Thursday, May 12, 2005

Matts Mingers!

After last week when I vented my views on some of the more stupid adverts that are doing the round at the moment I have decided this week to concentrate on another of my fave subjects. The Television or TV if you prefer, whether its ITV, the dear old Auntie or one of those new digital channels I’m going to examine and of course give an opinion. Because airing my view is most of the fun. And nobody can stop me. Fucks cunts, Shiite, shit, buggery, and all that. Once I’m in full flow that’s it I’m off. (Unless of course your Dr Sensual and the moral high ground police report you to teacher for not being good and clean and telling it how it should be.) Anyway enough of this before I get into and deep and meaningful discussions about TV I want to talk about a subject that has come up as a result of a conversation between three blog writing friends of which I was proud to be one.

My wife had until very recently convinced me that I was becoming old and giving up. In essence I had “let it all go” as my Fortieth birthday approached. According to her I had come to accept the ageing process and was just along for the ride. This attack on my person had taken many forms over the proceeding months, mainly though they centred on my clothing or in particular one item I had come to wear. Now as items of clothing go this is not particularly offensive or indeed a fashion faux par. For instance it pales into the ironing basket of time compared to the Hippie Art student look I had throughout my time at college. Well I did actually go to Art school and I was young enough not care so it was almost a uniform to us at the time. I mean there not a bad colour or cut in a way as to show off my arse crack (that’s a clue) or indeed offensive in any way. And until the other day dear sweet “She who must be obeyed” had me convinced that my next stop was the old folk’s home with a blanket on my knee. Yep if you have not guessed already I’m on about the pair of Jogging pants I bought to wear around the house. The great Piddy refers to them as “house trousers” but they’re all the same things.

Made of a cotton or a Jersey material and cut for comfort, with a draw string for the waist band and the option of an open or elasticicated leg the “Jog Pant” has its place in my heart. And in the hearts of others as well. The afore mentioned Piddy can’t wait to slip into a pair when off duty. Even the love god Dr Sensual uses a pair around the love pad. And lets face it ladies and gentlemen if Dr Sensual thinks there ok then that good enough for me. My two chums and I are at a loss to see why these practical comfortable (very very comfortable) men’s must have’s could be the target for such venom. There is nothing nicer than slipping on a pair when you get out of the bath. You can then get strait into bed when the time is right because they will double as JimJam bottoms. And with a practised flick of the wrist the draw string cord can be undone and the garment whipped off to give access in those intimate man woman/ man man moments. No need to fiddle with buttons zippers or catches ever again. Even the legend that is Ozzy Osbourne can be seen wandering around the house in these cutting edge fashion accessories. Fuck me even the Prince of Darkness wears them.

The medical profession has been telling men about the dangers of too much heat around the scrotum and it’s effect on sperm production for years. Fuck the cold showers and the Airtex pants. The answer is the Jogging Bottom all that room to swing a dead cat or indeed a large ball sack in,the cut for relaxing crotch. I once made the mistake of nipping to the local Tesco without changing and my better half refused to go around with me .Its not like I had my knob on show or anything. Perfect for the home, practical in the park, wonderful in the winter. The trouser department has never looked so comfy. So there we go, we men must all hang together slouch with pride and be proud to put comfort first.

Shit run out of space and your all probably dying to rush out and get yourself a pair. Honestly you won’t regret it. Ill have to talk TV next time unless another more pressing rant comes to mind. Matt

13 comments:

piddy77 said...

Hmmm...jogging pants?...i prefer to call them my lounging trousers...the best thing is you can wear them for weeks before washing them! lol

mcaretaker said...

Jogging,Lounging,house pants its all the same. Only weeks..mine get whiped away all to frequently !

Anonymous said...

I call mine pj's, they are pink, very roomy, a little loose around the waist, so they just sit on my hips(must get my mum to do that elastic thing she used to do when I was young)else one day I may loose then totally. I have to agree, why sit around in tight trousers when you can lounge in your joggers.
I would not been seen out shopping in them, although I often wear them to hang the washing out, in my opinion they are best worn with nothing underneath(must talk to Neil about the hygene thing).
In the right setting they can be sexy, no fumbling trying to remove them, all bits are readily available! Gx

Anonymous said...

I love my house trousers, they are very comfy on the skin.
Dr. S

Anonymous said...

maybe one day we should all wear them, sit in the office and wait for Marie to arrive. Would the air turn blue? Or would she ignore us and do a speedy retreat into her office! I wonder who would be on the receiving end of her harsh words? Gx

mcaretaker said...

I'm sure there are some battles she thinks are not worth fighting. I would just get slapped when shegot home for makeing everybody think of it. M

Anonymous said...

lets go to the pub in them tomorrow
steve.

mcaretaker said...

Hmmmm not sure about that one.
Matt

mcaretaker said...

Gina why do you need to speak to Neil about the hygene thing, does he have more of a problem than the rest of us ? If so do tell gossip is so fun.

mcaretaker said...

Steve just thought about the pub and jogg pants. It might make going to the loo a bit interesting.
No fly only a draw string and the door opening out to the garden. I see mooning ahead.

Anonymous said...

ahhhh god bless jog pants they are great for slipping on when you get home and want to feel comfortable
Lisa xxx

Anonymous said...

Hi Matt, check first comment, he wears his for weeks at a time! Gx

mcaretaker said...

Thanks for that Gina its a mental image I don't need. You would make me daughter proud to hear that you wear yours on your hips all you need is the tatoo across the top of your arse and the odd bit of thong on view. Sorry forgot you like to go comando in yours.