Monday, January 31, 2005

I thought Opus Dei was a new car

...Babe was happy and scampered and frollicked through the fields until he reached the hut with the big wooden block and the butchers hook...

Lets talk about junk mail...I got home today to find stacks of crap (not literally) on the doormat, what did you receive i hear you cry, well...let me take you through it... 1) an envelope offering me a free pair of tights to try, and it was addressed to Mr Piddy77...2)a gentlemans (and i use the term loosely) underwear catalogue full of things like tangas and thongs which would only be of use to me if i wanted to fucking floss! Mind you, the see through section was quite a delight and perhaps i will keep that catalogue to look at on numerous occcasions later...3) a greenhouse advert, yep 15 floors up and i still get gardening junk...4) a leaflet from the diabetes association asking me if i would like to sort out my erectile dysfunction, hmmm, do they know something that i don't?...and finally, best of all...5) a free new extra absorbent, compact, with wings Tampax which i received for filling out an online dating survey...I have decided to stick the latter up my nose and see how long it takes to draw all the bodily fluids from my large frame. So my message is to junk mail senders...Get Fucked!

I have to work this evening, Gina asked me to in her best sexy voice and i just melted and said yes. The trouble is the spell wears off after about 10 minutes and then you sit there thinking to yourself "what have i just fucking done"...heigh ho!

In the interests of science I have decided to see if i can grow mice from seed, I have everything ready and it should take a few weeks i think, then i should have a couple of mice at least...what do you mean mice don't come from seeds, it says here in the book, hold on....oh...I have decided to grow rice from seed (no thats not nearly exciting enough, fuck it)

...ally put on a winsome face as she sat on top of the washing machine for the first time...

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

It seems to me you are a very intellectual and must have a good education so please explain why you have to keep using the "f" word a little rude and uncalled for one thinks

piddy77 said...

fuck off lol!

Anonymous said...

Fuck can be a very usful word, there are time when only fuck will do. Keep it up fuckedy fuck fuck. Ps who is the misrable old shite complaning about the use of fuck...M

Anonymous said...

Neil darling, (i'm feeling bad now, having asked you to work!) Can I borrow the thing with wings, as I think I have just pissed my pants. Sorry to the prim and proper one, who does not like swearing, but this has to be the funniest thing I have read in ages. Thanks Neil, you always brighten up my day. I will be back in the office on Friday, would like to take a look at the catalogue! Can't wait to see you in a pair of tights, and you have a pool on he 15th floor, why not have a greenhouse, may help with the rice experiment. Gx

Anonymous said...

You should put a warning on this site, miserable fuckers need not enter. Lighten up or piss off, whoever you are.....ooooooooooooooooooooo Gx

Anonymous said...

maybe its martin apparently hes been a miserable fucker lately

Anonymous said...

Neil your on form tonight and all those comments too lol - just one question do you think Gina`s been on the heavy stuff tonight lol - cant wait for the next one

love always Lisa xxxx

Anonymous said...

Well Lisa I think you might be right,me peronaly I try not to drink when working.....M

Anonymous said...

excuse mre you would know if i was the misserable f***** it so happpens it wasnt me however i dont like the word used so inapppropriately lol oh and anyway who ever thinks i have been misserable all i can say is get a life im very happy actually so fuck off

Anonymous said...

ps the last comment about being misseable was me (martin) and it will be the last comment i make on this site so at least now who ever it was has good reason to call me misserable goodbye martin xx

Anonymous said...

Well what a reaction! Can I set the record straight, I had only had one glass of wine, so I was very sober, second point, Martin is lovely now, he's clearly in love and of course non of us have ever been there. If Martin has finally found his Bridgett Jones good luck to him. Please stay in touch Martin, we all love you! Gx

Anonymous said...

Oh this is great, keep on going Neil, by the way hi all I am Neils big sis and it wasnt me that complained about the language !! Oh and I wont tell any of his secrets I promise........ S xxx

Anonymous said...

Hi S, does Neil have any secrets? We are his friends, you can share them with us. Have you ever seen him dressed as a girl, with long flowing blonde hair and tits you would die for, we have!!!!!!!!!!! Oops sorry Neil. xx

Anonymous said...

Neil I did say I wasnt going to leave a comment but could not leave it on 13 lol - wow this is great all those comments i want to know who keeps leaving all those comment anonymously - its a bit like the plot from desperate housewives lol - to the anonymous writers please leave us some clues lol - Lisa xxxxx

piddy77 said...

Oh God...I have created a monster lol!!