Tuesday, July 11, 2006

big time establishment fucking...

I did say last week that I would not write anymore about the World Cup but seeing as I live in an area with a large Italian population I just wanted to say Congratulations and thanks for the fireworks, blaring of horns and cheering that went on to the early hours of the morning – should England ever win the World Cup I promise to repeat the favour. 

The reason I have decided to write about the World Cup again is that the BBC News website had a great piece written by Sean Couglan for the BBC News Magazine about the Zinedine Zidane sending off.

The article basically was saying that France’s hero ZZ was going to end his glorious football career on a high by competing in the ultimate football showcase the World Cup Final but instead was sent off red faced for a spectacular `head butt`. The article then goes on to ask how would you leave your job on your last day in a way that won’t be forgotten.

The 10 ideas that Sean put are these:

10 things to do on the last day of your career
By Sean Coughlan
BBC News Magazine


France's football hero Zinedine Zidane ended his glorious career in spectacular style - getting a red card for headbutting an opponent in the World Cup final. How are you meant to leave the office in a way that won't be forgotten? Here are some ideas... and send us your suggestions.

1. Use your leaving speech to deliver a verbal Zidane-style headbutt. Affairs, expenses scams, inflated bonuses, wigs, how the place has gone to the dogs. Feel the room get colder than an eskimo's beer fridge as you give them your wit and wisdom.

2. Leave a challenge for your successor. When President Bush's staff took over the White House they complained that the Ws were missing from the computer keyboards (as in George W Bush) and that an office had been renamed Office of Strategerie.

3. If David Beckham can cry when he's leaving his job (as England captain) then so can I. Don't. Bad move. Nothing is going to fill an office with more horror than the prospect of Jeff from accounts showing emotion. It's not what open plan is about.

4. Leaving speech II. Talk at interminable length about your own glittering career - that time you really showed them who was boss over the faulty photocopier - and deliver rambling anecdotes about characters who left years ago. Just keep talking, it's your last day. What are they going to do? Sack you? You've listened to them for long enough. Look, I can just keep going...

5. Hand your identity dog tag to the craziest frother in the shopping centre and tell them where they can get free coffee and meet lots of new and hospitable friends.


6. The Mozambique chardonnay has all been drunk at the leaving party, they're playing the get-your-coat-on music ... and that special co-worker is just about to say a final goodbye. But it's never, ever a good idea to tell someone you've worked with for 20 years that you love them. Life isn't a Christmas special edition of The Office. It's much more cruel.

7. When you read your leaving card there's always a great big signature and a message from someone you've never heard of. Find out who they are and promise to meet them for a drink... since you're such big friends. It'll scare the hell out of them.

8. Check your e-mail in-tray for the bitchiest messages from your colleagues - you know, the ones slagging off people in earshot - and then threaten to send them out to the entire organisation. Watch your leaving present fund grow and grow.

9. Refuse to admit that you're leaving and just carry on as if nothing has happened and that you'll be there forever. This is technically known as "the Prescott".

10. That "exit" interview. This will be the first time you've come across the gleaming 20-storey office block occupied by floor upon floor of the "human resources" team. It's your big chance to tell them exactly... Are they listening? Hello?


He then asked for people to email in suggestions and what followed were some really classic ones but I have to say that the one that caught my eye was from a guy called Andy Staves in Andover who wrote the following :

When I lived and worked in America I decided to buy a handgun. It takes several days for the checks to be carried out, so I had a date to pick the gun up. I put this on my diary at work. I was asked to leave before this, and when my computer was searched, 'pick up gun' and 'meet with manager' were scheduled for the same day. I didn't have to do anything, that scared him enough (it was sheer coincidence)
Andy Staves, Andover
So the moral of this story is be careful what you note in your electronic diaries!!
I would love to write what I would do on my last day in my job but careless talk costs lives or in this case jobs so you will have to wait for that one.
Please feel free to leave your comments and of course your suggestions anonymously of course

Lisa xx

Sunday, July 09, 2006

In the name of all that is holy.....

hi everyone...you find me in a downcast mood today...I'm finding it very difficult these days to keep this blog going, we don't get comments, we don't get people joining in on the questions i ask, whats the point...i think the others are losing heart too..I don't know what to do with it really...I get a report of how many visits the blog has in a week and last week was the best week yet but when I read other blogs thay all have comments and a bit of community interaction...here we have nothing, it is an important part of my life but I'm not going to let it stress me out. I am going to request once more, I NEED MORE WRITERS!...if you feel like contributing 10 minutes of writing (really, thats all that it takes) once a week please contact me and let me know...anything goes but i do have overall editorial control.

I am allowed to take ten things to a desert island...what would they be...hmmm..

1. portable solar powered dvd player and my x files dvd box set
2. a wireless solar powered laptop with satellite internet access
3. a bottle of thierry mugler 'angel' for men
4. a bottle of remy martin
5. a copy of 'chicken soup for the soul'
6. this mortal coil ' filligree and shadow' cd
7. a poratble camping stove
8. a rubber bodysuit that converts sweat to drinking water
9. a bar of galaxy chocolate
10. a picture of lisa

what about you?....and i'd better get some fucking answers :)

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Sorry...this was meant to be posted yesterday...yesterday was a day of reflection and reaction.

Enjoy an Imogen Heap video...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Phone Moan...

