Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Happy Xmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

There really is hope out there...honestly!



When you believe...thats the important phrase..if you don't believe in anything, be it yourself, your life, your relationship then nothing will happen...but if you do truly believe in what you are trying to achieve then you really will succeed. This will be the last post before xmas so if i could just give one person a bit of hope with that phrase then i will be content. I hope the next year brings us more happiness in the way of tolerance, acceptance , peace and overall love for our surroundings. We can't go on as we are, when i was a child i knew nothing of environmental change or the warming of the planet or the fear of limited natural resources only because our parents did not have access to the information that we have today. So we can't blame the older population as they didn't know any better...but WE do...we can do something to change the world by talking to our children and families so that we can leave a legacy of environmental education and love for the planet and all that lives on it....peace on earth and goodwill to all men

JOY DIVISION


I saw this film last night and it is such an amazing piece of work...everything is spot on. the atmosphere that the film evokes has been lovingly recreated by Anton Corbjin as Director. Using monochrome as his film media he portrays the poverty and the hope that existed in Manchester in the 70's and 80's perfectly with stunning acting in the lead roles. The story of course does not have a happy ending but the sheer power of the music (amazingly recreated by the actors) and the tone of the film just make you want to watch it over and over....loved it!

See you in January...donh't forget to come back...bring your friends!

ciao x

Sunday, December 16, 2007

A Queens Speech...

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Times Obituary for 'Mr Common Sense'

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such
valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

why the early bird gets theworm;

Life isn't always fair;

and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but
could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to
have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust;

his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.'

And a little
extra........................

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600
employees and has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

4 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year



Which organization is this?



It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the
same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep
the rest of us in line.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Saturday morning...17 days before xmas and i have toothache...now those of you who have suffered know how damn wretched i feel today, so don't expect me to be nice ;)

1) I am currently working on a compensation claim to get all the extra milk money that i have been overcharged back...with that money i plan to buy a sterile cow and make my own milk therefore never having to spend money on milk ever again. Oh, but then i have to feed the cow, clean the cows arse, massage it's udders, shovel up shit, buy hay for bedding....fuck that, pass me the tetra pak...i'll pay, you can hold me to ransom Mr big fat greedy supermarket boss.

2) Woo hoo!...one Goldfrapp concert ticket on the way!...they are playing at the union chapel in London in March to celebrate the release of their new album...it's only a tiny place (the bbc have used it on numerous occasions for their bbc sessions slot) and i have been lucky enough to get one...can't wait to see allison and will again :)

3) heard two tracks off the Moby album due in February...I was a little scared by his press release and the amount of rappers that are on the album, but the couple of tracks i heard were truly marvellous and amazing...one for the list i believe.

4) who agrees with me that 'Canoe man' is a fuckwit...and I for one don't believe that his sons were not party to the deception. The 'Reggie Perrin' trick was quite well executed until he had himself snapped for a website pic...what a tosser lol...some people are born into life to create deception and fraud...this family didn't even come close....I hope they lock them all away for a thousand years or more!

5) So Joe Strummers wife finally gets to sorting out his belongings only five years after his death...what did she find? plastic bags full of tat which she has said is a treasure trove of lyrics, napkins, toilet paper (i lied about the last one) from each tour of duty that he went on...to add to it all she is going to put it all together in a 'beautiful book' with help from Damien Hirst which will probably cost an absolute fortune...hmmm, does this project really have anything to do with Joe's oroginal vision of anarchy and punk, i don't think so...it just smacks to me of 'what shall i do now the royalties are drying up a bit'...let me tell you though i shall probably be first in the queue to buy one (that really is how shallow i am!)

6)Top Tune



7) Top Film



ciao babies x

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Anger is not a word to be used lightly...

Below I have posted the most offensive and chilling piece of crap that I have ever come across on the internet. That so called 'religious'group, the Westboro Baptist church, have been at it again, stirring up the public by expressing their obscene personal views to music. Shirley Phelps - Roper is a vile and dangerous woman, who should at least be committed for mental health reasons. These Americans are allowed to go around spreading hatred due to the 5th amendment covering free speech. The only way people are able to stop them is by Private litigation and even then when they lose a case and have to pay costs of around 750,000 pounds they still get to carry on. In England things would be different, what do you think would happen if someone released a track called 'kill all the fags' or 'hang a jew'...it is beyond belief that a power such as the American Government can let this behaviour carry on...or are they all secret 'fag bashers'?

Today on a Tuesday early morning..I am really really angry.
For an extremely vile use of manipulation watch the last 30 seconds of the clip if you really can't face anymore...



http://view.break.com/278059 - Watch more free videos

Friday, November 30, 2007

...and another one...

The Bouncer Brothers present...

Those lovely people at Gizmo have once again come up with something mind blowingly fun...here's the result...


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

game time!

http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html

Monday, November 26, 2007

Silent Silence is Salient...

"A British schoolteacher has been arrested in Sudan accused of insulting Islam's Prophet, after she allowed her pupils to name a teddy bear Muhammad." (BBC News)

well i suppose that puts my 'virgin mary, the vibrator' 'buddah, the butt plug' and 'pope, the penis pump ' to shame....fancy calling a teddy muhammad...really girlfriend thats just asking for trouble!

I hope all of you who saw Princess Kylies film last night were as moved as I was...it was sweet...a little sychophantic on William Bakers part...but sweet...



just a little quickie to wet your whistle ;)
ciao x

Sunday, November 25, 2007

What a difference a day makes...24 little hours...

...as Dinah Washington used to sing to me...and yes it does make a difference, one day i'm leading a hum drum life and today I am a choreographers dream, a dance superstar...well i would be if i hadn't of twisted my foot trying to master the 'camel walk' and the 'slurp'...what the fuck am i on about?...well lisa and i watched 'Hairspray' for the umpteenth time but now with added lyrics so you can sing along with tracy turnblad and company (which we did quite loudly) and then i thought i would watch all the 4 hours of dvd extras today..I started the included dance lessons quite well and was happy with my 'mashed potato' and 'watusi' but when we had to put them all together I sort of got confused into and ended up in what looked like someone playing a solo game of 'twister', i got off the floor okay but now have a little limp...but i don't mind because if people ask i can tell them it was damaged when i was a dancer in 'Hairspray' :)

Top Tune



Ahhh...gawd bless cancerous Kylie...she's always the belle of the ball to me...thank you Jake (from the scissor sisters) for writing this with our Princess...should be a monster. Can't wait for tonight as they are showing the whole of the Kylie film 'White Diamond' on Channel 4 (uk) from 8pm to 10.15pm...woo hoo... (note to lisa , please take this one off the xmas list that i gave to santa!)

Big shout outs to the guys on Out.com who have been keeping me amused on the forums while Mikey boy is still hot and sweaty in Arizona...only a few more days of celibacy left ;)

Top Film



Now this should appeal to the latent Princess in us all...I have a copy of this but have not watched it yet but it looks like a great bit of escapism...we shall ALL go to the ball :)

I had better get back to my dead friends now...i hear them calling...

Happy days ...ciao x

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Mother teresa was allegedly a crack whore...

ahem!...I wish to make an announcement...I solemnly swear that the following is absolutely true....our (xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) have a couple of very intersting sexual fetishes...I will not go into detail for fear of getting sent to the tower (or faced with a cease and desist order!), generally they consist of threesomes (two boys and 1 girl), one (xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)likes a hard spanking while he does the business and most bizarrely one or two of them may or may not have allegedly jerked each other off in front of a couple of friends of dorothy party guests (as told from within the royal household). I don't think i have printed anything libellous but i am sure i will soon be told!...good for you (xxxxxx), growing up in an experimental kind of way...it'll be down to Heaven to get fisted in the dark room soon! (censored by me!)

