Jodie you decide …………………………………………

Lisa x

Saturday, January 07, 2006

a new years regime...

What is jogging?

Like walking, jogging can be done anytime, anywhere and involves only one
person. Jogging has all the health benefits of walking- it conditions the
heart, improves muscle tone and strength, relieves stress, and can help with
a variety of health problems, such as osteoporosis, heart disease and
arthritis. While walking may conjure up all the pleasures of a casual
stroll, jogging requires more of a commitment to training and results. It
takes discipline to run, but the rewards are measurable improvements in
time, distance, endurance and strength.

How many calories does jogging burn?

The number of calories you burn when jogging will vary with the intensity
and duration of your workout. A 160-pound person jogging at 6 miles per
hour will burn around 12.5 calories each minute. Heavier individuals or
increasing speed will burn more calories for the same amount of exercise
while a lighter individual or decreasing the pace will burn less.

Advantages of jogging

The big advantage of jogging over walking is that it takes less time, is the
most efficient way to achieve cardiovascular fitness and will burn more
calories mainly due to its high impact. The disadvantage is that it can
result in more injuries, as the strain placed on both muscles and joints is
greater. But with proper shoes and preparation through stretching, you can
greatly reduce your risk of injury.

Disadvantages of jogging

Due to its high impact, jogging is more likely than most activities to cause
joint problems. Also, what some consider to be an advantage and others a
disadvantage of jogging is the element of competition. Races offer an
opportunity to compete with others, not to mention a great opportunity for
traveling and socialising. If those aspects of the sport don't appeal to
you, you can simply opt out of racing and instead run by yourself or with

Starting your jogging program

Regardless of your age, get a checkup from a physician before you begin to
run. There is some debate about who does and does not need medical
clearance, but your best bet is to consult a physician before beginning this
or any exercise program to ensure that you have no health problems that
might surface if you exercise too hard.

Getting medical clearance is especially important if you are overweight, if
your family has a history of heart disease, if you smoke now or used to
smoke, if you have high blood pressure, if you are older than 60 or if
you've been pretty much of a couch potato most of your life. Besides,
getting a physical is the first step toward getting physical.

Fitness experts offer a variety of methods for getting started. Some say to
start out by simply walking for several weeks, then alternately combine
walking with jogging. Your best bet is to log on to some of the available
runners' sites on the Internet. Then find a training program that appeals to

As a beginner you should only be jogging aerobically. Naturally, you will
become fatigued, but you should not be gasping. A good rule of thumb is to
not strain too much. If you are able to hold a conversation while jogging,
it is a good sign that you are not overdoing it.

Exercise guidelines

a.. Warm up first with either a fast walk or a slow run, followed by some
light stretching. Gradually build up to a pace that's comfortable for you.
a.. Most experts suggest that you land on the ball of your heel and let
the rest of the foot follow. You want to push off from your toes as you
begin your next step.
a.. Don't hunch up. Keep your back reasonably straight and your shoulders
back. When you come to a hill, it is only natural to lean forward a bit,
which is perfectly fine.
a.. Let your arms swing naturally; don't hold them to your sides.
a.. Don't worry so much about how far you are jogging. Rather than set a
distance goal, set a time goal. Increase your time gradually; experts
usually recommend an increase of only 10 percent a week to avoid burnout or
injury from overexertion.
a.. Bring some cool water along to keep your body from becoming dehydrated
from your workout.
Jogging gear

Although you can spend a fortune on running shoes and attire, in the
beginning, most experts agree that any pair of comfortable shoes will do.
After several weeks, be prepared to spend about £75 for a good pair of
running shoes. Although you don't need special runners' socks, try to avoid
wearing thin, dress socks. If you find that you get blisters, you may want
to switch to running socks sold in athletic stores. Another runner's trick
is to apply petroleum jelly to your feet before jogging to avoid blisters.

To avoid injury, only increase distances gradually and by small amounts. For
instance, increasing your jogging time by 1-2 minutes per week is
appropriate. After several months you will no longer be a beginner and will
have to decide whether you wish to just run for fitness or to go one step
further - jogging for conditioning, endurance or competition.

Jogging safely

Safety for joggers is a big issue, as news accounts of ambushed joggers
become more and more frequent. Even if you live in a "safe" neighborhood,
the following advice from the government can help protect you from mishap.

a.. Jog with a known companion.

b.. Jog in a familiar area.

c.. Do not jog in a secluded area.

d.. Do not jog after dark.

e.. Jog facing the traffic.

f.. If followed, go to the nearest house and call the police.

g.. Wear bright-colored clothing to improve your visibility.

h.. Carry a whistle or shrill alarm to summon help, if needed.

i.. Vary your route and pattern of jogging.

j.. Keep alert! Always be aware of your surroundings.

k.. Jog away from bushes where someone could hide.

l.. Take a key with you when you jog. Don't leave your house unlocked.
Someone might be watching you and your house to see when it will be empty or

Steve x

Friday, January 06, 2006

violet peably was the worlds first circus dwarf...

hello all...