I have just replaced my mobile phone and it should be a painless and enjoyable experience, so how come I am left feeling as if I have just gone ten rounds with the heavyweight boxing champion of the world. It all started about two months ago I received a text message from the gentleman and I use that term lightly who sold me my current handset which has just come to its first birthday. You are eligible said the text to a free upgrade text back yes and I will organize everything for you. So I did and that’s when all the shit started to happen.

First of all Mobile phone makers seem to release new models so frequently it makes your head spin. And although brochures and all the information within are aimed at people who want to use their mobile for anything other than talking, I would like to use mine to talk to people, radical I know. Call me old fashioned but I always thought that was the main reason for having a phone. Secondly it’s only been twelve months since I last replaced my handset but every talk plan has changed so I can’t just have the same again and that pisses me off, if it ain’t broke why try to fix it comes to mind.

When you want to buy a car or a piece of a Hi Fi equipment or a camera or anything technical you can go into a shop or showroom and play with the model of your choice listen to what it sounds like, how it takes pictures etc etc. And with nearly every other products I can think of the salespeople have at least a general knowledge of the products they are trying to sell. You know it might help them sell more just a thought.

Not so the mobile phone shop oh no their staff are young teenage fashion conscious idiots who think no further than a mobile phone being a fashion accessory to dangle around your neck covered in a complimentary color to your nails and or lip gloss. Just as an experiment I are asked the young sales assistant if it would be possible to try out the mobile phone I was interested in, after all when I bought my camera I was able to try it take pictures and make sure it fitted my requirements. I think the young sales assistant thought I had just dropped from another planet
“ why do you want to try it out “ was her reply
“ to find out if it's going to do what I want “ came mine
“ Oh no we don't do that” she said
“here a picture of it in a brochure”
I swallowed hard and realized this was one battle I was never going to win. OK I said it looks nice in the picture so with the talk plan I want and the handset from the picture what sort of deal will you to keep my business. And then she uttered the immortal phrase
“ oh you’re an existing customer are you “
“yes” I said “I have been very loyal to you that’s why I thought you would give me the best deal possible to stop me spending my money with the opposition”
. “Sorry” she said “All these deals we have printed in the brochure are introductory offers for new business”
“so there for new customers only” I said with a slight smirk.
Little miss dimwit didn’t get the reference to the television advertising campaign and with a very straight face said “Yes sir there for new customers only”

I find it absolutely amazing that a company that relies on customer’s spending money should be so shortsighted to only focus on new business. Let's face it there can’t be that much new business in the mobile phone market anymore. It must be nearly at saturation point. Everybody I know has one and some people have two, who is there left to be new business. The only new business are the customers so pissed off with being treated differently to new customers that they have to go to the competition and start again to get a good deal. The whole system is about as ludicrous as George W, one brave company needs to have the foresight to sort out the situation and look after there existing customers, they would probably clean up. Because lets face it trudging around looking for the best deal is a real pain. Come on mobile phone companies get your act together. The futures bright, no it’s fucking not.
Matt x

Oliver Paine

First of two blogs today...I am writing a special blog today due to being thrilled with a musician of such quality that it has to be shared...


Oliver Paine - Fritz Kahn and The Miracles (www.oliverpaine.com)

This is one of the most important double cd sets that I have heard for a long time, why?..for one the quality of the musicianship and the production is second to none, secondly it will put shame to some of the bands and musicians that are currently signed to major labels.

So what do we have, we have a musician who is part Damien Rice, part Rufus Wainwright with Pink Floyd production values. Oliver has one of the most poignant singing voices I have heard in a long time and the album as such is so easy to listen to over and over again.

The concept of the songs is about a little boy who falls down a well and what might have happened...

The album is split into two discs, disc one features 'Playing God' and 'Rest in peace' with 'The Party of our lives' and 'Beautiful country' which are also featured on the second disc. 'Rest in Peace' is beautifully structured and was written for Olivers Father.

The main album opens with a Cabaret inspired 'Welcome', the song humourously portrays the type of bordello sing along that songwriting story tellers love to partake in, the heady smokey bar noise is successfully inspired.

'The Party of our lives' is a great 'festival' song and a perfect summer anthem, sounds of the accordion mix neatly with acoustic guitars and hand clapping galore! I dare you not to join in by the end of the song!

Delightfully we bounce through 'My Perfect Love' to encounter the first ballad of the album called 'My Girl', Oliver sounding like Jamie Cullen on a jazz tinged paeon to a lover. Olivers songwriting skills are at the forefront of this song, being able to portray a love story successfully within the space of 2.5 minutes.

What I like about this album is that it encompasses different genres through each song that you travel with. 'Snarky' is a song that lives in the era of early Simon and Garfunkel, it's lyrically and musically pleasing and flows out of the speakers with emotive poignancy. The build to the crescendo at the end is thrilling with musicians rythmically taking a war like stance. 'The Crystal Palace' perfectly paves the way forward with the vocals taking a disturbing cadence throughout the second part of the song. Beautifully strange.

'Mother' takes a bluesy stance and reverberates the room with lyrics such as "I will suck on your breasts, poison on my lips...", this is a great song with commendable keyboard work and backing vocals.

My personal favourite song is the strangely titled 'Leanan Sidhe' (a fairy name) where Oliver successfully transports you to the realms of Jaques Brel and Scott Walker. Olivers vocals on this track are just top notch and the pretty musical refrain which backs him does not deter from the majestic vocals in the least. A music box winds down to lead to 'Its not the end of the War', an anti-war song calypso style which gets its message across nicely.