Top Tune



well the dust has settled on my new kitchen (and been wiped off and then resettled and wiped off etc etc) and it's going to be bloody lovely...just waiting on the decorator and plasterer and floor tiler now...phew, almost there :)

I hope you are all wildly buying christmas presents for each other...i don't want much, NO really, just what you can afford but if it's under a fiver it goes straight on ebay okay...the person who bribes me with the nicest present gets a whole year of mentioning on the blog, every posting will include a snippet of their daily life...how exciting is that! anyway, just leave me a message as to what you are getting me and i will judge wether it's (drum roll) "Tasty or Tat"

Top Film



I received my copy of the 'shimmy and shake' edition dvd today and its oh so cool babies. sing along with all the song lyrics, learn the dance moves...it rocks! (available as a 2 disc set from www.play.com )

more tomorrow :)

Ciao x

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving you Turkeys!

Happy days to all our American friends today...hope you get stuffed on pumpkin pie, sweet potatoes with butter and cream, pecans and anything else that is overloaded with cholesterol!

Football....hmmmm...grrrr....I will post exactly what i texted to Lisa this morning..."sorry to hear that England had to play the disabled team at last nights game. We might have actually won if there was an able bodied one amongst them!"...that about sums it up really...the manager has been booted...the fans have been pissed off, but it's what we expect in this country...lets face it guys, we are crap at anything competetive...okay maybe we stand a chance at the 'person who can eat most otters in one minute" comp, but nada apart from that. I declare English sport 'dead'

Top Tune



we've got tickets!, we've got tickets!...me and lisa toddle off to the apollo hammersmith in February...hope he has some cool guests ;)

following on from my refurbishment story the other day the electricians came back and I popped up at the time that is known as 'lunch' and nearly sobbed as i saw my apartment strewn with cables, dust, dirt and my £2000 tv and sound system sitting in the middle of it all....how i remained calm i will never know, but i did and at the end of the day i went back up to the flat and it 'nearly' looked as if nobody had been in there...except for this fine film of white dust. Well, the electricians have gone now and my kitchen units get erected tomorrow, all doors will be shut firmly so as not to attract any stray debris apart from the kitchen...lets see what happens!...

Well what about this fucker whose been burying people in backyards then...what a fucker! I came across a crime scene once and tried to report to the police that a man in black had killed hundreds of people and had buried them in a big field by an unused building...it was the talk of the village when hundreds of armed responses stormed his hideout...the vicar of the local church and cemetary was not amused...

top film



out now on dvd and very tremendous it is too...not at all what i expected!

ciao x

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

How Fabulous is this?

whizzy bits!

Being about one step behind your average blogger I have only just noticed the new blog page elements that you can add...so....first of all we have a survey to your right, please join in...also if it works there is a flickr slideshow at the bottom of the page...very soothing and enjoyable.

gay chat, online dating and social events

The link above is active...there will be a little competition, the person who gets the most people to sign up to the website in a week will win a nice prize (to be decided), go and have some friendly banter, it's NOT a dating site but dates can and do happen, if you are out for sex and sleaziness please go to Gaydar!

what have i been doing since last wednesday I hear you cry...well I have been stressing over builders! They started work on my new kitchen yesterday and the first day went well, they stripped all the old units out, ripped off all the wallpaper (and half the plaster) and I went back at the end of the day and all was well..today, now thats a slightly different matter...the electricians moved in to completely rewire the whole apartment, there is trunking everywhere, there are holes in the walls and ceilings..all of which will be 'patched up by the decorator' (i hope he has some magic fucking plaster)...I went back home this evening and it looks like R2D2's innards strewn all over the place...they put their boots all over my bedding, all over my kitchen stuff without a care in the world...and to top it off one of them had a shit in my bathroom! god help me, they are back tomorrow...all i wanted was a nice new kitchen ;(

Great film alert...American Gangster...Ridley Scott's latest epic thrasing in at around 2hrs 45 mins...Russell Crowe is excellent, Denzel Washington is sublime. A bit gruesome in places but not unnecessarily so. Watch and revel in the late 60's / early 70's atmosphere. (warning: does contain racist language pertinent to the era)



Aw, my partner Mike has flown all the way to Arizona to see his brother and left me in the cold cold english winter. I do miss him but i did fly off to Egypt without him for two weeks, so alls fair!...for those people asking, Lisa and 3Steel are very well and may well get coerced into writing a bit now and then if they wish to...perhaps we could have a poll on it!

More on Thursday...take care of yourselves...

ciao x

I WiLl sOON HAve mY DaY...I aM cOmiNG...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Pixies stole my toothbrush and used it to clean an elephants bottom...

hellooee

how the devil are you...thanks for turning up to read...

1. http://www.wedigtv.com/
why am i promoting this you ask..because its gonna get you hooked like a pure dose of smack, it's going to overtake your finger control on the keyboards, it's going to take over your life...well, am i being a bit dramatic, yes...but it is a rather good tv game show website using the latest tv2 technology...you are the star of such programmes as 'deal or no deal' ' the price is right' 'family fortunes' etc etc...all with your favourite tv hosts...a great way to spend hours. I love the site and I wanted to rave about it a bit more but as the site is in beta form they still have a few problems to sort out such as lagging and freezing (PLEASE SEE ADDENDUM BELOW), which is most annoying when you have got to a banker offer of 125000 and can't take it any further...it's bloody good though and hopefully will only improve with age.

ADDENDUM,after a week of emailing to and fro to the lovely man Jack at wedigtv they finally have seemed to sort the server out and everything is pretty much perfect. The only problem is I am wasting too much time on the site and I have now got a cupboard full of Vanish carpet cleaner and have booked five trips to Disneyland ,you will see what I mean when you play the games on www.wedigtv.com...go play!

2. why are people in the medical and healthcare industry all so fucking moody. They treat people like shit, moan about pay (excuse me, but who chose to go into that career path when you knew what the wages were) and now some carers are threatening to go on strike because they don't like going around at night by themselves. Fucking namby pamby society, we ALL want money for doing nothing but lets face it it doesn't happen very often. I know where carers are coming from (i've been there cleaning peoples shit and wouldn't do it again) but to threaten to withdraw help from an old and frail person just to get your own way is monstrous, vindictive and a downright uncaring attitude...not something someone would expect from a carer. Social Services aren't really bothered though as there are many many immigrants from all over the world just waiting to step into the renegade carers footsteps. Unfortunately the majority of professional carers these days would have found it difficult to find another job elsewhere due to their lack of intelligence. Doesn't this story just underline that fact!

3. that reminds me...have i told you about the time a chap i was caring for passed a constipated bowling ball and it rolled off into the hallway with me chasing after it...thought not!

4. top tune



An oldie but goodie...allison and will have a new album coming soon :)

5. MOBY has announced his new album release for February called 'Last Night'..it promises to deliver more in the way of dance and techno beats than the last three albums. Can't wait :) Please let their be a tour to promote it.

more more more....encore encore......not now i'm too tired... ciao x

I Am A StAlkER...MY NaMe iS NOt ImPOrtANT AT ThiS tIME...I WiLl USe PIDDyS PLace aS MY New HOMe...I LIKe to wATch...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The thief of my heart....

My heart was stolen once again by the beautiful and lovely Sinead o'connor at the Royal Festival Hall in London...an amazing set, her voice was more thrilling and perfect than ever. She wooed me with songs old and new and by the end of the evening I was smitten once more....its nice to rekindle old flames now and again :)

also a big shout out for Damien Dempsey who did a blinding support slot...check out his albums and myspace page ;)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Endless endless endless...

