Thursday, March 03, 2005

with a haversack on my back, sack and crack

...the three bears looked at Goldilocks, then looked at each other and said "fuck it, lets eat the bitch"...

First of all I have realised what prompts comments from people...its sex, sex and more sex! lol...so in future, lets get sexy!

Secondly I would just like to ask all the charity companies that send me nice free pens to fill them up with ink...i received one today from the tight wads at cancer research and there was literally a couple of mls of ink in it...do they realise how much plastic is being wasted?...about 4 inches of plastic in each pen, unused, thrown away and not bio-degradable...how earth friendly is that you non thinking charity committee bastards...if you want me to stop moaning send me a full pen, you send me a full pen and i pay you money...its as simple as that...i urge you all to look at the refill when you get a free pen...lets start a revolution...

Ten Best Musicals Ever...(in my humble opinion)

1) The Sound of Music
2) My Fair Lady
3) Oklahoma
4) Phantom of the Opera
5) Sunset Boulevard
6) Blood Brothers
7) Martin Guerre
8) Evita
9) Chicago
10) Sweeney Todd

Lets talk about Male Circumcision...who wants a wiff of a cheesy cock. Sorry guys but no matter how clean you are down under, there is always an odour caused by the skin covering the oils that hover round the glans area. In my mid thirties I decided to do something about it and went for a circ...to be honest it was the most painful thing that I have ever been through and my bits looked like a watermelon surrounded by two oranges for a couple of weeks...but oh it was so worth it! Europeans do not have a history of circumcising males whereas the Americans put surgeons on auto pilot, straight for the cock as soon as they are born. I personally think that an unhooded cock is a lot more attractive and my op was mostly for cosmetic reasons. You may say that that is the ultimate vanity but I think guys can go through life really traumatised if they are not happy with the sight of their bits. Whenever you bring up circumcision at a dinner party or event, you can guarantee that guys ask you the same questions over and over again...'did it hurt', 'what does it feel like before, during and after', 'do you lose sensitivity', 'what does it feel like now when you knock one off', 'how do the other boys/girls like it' and in extreme cases 'can i see'!
I personally think that Doctors should be pushing male circumcision to parents more as it has been said to decrease the risk of certain cancers, it is also definitely more hygenic and a great thing is that it makes you last longer when performing (so everyone has a good time)...just remember though to keep the lube cupboard stocked as the natural slippiness isn't there...if anybody has any serious questions, don't be afraid to put them into comments...

Everything gets smaller in the end!...I am talking here about 'Wagon Wheels', 'Mars Bars', 'Curly wurly' and 'Texan' bars...its not just that I was a smaller person when i used to eat them...they are definitely smaller. The wagon wheel is now more like a 'weekend bag wheel', Mars bars are more like 'tiny little planet that hasn't got a name bar', Curly wurly are now more like 'Curl Wur' and Texan has become 'Dallas Bar'...sweetie manufacturers stop it now before the size of your products get any smaller. Its a rip off and its a disgrace...go screw yourselves.

...Peter Pan looked around angrily and retorted, "Okay, who called me the Michael Jackson of story land"...

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Im not afan of musicals so I don't care. Charity companies could leave the pen out altogether, do the think it realy makes you more prone to fill out the form. Everyone can lay there hand on a biro. You should not be looking at choclate your diebetic. leave the choc's to those that can !!!
Micheal Jackson there's a subject for a rant. pervert or just plain stupid ? M

Anonymous said...

Well Neil, I think your right, 17 comments in one day, that must be a record? The thing I find strange is "M", has mentioned musicals, pens and chocolate, but failed to talk about circumcision, is this because he knows all there is to know, or being a man, he can't go there? For me forget the rest, I found you experience very interesting, I could say more, but the wine is not open yet, may comment again later..... Gx

Anonymous said...

The wine is now open! Neil would you like a womans point of view, about circumcision? Oh what a silly bitch I am, of course you don't-sorry. Gx

Anonymous said...

I don't have an opinion on circumcision its up to personal choice. But Im sure we would all be interested in the ladies point off view... M

Anonymous said...

I have just received a text message asking me to comment on circumcision, so here goes...... You may be surprised(or not) I have experienced both-oh shock horror, Gx has had at least two sexual partners! For me I prefer a man who has been circumcised, not that the sex was better, but I think it is the hygene thing-sorry. The best sex I have ever had was with someone who was not circumcised and also they did not have a huge cock. I can feel a request from Lisa for another poll. Well I think I have said enough, need to check my emails, I'm getting in a bit of a pickle as I am talking to two men, both with the same name. Gx

Anonymous said...

Yes lets have the ladies view. To be honest Neil I have never had a woman tell me she would prefer me to be circumcised so please all you ladies who write on here tell us men what you prefer.
I put to you Neil that circumcision is a gay thing and that you have obviosly had some dirty men in the past who just don,t wash their penis appropriately perhaps thats why they are gay because no clean woman would entertain them Martin

piddy77 said...