'Here comes my Woman' is the track on the album which i found quite hard to deal with emotionally, it's beautiful. Its a personal thing with this track I think, you either get it or you don't...I got it and it affected me. The piano and vocals are sublime, it's very moving.

Continuing our journey through Olivers world we stop and bask in the folk blues aspect of 'Beautiful Country', the song has a beautiful chorus in a creole type style, another album highlight.

Oliver takes an anti nuke stance with 'An Atomic bomb called Danielle', but what I like about Oliver is that he gets his messages across in a lyrically sophisticated style, it's not in your face, the music is once again very emotional with a fantastic string arrangement, the song has a message...listen to it.

At this point of the album you really are wishing that it won't end but unfortunately that has to happen (unless you have the repeat button pressed!)..the album moves on with the Noel Coward stylings of 'Xangri-La', its a fantasy song that works in many different ways, if you like foot stomping this ones for you, it's an ingenious percussive device used in the refrain. Sweet!

And to the last song 'Devotion', it compliments the beginning song of the album..too many drinks, the remorseful feelings follow and the singer sings his sad song and wanders off into the night to reflect on his life.

It's an albums of extremes which works on so many different levels, and with all my years that I spent in the music business it's not very often that music excites me...this is one person who has rekindled the flame...Oliver, thank you.

Review Copyright Neil Piddock 2006.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Tagine...is that a noncy word for stew?

well another day goes by in the big brother house and the entering freaks get wilder and wilder...jayne with a y is one of the biggest shit stirrers around and definitely has it in for lea..michael the new gay is prancing around trying to get his own sleeping arrangements in the bedroom sorted out without giving a shit about anybody else, and Jennie, well she's just a scouser..an accent i find slightly more irritating than the birmingham accent..she's young and stupid, what more do blokes want form a television show. Aislean has really fucked up big time and one of her 'friends' is going home on the bus tee hee.

Have been enjoying Ramsays F Word show, although I do feel that he is in danger of becoming a walking caricature of himself...great advice and great cooking though..can't wait to see the pigs slaughtered lol...the look on the kids faces will be priceless!

welll.I have just seen 'Superman Returns' ...it's magnificent, it really is...had me enthralled for 2.5hours.

A couple of gripes follow...

****SPOILERS*****

Wasn't quite sure about the plot line with Lois being an unmarried mother since Clark Kent had seen her last, and the son turning out to be supermans boy!

Thought the 'first flight' segment was nowhere near as good or romantic as the Christopher Reeve and Margot routine...really missed the 'can you read my mind?' segment.

****SPOILERS OVER****

One thing that did suprise me was the use of the original theme music...Bryan Singer obviously new he couldn't better the John Williams score.

All in all it was worth the wait and Bryan Singer has obviously loved working on every minute of this film. Kevin Spacey excellent as Lex Luther but i feel he may have been a bit underused..imo. See it as soon as it opens at the cinema...

I have no conception at the moment of what is happening in real life world..I spend the days resting, playing with Tiger Woods (not literally), reading, studying up about bee keeping and thinking of photography projects that i might do...that's all to end soon..have to go to doctors next monday and hopefully i will be returning to work on the 17th..you really can have too much time off you know...it's been interesting but it will be nice to get back to normality...spoke to the boss and he has asked me to go part time for the first couple of weeks so I can drift back to the work ethic slowly...i thought that was nice!

back to Tiger now...I hear him calling!

Neil x

PS. That has given me an idea...can you please email me at piddy77@ntlworld.com and suggest a photo that i may take...I will then post the results on the blog with whose suggestion it was...that sounds like a challenge and a bit of fun.


Tuesday, July 04, 2006

She's football crazzzzzyyy....

Well its all over for another 4 years and I know from that there will be a few of you cheering the fact, no more having to listen to arm chair critics talk about how good or how bad we were. Poor old Sven he would have been a god if we had managed to win all his past misdemeanors would have been forgotten he would have been a hero. Instead he will become a scapegoat and all five and half years will be analysed and debated and torn to shreds. All those football pundits that have slated him over the years will feel that they were justified. I as you all know love football, love watching it and have enjoyed watching the World Cup and will continue to watch it despite England not being in the semi’s or the Final (cheering on France to win now!)

I have to say that most of the games have been excellent but a few have been marred by bad refereeing and bad sportsmanship – by this I mean the diving, some of the European teams have mastered this art brilliantly and have even managed to convince referees it was a foul.

10 uses for an unwanted England flag (courtesy of BBC Website)
Millions of England fans are waking up to unwanted flags on houses and cars. A few suggestions on what to do with them.
1. Use them to dry your eyes. Despite most flags being made from synthetic materials, typically woven polyester, some of them can be absorbent enough for your most lachrymose moments.
2. Continue to display your England flag with pride (part I). If anybody asks, point out England are still in the competition, Saturday was all just a bad dream, lightning never strikes so many times, it's going to be an England v Germany final. Place hands over ears and repeat "naa naa naa, I can't hear you".
3. If you're a Sun reader you could consider using the flags as stuffing for an effigy of the newly-crowned "least popular man in the Premiership" Cristiano Ronaldo. Don't burn it though as some polyester can give off pollutants.
4. Recycle it. Some polyester fibre can be recycled effectively.
5. Return them to China. They made them.
6. If you know anyone who's a dab hand with a sewing machine why not consider turning the flags into clothing and shipping them out to developing countries.
7. Bleach flag, convert into cross of St Andrew, get behind Andrew Murray. There isn't a single French, German, Portuguese or Italian player left in the men's singles at Wimbledon. So frankly, who cares about the World Cup. (Correct at time of going to press).
8. Continue to display your England flag with pride (part II). England kick off the World Lacrosse championships on 14 July. Best of all the tournament is being held in London (Ontario). Come on England.
9. Try and get a refund or exchange. The Trade Descriptions Act 1968 makes it an offence for a trader to knowingly or recklessly make misleading statements about services. Any flag trader who suggested England enjoyed a vague chance of actually winning the thing should surely feel obliged to offer you at least a France flag in exchange.
10. Save them for next time. Euro 2008 is in Switzerland and Austria. With David Beckham likely to head off to spend more time with his hair, England might really have a chance of winning. There's only 705 days to go.