And so the war mongering cycle goes on and on with Prince William being allowed to lay his first wreath at the cenotaph..people do not need to see a member of royalty pretend grieving on their behalf. People have their own way of dealing with grief and remembrance, to turn it into an episode of pomp and majesty is completely wrong and i really thought that the young royalty might have made a difference, obviously not, obviously they are as stupid as their parents and grandparents...will it never end?

to the person that wrote to me privately about 'coming out' I write a public reply..."thanks for your mail, I won't bullshit, it's probably the hardest thing you will ever do and it takes a very brave person to confront the need to tell people, especially close loved ones. I unfortunately didn't get the chance as my sister outed me to my parents just before I had the chance too, it backfired on her though as my Mum and Dad have been really supportive and I would say we have grown even closer in later years. I was a late outer and in fact was ready to marry a girl quite a few years ago (shock horror!) In the end I just had to face the facts and not ruin someones life by living a lie. I really hope that you have close friends that can support you if it's rough with your family, I know I wouldn't be without mine. I don't really know what else to say, each persons experience of 'coming out' seems to be completely different, but i will say one thing and that is that i thank you from the bottom of my heart for contacting me about the issue. I really was moved and I hope you can visit the blog in time and laugh a bit more when everything settles down for you. I hope you don't mind me replying through the blog but other people may be asking themselves the same question. Do it, it makes all the difference and if i had the chance all over again I would have certainly become a public fairy a lot sooner ;) x "

The kylie show.....oh god wasn't she just fabulousness on a stick...looking a litle older but damn sexy...and i loved the hommage to the 'Agent Provocateur' advert with the bucking bronco...sheer majesty.

ciao x

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sigur Ros - Heima

Have just taken delivery of the sumptious book and double dvd box set of 'Heima' (home in icelandic). If you have never heard of Sigur Ros you still need to see this movie. It is out and out one of the best 'concert' movies I have ever seen..the premise behind it was that Sigur Ros finished their world tour and then played small little villages in Iceland for free.

The cinematography is just equisite, with amazing landscape after amazing landscape set to a soundtrack that is desolate and very very beautiful. The guys in the band throw in little interview snippets as the film goes on and you can tell how moved they were. It seemed to be a very cathartic experience for them and it shows in their amazing and uplifting musicianship.The film itself is 1hr 40 mins with 260 minutes of extra performance footage thrown in for good measure. It's a shame that it hasn't had a cinema release, it deserves to be seen on the biggest screen you can find. I really beg you to see it, even if you feel the musics a little strange, I am sure you will walk out of the viewing feeling much better about the world!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Piddys problem page...

"Dear Auntie piddy,

I find quite low ball bags quite attractive in a man and wondered if there was any exercises that I could do to improve my own shape so to speak?"


Dear ball bag fan....there is quite a simple stretching exercise that you can do. First step is to get yourself nice and warm, a bath would be a good example. Jump out of the bath and grab your scrotum at its lowest point in between the forefingers and thumbs of both hands. Now bring your sack out and up over your little person bringing it as near to your belly button as you can . Now hold for 10 seconds or more. Repeat this for about ten times a day and you shoulkd have a knee knocking ball bag in next to no time. Enjoy your scrotum

"Dear Auntie Piddy,

My mother once told me that you should not use a cat as a loofah, she told me that hamster fur was better for collecting residue fecal matter...is she having me on?"

Dear cruel bastard....if you even think of putting any animals near any fecal matter I will stretch your scrotum so hard (see exercises above) that you will scream like a girl and walk round saying 'you put the lotion on the body' in a weird creepy voice for the rest of your life.

"Dear Auntie piddy,

Is there a way to make someone in a coma really happy?"

Dear carer...yes, just switch the fucking machine off...how would you like it if you had to spend your days with tubes up your nose, down your throat, up your old man and out of your anus. How do you think it would feel to rely on fluid substitutes as food, perhaps being sub conciously aware of some fool singing your favourite song over and fucking over again just in case you decided to pull through. do you think it would make them happy?, I assure you that they would be fucking delerious.

Thats all that we have time for on the letters right now, more from auntie soon...

What about the venting I hear you cry, well I have calmed down a bit now except for the frat boys...it's an American thing that seems to be creeping into our colleges over here, but why?. . . do we really have to act like those jerk offs that show their dicks off at every opportunity to every one that will look...fuck me, it's no wonder george bush is in power if this is what america breeds...I can just see it now, President of the United States in 2054 is Bradley (9 incher) Mogwai, a 22 year old surfer dude from Santa Rosa whose party trick is to jerk off into unsuspecting friends drinks and watch them down his salty seed. He likes to party and believes that the world IS America. He has never been out of the country and looks forward to his yearly dwarf throwing tournaments with the other 465 states. This IS America , the ship of fools...Jackass

ciao x


Tuesday, November 06, 2007

ich bin ein berliner...

As john f kennedy once said to marilyn monroe "fuck me , is that your bush or are you wearing a small coat".

I'm still here...do not panic my petals...i have had a busy few days and will post a proper blog on thursday evening, and boy am i in the mood for venting!

topics may include...
1)Frat boys and the fraternal spirit.
2)how bad a companies management can actually be and still get away with keeping their jobs
3)the dramatic rise and fall and rise and fall and fall and once more fall again of the lovely amy winehouse.
4)Dogs - fuck buddies or pets?
5)The problems caused by going into an std clinic and saying "my dog has crabs"
6) New music, film and artsy fartsy painting installations

looking forward to seeing you here...tune in or drop out (but please don't drop out, really, I have a pepsi max addiction to feed)...i love you all...ciao x

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Be afraid....be very afraid!

Lip Synching at it's best...watch it all!


Umbrella - Rihanna (lip dub in High Definition) from TP CMM on Vimeo.


lip synching at it's best and all done in one take...absolutley amazing!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween spookiness!

Bugger me, it's halloween and here I am sat working in an undertakers...i've already had flickering lights that never ever flicker and a couple of temperature drops...I feel like i'm on a vigil with fucking yvette fielding and the 'Most Haunted' crew. It's a bit disconcerting but "I ai'nt afraid of no ghosts" as Ray Parker Jnr once said...bring it on!

1. Diets Ahoy!....
First of all for those that know me you will know that i am a big fat motherfucker and so I have decided to yet again do something about it. I have joined 'Slimbuddy.com' and so far results are good...I have been following their plan since last Friday and have lost 12lbs in weight. Now I know you lose more in the first week but even so it's pretty good going. I am being helped along by some wonderful Hoozier tablets (plant which is like a cactus but has amazing fat burning properties, without the shitting through the eye of a needle thing that goes on with normal fat burning tablets). If the truth was known you could see that i am just starting to make room for the xmas food and drink that I will devour, well you have to don't you!

2.Remote viewing...
Fascinating subject, just been reading about people who can explore rooms and houses by just sitting in a chair and visualising. Wouldn't that be great, you'd be able to listen in to your friends conversations until they got to the point where they say "and that wanker Neil, what a big fat motherfucker he is" and then that wouldn't be so nice. It could have it's plus points though, I could become a big fat James Bond type who wears a mumu instead of a tux, drives a mobility scooter for easy access and drinks Macdonads chocolate shakes instead of Martinis...very classy.

2a) Top Tune..