I think Martin might think i am some kind of slut! lol...sorry but nearly pissed myself with laughter. The other comment was a bit nasty Martin about being gay because they are dirty...hmm not nice.

Anonymous said...

Martin, don't take this the wrong way, and please remember I have opened a bottle of red wine, but that last comment is an absolute load of bollocks!!!!!!! Gx
Now I have insulted you, what do you think of this email I have just received:-
"it may be best said i am a tactile man whith a huge sex drive although i am seeking miss right i wouldnt say no to a bit of fun, i was a long time in hospital and i am reved up to go !!!" does he really think I am going to be his bit of fun?

Anonymous said...

Lol you have to think what you said to me last night neil about nasty comments on here only I decided to sign my name it might not actually be my veiw : ). As for that bloke gina oh just go for it girl you never know he might be circumcised lol Martin

Anonymous said...

Martin
I received the first message from this tosser two hours ago, and he is already talking about sex, he has just solved the problem I had of corresponding with two men with the same name. Oh I forgot to tell you, he is over 40, so probably only looking for sex!!!!! Gx

piddy77 said...

woo hoo...who needs 'itchy and scratchy' from The Simpsons when you have Gx and Martin scratching each others eyes out! lol

Anonymous said...

well he,s in the same age bracket as you gina and you know what i think of people of your age lol. Ummm to men at once gina tut tut Martin

Anonymous said...

I prefer uncircumcised I like peeling it back like a banana
Zoe xx

Anonymous said...

i don't really care wether its got a skin or not, its what the guy does with it that matters!

Anonymous said...

I have been around the block a bit and i prefer uncircumcised Beryl xx

Anonymous said...

I agree i like a stayer hung like a horse but still prefer a bit of skin. Uncircumcised for me Cindy

Anonymous said...

The forskin is put there for a reason and one should not alter the body in any shape or form. As a catholic I do believe in contraception and by removing the forskin this may prevent the birth of a new life to this world. The forskin stops germs and encourages healthy sperm therfor if you remove it you may encounter an infected sperm and therfor it will not consumate as planned. Please leave well alone NO TO CIRCUMCISION . Charles

Anonymous said...

Looks like i'm in the minority, oh well never mind. I'm amazed that not many men have made a comment. Waiting for your preference Lisa!!! Gx

Anonymous said...

oh fuckin hell charles you are such a knob catholics dont believe in contraception that is why there are so many babies - i dont have a preference but if the guy was unclean i would bloody tell him fair is fair he would soon tell us

Anonymous said...

Neil

Well how right can one be write anything about sex and your guaranted to get comments.
the only thing i want to say about cirumcision is that i have had both (not at the same time i hasten to add) and I have no preference but if in doubt about there personal hygiene would make them have a shower first lol
Gina my advice on your man is if you want fun then thats what you will get if your looking for more then he aint the one - and getting back to the laugh of the century 9 times a week i feel inadequate so far this year i have managed it once and that was a one night stand (there I have said it it was me did i enjoy it no - it was crap) last year could have been 9 times in the year but i may have to check my diary i think susan needs to get a hearing aid she must have misheard i have been polling people today age range 20 -52 and they looked at me and laughed most of the women said no only when i want something the men just smiled you work it out lol
Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Well we seem to be going for the record tonight don't we. To cut or not to cut that is obviously the question. I can understand both points of view. I have never been turned down because i'm not and if I think about it no one has ever asked me before the event. I know the hygene issue is a worry and I also think that nature has left it there for a reason, but the comment earlier by the catholic is complete and utter fucking bollocks as is everything that come out of the mouth of such a backward, controling,mind fuck of a religion. Apart from that her comments were just inacurate and medicaly wrong. Oh dear how ill informed people can be. M

Anonymous said...

Good morning, well what a night(blog wise, I mean), have you had any other cosmetic surgery you would like to share with us? What will be your subject tonight? Can't wait!! See you all tonight Gx

Anonymous said...

i totaly agree with chocolate and pens as for males who have been circumised i have only 1 experance as me not to experanced in the sex department(haha).i was very young and thought fuck whats happened here have i broke it!but i think sex is better with the foreskin quite like cheese .been told by g to sign in out as miss whiplash

Anonymous said...

If Martin is going to pretend to be all these diffrent women he should hide the evidance,(times to close for a start),or perhaps he should just come out and admit that he realy likes the gay scene, and admit that he dresses up in womens cloths.Its nothing to be ashamed of, just be honest with yourself.

Anonymous said...

you opened a can of sorms there Neil lol. I have never seen Martin in womes clothes lol His legs too hairy !! Love to all Lauren xxxx

Anonymous said...

Hi
i have to pose a question i think martin sounds repressed is this man gay? he seems to have a problem with them J