http://www.flickr.com/groups/bbcworldcup

Lisa x


Sunday, July 02, 2006

A Monday blog appearing on a Sunday...who'd have thunk!

awww...you catch me on a distraught sunday evening ...I have just witnessed Marissa Coopers death in 'The OC'...she died in the arms of her one true love, Ruan Atwood...who was also suitably distraught after having rolled the car down a hillock after being pushed off the road by Marissas current nasty boyfriend Vorcek...well thats that then..a new series starts next year without any of them being still based in Orange County..lets see how that goes...'Hallelujah' by Imogen Heap played as Marissa died...it was beautiful.

I don't know whether I have mentioned my new family but here in the rooftops I now have baby pigeons..I was hoping to clear the mess up that they have left, as they are now venturing out of the nest and flapping their wings a bit...but i looked behind the flagstones and there are two new eggs..they weren't there this morning so now what do i do...I can't commit pigeon abortion, i really can't, so i will have to see what happens in the next week or so...I will keep you posted...

I am now feeling well enough to go dating again so if any of you have any eligible friends, I am looking for someone fairly conversant in most things, someone who doesn't really care what I look like :) and someone who is prepared to date a man of limited means...answers on a postcard please..

Music for the moment...I beg you to listen to the official bootleg of 'Dream Theater - Dark side of the moon'...yes a totally live recording of the Pink Floyd album which is magnificent, they also do more of Pink Floyd including 'Comfortably Numb' on disc 2...I don't know why they have done it but it's great and compliments the original very well indeed.

Lots of Ray Lamontagne adverts on telly at the moment..had forgotten about this album as it was released last year, great for listening to in a darkened room with a bottle of wine and a loved one (they are allowed to provide their own drink!)...beautiful lyrics and tunes...you know i'm nearly always right with my music so trust me on this one and buy the album :)

That'll do for now....too damn hot!
Neil x

Sunday...

Friday, June 30, 2006

Hot thing!.....

It's a summers evening ...imagine yourself in a hot sweaty club listening to a set by James Brown and the horns of soul...well it wasn't James Brown and it wasn't sweaty but at the 100 club in London last night, it was musically Damn Hot!...

St.Paul Peterson and the Sounds of Minneapolis took to the stage and blew away the small exclusive audience that awaited them...the gig was great, musicians that had played with Prince throughout his career bought the Minneapolis sound right back into London...

It's the first time that St.Paul has played a gig here and it was arranged by The Prince Fan club, hence being a bit exclusive...we wandered around in front of the stage, dancing here and there but mostly watching in awe at the musicianship that was taking place just 5 feet in front of us...St.Paul on Bass, Vocals, Keyboards and guitar (truly amazing with a great voice) Ricky Peterson on Keyboards, Vocals and digital video camera! (St Pauls brother whose dexterity on the keyboards just blew everyone into jazz funk oblivion) Kat Dyson on guitar and bass (She is truly a talent to admire and one of Prince's closest working companions) Joey Finger on drums (looking like hugh grant and as tight rythmically as a percussionist can be, what i would do to see him and sheila e on the same stage!) and Jason Peterson Delaire on keyboards, saxophone and vocals (St Pauls Nephew...an amazing all round musician and singer...he made the saxophone bleed!)

The set consisted of songs from the very old to the very new, a couple of highlights were when they broke into Sheila E's 'Love Bizarre', Prince's 'Sexy MF' and St Paul's original version of 'Nothing Compares 2 u'....truly truly magnificent.
One gig in England was not enough!
Good God Y'all !...I hope they come back soon, for your sake

Neil x

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Oh, my god it goes from bad to worse no sooner than I get in sight of the final whistle of the 2006 World Cup than bloody Wimbledon starts. If you look at the papers you would be forgiven for thinking that everybody in Great Britain is interested in football to the exclusion of every other subject. The truth is somewhat different, there's a sizable chunk of the population of this country who are not sports fans and are just waiting for it all to end.

Now I am a fair kind of person and I think it's only right and proper that such an important event as the World Cup is given proper live coverage on a major terrestrial television channel. But during this year's world cup the schedule has been shot to bits, football has taken over everything. It's not enough that the match is on live but there’s a build-up program with pundits guessing what will happen, and afterward we are subject to endless sports personalities of yesteryear analyzing the fuck out of what just happened.

I know that television is a competitive industry and I know that television executives spend vast amounts of their budget buying the rights show these games, but does the side that’s not showing have to cave in and offer nothing to the rest of the population.