3. The good the bad and the pikey...

a)the good...Mother teresa for her work with the poor and the sick, Lt Colombo for all the crimes he solved in a raincoat. Dame Julie Andrews for incresing the tourist trade to Austria and for the fashion of dressing children up in curtains. . Dame Edna Everage for showing our royalty how a real queen should behave. Ian wright for showing people that you really can be thick AND famous. Dame Shirley Bassey for proving that not all pub singers are bad.

b) The Bad...
pooh, Christopher Robin and Roo who should really get off Eeyores case. Bob Dylan for thinking he could sing for the last hundred years. People who make films about ladies who have a terminal illness when there are children and small mammals involved. Petrol pump attendants who dribble and expect you to pay for it. George Bush for still being alive when he has 'died' in front of cameras so many times. the people who print 'small children can choke on peanuts' on packets of food.

c) the pikey...

David and Victoria,The Queen (too much bling), the pope, Pete Docherty, Tranny and Susannah.

In a perfect world I could go on for hours...ciao x

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Monday, October 29, 2007

Spurs that jingle jangle and a willy like a small childs arm...

...and it's a very good evening from me, your host...

1. Saudiism.....

As we speak the Queen is pandering to every need of the Saudi Arabian royal family...what the fuck!...it is them that should be pandering to us for buying huge amounts of oil at incredibly inflated prices, making the Saudi Royal family the richest uberpikies in the whole world. Of course the Queen lives in a world of her own and has no idea of the hardships her people go through on a day to day basis. "what, does one have to BUY petrol?" she asks her aide and you see the titters and tiaras roll around when she finds out the truth. Fuck her and her family, the whole place would be better under a presidency as I have said many times before...if anyone can make me angry it's her and her inbred half wits...oh, and the pope because he's a cunt.

2. Saw 4....eeek it's here...watching it tonight so will post a report in the next issue.

3. something to keep you amused....

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/action/knd/hamsters/


it's just brilliant!

4. Sex talk....

What's 'fisting' all about then...I for one could not imagine anything worse than putting my hand inside somebody's rectum and using them like a glove puppet...if i wanted to do that i would have become a rural vet.

'Piss play'...why?...why would you want to roll around in something that somebody has excreted through their kidneys as by-products that their body doesn't want. If i had wanted to do that I would have got off my tits and gone into the darkroom at some god awful Ibizan club.

'Swallowing'...why all the turned up faces and squealing...its only like sucking an egg out of it's shell with added sweet and sour flavouring.

5. Ticket Prices ....(an old theme revisited)

"Hairspray" is now on sale at £60, I remember when Ellnet was £1.39 for a huge can and i thought that was expensive...seriously though, every time a new show opens in the West End the price goes up...60 pounds! For 60 pounds I would expect 4 of the 5 westlife boys singing their greatest hits, a full facial from them and have change for a packet of moist towelettes from Superdrug....60 pounds my arse...although the soundtrack is fine it ain't worth the money.

My intentions are very good, but my alter ego is very very bad...more goat soon...ciao x

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tantrums and Tiramisu


Gosh...3 blog entries in 6 days...how regimented am i being ;)

1. 30 Days of Night....
Watched this yesterday and boy oh boy its good...josh hartnett is extremely good with his little puppy eyes...it's fucking scary and gruesome, just like something out of a clive barker nightmare with vampires that have big teeth and go snackity snack on the local population...watch with your throat covered up :)

2.A New Rose....
Lets talk about Gordon Brown for a minute...let me get this straight, i do see myself as a socialist but not on the same track that the current Labour Party want to lead us down...lets face it, Gordon Brown is a shit...he is the worse possible choice for leader, his speeches are boring and he won't commit to any 'proper' policies that would do the country any good...hell,lets face it he won't even commit to the people of this country that he is meant to be looking after. If we had had an election for leader of the Party, he would not be it, plain and simple...Gordon knows this, hence his backing down from announcing a General Election recently.He is scared of David Cameron, an excellent Orator and charismatic figure...so what do we do, do we really let hime ride out his 2 years? By then he will have been ousted or unelectable...c'mon Labour Party followers, lets get vocal and get someone who can deliver something to this country once and for all.

3.The Goat and the Ambush Tree (part the third)...

Thwap!....Emery looked astonished as stood before her was a Manatee flapping it's huge sloppy tail onto the dust ground beneath it..."What the fuck?" said Emery (please not that 'fuck' will be changed to 'heck' in the childrens illustrated edition).."Manatees are meant to live in water, where did you come from?"...The manatee looked puzzled for a minute and then quietly asked Emery "have you not read the bible?"
"What's that got to do with anything" muttered Emery, now looking a little scared and apprehensive.
"It tells you where I appeared from" it replied...."I have one here, I'll show you", and with that the Manatee flipped up it's tail and magically threw a bible onto the ground before Emery. It had underlined a specific passage. "Excuse the spelling mistake" the Manatee begged and so Emery read. Emery got to the bit where it says 'and people will expect Manner from Heaven'..."thats it" cried the Manatee excitedly, "it's really meant to say 'Manatees from Heaven' but they were a little shy about correcting spelling mistakes in those days".
Emery was now very puzzled indeed, she looked inquisitively at the Manatee and asked "but why?".
The Manatee asked Emery to take rest on her haunches and began to explain it's purpose as quickly as possible...(to be continued)


One singular sensation after another....roll on.....ciao x

Friday, October 26, 2007










Thursday, October 25, 2007

ooo ee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep...

1. top tunes...

band of horses



the wombats



2. Random flashes of energy...

why is a beaver called a beaver? is there a verb that i have not heard of 'to beave'? if thats the case, what is beaveing as it sounds like it might be quite fun!

Britney Spears is a cunt...it's official, really. smack headed, bald fannied, harlot starlet that thrives on bad publicity. She keeps asking for help so for gods sake somebody do it and put her out of her misery...saying that the new album is fairly listenable...therefore...full cunt status is removed and she now has the title of 'official cunt in waiting'

the pope is still a cunt....see previous blogs

In a cinema, why is there always one tiny piece of the screen that glistens bright white all through the film and really pisses you off.

I really hate walking on sticky carpets.

3.Did you know....fun fact for the day

in porn land sometimes when stars can't produce ejaculate, they mix up a batch of white cotton wool balls with nail varnish remover...apart from the smell it's quite convincing....there you go boys, if you feel tired pre fill a johnny with the mixture but whatever you do don't use it!...have your wicked way with your partner, pretend to cum, roll over, flick off the empty genuine condom and quickly pick up the pre filled one which you have secreted somewhere and hey presto...a satisfied and unaware partner with no effort on your part :)

4.The goat and the Ambush tree (part 2)

'Yes', Emery thought, 'This is indeed a strange and peculiar day'...She heard a voice resounding louder at terrifying speed coming towards her.thwap!...to be continued.

I'll be back before ye know it....ciao

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Confessions of an undertakers assistant...

yip yip coyote....howdy all!

1.Whats been happening?....well the truth is i got too lazy too write! I know, how sad is that! Every proper gay guy should be ready to share all his salacious gossip at the drop of a Jimmy Choo. I'm back though and will catch up with you all on a more regular basis....first of all I have a guy in my life who is still 'the one' and i really don't expect that to change anytime soon. His name's Mike (for those of you who haven't met him) and he really is heaven and earth to me. we are very opposite but neatly entwined and it works really well because we can learn from each other and teach each other different aspects of lives rich tapestry :) He's funny, witty, charming and I really can't wait until we get our lives together and 'together', if you see what i mean!

