groundhog day is eternal

...pepe looked at the armed border guards and had second thoughts about the job as a mexican drag act called lola...

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN...its guest blog day today so i am presenting the greatest thing on legs since Rod Hulls Emu...iiiittttttttsssssssssss Matt....

In his introduction last week Neil mentioned something about a man’s point of view, well sorry to disappoint all out there but I’m not too sure what a mans point of view is. Sure I’m a man but man’s point of view kind of conjures up all sorts of chest beating ,beer swilling, sexist shit that you expect from the Sun reading public and their ilk. If I have the need to rant on at anything my point of view is just that mine and I won’t be pigeon holed into anyone else’s little gang. Which brings me on to the first of my chosen topics for tonight.

Being Forty. I’m only bringing this up because. A) Those of you who know me know I attained this great level of conscience only a few short weeks ago (see entry on the 2nd of Feb) and B) I’m aware one or two of you are about to get there in the not to distant future. Well the funny thing is I was all for not making a fuss and letting myself believe it was no big thing, you know just another number. Well fuck me (sorry “F” word) as it got closer I began to get some strange feeling about mortality and where my life has been. I have to say not helped on the day by my dear friend and the ever-beautiful wife adorning my place of work with hundreds of photo’s that had been given by my dear old Mum. You know the sort of thing in nappy’s, wearing the most unsuitable 1970’s hair do, and the worst of all old school photo. Matt in new school blazer two sizes too big on the first day of secondary school. Its strange but I think that it does mean something after all, maybe its because its some middle point or just the fact that you have made it.
It’s a hell of a long time when you think, even though its shot by quicker than a chav on their way to the local market to by a fake Burberry bag. Just think of all those life changing thing that have happened since that fateful day in February 1965. Big Brother, Boy Bands, Political correctness, All Reality tv programs, Tony Blair, The ford escort .I could go on but I think i'm in danger of shooting myself in the foot. All I can say is that I hope I get the chance to make the next forty as fun as the last. Not that I want to go back to a different age (All those sleepless nights wondering when I was going to finally get laid. When your sixteen it’s the only thing on your mind. No wonder boys don’t do so well at school in the gcse years)I’m happier now than I have ever been, there is a certain gravitas in being older, shop assistants take you more seriously, insurance is cheaper ,and every one expects you to become a grumpy old Victor Meldrew character which is perfect for me.

Whilst im on the subject of getting older can anyone out there tell why as the lunchtime of your life approaches your body starts to sprout hair from places its never been before. I mean what on earth is so bad as I get older that I’m going to need hair growing out of my ears and nose, what does nature know that I don’t ,what on earth can excess hair protect me from.?

Ok subject two What if Jesus is not the son of god . This is a theory that I was told by someone very close to me and it goes like this. Mary young married lady is bored with her life , lets face it Joseph is not the most exciting guy on the block he aint got the drive . You know money tight so the foreign holiday is off, and they look like their going to stay a one Donkey family for the foreseeable future. Anyway Mary goes out and after a night with her friends meets this nice bloke and they have a fling. To cut a long story short Mary finds herself in the difficult position of being shagged stupid and getting pregnant by another man. A position many a young lady finds herself in to day, but back then it was worse than admitting to owning a copy of a Spice girls album,(I have Spice Girls the Movie...does that count...ed) because this as we now know is 9 months BC . Oh what to do , Mary thinks quickly and decides to lie to her old man who is a bit gullible at the best of times. After a nice tea and a couple of bottles of the local brew Mary starts to tell Joseph a story,( Mary is behind the settee by now trying to mask her voice). The poor sod is so drunk that Mary tells him she is an angel sent down to bless his wife with a child etc etc. Well the next morning through a thumping hangover Joseph is tell every one who will listen that he and Mary have been chosen by god to bring the saviour of mankind into the world. Job done thinks Mary.
So there you have it The whole of Christian religion based on a young lady needing to hide from her husband the fact she been poked by another.
Anyway thanks for reading, sorry if it went on to long. If I’m ever invited back we can talk about Islam, Is it fundamental or just fun or just mental...Matt x


Wow...thank you Matt...how terrific was that and it means i get out of any work for today!...see you!

...Penny penguin suddenly realised that they had been lying in Penguin school when they said that Polar Bears were just there to wipe your bum on...