I think these TV companies have missed a trick, there is a gaping hole that a clever TV executive could fill and make real killing in. But nobody is prepare to stick their neck out and schedule something half decent against the might of sport. Just in case it cost a few quid. So I and lots like me are stuck watching endless repeats of something crap from 1979(and no I was not referring to Margaret Thatcher although she definitely was something crap that happened in 1979 to all of us)

I would just like to end today by adding my two pence worth two Neil’s story the other day about his bad experience with Ebay. Just after Christmas I sold an old mobile phone hand set. A gentleman who shall remain nameless won the auction and paid me very promptly through PayPal. As the gentleman had played I sent the goods off to his registered address all happy I thought, oh how wrong can you be.

Twenty four hours after I had sent the package my buyer decided to contact Paypal and get them to put a stop home the money in my account. Apart from the facts that I was unaware Paypal could do this I was very pissed off. My buyer claimed that I had not sent the package and therefore was being fraudulent. It turns out that unless you follow the sellers guide to the letter you are not covered at all. You sell something and it all goes wrong there are a number of steps you have to have done to even be in with a chance of getting any compensation.

You must only send Items to the registered buyers address; you must always get a signature from post man so that you can track a parcels progress and prove that you actually sent it. And finally you have to use Paypal for all money transactions. There are many unscrupulous people out there who will take you for every bit you have with out a second thought. Be careful you have been warned.

Matt x

(and to add a bit more to my story the wanker that i dealt with has now de-registered from ebay so I can't even send him any abusive emails....it's just not right, I was going to threaten to boil his mother in hot fat next :) Neil x)

Most Farted (Fart 3) - Stale Meat

The Most Haunted team suffer more stinky spooks and Derek's faculties fall foul of a phantom farter.

Most Farted (Fart 2)

The Most Haunted crew communicate with gassy ghouls and Derek Acorah gets possessed by a flatulent phantom in Most Farted (Fart 2).

Most Farted (Fart 1)

Most Haunted as never seen...I had to share these clips...juvenile but bloody hilarious!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

born free......

Lisa sends her apologies...she's a bit poorly, hence no blog yesterday..mind you I probably wouldn't have got one anyway :) although she has promised to try and work a week in advance as i expect all my other bloggers to do! lol

Whats happening today then...well I made my mum fall up the stairs yesterday when she was racing to answer my phone call...i told her off you know...i told her that she does not need to scramble to the phone...you're never too old for carpet burns!

Spent the afternoon listening to Prince on the old hifi...it amazes me what genius i find in his work everytime i listen to him...there is always something different to take in...

I need to get out somewhere else and take some photos...I get sort of a burning sensation in me, a need to photograph things...what i really would like to do is a bit of photo journalism, a bit of reality shooting...perhaps i could find a project to document...some protesters or something in that ilk....let me know please if you have any ideas...would love to get some inspiration from outside sources...

I hope you are enjoying the videos on the blog site...i reckon they add a nice trashy feel to the place...I want my blog to be that seedy comic shop that you go in for a browse, or that slimy sex shop that has painted out black windows and a fat greasy guy sat at the counter thumbing through a sticky paged 'Hustler' or something in that style....I want to be the pulp fiction of the blog world, being visited and read by freaks and misfits...no offence meant!...I want to be the local flea pit instead of the air conditioned multiplex...do you REALLY get me?...or am i just rambling to myself....I would love to feature stuff by readers...art work, photographs, prose, poetry...anyhting considered, the stranger the better...and you can have fame and glory or total anonimity...its up to you...i want to hear from you NOW!....oh and i need more readers...spread the word...pleeeeeeeze x

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

just wayne and the boys from 'The Flaming Lips' being absolutely amazing!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Jerusalem is just an artichoke...

well hello all my little friends...better late than never...having just stuffed myself with a burger and twirling round the room to a remix of 'Yazoo - Situation' I realised that I had not written the blog for today...

well fuck me, what do i write at short notice...I need inspiration...enjoyed watching Australia v Italy this afternoon but I really wanted the aussies to win...that would have been nice as they are all quite attractive and deserve to win!

I have been winning competitions again and have got two tickets to see St.Paul (who he?...I hear you say)...he is the chap that used to be in 'The Family', a Prince offshoot which first recorded 'nothing compares 2 u '. He is playing with the Minneapolis horns etc at the 100 club in Oxford Street on Thursday. Should be dead funky but whether I actually go or not is a different matter..I shall have to see how i am feeling...I've entered another competition through Popbitch to see 'The Who' on Sunday at Hyde Park but so far have heard nothing :(

I have received a message from Pinota in Cuba and will aim to post it later in the week...

Watched 'The lake house' yesterday evening...what a sweet little film that is...get all your girly friends together and go and weep with Keanu and Sandra (oooh did i mention that Keanu was at The Strokes gig - swoon!)...really it is a nice film, not too taxing for the female brain and very worthy of your time and attention...

Sat here bopping away to 'Ministry of Sound - clubbers guide to summer 2006' ....awesome awesome compilation....listen to it loud until either your brain or ears bleed...wash it down with a few beers and create your own disco by stubbing out cigarettes on your pet...it really is THAT much fun....bugger me, a bronski beat remix.....

sorry, that was meant to say 'carpet' in the lines above and not 'pet' as written...it won't let me change it for some reason!...sorry animal activists, this site does not condone stubbing cgarettes out on pets.....except tortoises and those of a shell variety which make very good portable stubbers....oh god i'm going to hell for that one!

