Thursday, May 19, 2005

Matt's mysteries!

Morning all, blogmaster here, just welcoming you all to world Moby day and hence the reason the blog will be posted early today, as me lisa and steve are off to view the wonderous bald headed one at the Academy in Brixton. My blog tomorrow so a review is bound to follow!...enjoy matts blog...


Well who would have thought that the simple pleasure of pulling on a pair of Jog pants would have caused so much reaction. It seems that the wearers come in all shapes, sizes, and everybody has an opinion. And they’re worn in a variety of different ways. With or without underwear seem to be hottest topic at present. I’m a both kind of person depending on when I am putting them on. After work when you get in “with”, after a bath at night “without”. Ill just sit this one out and join in with the winners as they slouch there way through the day.

Any way onward, never one to dwell on something its time to point my mouse at a new subject and offer my thoughts. Hoping that it will set a spark somewhere deep inside the brains of the poor souls who can’t find anything better to do than read this personnel tirade once a week.
I was struck by a thought as I walked around Tesco’s the other day. (Yes I was pushing the trolley and it did have value products in) Something made me remember a conversation I had with my brother in law a few months before, let me try to explain. A man will need to buy a new DVD, Stereo, suit, car or anything else that he might fancy. Notice I said need not want. All these very important lifestyle choices are essential. And once his mind is made up if left alone he will not change it. We need that new camera it’s got more features on it. It will remind you to take your sock to the dry cleaners whilst telling you the time in seven different countries whilst underwater. He will then think about what is needed. All those brochures need to be studied with all those lovely tables in the back. Our man will probably make a list to clarify all the info in his mind. And then do some more hands on research, this will usually involve asking his mates opinion. This is so he can make sure his is the latest model better spec etc. Believe me keeping up with the Jones’s is nothing this is a war where the winner gets to prove his willy is bigger than all his friends. Well for a week or so, or until either the technology moves on or the same is done to him by one of his mate’s. Then after all this he will actually go and buy said TV, Car etc.

And this ladies and gentlemen is where my point is heading. A man when he goes to buy something does just that buys not shops. Saturday afternoon and armed with all the info he can find on his chosen quest our subject will drive to the local shops. Park the car walk to the appointed emporium by the most direct route. Pickup the selected item, pay walk out back to the car. All without deviation from the plan. You see men “Buy” they do not “shop”. Shopping is a totally different pastime. Let me try to enlighten you, (well the men who read this anyway). A woman thinks it might be a nice idea if there hand bag were bigger, smaller, taller, wider, or just a different colour. At least that’s what she thinks she thinks. Because two hours later the bag is fine but the shoes are wrong. And then the coat is to long, to short, to tight, to loose, etc and that’s before you even think about what colour it needs to be. And then there is make up earrings and all manners of strange accessories. They then all have to match the wallpaper in great aunt Mildred’s second bedroom. Just in case your caught short in that part of town and need to pay her a visit.(Are you beginning to get it now boys. The difference between buying things and shopping for them.) All this of course has happened in a split second. There will then follow a series of focus groups over the course of a few days. Each designed to allow all parties the chance to agree and reinforce any decision that might be made, or not made. Or made again but modified. Unlike men there is no one-upmanship. Women need to no that their decision fits in with their friends and check that there moving in the same direction as the high street. These meeting of the shopping high priestess can take place at work, at lunch, whilst having a pee with your friend in the next cubicle in fact almost anywhere but mostly on the phone. Oh God the phone, how can anyone spend over an hour talking about nothing to someone you’re going to see in less than twenty minutes.

And this is the essential difference. Shopping is a social occasion with all the fun and expectation of a great night out, or the will he won’t he of a first date. It is never about buying an end product. And if by some miracle you do somehow manage to spend some money, women will do there utmost to make sure it’s not actually theirs. And when as is usual they don’t decide on the pink or the black, well it’s an excuse to do it all over again next time. Unless of course they changed their minds. Matt.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stop there please. I hate to shop, and would prefer to buy. I have never understood how girls and shopping really work, it's dull and boring.
I have had to purchase a few new items for my forthcoming holiday, I would rather iron, cook, sleep, etc, anything but walk around the shops desperately trying to find something I like.
My mother goes "shopping" for something to do, she will spend hours walking around each shop, not missing a thing, then return home with nothing. Why? She then declares what a fab day she has had. Gx

Anonymous said...

hey it must only be girly girly girls who love to shop as i hate it too i like to have a plan of where i am going and then get the bits i need and then leave the thought of idling around `shoppping` makes me break out in a sweat lol just thinking ahout it.

Lisa xxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Thanks Matt, I just need to understand the techie things now!
Blimey Lisa, you're up late, how was Moby? Gx