Lizard Birthing!

Gina sent me this...its so good it had to have a seperate page!

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying here looking sick," he told me.
"I'm serious, Mom. Can you help?
"I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my gosh," my husband diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Dad!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my husband.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" he inquired. (I actually think he said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded him, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," he informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a
wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth.
" OH, Gross!" they shrieked.
Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my husband wanted to know. (I really do think he
was being snotty here, too, don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"Its breech," my husband whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Mom!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several
more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" my eldest son wanted to know.
"Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the men in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his father noted to him. (Men can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what he does to me is one thing, but this boy is of his loins, for God's sake.)
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my husband asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my husband. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mrs Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just...excited," my husband offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.
Then my vicious, cruel husband started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded knowing, but not believing that the man I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless femininity.
Tears were now running down his face.
"It's just...that...I'm picturing... you pulling on it's...it's...teeny little..." he gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned.
We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Mom," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my husband agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your wife pulling on a lizard's wacker …. Priceless!!!

great gazonkas...its gina!

Lets discuss people's ability to remember things..................................bugger, that's a great start, I've just forgotten what I was going to type next! Is that because of my age, my recent spell of insomnia, 7 yr old wanting my attention, is it because I have so much going on in my life at the moment, or could it be something else.

After Lisa's blog entry last night, I am now sitting here going through all the conversations I can remember having on Friday, so here's my list:-

1. Right to aquire(it's similar to a Council tenants right to buy)
2. Neil fab shirt
3. Who is covering the office
4. Matt, Matt and more Matt(good luck, I'm sure you won't need it)
5. Extra's(BB2, Thursday, 9pm)
6. The Catherine Tate show(BB2, Thursday, 9.30pm)
7. Steve's week in Manchester
8. England v Australia
9. Neil and Steve's photographic experiences(in other words, the lost pictures)
10. The Beer
11. The friendly young men in my local
12. Steve's new top
13. Lisa and Neils trip to Edinburgh
14. Lisa's shopping in Edinburgh
15. Whether or not the pub had any Pernod
16. Should we head into Town
17. Chelsea v Arsenal(sorry Lisa)
18. Shall we go and have something to eat(I wonder if the staff in KFC have recovered yet!)
19. What you should, or should not wear to work
20. That famous person Steve met(sorry I still can't remember his name)

That's about all I can remember, but if I have missed anything off I'm sorry. Back to you Lisa, what should I be writing about tonight?

After my little moan about my Doctor last week I thought I should praise the NHS pathology dept. Had blood test Monday lunchtime, Dr's recieved the results on Wednesday and managed to send me a letter requesting I make another appointment , I received the letter on Friday so I phoned them at 8.30 and once again managed to see a Dr at 9.40. What a fucking waste of time that was. I won't share the finer details with you, but I felt like the invisible woman, did the Dr listen to my concerns, or did he offer me any help-NO and NO.
Gx

loopy lupines...its lisa!

A bank has apologised to a customer after sending him a debit card bearing the name "Dick Head".NatWest said it had launched an inquiry after Chris Lancaster, 18, of Tiptree, Essex, received a cash card with the wording: "Mr C Lancaster Dick Head". Mr Lancaster said he did not spot the insult until he was handing over the card in a supermarket to pay for something a few days after it arrived in the post.
"I couldn't believe it," he said.
"When I got the card out I saw the name embossed on it. I was so embarrassed I put it back in my wallet.
"I know I've been overdrawn a few times but I've done nothing to deserve this.
"The bank said it must have been a worker with a grudge."
A NatWest spokesman said: "We have apologised unreservedly to Mr Lancaster.
"This is completely unacceptable and we have launched an investigation."


I want to talk about the service or lack or service we get in this country – today I had the misfortune of trying to contact for a client the Jobcentre plus and housing benefit. Lets start with the Jobcentre. For those of us who have a job I advise you to hold on to it at all cost, as the jobcentre have a new way of dealing with potential customers who need to claim benefits, instead of traipsing up the Jobcentre and waiting for an appointment. (I mean to say don’t they want people to go up and check out the latest vacancies while they wait – obviously not) Now you have to telephone a number and wait and wait and wait as a voice tells you that you are in queue and if you don’t need to wait to call back later! What kind of service is that you have lost your job and have no money to pay your rent/mortgage but call back later. Eventually after spending a good part of the day holding on the phone you then get through and they take your name and address and a few other details and tell you they will send you out an appointment! By now I have lost the plot and want to give this person a piece of my mind lucky for her she clicked off before I had the chance.

My next rip my hair out experience was to the Housing Benefit department, who give you a direct number to call on their letter but surprise surprise its busy and remained busy for most of the day – I was just about to lose my patience (I know I can hear you all gasp – Lisa losing her temper never lol) when a I hear a real voice. I then explain the problem, to which I am told oh I cant help you I will have to put you through to someone else I begged and pleaded but she vanished and some classical music came into my ear (was this suppose to calm me down I thought) the voice then returned to say that the line I needed was busy and would I like to hold (hold what I had been on hold all day) yes I said I will hold why not I have nothing better to do all day. I was only thankful it was not my phone bill otherwise I don’t think I would have been so polite. Did I get through to the person I needed to speak to no because after waiting another 15 mins or so the phone went dead. When I called the direct dial number back guess what …………………….

Anyway that’s my rant over with for today normal transmission will return hopefully by next week

But I just wanted to say one more thing I had a fantastic night on Friday night in our local pub everyone was on form and the conversations were brilliant – I had another blog in mind but wasn’t sure if Gina was going to write about it lol so if she doesn’t what a shame you were not there.

Minging Mary...it's matt!

Is twenty four hour drinking a good thing (Gina especially needs to consider this)or are we all going to end up drunk all the time. Well only time will tell and the key date is I understand the 24th of November. After the 24th we in England will all be drunk all of the time. Crime will go up, pregnancies will go down. And that’s not because booze effects the sperm production no. It’s because after 48 pint of special brew you won’t be able to get “it” up. Actually after 48 pints you won’t be able to get up let alone think about “it”.

Anti social behaviour will be rife. Fuelled by to much, too often, society will come crashing down around the ears of us all. Well that’s what the press would have us think. And depending on which media you use the problem will be slightly different. This goes back to the bias thing I talked about last week. According to the Telegraph “The moral fibre of society will break and the state of peoples religious belief will crumble fuelled by the devils brew”. Or if you read the Sun “Topless sex fest in towns at chucking out time”.

So why are we changing our drinking laws and what is actually going to happen on the fateful day in November. The original idea was to bring us into line with our continental cousins across the water in mainland Europe. So for those of you who don’t know about Europe a very quick crash course on booze in Belgium or drink in Denmark or even just alcohol in Amsterdam. Ok with no chucking out time our friends over there can go out at almost anytime. Drink for as long as they want, oh and in general it’s much cheaper than dear old blightie. There café culture means that alcohol is much more accepted and the family is more welcome. So kids don’t grow up thinking that it’s important to drink as much as possible because the opportunity will be lost at eleven.

If more pubs stayed open longer or opened and closed when they wanted it would stagger the time we all leave the pub. Mind you staggering out of the pub is something we in Britain have got down to a fine art. With people leaving the boozer at different time there would be no surge on to the street at eleven thirty. So fewer punch ups would happen the police would have less of a problem and the high street would not resemble the somme when the sun comes up on Sunday morning. We could all enjoy our drinking instead of binge drinking our way through the week. Of course when it all kicks off there are going to be one or two small teething problems. But in the end I think it will only do good. Mind you the Scots have had relaxed laws for years when it comes to drinking and look at them. Night night.

lathering lunatics...lisa's here!

Hi everyone

First things first lets just mention Big Brother 6 – I did not get to see the finale on Friday as I was having a fabulous time in Edinburgh. I saw some of the show a few days later and have to say while I did enjoy the show and there were some classic moments – Kinga and the bucking bronco being one hi-light which will stay with me for a while. But I had to laugh at Makosi she was so convinced she was going to win the look on her face when she came third and then the arrogance after when interviewed by Davina and then by Dermot on the Sunday reunion show. When interviewed by Dermot about the booing she said that Davina had incited the crowd – this is one BB contestant who I don’t care if I never see again on TV but no doubt she will end up being the biggest I say the word loosely `star`. That’s my BB6 moment over. Maybe they should change the format for next year any suggestions?

Did anyone get the chance to see the new highly publizied new programme on C4 `Lost`. I managed to catch it and I have to say so far so good there are some good characters and I am sure there will be some good plots we will have to wait and see. The reason I mention this is because if you plan to fly anywhere don`t fly with Neil or watch programmes like this! As we board the plane to fly to Edinburgh he just can’t resist mentioning for the umpteenth time about the plane crash in the programme and how graphic it was. And where you should not sit on the plane lol (mind you I do want to claridy a point that Neil missed in his blog on the flight back home we did not have to ask for the extensions for the seatbelts and we had more room. So if you want more room don`t sit at the front of an easyjet flight lol.