I had better finish before i get myself into more trouble!
Ciao
Neil x

Sunday, June 25, 2006

ebay buyers are not always trustworthy...

Just a little rant about ebay policy today...I had a guy who bought 120 old video discs (the precursor to dvd and laser disc) from me at a really cheap price...I had planned to just throw them out but put them online to see if i could get anything...to cut a long story short he won the auction 3 weeks ago, first of all he made excuses about a paypal account, he then said he would have to get someone to collect them with him and as such was meant to turn up today...guess what, i get an email and he is busy at work, this is sent after he has meant to turn up...thus screwing up my plans for the day and I am still out of pocket as he was not the only person that bid for the items. Ebay should be insured so as to pay out to buyers who suffer this type of abuse, it certainly would not happen in a proper auction house...they could make a payout and then seek retribution from the person defaulting on the sale...don't you think that is a good idea?...as it is, they don't do anything unless you have paid for something and it doesn't turn up...that is the extent of their cover...thank god not all buyers are like the idiot I have mentioned above...

On a lighter note i feel very fluffy today...i seem to have a happy cloud hovering over me for the time being so I am going to make the most of it and be nice to everybody for at least a couple of days.

So glad that fuckin shit fuck bollocks Lisa is out of the house...I mean i don't mind a bit of rough but there is a difference between slate and aggregate...

Have a lovely Sunday everyone...all for now
Neil x

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Friday, June 23, 2006

Let's go fucking rock 'n' roll crazy man!

Well me and the big man 3steel wandered off to Hyde Park the other day for the first day of the 02 Wireless Festival..we managed to blag some free tickets so we could bring joy to the celebrating crowd with our crowd surfing and body blasting techniques...

The park was a great place for a gig, just the right size, really well laid out with the main stage and the other music tents around..we actually stuck to the main stage as the line up was so fucking groovy!

First up was 'The Like', a very pretty trio of indie girlies who entertained us for 25 minutes (should have been longer), really excellent live but I have always been a sucker for girlie vocals...In between bands there was a short break of no more than 20 minutes which was just enough to have a wee and a bit of food (but not in the same place)...3steel made his world debut on the big screens during the break, as you could take a pic and text it to the number to be shown to all 30,000 people present...how coolwas that!

Next up was Gorgol Bordello, absolutely stonking mad but great fun...imagine the sex pistols in an east eurpopean gypsy folk band and you have it in a nutshell...great performance.

Then came the first of the big bands 'The Dirty Pretty Things' featuring ex libertine Carl as the vocalist...didn't really know much of their stuff but they were really enjoyable, this was also our first venture into the mosh pit for the day and some slight up and down bouncing occured throughout the set.

And the next band please....for me the highlight of the day was 'The Raconteurs', who having produced a fantastic 35 minute album blew the crowd away with a glorious 50 minute set. Jack White was fantastically good looking, resplendant with white face make up...the band were just so together and very tight...sound 10/10 vision 10/10...would love to see them again.

We had to have a wee sit down at this point due to our age and weight factor, so we had a nice half hour break in which Belle and Sebastian took to the stage...their set was really good but I was a bit dissapointed as they didn't really seem to get the crowd going, although they were much appreciated by the aforementioned crowd...Stuart was very sweet and very much in awe of the big crowd...quite lovely indeed.

And then it happened...the biggest mosh pit crush in history as 'The Strokes' took to the stage for 90 minutes of madness...it was a bit hairy at the start and we thought we might have to move out of the crowd as 3steel was getting a bit crushed but i soon made a barrier so he had a bit of space. I spent the set with my arms at my side (as their was no room to move them) frantically bouncing up and down to the beat...it was great....

As i said, it was a stunning line up. Mentally and physically it did me a lot of good...they always say that music has therapeutical use...but boy did i pay for it the day after with aching knees, back and feet....oh fuck the onset of middle age!
see you there next year!
Neil x

The Like


Gogol Bordello


Dirty Pretty Things


The Raconteurs


Belle and Sebastian


The Strokes

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Matt's vacances en France...

I did not know at the time but when I booked the ferry to and from France it would be right at the start of the 2006 World Cup, this turned out to be really important. On the way out of boat was fairly empty as you would expect for crossing the started at 25, six in the morning. There were however The odd dedicated fan who was planning I suspect drive across France and into Germany. The main problem was on the return journey. Tee time on a Sunday He’s not the best time travel back from France on the ferry you end up having to share the boats with lots of idiots turning with two much booze from a cheap weekend being good Europeans. The problem however was heightened By those of sweaty fat English people exposed in two much pasty flesh and at least one red stripe on a white background. The back ground more often than not was the pasty white flesh slightly sweaty and just beginning to turn nicely pink.

You know as a kid I used to sit in front of the television and watch adverts and it was only a few weeks ago that I found myself wondering what had happened to a company called “Brentford nylons” I know no they just stopped making sheets when sensible people found out what a crackpot products nylon was and started making replica forkball kits. Because let's face it most football fans haven’t got the foggiest idea about the difference between plastic and cotton.

Don’t get me wrong I love my country, I want my team to do well in the World Cup, hey I would be over the moon if we actually won but I do find most British fans especially when I encounter them abroad to be a total embarrassment and usually make me wish at best I was somewhere else and the worst that I’d never been born British. Actually scratch that, replace British with English as they seem to be by far the biggest pains about when abroad.

