Spurs that jingle jangle and a willy like a small childs arm...

...and it's a very good evening from me, your host...

1. Saudiism.....

As we speak the Queen is pandering to every need of the Saudi Arabian royal family...what the fuck!...it is them that should be pandering to us for buying huge amounts of oil at incredibly inflated prices, making the Saudi Royal family the richest uberpikies in the whole world. Of course the Queen lives in a world of her own and has no idea of the hardships her people go through on a day to day basis. "what, does one have to BUY petrol?" she asks her aide and you see the titters and tiaras roll around when she finds out the truth. Fuck her and her family, the whole place would be better under a presidency as I have said many times before...if anyone can make me angry it's her and her inbred half wits...oh, and the pope because he's a cunt.

2. Saw 4....eeek it's here...watching it tonight so will post a report in the next issue.

3. something to keep you amused....

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/action/knd/hamsters/


it's just brilliant!

4. Sex talk....

What's 'fisting' all about then...I for one could not imagine anything worse than putting my hand inside somebody's rectum and using them like a glove puppet...if i wanted to do that i would have become a rural vet.

'Piss play'...why?...why would you want to roll around in something that somebody has excreted through their kidneys as by-products that their body doesn't want. If i had wanted to do that I would have got off my tits and gone into the darkroom at some god awful Ibizan club.

'Swallowing'...why all the turned up faces and squealing...its only like sucking an egg out of it's shell with added sweet and sour flavouring.

5. Ticket Prices ....(an old theme revisited)

"Hairspray" is now on sale at £60, I remember when Ellnet was £1.39 for a huge can and i thought that was expensive...seriously though, every time a new show opens in the West End the price goes up...60 pounds! For 60 pounds I would expect 4 of the 5 westlife boys singing their greatest hits, a full facial from them and have change for a packet of moist towelettes from Superdrug....60 pounds my arse...although the soundtrack is fine it ain't worth the money.

My intentions are very good, but my alter ego is very very bad...more goat soon...ciao x