Mind you Edinburgh Airport have a sick sense of humour too as we cue up to go through to the departure area there is a large TV for passengers to watch and on Sunday morning they had BBC News24 on and guess what they were showing – the plane crash in Greece you would have thought they would have turned the channel over!

Anyway on a lighter Note!


Lisa xx
Short but sweet this week

googling geraniums...its gina!

First can I say congrats to Maureen and Ken on celebrating 40years of married life, what I want to know is how have they managed to achieve this. Their celebration party was really good, lots of people enjoying themselves, I was back on form, managed to attract the unwanted attention of someone who was clearly old enough to be my father, but at least he was single and solvent and also another chap who dropped his trousers, how impressed did he think I would be.

Talking of anniversaries, M&M will be celebrating today, that is of course if Matt has remembered, if not, I fear there may trouble(hope your are reading this nice and early and the shops are still open). So many congrats to them also, they have not reached 40 years of married life yet, I think it's 3, but then again it could be 4.

That's the nice part over with, now I would like to talk(ok, it's a little moan) about my Doctor. I have for the past couple of weeks put off visiting him, the reason being I always feel like I'm an inconvenience and true to form this happened again on Monday. I was slightly amazed when I phoned at 08.30am to be told I could see a Dr at 09.10, I managed to make myself look presentable and arrived 5 mins before my appointment. This time armed with diary and symptoms I felt fully prepared(that was short lived), once again I left after a couple of minutes feeling he had not listened to me or dealt with the underlying cause of my problem, he just fobbed my off with a blood test. Ok, so that will confirm what I already suspect, but it has not dealt with or helped me to cope with the symptoms. I'm once again left thinking why did I bother. That's the end of my little moan, I knew I would feel so much better for sharing that. Thank you.

On a slightly lighter note I have just purchased a new shed, the only problem is I now have to demolish the old one, of course nice Mr shed man will do that, but at a price(between £100-£200). I have decided I will save some money and tackle this task myself, I'm wondering if Mr shed man has managed to stop laughing yet, and clearly he felt obliged to give me some really helpful advice that went something like:-

1. Be careful, you could be seriously injured if it falls on you!2. It would be best to empty it first-did he really think I would try to demolish it with contents still in situ.3. It will take you quite a few trips to the "tidy tip" to dispose of the wood, of course it will it's an 8x12ft shed.

So starting this Friday, (as 7 yrs old will be out of harms way, I have a few days off and the weather is looking good), Gx's shed demolition will begin. A plea to all my friends, if I fail to appear at the pub on Friday evening or indeed at work on Monday, please will someone check on me, just incase the task was beyond my capability, as clearly Mr shed man thought it would be.

A little bit of Scotland does you good...

Being the adventures of Neil and Lisa in Edinburghland...
Well we took off from Luton airport after successfully negotiating the mid term car park procedure and flew in the dreaded easycattle airbus...we chose the wrong seats on the outward journey (all my fault!) and ended up squished together at the front and asking for 2 extension thingies for the seatbelt (most embarrassing)...anyway we got there and found a bus that took us most of the way to the hote... a short taxi ride later and we were there, the Novotel on Lauriston place was beautiful, very modern and quite chic...but full of old americans as these were the only people who could afford the 200 pounds a night room ticket! The edinburgh tattoo was on at the same time as us being there so there was lots of fascistic uniform and medals flying around the place...we got there early evening and had a fairly quick shit, shower and change before taxiing to Pleasance Courtyard for the first of our fringe shows. The courtyard is a fantastic place, approx 11 theatres in the same area, admittedly some of them only hold about 60 people but the biggest ones hold about 700, fantastically bohemain and wild. We went to see "Pam Ann" a character name for the wonderful Caroline reid who entertained us with a racous hour of pastchice air crew humour. Caroline had the flight attendants for each airline down to a tee...even promising an easyjet air crew lad in the front row that "one day you might see the sea darling!"..I hope this amazing Australian girl makes it big, she has to be seen to be believed.
Beers flowed after the show and we were introduced to Caroline (part of the prize) and she couldn't have been nicer in real life (unlike her character!). We tarried at the bar and later went back to the hotel for a couple of night caps. After making a few refuted lewd requests to Lisa I fell asleep and awoke next morning to the sounds of Steamship Ellis and her amazing foghorn ( I hasten to add that I was snoring very well myself before I get myself in trouble!)
I made Lisa get up early which was no mean feat and we proceeded to walk into Edinburgh and start our shopping journey down Princes Street with lots of sightseeing on the way. We carried on shopping throughout the day and joined an open top tour bus for an hour just as it started to rain, but it was very enjoyable although a tad cold!...we got off the bus and the sun came out and was radiantly hot. We carried on shopping with Lisa managing a marvellous 45 minutes in H & M whilst I sat and people watched outside. Lots of shopping and snacks later we went back to the hotel and had a rest before the evening onslaught of the courtyard again. We went a bit earlier to see if we could get into another show before our 10pm show but as it was Saturday all of them had sold out so I drank instead and Lisa watched on...our turn for the show came and we trundled into one of the biggest theatres to see the marvellous and joyous Kiki and Herb (see picture above)...to describe them would be an injustice but suffice to say it was a screamfest of laughs, car crash comedy at its very best. A half drag act pastiche of the Steve and Eydie sort of double act from the 50's with Kiki the singer getting more pissed and paranoid as the show went on...simply wonderful stuff!
Back to the hotel for drinks, big tv match of the day and slight packing...
Snores...wake up...more packing and back off to the airport for the flight...better seats midway down the plane, a lot wider and no extensions needed (hurrah!)..take off and level at 34000 feet. We got above Manchester and were told that the descent would now start...how odd is that, they have to start the descent in manchester to land in luton safely!
Anyway...boring bit over, we got home...I still love Lisa, hope she loves me...all is well with the world...The End.
Piddy77 xx

You take the high road, and i'll get the plane.....

Hi all...just a quick blogette as me and lisa are off to Edinburgh today to taste the delights of the Fringe Festival. I won the competition for the weekend up there so will report all when i return. You will be able to read Steve's blog when I post it on Sunday on our return and then you will have a full weekend rundown on Monday on the 'Edinburgh Tattoo, who knew!' blog.
Hope you all have a nice weekend, I believe Matt and Marie have gone off to Prague so should be another interesting read next week too!
See you all soon
Piddy77 x x

Mysterious Manifestations...its Matt !

Is it a good idea to let anybody have there say? Just because someone has an opinion does it mean it’s valid? Is to much power in the hands of the masses a good thing? Should the people who shout the loudest be treated any differently to those who tread quietly?

These are all questions that have been popping in and out of my mind over the last few days. Why does everybody think there in a position to offer advice? Or indeed have the right to voice there opinion. If you let the general public have there say they feel that there opinion is valid. And let me say strait away that very occasionally it is. The trouble is that most of the time it’s not, not within a million miles of being remotely correct. Most articles in the Sun come into this category. Lets face it most of the people you can think of who you hear mouthing off are the sort of people who make mass murder look interesting. How do we expect the average man or woman or as previously mentioned mouthy git in the street to have the insight into how to deal with a complex issue? Most people when faced with that kind of situation tend to have a fairly nee jerk reaction. The reaction tends to be based on a gut reaction or as a result of talking to other well informed citizens (not). Ok so where do these clever average Joes get the background to make life or death pronouncements.

Mainly the media and sometimes just a warped sense of right wing hatred. I am willing to bet that everybody who reads this has at some point in the past listened to the news or read a paper about some horridness that has happened and thought right what we need to do is xxx. And xxx was some right wing vengeance fest involving old style eye for an eye stuff. Then when you think about it you start to moderate your thoughts getting somewhere back towards the middle ground. The trouble is that some people and we all know who they are, open there gob and let rip without thinking. It’s only natural and part of the thought process. Just think before you open your trap. The trouble is that with our lets look after everybody, nobody takes responsibility, lets blame every one else culture the powers that be are afraid to lay down the law or stand up to the idiots. The idiots are usually just ill informed nosey people who love to stick there nose into whatever is happening. The media has to shoulder some of the blame as well. I’m not going to judge who is better at giving an unbiased view. In my mind most news gathering services are there to make money for the owners. They do this by being the first on the scene or trying to find a new angle that the competition has not got. The u.s.p or unique selling point is the way that they hook you. If you do not believe me next time a major story breaks look at the way its portrayed in the different papers, tv, radio etc. You would be forgiven for thinking that the story is in fact two or three different ones the spin can be so strong.

So why am I writing this rant about nosey people then. Well just recently I have been able to watch at first hand the way that uninvited and malicious comments can effect people and there life’s. The power of the mob or the gang can be very strong and it is difficult for control to be regained. People who normally are quite quiet can be sucked in. And because society is running scared of the litigious world that has come over from America it will always take the path of least resistance. There are many answers to problems. Some are difficult some are wrong and some are just a sop to pander to the masses. Sometimes people just have to stand up for what they believe in and hope there going to get protection.

grazing goats...its Gina!