As usual the French roads were absolutely fantastic by the time the ferry docked and we had added on the extra hour it was 08:45 by the time we dropped at Calais this meant by British standards I would be driving out of a major port in rush hour. Perhaps it's the fact that France is such a big country and because of this the population is so spread out but the roads out of Calais were like the Sunday afternoon in dear old blighty. Actually that's not true on the way back we landed at Dover at about 18:30 and the traffic home was awful

The rest of the time in France was fantastic; the weather was great I don’t think it dropped below 32 during a whole stay there. Why do we in Great Britain seem to spend our time taking the piss out of the French. Why? I personally have always found the French to be very polite and very sociable, and a very artistic and intellectual nation of people, of course they should still be referred to as “cheese eating surrender monkeys” at every opportunity. It’s funny sometimes how you make judgments about groups of people without really knowing much about them, so as a sort of tribute here are a few famous quotes about the French
Until next week

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks
it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me."
General George S. Patton.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."
Norman Schwartzkopf.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any
better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in
Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than
sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret.
He is French, people."
Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam
out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either"
Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman


War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says
'First Iraq, then France.'"
Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us."
Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an
attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a
three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never fired.
Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you
are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army
as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known,
it's never been tried."

Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining."

John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the
London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The
rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use
of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly
fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a
group of Czech tourists.

Matt x

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

...Upstairs noises...

A POIGNANT REMINDER

With all the talk about the World Cup the ITV showed a programme last night hosted by Trevor MacDonald on his tonight programme about Domestic Violence.

It was fascinating and scary watching during the 4-week period of the World Cup an estimated 10 women will lose their lives through Domestic Violence.

This is a massive increase and one that has been of concern since the last big football tournament EURO 2004 and looking back at the last world cup in 2002, Police, Women’s Refuges have seen a huge increase in the contact they have had from victims wanting help or support. Domestic Violence is on the increase and not just against women, men too suffer at the hands of a partner although most is never reported due to the stigma attached to it.

Domestic Violence has no concept of race, religion, age, gender it can happen to anyone at anytime.

As those of you who know me will know I suffered Domestic Violence with my ex-partner over a period of years. At the time it was happening I had no idea that I was suffering DV, and thought like everyone who has been there, that it was my fault because I had not done something or said something I should have.

People often ask why I stayed, but when I first started seeing him, he was not like that if there had been any whiff at the beginning I would have left him there and then. But over the years he managed to make me feel so worthless and grateful that he put up with me, I lost all confidence and self-esteem. I could see no way out and nowhere to go. I never told anyone not family or work colleagues what was going on at the time although I think that some may have had their suspicions.

Eventually it came to a head over a period of a few months, I knew the violence was getting worse, both physical and mental. I use to lie in bed thinking of ways to leave and having no options or so I thought.

Every morning in those last few weeks his mental cruelty was getting worse and before he left for work he would say to me that he hoped I would die in a car crash and put everyone out of there misery as no one wanted me.

It was having a conversation with a colleague at work that changed my life, we were talking about work and she asked me where I saw myself in a years time and I thought in a years time I will probably be dead he will have killed me or I would have killed myself it was then that I decided I needed to do something about the situation I was in.

And with that I took the biggest step of my life and spoke to my Manager and then it was like a roller-coaster within hours I had an appointment to see someone in the Homeless Department and a place in a Refuge.

My life has completely changed since then, the Refuge I was in was brilliant and if it had not been for them I would probably have gone back to him. Even when I left he was still calling me and trying to get me to come back.

It’s been over 5 years now and though I have had ups and downs since then I am my own person and make my own decisions whether good or bad. My confidence and self-esteem is slowly coming back and the most important thing that I have realized is that it was not my fault, it was his.


Lisa x



...and just for something extra...here is SUSIE from Big Brother shaking her money maker!...I know its not really, but it doesn't half look like her!

Monday, June 19, 2006

A Day Off...

Today is a blog day off...it is blog training day...i hope you understand...the blog will return with a vengeance tomorrow...i thank you

Sunday, June 18, 2006

The lights go down on Broadway...

Happy Fathers Day all.....

As a tribute to the great episode of Dr Who last night, I present to you two videos from the rock behemoth that was known as ELO...enjoy, and have a happy Sunday



Saturday, June 17, 2006

I found this on the Channel 4 website, thought you may find it interesting!!!!

steve.

bullying in the workplace
by Lynn Eaton

Most of us might have thought we left bullies behind in the playground. But as many as one in ten people are on the receiving end of bullying at work, according to research in 2000. Each year, 18 million working days are lost because of workplace bullying, the report Workplace Bullying in Britain reveals.


Researchers at the University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology (UMIST) contacted 5,300 people in various jobs across the private, voluntary and public sectors for their research. Almost half had witnessed some kind of bullying at work and one in six had been the victim of bullying in the previous six months. One in four had been bullied in the last five years.

'If one in six is suffering bullying it adversely affects sickness levels,' says Cary Cooper, Bupa professor of organisational psychology and health, who led the research.

And it is not only individual victims who are affected but others around them too, he adds. 'When somebody witnesses bullying, it affects the whole workforce.'

who are the bullies?
So what sort of people turn into bullies? 'The psychology varies,' says Prof Cooper. 'You go from the psychopath who had a problem early in childhood who, when they get to a position of power, feel that if they make other people feel incompetent it must mean they are very competent themselves. These tend to be very insecure people.