2. The Goat and the Ambush tree.

Once upon a time, in a land that was barren and dry, there lived a goat...we shall call her Emery. Emery was 3 years old and had lived the life of a goat as only special goats do...she woke up in the morning, udders pulled and milk drained she trotted up to the highest point of the land and began her daily song...the song was a rather raucous affair and all the other goats frowned at her accordingly. For us humans it was like putting whitney houston and barbra streisand in the same room together to see who could sing the loudest, understand? Emerys song went on for about 10 minutes until Kelvin (the little boy goat from downland) kicked a stone at her which shut her up. She scowled and went on her business of munching at all the bushes and berries that she could find...these were daily events for Emery until one peculiar and rather unsettling day, something changed... (to be continued)

3. Fuck me I've really missed talking about films...I have watched so many since we talked last that i don't know where to begin...so i won't! I will start afresh with new releases as from today. The first one that i watched last night was "License to Wed"...it was a monday night so i needed something fluffy to watch, and fluffy it is indeed....it's a rather nice comedy starring Robin Williams and Mandy Moore. Yes Robin Williams pulls the old faces and mannerisms but the part of Father Jack really suits him and it turns out to be his best work in a long time. Mandy Moore brings style to the proceedings of this feel good film that is just right for a girls night in. The story isn't very taxing, Father Jack sets the couple a test before he will marry them to prove that they really do love each other, but the jokes are thick and fast and the supporting cast bring a whole lot of fun to the frothily light storyline. Its a 7/10 from Piddys Place.

4. Alison Moyet is a goddess...just check out the new album which has just been released called 'The Turn'...its so so wonderful...which is more than I can say for the feminist bleatings of Annie Lennox on her latest release...I really wanted to like it but the girl power thing just got a bit too much for me by the end of the album, it's pleasant enough but don't expect the genius that was 'Diva'

5. Russell Brand in 'Ponderland' ...Channel 4....genius :)

If you feel you would like to complain about the content or the style of writing please don't bother, as I'm really not interested what you fucking think or do with the stuff that i write...even if you print it off and use it as toilet paper, at least i have made one arsehole happy....ciao x

Monday, August 13, 2007

Summer....

just to let you all know that I'm still here and happily in love :)
will be around more as the weather turns bad...you know what it's like, I don't want to waste precious sunshine hours inside typing away!

Have lots to tell you about but little time at the moment...so bear with me and stay tuned to Piddys Place as more will appear shortly...meanwhile if you like come over and join me at Facebook (http://www.facebook.com)
if the link doesn't work just search on Neil Piddock and you will find me...such dumb fun!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

apologies

...I have been sooooooooooooooo busy with my little self...now I'm partnered up, life is a bed of fuschias (not a big fan of roses!)...also been doing some extra shifts with the dead people so I have not really had five minutes to myself over the last couple of weeks...

The big news is we won the lottery at work with our syndicate...how much did we win... £137,000 pounds ..woo hoo! 26 of us in the syndicate so it was a very nice £ 5300 each approx...new telly, holiday, etc etc on the way!

managed to catch two really good films between shifts... I smell an Oscar nomination for "Reign Over Me", Adama sandler as you have never seen him before playing the part of a guy who can't face up to the fact that he lost his family during 9/11...an absolutely stunning and moving film with such good acting from Sandler and Don Cheadle...well worth a trip to the flix...

...secondly a film called "1408" based on a Stephen King story, very very good acting from John Cusack who nearly has the whole 105 minutes of film time to himself on screen. Good effects, storyline..a good ghost story without the gore :) go watch!

If I haven't mentioned him I have started seeing a great guy who ticks all the right buttons and it seems to be working out fine...M has a fantastic personality and I hope he is around for a long time..I need him in my life right now...aaahhh!

Onward dear friends......

Monday, June 18, 2007

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Cool The World

hi all...I have designed a logo t-shirt for the Stop Climate Chaos day and have a shop for you to visit...I make about 5 pounds profit on each t shirt so that money will be going to the Stop Climate Chaos fund...hope you can help and I hope you like the design.

http://www.shirtcity.com/myshirtshop/merchandising/482820/t-shirtshop.html

Saturday, June 16, 2007

whoops!

yes...i know it's been a while but when I get five minutes to myself i will write a bit more :)

meanwhile here's an awesome video for you to watch

the track is 'Allies' off the new Blue States album available in August xx

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Another new home...

For those of you that want to try something new...it's a great site which you can do a lot more on audio visually...yso you can either follow the blog here or there...enjoy!

http://piddy77.multiply.com/

Sunday, May 20, 2007

vittles....

Hi all...hope everyone is enjoying lovely weather...lots happening round here, prince ticket frenzy, live earth ticket frenzy, music festivals have started (even though I am now an armchair festival goer and rely on the digital red button for my festival fun)

On another forum that I belong too someone asked what your favourite youtube clip was, it took me a while but I came up with this one which is the crazy christian US wife swap aftermath...you have to watch it in full, it's simply amazing lol



Just listening to lots of good stuff at the moment..Tangerine Dream 'spring in Nagasaki', a beautiful piece composed privately for a japanese businessman...well worth a listen...also an amazing mix by Fred deakin called 'the triptych', a 3 cd set that mixes drum and bass up with siouxsie and the banshees via disco and rock gods!...it has to be heard to be believed...

More coming soon...off to enjoy the weather on the roof with my instant barbecue box :)

Friday, May 11, 2007


Going To A Town lyrics

Go raw!

Feature Article
How To Select The Best Raw Foods


When we first start changing our shopping habits, depending on our background, it can take quite a while to become proficient in knowing how to select ripe and optimally fresh and live raw produce.

With this in mind, this week's article is about how to fast-track your raw food shopping skills to pick the best no matter where you are. Knowing how to do this can save lots of time, money and disappointment, because you'll feel confident that every choice you make will be the right one!

How To Select The Best Fresh Produce

SIGHT - Generally we can tell just by looking at a food if it is good or not, but things like chemicals we cannot see with our bare eyes. What we can see though, is:

Colour - As a general rule of thumb, the brighter and/or deeper the colour the more nutrient-dense and ripe that food is.
Size - Bigger doesn't always mean better, but with tropical fruits it often does (- but these are generally only found in their native countries.) Small tomatoes often taste better than the big ones, much sweeter and tastier, berries too, but if a fruit is unnaturally small for its kind then that may mean it's inferior or on its way out. So this is a case-by-case scenario - you'll learn more about this as you go along, although much will be common sense.
Shape - Truly good organic food is often irregular in shape but these foods often don't make the shelves for this reason. They are not "perfect" looking enough and so therefore don't make the grade. Visit any good organic farm shop and you'll see lumps and bumps and other irregularities, but my goodness you'll know that looks don't matter when you taste them and feel how much more real they are in every sense of the word!
Life! - Sometimes you can just see that produce is looking healthier or more alive than others. Think limp lettuce versus perky pepper!
Other visual signs - Food does actually speak to us via its own language. Yes really! Think about it for a moment... Bananas go speckled when ripe. Bell peppers go from green, to yellow, to orange to red as they ripen to perfection. Melons round out a little more, and when perfectly ripe look as if they might burst open - durian too. Conversely look out for the less-positive signs, such as those of unripeness (green-ness) and mould or decay (white or brown). None of these you want. You want robust, sparkling, "come and get me" kinds of foods that will impart some of what they've got to you!
SMELL - Fresh fruits should smell, but many don't. A lot of this is down to the air miles they have travelled, being picked while unripe and being kept in storage too long and at too cool temperatures. So try to select fruits that do have a good natural scent wherever possible. This is most likely to be possible with some good quality mangoes, tomatoes, red bell peppers, some pineapples, some melons and bananas. This list is by no means the definitive guide, but it is my experience here in the UK. Of course local and seasonal is going to be best.


TOUCH - What the eyes can't see and the nose cannot smell, the fingers can feel. And picking up and squeezing your food is also hugely important. This is especially true with fruits which generally speaking need to "melt" a little when you squeeze them - that is to "give" a bit with gentle pressure but not stay dented! Good examples are avocados, mangoes and oranges.