What a week, there has been some really sad stuff, but also some good, happy bits. I have had some really good news, only problem is, I can't share it with anyone at the moment. Bugger, I hate keeping secrets, but to be honest most of you will probably go, "oh that's great, why is she so excited". Remember I'm easily pleased........well that's not always true, some pleasing takes a little longer.(little voice inside my head is now saying "don't go there, Gx" I would like to but I have decided to save it for another day)

Neil received his "surprise", and that's the last time I am going to try and be organised. I have known for 10 months what I would give Neil for his birthday, I'm just pleased the flowers arrived on time, to the correct address, even if the greetings card was blank!

I'm sure you have all heard about the great birthday meal, and the fact that Rosemary and I decided to go up town afterwards. We went to the Irish club, paid £3.50 entrance fee, then sat people watching. That was fairly easy to do as there were only 20-30 of us in there. It did not stop us getting on the dance floor and I'm sure Rosemary will not mind me briefly mentioning the tall dark stranger who was wearing the most fab after-shave. Wow, could he move.........he started with Rosemary, was clearly getting no where, so he moved onto me, still did not get what he was looking for(or even a hint), then as we left I think he found what he was looking for, I hope they both had a very enjoyable evening!

Out again this weekend, why does this happen? I can go weeks without the hint of anything, then suddenly it's one party after another without a break inbetween. I have had Lynne's birthday, M&M's party, Retirement do, Neils birthday, Mo's Ruby wedding, my sister's birthday, then N&C summer party, by September I am sure to be well and truly shattered. Sorry I hope you don't think I complaining, it's great to go out, but I could do with a weekend off every now and then.

Take care everyone, love you all loads and loads. Gx

lashingly lovely...its lisa!

Well Thursday arrived and apart from not hearing my alarm clock to get me up nice and early I bolted out of bed at 7.45am to have a quick shower and then out the door I had a train to catch in St Neots at 9.08am. That’s when I realised I had left my camera at home on the bed! But hooray managed to get to the train station in St Neots and on the train. I sat down looking forward to the getting to Finsbury Park and the short walk.

I looked around and it was nice to see lots of red and white shirts – the chap across from me was with his son he glanced over at me and said we are off to Arsenal I told him so am I oh why don’t you come and join us. It was nice to sit and chat with someone on the train who wasn’t mad or smelt or wanted your money lol.

We arrived at Finsbury Park and walked out and then we made the short walk down towards the Arsenal ground it was as we turned the corner we saw lots of fans all walking down to Arsenal. It was a brilliant we made out way to the West Stand and then had to cue to get in but it was all good as people were talking and singing and having fun. We eventually made it through and then up to the Upper Tier and we were told to sit where we wanted and have a good day.

Just as we sat down a huge cheer went up and out walked Arsene Wenger onto the pitch he was greeted with cheers and clapping – then a huge shout went out as the team came onto the pitch and started running around and warming up. I have to say my phone went mad for a few minutes then as my brother, dad tried to ring and text to see what was happening – I did text Neil to let him know I was ok and having a good time. I was sitting on my own at that time but that didn’t last for long as some guys a few seats away invited me to come and sit with them, so I did they were great and very friendly.

After the training session had finished we were all told to make our way round to the museum and exhibition as we had a free pass to that as well – on the way round I stopped in the shop to have a little spend lol. There was a queue there as well so while standing in the queue I ended up chatting to some people from Cambourne and Peterborough! After leaving the shop I had to hand in an application form for my nephew Ethan to join the junior gunners so handed that it and the guy at the counter asked me if I wanted to buy tickets for the Community Shield on Sunday at the Millennium Stadium it would have been a great day but too far to go do declined I asked him if he had any tickets for any games coming up he said that the Arsenal – Fulham game had just gone on sale to red card members so if I was a member I could buy a ticket – I snapped one up straight away so 24 August you will never guess where I am going again lol
Anyway think I have bored you all enough so I will say good night

PS Just one more thing if any of you saw the cricket over the weekend what a dramatic seat of your pants finale on Sunday I have no nails left lol. I did manage to spend a lovely afternoon with Neil to celebrate his birthday xxx. I hope he has a lovely week off the lucky sod.

Lisa xx

Birthday Special !

Well folks, your blogmaster is another year older today. This year it was quite an uplifting experience and not quite as daunting as the age thing of the last couple of years.
I'm sure that when i stood in front of the mirror this morning my nuts had gravitated about a centimetre downwards...see I don't know whether you ladies know, but we men have a drooping nut problem that goes along with the drooping tittie problem in maturer ladies. Well its not really a problem as such until you get to the age of about 75 and your nut sack is hanging below the hem line of your trousers which are hiked up just under the armpits. I personally can't wait for my nuts to get a bit lower so we can get some of the extreme tea bagging action going...

Anyway enough about my nuts...went out last night, it was so so fabby, i really felt like i was back in West Africa, we all went to Jainbi restaurant in Bedford (web address was going to go here but it seems to have gone...will edit again if i find out whats happened to it!) for the celebratory meal and the food and the ambience were terrific. African music playing surrounded by African colours and decor. Roll call..Annie and Martin, Matt and Marie, Alan and Claire, Me and lisa, Lyn and Bob, Steve and Claire, Rosemary and Gina...all the best people i could have hoped to have around on a special day. Seriously good food though so if you are reading this and you can get to Bedford, find the restaurant, you won't be dissapointed!

I have had some lovely presents so far and am now going to just soak up the rest of the day, hopefully Lisa will come round and lavish me with lots of cuddles...ooer!

All for now
Neil x

A blog that needs no title or any other words...

today (friday) is a sad day, la cosanostra have won the day, as i sit and ponder the situation a song pops into my head so i will share it with you.

There are people that will investigate you,
They’ll insinuate, intimidate and complicate you,
don't hesitate state the fate that awaits those who
try to shake or take you, dont let them break you
YOU!, you can do anything you want to do

people that despise you will analyze and criticize you
they'll scandalise and tell lies until they realise you are
somebody they should have apologised to don't let these people
compromise you be a wise to, you can do anything you want to do
its not wrong what i say is true you can do anything you want to do
do what you want to,
hey you you are not that puppet on a string you can do anything
you want to

God bless phil lynott

sorry there is no story this week hopefully things will be back to normal soon.....................................love steve..x

Thank you Steve for the very appropriate words...blogmaster

Moping Mugwai's...it's Matthew!

Then in a flash it was gone. Well that’s what it feels like anyway. Time is a funny thing you spend all your time looking forward to something and wishing the time away then whoosh gone. As a kid Christmas was always far far away and it never seemed to come. You broke up from school and the few days to the biggie just dragged along forever. And the same has happened to this year well particularly the summer. Where has it gone? Shot by without so much as a sunburnt arm. Well I say gone apart from a few days about a month ago it never really got started. And all of a sudden whoosh gone. Is it global warming or am I just remembering the days of my youth with rose tinted glasses on?

If it is global warming then am I to blame. I drive a car bigger than I need. I drive faster than is legal, which uses more petrol etc etc. I have my central heating turned up to keep the chill out. Well my significant other half turns it up to keep the chill out of the whole street. I do try and keep the dial around 21 ish. I go on foreign holidays to far off lands allowing the plane to take the strain. I buy food in the supermarket, not local because it’s better. I like to be able to eat what ever I want at any time of year. I have furniture from companies who import from across the water. Etc etc etc, in short I am an ordinary person who consumes like the rest of us. Oh and if it is global warming that is having an effect on things why has global warming not made it warm. I probably am to blame along with every other person around. I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night expecting the bearded green party 2cv drivers to be knocking on my door to parade me in front of my neighbour as an example to every one of how bad and uncaring a single person can be. The other side of the argument of course is that he does it so therefore so should I. Cars don’t hurt the planet they promote wealth and growth.

I drive down the street and I use petrol. The petrol companies employ people to dig, transport, refine research and promote petrol. When I go out in my car I need to use the roads. Road building gives the poor brainless irks who in day gone buy would have been canon fodder for the Russian front a job and a sense of purpose. The plane I use to fly on my holidays is the end result of thousands of man hours of human achievement. I am actively supporting the EEC buy buying goods abroad and having them sent to Britain. All that transporting and making and designing selling is key to keeping the world alive. Every time I or you do anything we keep people employed. Each one of us is like a small countries economy.

Or are we just being selfish for the next and successive generations and slowly destroying the planet we live on. As I said then in a flash it’s gone.
Matt x

Galloping Guinea Pigs....it's Gina!