hope your first weeks foray into 2006 has been pleasant so far...a little hospital tale for you..I had to have my CT scan the other day and as the scanner was not available at the private hospital that my Bupa pays for I was sent to the general hospital in Bedford. The following example shows just why the NHS has a lot to learn...I arrived at the reception, closed and no one in sight...a tatty sign says 'if noone around please sit down and someone will come soon' (as written)...I take a tatty seat and look at the dirt marks on the floor and the dust covered machinery lying redundant in the adjacent corridor. someone comes soon, just as the sign promised, she is very nice and explains the CT procedure to me...she then asks me to go over to a cubicle, strip off to undies, put on a smallish gown and come back and sit in the corridor. 'in the corridor' i laughed 'with the other people' i laughed again, noticing only then that she was serious. I then refused to sit in the corridor and asked if they could come and get me from the cubicle when they were ready. They did this but I had to walk through about 20 people whilst trying to maintain my dignity holding a gown together at the back. Do they really believe that people cannot get traumatised by things like this...how fucking humiliating. I walked into the scan room and the nurse looked at me and said 'how heavy are you, you might break my table' (really as spoken)...she then weighed me in front of everyone and told them i was under the max weight so they should give me a go!...The scan proceeded and half way through the table got stuck ...she had glee shouting ' i told you he was too big'...a nice lady came over and moved the table a little and all order was restored and the scan finished. I was then told that the cubicles were all full and I had to change there and then before i left the scan room. I left in a hurry not wishing to cause them any more bother.
Thats it really but it saddens me that this is how every average joe is treated by NHS staff in the UK. Would this have happened at The Manor Hospital had they had a scanner, no it bloody wouldn't and I certainly wouldn't mind paying a few more quid to at least get the treatment and dignity that every person deserves. Dear loud mouthed bitch at the CT Scanner room Bedford South Wing Hospital...Fuck You!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

numpty numpty numpty

It’s now 2006 and time to reveal the best kept secret of the last few years. As some of you out there might know I have a little bit to do with Health and Safety in my day to day job. And the one thing that strikes me over and over again is how stupid people are.

The classic if a little apocryphal example is the old lady who successfully sued the American manufacture of a well known microwave for not telling her that it could not be used to dry her pet Poodle after it had been out for a walk in the rain. She argued that because there were no warnings on the side of the box or in the instructions that she did not know not to use it to dry animals. Now to me this is just common sense in the same way as you know not to park your car on a railway crossing before opening the second gate. Common sense tells any normal person that you open both gates drive across then shut them. Not open the first one drive on shut the first one open the second one get back in you car then drive through. The same is obvious with your pets not to use a microwave to dry your pet pooch.

Now we all know that common sense exists in some people more than others. But, is it me or are there more stupid people out there than there used to be. Why have we lost the ability to think ahead? Is it that we are just greedy and looking for someone to blame all the time? “No one told me” or “it’s not my fault” are banded around all the time it seem to me. Or am I just surrounded at work by an unusually high number of numpties. (Obviously I am not referring to anyone who I work with who contributes to the writing of this blog).

Or perhaps there is another explanation to all this. Perhaps just perhaps we are getting more stupid with every generation that follows the previous one. Let me try to explain but first I have to give credit for this remarkable bit of deduction to one of my friend who told me about this just before Christmas. People in Britain are getting more stupid because of Health and Safety. In the old days when people did stuff that the Health and Safety people have now banned or just over regulated they were killed or maimed to a point where no one would take them on as a life partner. Now with all the rules and regulations that surround ladders and working with electricity etc many many fewer people are being killed. So there are lots more stupid people walking around breeding (and reading the Sun) who should be dead. As we all know from Charles Darwin’s work on natural selection that means that the common sense gene pool is slowly being diluted by the thick people.

So there we have it we are all getting more stupid with each generation that passes by because Health and Safety has made our lives so safe the stupid live to fuck another day. See you next week unless the safety police think that sitting down and writing is too dangerous.
matt x

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

pinch punch, 3rd of the month!

157 and counting!!

Well its finally arrived 2006 we can shake off the year before and look forward to what’s in store for all of us this coming year.

I haven’t planned much this year, although June is taken care off. A trip to New York is hopefully on the cards in November as my little brother joins the elite club that is 40 – he will hate me to mention this as he is convinced that his birth certificate has been altered. But the fact that he will also become a granddad in a couple of weeks seems to have hit home just recently!

I am already on my count down (157 days to be precise) till we become a nation obsessed, St George’s flags will be flying and we all become patriotic for the National Football Team. Lets hope no one breaks their metatarsal bone again millions of people praying for a foot was a bit much!.

I know it may seem obsessive but as all who know me will vouch I am passionate about football, and yes I do know where Arsenal are currently lying in the Premiership compared to Chelsea, Man Utd and the likes. But there is something passionate about watching England play especially when in a pub – we all become armchair critics and every decision Sven makes is analysed, criticised or agreed with. Language becomes very colourful as we are taken to the edge of frustration and back, and then nine times out of ten we end up doing what we do best, crashing out in the penalty shoot out.

I just wanted to add these two messages that were sent to me by email from a friend I don’t know who wrote them or where they came from but I thought they were worth sharing with you all…..

As you grow up, you learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.You'll fight with your best friend.You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Mend a quarrel. Search out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Encourage someone who's lost faith. Keep a promise. Forget an old grudge. Examine your demands on others and reduce them. Fight for a promise. Express your gratitude. Overcome an old fear. Take two minutes to appreciate nature. Tell someone you love them. Tell them again and again.

Ciao for now Lisa xxx

Monday, January 02, 2006

normality resumed...

Okay then...normality is restored...all systems are go...welcome to the first real blog of 2006. Various stuff happened over xmas but that was just stuffin an non important way. The first proper news of the year is that i have started my pre surgery diet now and have stopped smoking at the same time. I was a bit fuzzy on details before but this is the exact daily diet plan...4 pts semi skimmed milk to be drunk anytime throughout the day, one oxo cube in hot water and a sugar free jelly to be consumed whenever...thats it!, oh i can chew sugar free gum if required!...amazingly that comes to 1200 calories a day. Doing it for 4 weeks is going to be tough i think but we shall see....
Well nothing else has happened this year so far and i refuse to go back past the 31st dec so will keep you informed of further news later in the week.
Neil x