SOUND - Yes we can use our hearing to detect good food! That doesn't mean to wait for your apples to sing or your sweetcorn to sigh, but in the case of melons - the perfect example - if you tap your potential purchase with your fist while holding it to your ear you are listening out for a dull thud. If it sounds weak or tinny, it's not yet ripe - put it back and try again!

And finally - TASTE. Well that's the ultimate test but not always practical in a shop setting which is why you have to learn how to rely on your other three or four senses. But if you CAN get to taste the foods before you buy, then of course, go right ahead and use your finest sense of all to make your buying decisions for you.

So that's how to select the best fresh produce, but what about all the other raw foods like nuts, seeds, olives, dried herbs and spices, oils and all the raw foods that come in a bottle, packet or jar?

How To Select The Best Dried / Pre-Packaged Produce

Organic and fresh always need to remain your priority however your raw foods show up, but there's a lot about food that we don't have a clue about until we start investigating and what I have discovered along the way is this:

Nuts. The best way to buy nuts is in their shells, but when this isn't possible then buy de-shelled nuts that are as whole, unchipped and unmarked as possible. And when you've bought them they should ideally be kept in the fridge, as their oils can go rancid, especially when out of the shell. Yes, it's true, some "raw" nuts are heat treated, Brazils and cashews being the most likely suspects, but personally I do not let this become too much of an issue. Having seen some people become what others might regard as a little too neurotic about whether their "raw" nuts are truly raw, I think it far better to eat these foods even if they're lightly heat treated than not to eat them at all.

Seeds. These tend to be a lot hardier, and less prone to rancidity than nuts, so just going for organic, generally speaking should take care of making a good choice.

Olives. Perhaps surprisingly most olives are not raw. They are often pasteurised during the bottling process and usually highly treated to make them palatable (natural olives are very bitter), are bottled in brine (salt water) and often with a preservative mixed in. If you've tasted truly raw olives you'll know that there really is no comparison, and if you haven't then you're in for a treat. NB: To my knowledge truly raw olives are only available by mail order in the UK, but the brand "Olives et Al" are the best of the rest available in shops UK-wide with minimal processing and are great tasting too.

Dried herbs and spices. These are subjected to heat in order to dry them out, however, you will use so little of them in your "un-cooking" that in my opinion it's really not worth getting too excited about that fact! Start by opting simply for organic and when you have more time see what different quality of dried herbs and spices are out there...

Sea vegetables. These are sometimes heated sometimes not. Not very helpful! - so you may have to read the packet carefully or ask the vendor or manufacturer. In the case of nori sheets, one of my personal favourites, you need to go for purple/black sheets rather than green (the opposite way to what you might think). The green is toasted and doesn't taste as good either.

Oils. Most oils are heat treated to some degree, yes, even the ones that say "cold pressed" can be subjected to heat. It's all to do with the amount of heat generated during the processing - the temperatures can get quite high and so the oil ends up being quite a different product than it would have been if the extraction method was a lot more gentle. There are oils on the market that are produced with minimal heat, and yes, again, you will most definitely taste the difference, but these are a lot more expensive and can be harder to get hold of, so to start with just go for virgin, cold-pressed organic oils and this will be a huge step in the right direction.

So that's the pre-packed stuff. Anything not mentioned here is relatively problem-free to find, and if you use the "raw and organic" rule as your main criteria for selection then, generally speaking, you can't go too far wrong.


© 2007 Karen Knowler

Karen Knowler, The Raw Food Coach publishes "Successfully Raw" - a free weekly eZine for raw food lovers everywhere. If you're ready to look good, feel great and create a raw life you love get your FREE tips, tools and recipes now at www.TheRawFoodCoach.com.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Polyphonic Spree


Go To

http://www.tvtrecords.com/artists/thepolyphonicspree/mashup/

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Tony, tony, tony...



just brilliant!

thanks to matt for the link :)

Monday, May 07, 2007

Prince is coming!, Prince is coming!


ओह थे जोय, थे एक्ष्कितेमेन्त्...प्रिन्स इस फिनाल्ल्य किंग बैक तो लोंदों

Yes you saw right...Prince is playing the O2 arena in greenwich for 14 dates (i Believe) from the 1st August to the 14th August which means he will play for me on my birthday...no idea how much tickets are yet but i bet they are a lot considering he has been charging 312 dollars to see him in las vegas!...I am sure it won't be as expensive as the glorious barbra streisand at 600 pounds a ticket (yes you read that right!) but i gave her a miss this time!

More news?...nothing else today as nothing else matters...Prince is coming !

Monday, April 23, 2007

Release the Stars....


Hello children...today Auntie Jemima is going to tell you how to make a real life space rocket that will fly as far as Charles Atlas will make you strong, out of 20 rothmans, two used johnnies and a pair of those rubber chicken fillets that your mum uses to push her saggy northern tits up with...shall we begin?

howdy all...hope you are okay...after my little sojourn with extended family in the lake district I'm back and I'm now a mean green motherfucker from hell...well not quite but I am getting back into the swing of my raw and live diet...slowly...which went right off the rails when confronted with the pie shop in Morrissons on holiday. Real scotch pies and peppered steak pasties...stop it...stop it right now...back to raw food!

I managed to bag two tickets to the Live Earth gig happening at wembley stadium on the 7th July, one of the tickets is currently doing well in Auction and am now looking forward to that....went to see Within Temptation, loved the gig but Lisa didn't like the Astoria and sounded like our mum all evening ;)...it was a seedy dark dive which was overpacked and sweaty...just the right atmosphere!

Have seen some great films recently, 'Sunshine' directed by Danny Boyle is magnificent and very moving, 'The Curse of the Golden Flower' from China is probably one of the best films I will ever see...it's unwritable how awesome the film is...go see :)

I have been toying with some new writing ideas, one is a kiddies book about an epileptic sheepdog and the other idea is based on a screenplay treatment that I came up with a few years back which deals with a poor polish girl in her quest for western oral hygiene...the tentative name of the book is 'A toothbrush for Anna' which also happened to be the name of the near film. It's funny how ideas come back to bite you when you are not looking...so keep up with the blog and you will see some extracts shortly...'Anna' starts ..."Annas mothered stared at the pigs feet that she had been stirring in the pot for three days, the taste of her motherly sweat entwined with sweet taste of pork would bear magnificence when placed on the paupers table at Anna's birthday banquet..." and so on ...

Sorry about the erratic life of the blog but as I explained before I don't want to give myself deadlines even though I know there are people desperate for a piece of my action!

I need a boyfriend, partner, lover, squeeze...whatever you want to call it, but i need a person with a cock right now...I'm special and I deserve to be in love...somebody help me out for fucks sake!

Just before I go for today...the new Rufus Wainwright album is out...YAY!...it's time for another use of the word magnificent, as it is just that...executive produced (very filmic) by Neil Tennant (Pet Shop Boy), the album takes you into Rufus World and tangles you around his tongue until he spits out the last words of the final song and you with it...phew.

By the way, the pic at the top was taken by my bestest friend :)

somebody pass me some sugar puffs.............................

Monday, March 26, 2007

Outside Smallholding - A tribute to David Lynch!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Raw and Live!

The heading?...no not me, my food. I have started my adventures in raw and live food and it's a fascinating journey through the propogation of sprouts to the wonders of what happens when you food process walnuts, carob powder and dates together to create a non dairy and non wheat chocolate cake. . . oh i do like my food experimenting...just waiting for the delivery of my dehydrator on Tuesday and watch me fly!