As most of you are aware I have been away for a couple of days. Journey there was ok apart from the minor problem with my nearside rear tyre, it decided to start smoking. Thankfully I was only a couple of miles from my final destination and a really nice man came to my rescue. He could do nothing only state the obvious, but I was grateful that he interrupted his jog to offer some friendly advice! I can clearly do the "help I'm a woman, and I don't know what to do". Car was repaired(I will use that term loosely, as they could not find a problem), and has been fine ever since, fingers crossed.

It's Piddy's birthday this weekend and I'm looking forward to revisiting the African restaurant, problem is, I'm not sure if it's Friday or Saturday, so could someone please inform me of the day and time as I would really like to be there. I had wanted to give Neil a nice birthday surprise(don't get too excited, it's nothing outrageous or gorgeous), but I have had to tell him because my mind was clearly not on the job in hand, so he may or may not get a surprise, but if he does he will hopefully now know that it is from me. Why when I try to do a little forward planning do things go so wrong......I may give a full account of the present buying experience next week.

Lastly(and I hope you don't mind, Neil), a quick thank you to all my friends, you are really great, caring and wonderful people. See you all tomorrow, back to work and looking forward to it.........I know I'm a sad bitch!
Gx

Lipsmacking Loveliness...it's lisa!

You know the saying you wait for one bus and then three turn up in one go well that was my week I haven’t been out for ages and then I never seem to be in!

So before I tell you about my fab week I need to clear up a few things – as you all know I was named on G`s blog last week – having a girlie chat at M&M’s party I happened to mention that I had purchased a certain something. Well since then everyone but his wife seems to have heard about it! Anyway on Friday I was at head office when I bumped into G and Rosemary and I mentioned that I maybe I should conduct a survey on why a vibrator is better than a man. Well after much laughter and a few exchanges here is the conclusion…

Pros
· Always stands to attention when it sees you
· Always available at short notice
· Never moans
· You don’t have to dress up for it
· You don’t have to shave or wax!
· You never have to cook for it
· Hey you never have to take it out and plaster it with alcohol
· The remote is exactly were you left it
· You only have to get it out when you want it
· Always leaves you with a smile J


Cons
· Have to make sure you have a supply of batteries

Anyway I will leave you to think of more, as I am sure the men of the blog will want to retaliate. Lol

Anyway moving on much lighter note a few things that happened to me this week –

I had a lovely surprise on Wednesday, the post lady brought a wonderful letter. I was so excited I jumped up and down on the bed and will now need to replace it lol. – I am off to Arsenal again this Thursday, (4th) I have been invited as a VIP to see the first team go through there training session and then another tour of the place. I am so excited I could scream my brother was sick with envy lol. Apparently I was put in a draw along with goodness knows how many and a group of around 3000 of us have been selected so I will bore you with the details next week.

Neil and I went to the cinema on Sunday morning (and no I did not fall asleep this time!) we went to see `Charlie and the Chocolate Factory` we arrived at the cinema and it was full of little darlings – I could see out of the corner of my eye Neil recoil!

Neil and I went in and sat down it was fairly packed and full of the delightful tones of lots of children nattering and asking for popcorn and drinks. All we needed was one of them to start crying and I think Neil would have left the building lol – and then there was a sob I looked at Neil but thankfully it stopped before they went into full swing. The film was fabulous if you love Tim Burton films then this one will not disappoint it was very dark and there were some classic moments the squirrel scene - `don `t touch the squirrels nuts` was brilliant. There was a little person behind us who had us in stitches with the things they kept asking during the film oh and stating the obvious too look its Willie Wonka! - Well who else would it be! Anyway go see it – I did try to get Neil to consider Herbie – Fully Loaded but I think from the look he gave me it’s a no go lol.

Anyway the last piece of news is the best I think – I am off to Edinburgh next Friday and Saturday with Neil to the Edinburgh Festival – Neil has won another competition and its two nights in a 5* hotel (by the castle) with air fare included and tickets to one show on Friday (Pam Ann) and one show on Saturday (Kiki and Herb). What can I say? See you!!!!!!

Lisa xxx

'Martin and Neil'...the touring years

Well now that the band has split up I thought i would share some sordid tales of touring life with you...

'Martin and Neil' were on tour for most of 2004, it was here that the rows started and I tried to change the name to 'Neil and Martin' on many occasions but the other one wouldn't have it being as he was "more charismatic". We spent the days not talking to each other while we were on the road. The tour bus almost had a divide line drawn down the middle and it effected everyone that worked for us. We couldn't rehearse together, we had to do seperate soundchecks and would only appear on the stage together for that ninety minutes every night. The gigs were getting smaller profile too...it was only three years previously that we played to 100,000 people in our free gig at Central Park NY, the flower children certainly came to play that day...there was enough weed and groupies to satisfy an army. We shared this huge Harem tent as a dressing room and lay on silk cushions whilst admirers fellated us in turn...those were the days, ...and here we were just pulling up outside 'Wyndham Whippet club and Victory Hall' to play for a 60th birthday party for Agnes Bunklethorpe.

For fun I used to piss into Martin's beer and i never found out what he did to retaliate... but my donner kebabs always seemed a bit squishier than they should have been. I sneaked on to the tour bus one day whilst Martin was having some groupie action with a young lady from Carlisle and I overheard him as he confessed to not being able to 'get it up', so the next night I wrote a new song and put it into the performance to Martins suprise..i seem to remember the title of the song was ' you know you're getting old when you can't get it up with a groupie'...oh how i laughed, but after turning the colour of a really ripe plum Martin never ever spoke to me again. I used to spend my time on the tour bus snorting coke off a copy of Big Boy monthly and generally lying there, unwashed with genitals in hand, but the public never saw this side of us. We always had a clean cut image and were the 'beach boys' of the new era...our version of 'Nights in White Satin' is still played today, mostly at funerals and at old peoples parties , but never the less played.

I remember once Martin caught me on the tour bus rogering his dresser, a nice lad from Bournemouth who in a drunken haze had thought that sleeping with me might have got him the stardom that he longed for...how wrong he was, all it got him was a screaming rage from Martin and a naked walking experience on the hard shoulder of the M5 after he had been thrown off the bus with nothing to hide his dignity, apart from the cap of a bottle of 'super lube' that was now dangerously spilt all over the tour bus floor.

Another Martin tour bus story was when he was persued by a young lady fan from Chipping Norton who happened to be blind...she won some sort of fan competition to be on the bus for a day and really fancied Martin even though she could not see him...Martin did not think her attractive at all so was not sexually interested. The day went on and she got more and more high on the old 'green' with a smattering of vodka and decided that she should like to sleep with Martin...so what did martin do?, he worked her up a bit until she was ready and then got one of the roadies to shag her while he stood next to her making all the right noises. He then wrote on her in felt tip...he told her he was signing his name for her..in fact the writing said 'Easy blind girl for rent, ugliness no object' and after dressing her in her clothes the wrong way round, he sent her on her way...that was the sort of guy Martin was...

Until we split up as a band we didn't realise how much we liked each other as ordinary people and now we are very good friends once again...who knows...anyone for an anniversary reunion?
Piddy77 x

*Ladeez 'n gennelmen, this may only be a fictional account, nothing deflamatory is meant,it's all written in the sense of bad taste and humour. names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Thank You.

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Cumming tomorrow... 'Martin and Neil, the touring years'

Sufferin' sukkertash...it's Steve!

The car that my brother bought to replace my morris marina was a volvo 66 variomatic,for those of you not familiar with this model it was a three door estate car powered by a 1100cc engine and two "rubber bands" attatched to a set of conical spindles so the faster the engine revved the rubber bands would ride up the spindles and the car would move, theoretically it could go as fast backwards as it would forwards,i did try this experiment out on a disused air field in flookburgh but ony managed to get up to thirty until i got a bit of a wobble on so i gave up but it was a really fun car!.

