The comfort of strangers

...and then as if by magic, the sausage flew out of the frying pan and landed right in Mrs gumtrees mouth...

What can I say about today...equality and diversity, two buzzwords that have been my existence for the whole day. Sat in a room with 24 other sufferers learning how to suck eggs basically. I mustn't be negative but its a real shame when you have to spend two days knowing that you are not going to learn anything at the end of it, its very frustrating but the company pay for lunch so all is not lost (even though there was no sweet or coffee!).

So Celebrity Big Brother is over, totally rotten result, totally rotten programme, can't wait for the next proper series with the plebbos who want to become famous and try so so hard for everyone to like them for a whole 9 weeks (I think). I love the total humiliation that people will go through because they actually will do anything to win most of the time...roll on summer.

Martin split his trousers today, that was hilarious. He crouched down to talk to a young lady and you heard the rending of the material from at least 10 yards away...the whole of his gusset exploded and lots of fun was had all round.

The Moat House Hotel is where I am based for the next two days and what a godforsaken hole of a place it is, it's meant to be four stars but really its a two star in disguise. The decor is in shocking condition, it smells of old cooking fat and the staff are so bloody rude that i would have sacked them there and then. That is what this country lacks, customer service, it really fucks me off that people can get paid to be rude and surly when we are actually learning the art of customer service upstairs in the very same building. A very big 'Paddington stare' to the owners of the hotel and a extra big Grrrrr.

...a minute passed, and then another minute, he looked at his watch...it was a minute past...