I've now officially forgotten what sex is...thats it, I'm on the shelf, unwanted and unloved like the shop soiled kettle with the damaged box...reduced to a good offer and still nobody wants it...who am I going to ply my damaged goods to now!...I need a vegetarian geeky looking person who makes me laugh...thats all i ask in life, I'm a lot less fussy these days :) ...someone like Henry from accounts off 'Ugly Betty', if you look like that please contact me as soon as possible.


There have been so many films out recently but I do have 2 to reccomend to you today, '300' , an awesome part animated blood and sandals epic that really kicks ass...made in the same sort of vein as 'Sin City' '300' looks phenomenal and has turned extreme violence into an exercise in balletic display. Also on offer is 'Bobby' which is a tremendous film set on the day of the assasination of Robert Kennedy, 22 peoples stories (so many famous stars to shake a stick at) entwined on one fateful day...it's very moving, dramatic, well written..in fact it's a fucking great movie, what was more astonishing is that it was directed by Emilio Estevez and I can still say that it's brilliant!


Music wise it's been a bit dull but we are loving the beautiful new Kosheen album, also the album by OneTwo (claudia brucken from propoganda and paul humphreys from OMD), also honourable mentions go to macy gray and also The Besnard Lakes whose albums are currently on my playlist.


Gossip?...well my workmate 3steel is deserting me for pastures new...they all leave in the end :(

also which ex Primark wannabe is currently looking to hold meetings to pursue a part time career in tip making?...watch this space...

Monday, March 12, 2007

INLAND EMPIRE


HE LOOKED INTO HIS SOUL...THERE WAS A GIRL IN TROUBLE...PEOPLE WATCHED...UNABLE TO HELP FROM THEIR LINEAR WORLD...THERE WAS A GIRL IN TROUBLE...SCREAMS...SCREAMS....gO gO DANCING WHORES...LIGHTS FLICKERED...THE SOUND OF FLAMES EXPLODED...THERE WAS A GIRL IN TROUBLE...GYPSY CIRCUS PEOPLE WENT OFF TO CARE FOR ANIMALS...BUT...THERE WAS A GIRL IN TROUBLE...

Off we went to Cambridge to see David Lynch's film and if you have read the above then that is what it's like...I have no idea what I watched for 3 hours but something excited, intrigued and scared me...but i don't know what...bloody fantastic film..only in Arthouses in the UK, hence the trip to Cambridge to the Picturehouse which is a great cinema. Glen was also with me aka Bugyell (composer, idealist, teacher, raconteur, friend)...Glen came down for the weekend so we had a film frenzy of arthouse delights, Glen's great, he understands my movie needs!...but...

THERE WAS A GIRL IN TROUBLE.........


Friday, March 02, 2007

the road to fame!

I thought I would search myself on google the other day and lo and behold I have my photos scattered far and wide...just thought i would share the usage with you all!...

http://racingarticles.com/blog/labels/Sponsorship.html

http://weight-loss-story.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_weight-loss-story_archive.html (May 13th entry)

http://retts.net/2007/02/07/thing-6-ring-of-fire-ring-of-fur-ring-of-fir-for-eric-rettberg/ (where someone has used part of my pic as the middle section!)

http://www.its-your-choice.co.uk/issues/water/

http://archaeology.about.com/od/churches/ig/Great-Churches-of-the-World/St--Catherine-s-Monastery.htm

http://www.worklifematters.com.au/content/view/42/47/ (this one has 'flash' usage but rotates about 3 of my photos in the top left corner, so you may see one or you may not!)

http://esetalblog.com/2006/05/

I also have some photos going round on a country wide exhibition about park homes...how very exciting it all is!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Unknownn - Self Titled (Album Review)


I came across this band on myspace, www.myspace.com/theunknownn , when I was approached to be their friend...all I can say is thank god they found me!

First of all I have to say this is one of the best produced albums I have listened to in all my 27 years of serious music listening, the separation between vocal, bass, keyboards and guitars is spot on...the vocals at times becoming isolated and fragile whilst still integrating with the music going on behind.

The album opens with 'Nocturne' (a personal favourite), spacey beats, multi layered breathy vocals and sparse instrumentation all add up to an amazing start. The first surprise (as such) appears on 'Raw' when the track breaks out into a wall of sonic new rock but with the vocals still appearing melodious and moody....the band keep transporting me back to the 'Portishead' sound of the early 90's but with a much more modern feel.

It doesn't justify the intensity of the album to break it down any further as it is a complete entity and as such needs to be listened to as a whole. An hour of listening to The Unknownn is an hour of your life that will either be changed forever, or the music will dig deep into your subconscious until you are ready to 'hear' them properly. The band also refutes any egotism by crediting no one, so the spotlight falls on 'The Unknownn' as a collective rather than a set of separate people.

If you were able to only afford to buy one album for the next 6 months, this should be it, it's exciting, it's dark, it's mysterious, it's celebratory, it's hallucinatory...it's 'The Unknownn'

Saturday, February 24, 2007

yompity yomp yomp yomp

woo hoo...they say that time flies when you are having fun...well...I have also found that time sometimes flies when you are having fuck all fun as well...how amazing is that...one day I'm sat here writing, next thing it's ten days before I come back...I am sure I am living in some time continuum thingy...it's weird, sometimes I feel like I have had a conversation before when talking to a person and the next time they ask me "did you do what i told you.." etc...and I have no fucking idea whatsoever what they are talking about...so I presume that I leap forward in time missing out huge chunks of conversation along the way and spend most of my life in a happy oblivious state...well, thats my excuse anyway!





It's all systems go for our trip to Ullswater, I am now kitted up with a three in one waterproof 'Regatta' jacket and a lovely pair of waterproof yomping boots...can't wait, i feel very butch, all i need now is a wooly hat, thick socks, waterproof leggings and a rucksack...if anyone has seen Mike leighs "Nuts in May" that is how I will look by the end of my Steve "mountain man" macdougall makeover.





Here is a gratuitous picture of Ullswater.



















If you haven't seen 'HOT FUZZ' yet, then you are missing out on a great comedy film...Lisa and I watched it the other night and its very hard usually to make lisa laugh as she is very stone faced! (tee hee x) but I could see hysterical leakage from all angles as we perused the film...very funny indeed with some great performances, especially Simon Pegg who looks very cute in uniform :)

thats it for now, am on holiday for a couple of weeks now so will probably do a bit more writing than usual..no promises though ;)

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Sunday, February 11, 2007

the prick of destiny...


Oh I just had to write today because an old friend has turned up...none other than little Belinda Carlisle sneaks through the back door and places a new album in my little kangaroo pouch!

"Voila!" is a terrific album of French chanson (torch songs and tiaras, I like to call it) all sung in French (funnily enough!) with people like Brian Eno on board to make up the band...she now sounds like the smokey chanteuse that suits the album and its full of great arrangements and destraught melodies. Her version of "Ne me quitte pas" is just beuatiful and we have have jaques Brel thrown in and I think a little Aznavour somewhere along the line. Download it now x

Still been in film frenzy mood and I have been holding my own little film festival at home, pity nobody comes :(
What we need is a local cinema that plays all the art house films and films that get a limited release because they are too intellectual for most Americans..I love independent cinema.

I have spent most of the week being shit on from great heights by people who know who they are...I won't say anymore than that, you will have to wait for my Biography to come out...enough to say that the week has been quite stressful and it really makes me sad that I can't lead a happier life when all i want to do is help people less fortunate than myself.

Back to Belinda....she makes me smile, bless me and my little kangaroo pouch full of music...

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Arrroooooooooo!

well it's been a few days...I'm well, still not smoking, lisa is trying too but has backslid a weeny bit but we have her back on the right track now!