My cousin tony had recently been to london with his brother and while he was there he had purchased two tickets for the Rocky Horror Show which was playing at the Wimbledon Theatre, I don't know why but everyone in Ulverston about this time was into the Rocky Horror Show we would all be doing the "Time warp" and "Hot Patootie", Anyway the day of the treck to London came and we had to be up early as two of the girls who worked at the hotel next to my uncles house were coming round to get us ready, Tony was going as Riff Raff and I was going as Frank'n'Furter, the mad doctor and transvestite extraterrestrial, Tony's make up looked fantastic he had used a swimming cap to look bald on top but had his own long hair sticking out at the back he wore a black jacket with tails, ski pants,one flourescent green sock the other flourescent orange and chinese slippers, my get up was somewhat different full face make-up (a bit like someone out of the group Kiss) a long cape, feather boa, green basque, black silk knickers (from one of the girls) fishnets, suspenders, lace gloves and bright pink stilletto's, we looked fantastic!. when we went to leave the house my Auntie said "god are you going too, Margeret?" looking right at me I said "who are talking too?" then she said in her best englitalian "ithoughta you werea your motha" and laughed. we set off around 10am to give us plenty of time to get there as we had no idea of how to get to wimbledon and niether of us had driven through london before,come to think of it, tony had only passed his test about a week before and had not even driven on a motorway before! we stopped at the first services on the southbound carriageway on the M6 which is Forton to get some fuel, as we were leaving there was a hitchiker thumbing a lift, we got past him and stopped, he was running up to the car with glee as he had got a lift aas he got closer I got out of the car to let him in he suddenly stopped the look on his face was a picture, i said "where are you going mate?" he said London Isaid it's your lucky day so are we, he got in the car reluctantly as he was desperate to get home, we drove for a few miles then he asked "errm, are you going to a party?" we said "no!", he seemed to get a little nervous at that answer!! then he said do you dress like this all the time? Isaid no, not all the time! we stopped for fuel again at Watford Gap services and our travelling companion took his leave of us, don't know why? we were quite friendly to him, anyway we set off again as we were leaving the services he was still thumbing a lift so we stopped and said you can get back in if you like which he did with a "oh, alright then" we asked him where he would like to dropped off at and he said stanmore please as we got closer he would say "you don't have to drop me off in the centre of town" we said ok and we eventually dropped him off near the tube station as he got out he bumped straighjt into one of his mates who just laughed at him, he said thanks and gave us £15.00 for some fuel.

we got to the centre of london pretty easily but soon got hopelessly lost looking for wimbledon we drove up the mall down the mall round trafalgar square up piccadilly we ended up on Oxford street where we had the brilliant idea of asking a policeman! so we stops the car and get out, we walk up to this policeman and asked him the way to wimbledon, he looked us up and down and said "just keep driving you'll find it" thanks a lot we said got in the car and set off again somehow we found our way across the thames and soon we got signs for wimbledon Tony suddenly starts whistling the Wombles theme tune so i join in pretty soon we were singing every wombles song that we could think of, "super womble", Bungo's birthday, minueto allegretto and so on,then by accident we found the theatre as we were going round a roundabout, we parked the car and walked up to the theatre everyone in the queue started applauding us everyone came up to talk to us saying god i thought i was daring putting on eyeliner! we had a great time at the show dancing and singing all the songs.

we left london about 11.30pm to drive back to Ulverston which took us about five hours, we stopped at the first services we came too and washed off our make up and changed into our normal clothes. Tony and i still talk about this trip to this day it was just so funny...............................see you soon Steve x

Mythical Meercats...it's Matthew!

Ok Blog time again and what oh what to write about. All seems ok on the rant front and as Gx has already mentioned the party which seemed to go down well with all concerned. As it turned out it was a very busy few days. Not only did we have the do on Saturday night but we also when up to Newcastle to see the tall ships on Monday and Tuesday.

This involved leaving dear old Bedford at 06.45 and being “up north” for breakfast. So I am sitting here feeling like the nice restful weekend I deserve never happened. Well it didn’t but sometimes it’s just worth forgoing that sleep to enjoy life to the full. Perhaps a few statistics about the party just to put a bit of flesh on the bone. As well as me and the wife there were about forty guests at it’s busiest. We kicked off at seven thirty; well it was supposed to be that time but a rowdy Gx, her sister, and a couple of other friends arrived early. Good job because we were running just a little late and needed some help finishing off some of the preparations. Lynne had dropped off some extra garden chairs earlier in the day. Good job as the garden was heaving during the evening. Actually we would have been in real trouble if the weather had turned to rain as we were just about at capacity. And they would have been all over the house and with no space.

Ok back to the statistics. If you remember I said about forty people came, and during that time they managed to consume seventeen bottles of wine, two wine boxes, and each holding five bottles. Nearly two bottles of pimms, and the associated lemonade to go with that, about ten litres. And here is the biggie. About ninety cans of larger or bitter and about twenty five bottles of beer. Now I am no expert in these matters but that strikes me as one hell of a lot of booze. And of course on top of that there was the odd sober person who drank only coke or orange. So anyway thanks to all those who came and made it a great evening. I have to mention Neil (Piddy) he put together a fantastic quadruple CD set of music from the forty years that Marie has been around. It was played during the night and since. We ended the evening with some very loud music from the Who (Won’t get fooled again) and some Pink Floyd (Comfortably num) sorry neighbours. Time I think to go now as its Wednesday and the last few days are catching up with me. I can hear my bed calling me, night night everyone see you next week
Matt

Whispering whippets...it's Gina!

Feeling a little battered an bruised today, I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the hectic but very enjoyable last few days. It was a great night Friday, and a fab party at M&M's on Saturday, and of course Sunday, I can't say any more on this at the moment, but I may "show and tell" the girls one day after a few drinks. I now need to spend a few days in bed recovering from the weekend but instead I have to think of ways to entertain 7 year old, he has also had a busy weekend and managed to sleepover at his friends house on Sunday night. Downside of that is it's all been a little too much for him and he now seems to be feeling poorly(lets hope he doesn't take after his mother), so we may both spend the next couple of days recovering in bed, to ensure we can fully enjoy our weekend away, this weekend.

Maybe my survey for this week could be, great, cheap places to visit during the school holiday, that are not too physical.

Going back to Saturday night, it was great seeing everyone, and catching up on all the gossip. As usual Lisa had a few interesting "girlie things" to share and has promised to include them in her blog on Tuesday. Of course there was one topic that I was really interested in and that was the details of her most recent purchase. I know this will surprise everyone but she has just bought another "bob", it's called a jolly green giant. Just incase Lisa has decided not to include it in this weeks article(that's if she amazes us all and writes one, lol) I though I would as there are a few questions I would like answered. I know this is so unlike me, but I really do find the whole subject quite fascinating and need to know if it would be money well spent.

So would you please answer the following questions Lisa. Have you tried it yet. Is it value for money. Was it worth the embarrassment of being caught purchasing it? Should I get one? Is it really green, or does that mean it's environmentally friendly? How many "bobs" does one girl need? Lastly, maybe people thought it was a 40th birthday pressie, so they will be giving M a few knowing looks.

Have been hitting the sale's today, not sure that was very wise but the retail therapy was clearly needed. Have overspent and over-indulged on some unnecessary purchases, so now can't afford the jolly green thing even if it does come highly recommended.
Gx

Confessions of a bingo caller!

· 1985 is the year and i got paid off from my job as a builders labourer which left me with just my night job as the roxy's bingo caller and barman, although the manageress did give me a few afternoon shifts calling, and a friday morning shift cleaning the bar and beer lines to boost my wages a bit which is always good in my opinion. Working all these extra shifts at the club brought me into contact with the afternoon staff one of which was a 35 year old lady who will remain nameless but she was quite attractive and she took an instant shine to me, she would always be trying to chat me up and she would say "when are you going to take me out" and i would say shyly "i don't know" this went on for a few weeks until it was one of the other girls' birthday's, we were all invited to go, i think it was at the local conservative club (not somewhere i would normally go i might add) but the booze was cheap!! any way things were going along smoothly getting slightly tipsy and eating the nibbles when i was asked to dance by said 35yr old, i would have said yes but the song was "boots up side your head" and i was not doing that!!. Later on she asked me again, we were both a little worse for wear and i said yes, soon it was all over and everyone was leaving and she asked me to walk her home i said "don't be daft you only live there" as i pointed across the street, "drrr!" she said "no, i want you to WALK me home" nudge nudge, (god i was so thick!) any way after that we spent the next few months going out, much to the disgust of my dad but hey i had got used to his disgust over the years. she finally broke it off with me as she said it was not fair on me being a lot younger than her.

· This year also brought my mother back into my life for a while, she had rang up my Uncle Barry asking him if Graham and me would go and see her, so we go to see her and she explains to us that our grandfather was dying and that he had requested to see all his grand children before the end, So one sunny sunday morning my brother and i set off in my morris marina coupe' on the 14 mile trip to Coniston, when we arrived at the house we were welcomed in by our grandma who hugged us both saying we had grown into big lads, grandad was sat in the lounge watching the snooker (boring), he was wearing a oxygen mask as he had developed a breathing problem brought on by years of working in the slate quarries and copper mines, the day turned into a giant friends reunion as all the people we knew kept popping in it was a great day spent reminicing about years gone by and all the things we used to get up to.

· One night when i was at the bingo i was calling the numbers out my Dad appeared at the back of the hall, at the break i went to see what was up as he had never been to the club before, he asked me where my car was and i said it was parked outside my nan's house, he then said that actually its lying on it's roof on a road called Hill Fall and that he was sure that it was my brother who had crashed it, i pondered for a moment and said "but graham can't drive, has no liscence or insurance" so i went to the police station as they wanted to know if i had given graham permission to drive the car as i would have been in trouble if i had, then we went to look at the scene of the accident, what a sight my car had hit a parked car on the right hand side of the road turned on it's roof and smashed into the playground wall of my old junior school but graham was nowhere to be seen , aparrently he was helped from the wreckage by a ten year old boy and he had ran off. he eventually went to court and was ordered to pay £600 to the owner of the car that he had crashed into also to buy me a new car and got banned from driving for 6 months.
· thats it for now, next week ..............drag queens in a volvo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Steve x

The blog with no heading...(apart from this one)

Well here it is...6pm Friday and my drinking has started for the weekend of fun, debauchery, shame and humiliation (although the last two will only happen at a friends party if i go too far!)...I have a friend who often ends with shame and humiliation and that is on a normal pub night!...now we will see who has a guilt complex!

This has been one of the worst weeks I have had to battle through and it seems to be all around with other friends saying the same...it was a full moon this week and i wonder if the lunar cycle had anything to do with it...

Have been watching Big Brother and I pray to God that Science is out this week...please, please, please...I have to feel sorry for Craig because he is in a situation with Anthony that I have felt on many many occasions...the situation of one-way love...its awful when you really love someone and they just have no interest in you at all...it sort of turns into obsession and normally ends with an emotional smack in the head that knocks you for six for a few weeks...or normally you end up in a therapists chair being asked "...and how do you feel about that". I seem to have spent my life down this route (apart from the therapist is normally a bottle of Gin and a TV that magically talks back after a while)...its a shame...it's all going to end in tears...

Its a big crowd for the pub tonight...My adorable Lisa, Dr Sensual, Wolverine, Gx, Matt, Marie, Lynn and our latest guest Rosemary (who happens to be my roof neighbour)...I don't tend to report anything about the pub nights anymore due to privacy restrictions enforced by myself on myself...i just felt that in the last few months of the blog I have bared my soul and now I'm at the point of collecting a new set of beliefs and information that I am sure I will share in the future at some point.

Well thats me signing off for now...hope to have a blog from Steve tomorrow for you...until then..
xx

a bowl of cherries and a whiff of old baby rub...

As promised the saga continues. Just to recap Son, GCSE’s, Bribe (Sorry incentive), Laptop, Wrong laptop,

Part two When I got said electronic fun box home and opened it up it was the wrong model. Well the box said it was the correct one but the contents were not as advertised. Piss, Fuck, Bugger, Wank. Can’t get hold of the help desk there shut? Not bad I think for a 24 hour operation. Spend ten minutes looking at the web site and find that sales are open every minute of every day but customer support. Fuck off no chance take your money yes but help in a crisis!!! Bastards. I calm down as we have friends around that night with booze and too much Pink Floyd loud in the garden.

The help desk opens at 10am. On the dot I’m dialling and a young lady with a northern accent and too much training answers, poor her. It takes her approximately 20 seconds to work out that I am in no mood to get anything other than my own way. I explain the problem very very politely and refuse even to raise my voice above a nice happy contented tone. Even though deep down I would happily spit roast her unborn child and set light to her uncle’s testicles if I thought this was going to get my problem resolved any quicker. The main problem seems to be there total lack of belief about my story. They seen totally convinced that they could never make such a basic mistake as the wrong thing in the wrong box. Well they did and I have the proof even though it’s not the proof I ordered.

After being asked to read various code numbers from the box and the machine the nice but dim girl started to back track ever so slightly. “Can we ring you back “she said “I need to talk to my manager and another department”. Ok when will you phone me back? “Within the hour” the young girls reply. I’m inclined to disbelieve things like this at the best of times, but one has to keep an open mind. I stand corrected the young girl who I now know as Lisa is back within ten min’s. “Hi Mr Hunt” Please call me Matthew. I’m so shocked that a company has kept a promise that I’m caught quite by surprise. “Ok hi Matthew we can do something about this for you “Fucking fantastic (Not out loud).”We have two ways to do this” Ok. “You can buy another and send back the old one and when we get the old one we credit you back the cost of the new one”. And what’s the second because there’s more chance of my wife being able to wax successfully (In joke) than me handing over more money to you. “We send a courier out to pick up the one you have and when it’s back we send out the replacement”. That’s better Lisa when will I .get the new one as you know I need it by Friday Pm (it’s Wednesday morning). “Matthew I promise that it will be with you before 5pm Friday Trust Me”. Oh I want to but it’s cutting it tight. I’m also reluctant to let them take back something I have paid for without crediting my account. Or giving me anything in fact. Lisa is obviously good at reading a situation and say “Trust me” again with just a hint of eastern promise if you know what I mean. Well into the blue. And let’s face it what choice do I have. I need this sorted and there is no other alternative. Ok I say feeling like I have just asked Glenn Close to look after my pet bunny.

About 3pm that afternoon a man in a van picks up the wrong box. Well the correct box but the wrong contents keep up. Wow I’m dancing in heaven and the world is beautiful. Nothing to do now but wait.

I can’t wait Thursday lunch time and I’m on the phone to Lisa just to see if they received the box. “Yes Matthew” says Lisa, with a kind of I told you so in her voice. God was I that much of a problem yesterday. “No” says Lisa “We don’t have that many problems and we are quite a small company”. I don’t know if it’s true but Ill buy it, any one who can remember me like that has got to be great. “It will be with you tomorrow I promise” Lisa says. Wow I want this girl at the end of every phone number I dial. I put the phone down and think about the great service and then remember that I don’t actually have the box yet let alone the contents.

Shit isn’t reality a real cunt sometimes. But I need not have worried the next day Lisa lives up to her promise and it’s here and it’s the correct one.(Thanks Marie and Gina) They risked life and limb stalling a City link man in the middle of his round to check the inside to make sure. And thank you to Lisa where and who ever you are as customer services is a free phone number. But I have emailed your boss to tell them what a great person you are and how helpful you were.
Matt

The end of days?

Some days just don't add up...

With love from Gina...

I have to report to wasting another weekend. Usually story, went to a friends BBQ at 3pm on Saturday, sat outside playing with the kids and the dry cider was slipping down a treat. I had intended to have a couple to drink and then be sensible, but once again that did not happen. When will I learn? I broke all the rules, and instead of sticking to my usual fairly weak cider, I was persuaded to drink the strong stuff and then I ended the evening with a couple of glasses of port. Did anyone see me cycle home, I hope not! The one thing I really hate about living alone and feeling poorly(self inflicted or not) is if you need a glass of water or some paracetamol, you have to struggle downstairs and get the yourself. It can be a very lonely time.

It was a great day, managed to catch up with a couple of friends I had not seen for a while. They sold their house last year and moved into retirement housing. I have to tell you they look fantastic, and are really happy. They were a little apprehensive about the move, but they now know they have done the right thing. They love their flat, they think the warden and staff are great, and they are now financially secure enough to live life to the full, and believe me they do. It's really good to speak to people who are able to enjoy their retirement, this is how it should be.

I will be going out again next Saturday, so a plea to all my friends, please remind me to start drinking water about 10pm, I can't spend another Sunday in bed feeling poorly!
Gx

what i've learned...

I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet
> paper. The closer it
> gets
> to the end, the faster it goes.
>
> I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't
> give us everything
> we ask
> for.
>
> I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.
>
> I've learned....That it's those small daily
> happenings that make life
> so
> spectacular.
>
> I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is
> someone who wants to
> be
> appreciated and loved.
>
> I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in
> one day. What makes
> me
> think I can?
>
> I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not
> change the facts.
>
> I've learned....That when you plan to get even with
> someone, you are only letting that person continue
> to hurt you.
>
> I've learned...That love, not time, heals all
> wounds.
>
> I've learned...That the easiest way for me to grow
> as a person is to
> surround myself with people smarter than I
> am......that's you!
>
> I've learned....That everyone you meet deserves to
> be greeted with a
> smile.
>
> I've learned....That there's nothing sweeter than
> sleeping with your
> babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
>
> I've learned...That no one is perfect until you fall
> in love with them.
>
> I've learned....That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
>
>
> I've learned...That opportunities are never lost;
> someone will take the
> ones
> you miss.
>
> I've learned....That when you harbor bitterness,
> happiness will dock
> elsewhere.
>
> I've learned...That I wish I could have told those I
> cared about that I
> love
> them one more time before they passed away.
>
> I've learned....That one should keep his words both
> soft and tender,
> because
> tomorrow he may have to eat them.
>
> I've learned....That a smile is an inexpensive way
> to improve your
> looks.
>
> I've learned....That I can't choose how I feel, but
> I can choose what I
> do
> about it.
>
> I've learned....That when your newly born child
> holds your little
> finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for
> life.
>
> I've learned....That everyone wants to live on top
> of the mountain, but
> all
> the happiness, and growth happen while you're
> climbing it.
>
> I've learned....That the less time I have to work,
> the more things I
> get
> done.

Mmmm...mammalicious!