Went to see Wolfmother the other night at the Hammersmith Apollo, awesome was the word to use, a great sonic blast of dino rock :), they even covered Led Zepellins 'Communication Breakdown' but I wasn't aware of that until steve told me!
wolfmother 4

Seen some great films as The Oscar frenzy hots up, 'Last King of Scotland' is amazing, 'Venus' is wonderful, if only for that fact that you get to hear Peter O'Toole and Leslie Phillips calling each other 'Farking Cunts'

Life in the Undertaking world is quite fabby and am really enjoying being a chapel attendant in my spare time, it calms me down from the days excitements!

I am searching high and low for low cost walking booties and a kagool (oh how fashionable) for my yomping trip to the lake district in April...I am only going low cost as I will probably never ever wear them again!

Lots of blood letting and sword throwing will take place shortly at work as a rather nice secondment job has been posted that has us all in a frenzy like sharks round a corpse :) I think I may just join in the throng :)

Oh well, I like these early morning chats, thanks for listening but i really have to go and do some work now ....

Sunday, January 28, 2007

14 nicotine free days by the way :)

Tears before bedtime

to have something that you have worked on admired by people that you love has a sometimes profound effect on a persons emotions...heres the rub...

Last night we went out on Lisas dads 65th birthday (Happy Birthday!) to a restaurant in St Neots, after the meal we quickly went back to Pip and Steves house so that the family members could give 'dad' their present...it was then that Pip asked me if I had seen the photo yet..I quizically looked at her..Steve then walked into the room with a two foot square canvas which when turned round showed the black and white picture of their son Ethan that I took at xmas (see below)...words can't describe how I felt, I burst into tears, it was really moving for me to think that someone chose something that I had created to be a showpiece in their home. I just feel so honoured and totally ecstatic that I could have pleased the family so much with one photo...they have asked me to do some more now so I already have a few ideas in mind :)

Ethan

To feel wanted is great, but to feel loved is just the best of all....

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Sunday, January 21, 2007

smoke free zone

hey hey hey boys and girls...I am just celebrating my 7th day free of Nicotine...I decided to go cold turkey (again!) last weekend and suffered the usual cold sweats, hallucinations during the night and inconceivable hunger...but I'm through, no patches or witchdoctor shit for me...I made it through the rain (so Barry Manilow says).

Is it me or is America becoming even more puritanical day by day, have just watched a documentary called 'jesus camp' which was a very disturbing portrayal of middle class american kids being sent off to summer camp to become the next Billy Graham, enforced bible teaching..hmmm...I also sat down to watch a film called 'A night with the King', now i thought this was going to be a pervy sex film about Elvis...but no...it's about bloody jesus again...it was quite a nice film though about Esther from the bible who went on to become a great leader, it's always good to watch a biblical romp now and then.(I think I might just have saved myself from arguments with proper christians by adding the last sentence)

Not much happening on the music front this year so far...still waiting for the first good album of the year although the Norah Jones one is quite sweet..thats all though, sweet but nothing really different...I want something to be released that will grab me by my hairy ball sack, throw me round the living room a couple of times and leave me spent and weeping in the corner of the wall...I am expecting this from the new Kylie album of course....

ta ta

Monday, January 15, 2007

It's Oscar Time!

Hi all...the Oscar season is well under way and there are some fantastic films and performances to be considered this year..my prediction is that 'The Departed' or 'Babel' will get best film (both of them mighty fine films) although I am hoping that 'Dreamgirls' gets a look in...I sat down to watch this with Lisa the other night and it is just magnificent. The performances by Beyonce Knowles, Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy are absolutely spot on with Jennifer Hudsons version of 'I am telling you' being the highlight of the film.
I hope that the best actress award goes to Helen Mirren for 'The Queen', as for best actor I'm not sure but I think Matt Damon or Brad Pitt might get a look in.

Talking of Dreamgirls you have to watch the clip below, Jake Guylenhaal performs a tribute on Saturday Night Live and it's terrific!



In the real world as the backlash against Tony Blair and the labour government continues we all wonder what we will end up with next...more fascistic policies from the Conservative party or a sitting on the fence party where nothing gets done with the liberal democrats in charge...watch this space. What this country needs is 'real people' in Government, not priveleged people from unreal backgrounds who studied politics at university and think they know what is best for all of us. Until we get this sorted out the United Kingdom will remain a 'second best' country which every other world government turns to for support whenever a crisis appears. The government then waves its hands going 'choose us choose us' like some sort of fucking popularity contest and we end up spending shit loads of money that we as a country haven't got. I think it's time the politicians of this country look to their own doorstep to try and revive industry and actually create a sustainable community off our own backs. Is it any wonder that people emigrate to Australia, America and Canada for much better priced living conditions and a safer living environment. Sort it out!...rant over!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Olfactorial Raving...



well that had to be my highlight of the tv year, although the Captain Jack / Ianto kiss was just as hot in the last episode....how very romantic indeed..great song too (off myspace)

hope you are all aware that it's 'fondle your friends' weekend...I am sure that this is something that the americans have yet again dreamed up but it was in the paper the other day..the theory is that all friends fondle each other so those that don't have partners don't feel left out and we all have one friend don't we?...can't wait!

for those of you into tacky things, 'Borders' through amazon are now selling the 6 disc '20th anniversary Oprah show' dvd collection for £17.99, what a bargain, and it's magnificent it has all the cringey bits that make you cry and all the stars you could shake a stick at...18.5 hours of Oprah goodness, why hasn't this woman been canonised yet...I can see it in 20 years time, the tomb of St. Oprah...how very cool indeed.

We had a meeting about recycling today so I have now come home and decided to pooh into plastic bags so that it can be used again for something useful, but i don't know what yet..Mum, I'm not being serious here, just in case you though I had completely cracked!

I want to try and take some more portrait pictures so if anyone would like to volunteer...all i ask is travelling expenses and I will take as many pics as you want..anything goes!

The bottle of wine is ready and celebrity big brother is calling ( I would like to see Donny's nadgers please Mr Tv producer) woo hoo!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

New Year, Same Shit!

Hi all...happy new year and all that bollocks....just thought i'd drop a quick note to let you all know that I'm still alive!

Christmas was as Christmas is, full of fun and good cheer...I didn't see a single live person on xmas day though...I woke up, pottered around, had a glass of port, cooked lunch, went off to work at the undertakers, went home, couple of glasses of wine, bed...and didn't see a sole! Boxing day made up for that though when I was thrown into the throng of Lisas family xmas get together, kids were in full flow and ate too much beautiful food..a great day but Lisa and I were worn out by about 8pm so made our excuses and left...thank you Pip and Steve for a lovely xmas :) You can see some pics on my Flickr site, especially pleased with the black and white portrait of Ethan :)

So excited...David Lynch's new film is almost here...



It looks wild and fascinating, more of the Mullholland Drive vibe going on...the first film that DL has made in Digital Video...salivating and anxious to see it..

Watched Mel Gibson's 'Apocolypta' the other afternoon, fuck me it's fantastic...if you can put up with subtitles the film is just magnificent. Completely filmed in The Mayan language it shows events just before the end of the Mayan civilization...Gibson has done a terrific job..quick warning, it's very very brutal but not unnecessarily so.

I have some plans for some writings which will be coming up in the new year..so keep tuned in!

If you want a camp laugh then play the 'Desperate Housewives' PC game...you get to be a new housewife on Wysteria Lane and try to uncover the secrets of the neighbourhood...what is clever is that the story is decided by what questions you ask or the way in which you speak to people so there are many different paths you can take...it's hours of fun gameplay.

all for now...meep meep!