Its amazing how something just comes up and slaps you on the arse so to speak. I can be sitting without a clue about what to write then all of a sudden bang. And it was like that when I sat down to write this, Bang red butt cheek time. Ok to set the scene, my son has just finished his GCSE’s and back this time last year I basically bribed him. Although I would prefer if we called it an incentive. Now for a successful bribe sorry incentive to work you have to know the person pretty well. Pick something that is really going to fire them up to get the desired result. Now in this instant the result we are looking for is consistent hard work over a whole year. Quite a hard goal ill bet your thinking. Especially for a fifteen/sixteen year old.

So the prize had to befit the effort put in. Now I am not that up with the teenage kids and what’s in and what’s out etc. And I know that girls at that age are very different to boys. I have one of each and there like chalk and cheese, apart from one very simple thing there desire to absorb vast amounts of your hard earned cash without a thought. Anybody out there in blog land who has small kids take note of this next bit. If you think that having the children the Prams, Nappies, Toys, New car to fit it all in etc is expensive and that it must get easer financially think again. No the older they get the greater the cost. The bigger they get the bigger the bills. Not toys or nappies any more but clothes, mobile top ups, new shoes/trainers the list just goes on and on.

Anyway back to the point of all this. Like I guess most lads of his age my son is into his PS2 or Xbox. And is completely proficient with a keyboard when it’s attached to a computer. Nothing wrong with that the trouble is that he spends so much time on the PC that none of the rest of us can get near it. Not game playing you understand, not surfing the web, but doing home work. Yes ladies and gentlemen the modern secondary school is a hub for the IT literate. There is not much that is not done or connected with the PC. Homework is emailed to teachers for marking. Work sheets are available to download from dedicated servers in the school. Both my kids were given dedicated email addresses when the started so they could talk to tutor and friends. As I said my son loves computers and so I decided that a fitting incentive was on of his own. Now in a rare moment of sanity he decides that a Laptop or as they are called now notebooks is the best option. There more portable than desk top PC’s. Thinking ahead to uni.

Great sorted the game is afoot Watson as they say. And I have to say he rose to the challenge magnificently I have never seen him work so hard. So there I am a year on and about to spend over £900 (yes he is worth it) on this miniature miracle of modern technology. All good, order on the web, yes, well no. If I want it delivered to work I have to phone so they can get extra security clearance. Ok work address not recognised even though I work there with other workers. After many arguments on the phone I have to agree to let them send it home so day off at short notice is needed. Fuck annual leave running low because of extensive holidays but son and heir is still worth it.

Now this is the strange bit. Because of not finding my work address on there computer even though I could prove it existed I had to have it delivered to home. However I was able to pay with someone else’s credit card without even a flicker. All the company wanted was for me to read the number from the card quote the expiry date and give the security pin which is on the back. I know it’s my wife’s card but it’s not in joint names or even has the same name on it. And I’m clearly not a Ms. they did not even want to speak to her. Honestly I could have lifted it out of someone’s bag ten minuets before and had a spree. So much for security.

This last bit is written just before sending piece off to the Ed.
The Note book when delivered was wrong model. Have spoken to customer services about getting it swapped. I feel another saga coming on. Will keep you posted.
Matt

Down memory lane with Gina...

Firstly I will apologise for not sending a blog last week. I did write one, but as it came from "the heart" and could leave me feeling slightly vulnerable I decided not to send it. I do have a soft side, which, for my own reasons, I try to keep hidden. Also I have recently discovered there are people reading these entries that never comment but enjoy reading my open, honest and sometimes outrageous stuff, then tease me about it. So here is an edited version of last weeks entry, without, I hope, too many sentimental bits:-

Saturday 2/7/05, finished work at 2.30pm, filled up with petrol, checked the tyre pressure and started my journey north up the A1 for approximately 230 miles. I was going to visit a friend, and also I was returning to the area where my dad was born, and where he spent most his childhood, until he headed south to Bedford, where he worked at RAF Henlow as a Military Policeman. This was short lived as soon after arriving here and marrying, he spent 18 months in hospital recovering from TB(a subject he would never ever talk about).

The A1 is a fantastic road now, but I still had memories of making this journey when I was young, 6 of us in a car, the 4 children in the back all wanting to sit by the window, the numerous stops because one of us was feeling unwell. It would take hours to complete, it was a trip non of us really enjoyed, but the end result was always worthwhile.

As I travelled further north, I didn't recognise many of the place names, then I saw the sign for Scotch Corner. As I child this was very significant, it meant that we were nearly "home". Of course it was not my home, but it was home for my dad and his mum(a formidable character, who worked for the NHS as a family planning adviser. I now wonder how effective she would have been, because believe me, she was a really scary lady).

I had the most fantastic weekend, I was totally pampered and spoilt, the weather was great, the deserted beach at South Shields(I suppose most beaches are deserted at 8am). Newcastle is superb with it's fab quay side, full of coffee shops and up market apartments, the Millenium footbridge(very memorable for me as I have always had a bit of a phobia about footbridges), it's all a far cry from the bleak place I though I could remember, it's now a really happening place.

So this summer(invite or not) I will be travelling north again, with my 7yr old. I'm going to visit my old house, the farm and school(I spoke about these in a previous blog entry), also my nan's house(which she lived in for as long as I can remember) I can almost picture it, It's a typical council semi on a typical council estate. I'm sure 7yr old will be asking why, when, who for most of the trip, but I really would like him to visit an area that clearly still means a lot to me, why, I'm not sure, maybe I am getting very sentimental in my old age!

If this is my attempt at cutting out the sentimental bits, than I'm glad I chose not to post last weeks entry. Just think, the alternative blog this week, was to relay a very amusing story about a friend who tried a different method of waxing her bikini line. I really liked her partners helpful remark at the end of the experience "did you read the instructions". The things us girls have to do just to go swimming. Of course there is another friend who refused to go on a date because she could not be bothered to shave her legs. Was she planning to have more than a drink or two?

from lisas lips...

Wow the weather at the moment is fabulous – to stay in seems a crime so apologies for the lateness of the blog tonight. I was too busy enjoying the sun up at Neil’s. While I was there I did have a session in the stand up tanner and I have to say its very good nicely basted in 4 minutes can’t be bad.

At lot has happened since we last caught up. Neil, Matt and Marie and I went to London last Wednesday to the Lyric Theatre to see a play called ` Some girls are bigger than others. ` (20 songs from The Smiths) We all sat there and looked at the stage and then for the next 90 minutes I have to say I sat there and thought what the **** is going on – it was very strange. But I did not want to seem like I did not know so said nothing. Neil sat next to me and was totally enthralled, which made me nervy as I thought he gets this and I don’t. After the show we left and Neil nipped off to the boys room. I asked Marie what did she think we both then burst into laughter as neither of us had any idea what we had seen and both felt the same that if you shut your eyes and just listened to the music and lyrics it was really good. Sometime later I asked Neil what he thought and I was relieved to hear that he had not really got a clue what the play was about. (I have to say that even the Evening Standard review had no idea what they had seen either) so I don’t feel so bad now.

Imagine my surprise the next day when getting ready for work to hear that there have been bomb go off in London especially as the night before we were there, it makes you think how lucky we all are. Life is too short to worry about the future we should enjoy the here and now as we never know when the here and now will end. We all worry too much about the future and put off doing what we want to do now because we cant be spontaneous but what if this was your last day week or year would you still be the same or would you live for the moment. I know that if I could go back 10 or more years there are a few things I would have changed – but having said that I contradict myself because if I had the chance to change my life I would probably not be where I am today surrounded by family and friends that I care about in the here and now. Anyway enough of the soppy stuff I will end on a high I have had a few comments about the lack of a message to the beautiful message left me by Neil on Sunday. The song is one of my favourites and was played a lot on our Holiday. I was really touched by the gesture, so I am repaying the compliment and adding one that was another popular song that we would sing away too while lying on our sunbeds in the beautiful Eden that is Nueiweba and in 8 weeks we will be there again. I can’t wait!

If you're not the one
Then why does my soul feel glad today
If you're not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way
If you are not mine
Then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine
Would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away,
but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you

Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay, in your life
If I don't need you
Then why am I crying on my bed
If I don't need you
Then why does your name resound in my head
If your not for me
Then why does this distance maim my life
If you're not for me
Then why do I dream of you as my man
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away, but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay, in your life
Cuz I miss you, body and soul, so, strong that it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
Cuz I love you whether its wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away, but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay, in your life

Caged Tiger

Caged Tiger
Originally uploaded by Mute*.

just found this on flickr...a pissed off pomaranian...thought it was hysterical and very scary at the same time!

... for Lisa

Games, changes, and fears
When will they go from here?
When will they stop?
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll keep my cool,
but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey I play it off, but
I'm dreaming of you
And I'll keep my cool but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possession?
Boy I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny I play it off but I?m dreaming of you (But I'm dreaming of you, babe)
And I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (oh)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(ahh) Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear (say it Lord)
My world crumbles when you are not near (Lord, the Lord kisses us)

Goodbye and I choke (I'm choking)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

courtesy of Macy Gray

Colder play...

well, first of all sorry for being awol last week as i had a very busy boozing session on friday and even busier cricket schedule on saturday and i got nothing written!.
some of you may or may not know that i went up north on monday to see Coldplay in concert at the reebok stadium in Bolton Lancashire, i just thought i would share the events of this day with you!, it was a quite warm day and i was really looking forward to the concert, the venue did not open until ten to five so i decided to set off at 14.30 hopefully to arrive in Bolton at around 17.30 to meet my cousin Tony and Family, so , i went to fill up with petrol at tescos and set off, all was well, i flew up the M1 to junction 19 and joined the M6 journey was going well so to make it easier i decided to use the M6 Toll road (or the midlands expressway no less) which costs £3.50 in the daytime, managed to hit the ton on here as i was nearly the only car on the road! i rejoined the normal M6 after about miles still had no problems and i am sat in the car listening to the local radio stations, when i got to about sandbatch there was a newsflash about a n armed siege in Rottenstall and also that the Manchester ship canal had sprung a leak over an eight mile stretch and the local water authority were planning a rescue mission to save the fish and leisure boaters who might get stranded, All of a sudden without warning traffic came to a sudden stop just about at the junction of the M62 which is the one i needed i sat there for a few minutes waiting patiently, feeling calm and not swearing at all as i had plenty of time to get to the venuethe time was 15.45 soon we started to crawl along at about 14mph which we kept up for ages, the next junction that i needed was coming up and i thought "it will be alright when i get on the M61" the time now is about 18.15 and i get a call from my cousin saying that they had arrived and would wait till i got there before they went in i said "ok" i finally got onto the M61and everyone else on the motorway decided to go the same way (bollocks) now i am starting to get a little stressed at this point, then the car i was following braked suddenly and all the doors opened and four girls got out and ran up the grassed banking one of them turned to me and said "sorry but we all need a wee" then a rover 75 ran out of petrol and it took him ages to get it on to the hard shoulder in between all this comedy the radio kept saying if you want to travel on the M61 don't bother as it is gridlocked isaid "YES!! I KNOW!!!" as i almost head butt the steering wheel then my cousin phones again to see my progress which was not much further than the last time he rang, time now was 19.20 and he said that his wife and daughter had gone in and that he was waiting for me at Tesco's so i asked him to get me a sandwich as i was starving, soon i got signs for the Reebok stadium and finally left the motorway at 20.15 five and threequarter hours after setting off i got to the Reebok at 20.30 where i met Tony who had been thrown out of Tesco's as they thought he was a dosser HA! HA! it turns out that tony and me had missed the first two support acts (Elbow and the other escapes me) and i settled down to watch and listen to Coldplay then the tannoy announcer says that they were delaying the start of Coldplay to allow people stuck on the motorway to get here, after half an hour Coldplay arrived on stage and did a stunning if not brilliant performance, on the track "speed of sound" i phoned the blogmaster to give him a listen, i had no idea what he said on the phone as the music was quite loud so i just held the phone up in the air for about a minute evidently he texted me but i did not get that till i got home!!, i left the concert early as it was getting late and i had a long drive home which was uneventful apart from getting cramp in my right leg so i had to stop at a service station for a while, i finally arrived home at 02.20 in the morning very tired but i was happy to have seen my family and Coldplay who where brill.................see you, steve.
p.s. back to the real story next week!!

London

Is this really what it's all about?

Matt with an 18 certificate!

I find it quite interesting that over the last few years what has become acceptable in the media.. Look at what we can get away with on telly now, even before the Watershed. By the way can anybody give me a serious answer to the question why we call the “Watershed” the “Watershed”. What is or was it and how does it have any relevance to things happening at a given time?

Lets take as our first example the coverage of Live 8 last Saturday. It was fantastic by the way but that’s not what I’m on about. Twenty years ago Sir Saint God Geldof uttered the immortal line “Give us your fucking money” during the live broadcast to the planet. He actually never said that, it’s got a bit embroidered in the telling like the “Play it again Sam” moment in Casablanca. But that’s not the point either. The point is everybody went on about it, and by it I mean the use of the word Fuck. And they’re still going on about it as a landmark piece of telly broadcasting for that reason. Yet last Saturday at a very similar event Madonna asked Hyde Park if it was “Fucking ready” and nobody has even so much as coughed in embarrassment. Fuck has become part of the English speaking world’s language. Just to give you another example about Sixteen or Seventeen years ago I went with some people I new to see Billy Connolly. Now the big Yin is known for his colourful language and I think he is also probably the funniest man on the planet. But I digress. The point again is you don’t go to see him on stage if Mary Whitehouse is your spiritual Grandmother. Within the first Two minutes Billy started by saying, “I better warn you that Fuck is my favourite word and if you don’t Fucking like it you can Fuck off now”. And people did. Strange why go in the first place you know what you’re going to get. I mean it’s like watching porn for the story you just don’t.

Anyway fuck is now used in all but the most sanitised situations my place of work springs to mind. We seem to have sided with the nanny thought police and decided to be very wet and pamper to the softies. And I suspect that the whole use of swear words has moved. Cunt probably has taken the place of fuck today as Wanker has taken the place of Sun reader. Sorry could not resist that. But they are aren’t they. People have a greater tolerance to swearing or do they just hear more and get used to it. I have no end of CD’s in my collection with warning about lyrical content on the sleeve most of which I don’t even think are offensive. I guess it’s all about context. Try listening to gangster rap. Even the stuff in the charts is full of swearing because it’s no big thing.

Today we are much more worried by the use of offensive racial words such as Nigger, Wog, Sambo, and Pakki. And quite rightly so. Interestingly I’m writing this in Word and its spell checker does not recognise any of the words just mentioned. I bet if it had been around Thirty years ago they would have come up. The world has moved on try watching Till death us do part. Apart from the fine acting and great scripts the use of racial or rather anti racial language just makes me cringe. It’s the same with numerous sitcom’s of the day all way out of step with today. Going back to Fuck and Cunt etc I think there quite an important part of out language. There are times when only Fuck can sum up the way you feel about a situation or person. We could however do with some new Twenty-first century swear words. Any ideas you know where to leave the suggestions. Time for me to fuck off then. Until next time Bollocks to you all.
Matt

"Run"

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Lightup, Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear


Courtesy of Snow Patrol 2003

death to dentists!

All things painful……

Today I have had the unfortunate experience of going to the dentist to have a tooth out – my face feels huge like I have gone 10 rounds with Tyson and I just want to crawl into bed and sleep so I am posting something to make us girls laugh for a change

Normal Blog will be resumed next week Lisa xx

T-shirts Seen On Women
My husband could have had any women he pleased-he just couldn't please any!
Men have feelings too. But like...who cares?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
Coffee, chocolate, men... Some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
I run things at my house! (e.g. the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, iron, etc)
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
Do not start with me. You will not win.
If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all... I just can't remember it all.
You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
My husband is the head of the household, but I'm the neck (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move

Pink Floyd @ Live8 

where were you when Live8 happened Grandad?

That will be the question that children will be muttering in about 20 years time after the events of yesterday. Our Steve seems to have gone AWol this week so I thought i would just fill in with a bit about Live8...summing it up it was everything that i wanted it and expected it to be.

I must admit that I don't feel Jonathan Ross offered anything in the way of entertainment or humour in between acts and i do feel that we should have been left to enjoy the films and feeds that the live audience were watching. Apparently a lot of the filler films had a lot to say and a lot to explain so why they deprived the tv audience of that I don't know. The event did not run as smoothly as Live Aid as it seemed that everyone wanted a private soundcheck before they went on, signs of change I suppose...20 years ago everybody was happy to use one set of drums, one vocal mike, keyboards etc and the acts filed on one after another.

Mcartney and U2 were a great partnership to begin with and Sgt Peppers went down a storm. It was great to see newer acts as well as older acts take the stage, personally i didn't really enjoy Razorlite and I think Pete Dougherty should have stayed at home but overall the rest of the acts were great. Annie Lennox shone, as did Madonna. The night was made for me by the arrival on stage of Pink Floyd, the first time they had all played together in 22 years and it was magnificent. The pure musicianship was a joy to watch even if they did look like they had all just stepped off from doing a gig on a cruise liner.

I had the pleasure of having Lisa and Martin with me for the whole day and I think we all enjoyed it in between the eating, drinking and general merriment. I do hope the day makes a difference and i will be interested to see what happens in the news by the end of the week.

MAKE POVERTY HISTORY

pre live8 day

Oh Goodness!... I am so excited..its here...live8 begins at 2pm tomorrow and i've already had a few tears of excitement when i heard a taster of Pink Floyd playing.

Haven't really got a lot to say today so I just wish you all the happiest of live8 days, enjoy the event and remember what its all about.

MAKE POVERTY HISTORY