'But the majority of bullies are not psychopathic. The bulk of them are just under such stress they use bullying as a management tool. They don't know how to cope with their workload. If they are under stress they just say something like, "Just get that done and don't bring your problems to me."'

what is bullying?
Most of us think of bullying as being rude and shouting at people, but it can come in many forms.

Val Wallace, general manager of the Andrea Adams Trust, which was set up to tackle workplace bullying, had first hand experience of obvious bullying before she worked for the trust.

'I worked in a concessionary shop within a store, employed as area manager. I was doing extremely well. I had good staff retention. I had been with the company since the word go.

'Then somebody new came in – another woman who obviously saw me as a threat. I had no intention of going any further in the company as I was quite happy with what I was doing.

'She withheld information so I could not get on with my job. She would turn up and openly humiliate me in front of staff, calling me a non-thinker and asking why I called myself an area manager when I was only fit for sweeping the floors.

'It broke me down completely. Whenever it happened, I couldn't perform for the rest of the day. I just burst into tears all the time. I dreaded office meetings because she had got everybody against me. Everybody could see what was happening but did nothing about it. They would rather side with the bully simply to survive and because it was easier.

'Eventually I left. From that day on I promised I would never work in a situation like that again.'

Sometimes bullying can be much more subtle – so much so that the person being bullied may not be sure whether it really is bullying or not. Bullying can include, for example, deliberately ignoring someone or excluding them.

bullying warning signs

The Andrea Adams Trust defines bullying as:

unwarranted, humiliating, offensive behaviour towards an individual or groups of employees
persistently negative malicious attacks on personal or professional performance which are typically unpredictable, unfair, irrational and often unseen
an abuse of power or position that can cause such anxiety that people gradually lose all belief in themselves, suffering physical ill health and mental distress as a direct result
the use of position or power to coerce others by fear or persecution, or to oppress them by force or threat.
The Trust accepts there is a fine line between strong management and bullying. But when the target of bullying is persistently downgraded and becomes distressed, that line is crossed. The physical effects can be much the same as with any other form of stress: feeling sick, loss of appetite, numbness, panic attacks, even depression.

'We have a got a few people who say they are thinking about ending it all,' says Val Wallace. 'They are in tears all the time.'

Often the people being bullied are normally confident and high achievers. The bully sees them as a threat and tries to wear them down, bit by bit.

'Quite often it is a manager who is good at getting results but doesn't have any proper management training,' she says.

how to tackle bullying
So how do you deal with a bully? One of the most helpful pieces of advice is to get support, either from another colleague or, if you belong to one, your trade union.

Many unions have become increasingly involved in trying to tackle workplace bullying in recent years. The Royal College of Nursing launched a series of guides on dealing with bullying and harassment in March 2001 after finding that one in six nurses had been bullied in the previous year, with one third of that number saying that they intended to leave work because of it.

Similarly, Teacherline, the national counselling, support and advice service for teachers, finds about 3% of its calls relate specifically to bullying. Barbara Bowley, one of the helpline's counsellors, advises callers to talk to their union initially.

'They need to keep a written record of what is going on, because people often think "Is this really happening to me?". They then need to confront the person and say they don't like the way they are being made to feel. That can be difficult for some of them. If they can't do that they could go to another person and check with them whether it is happening with other people.

'The bottom line is that if somebody is behaving in a way that is causing stress, it is not acceptable. We try to give them the confidence to say "No, this is not on".'

legal landmarks

Although the law might seem the obvious answer, legal redress is currently limited, according to Liz Adams, head of employment law with Beachcroft Wansbroughs. 'If you can link it to sex, race or disability discrimination, you can claim under those pieces of legislation,' she says. 'If you can't, it is not so easy.'

However, there have been some successful cases. Firefighter John Richards, who was forced to leave his job in 1995 after he claimed he was victimised and bullied by his boss, won more than £100,000 in an out-of-court settlement with West Glamorgan Fire Service after backing from the Fire Brigade Union.

Maths teacher Alan Barber won £100,000 damages at Exeter county council in March 2001 for stress caused by bullying at his school in East Bridgwater, Somerset. He was head of department and took on the additional role of public relations officer, until he became so ill he had to give up work due to bullying from the head teacher.

For most of people, however, legal action is the last resort. They would much rather be able to do their job – without the bullying.


Many thanks for that Steve...unfortunately, as seen in the BB House, bullying seems to be something that people find to be the norm these days, but hopefully articles like the one above can hopefully change the thought patterns of people who really should know better.






Friday, June 16, 2006

"Whe a woman bends over, a man sees a jelly doughnut"...

...that is the opening line to the great cohen brothers film "Romance and Cigarettes"...a musical drama of sorts. well worth a watch...

I have received a lot of shock/horror messages about the Lea video link that I gave you yesterday...let me get this straight...she made her bed so let her lie in it...and that film was made by a woman who won't go topless in the big brother house in case her son sees it...get over it love, his school chums have probably got your cunt plastered all over their locker doors...slut!

I feel in a mischievous mood today, it must be the heat...hmmm wonder what i shall get up to this evening, probably something camp and outrageous...I might just put on a frock and lip synch to ethel merman singing 'there's no business like show business'...on the other hand I am actually going to a barbie where the tinnies will flow nicely and the shrimps will squeal with glee as they roast themselves on the charcoal briquettes of love....hmmm

Lisa phoned me today and promised a trip to butterfly land on Monday...photo opportunity, photo opportunity...visit flickr on tuesday.

Well thats about it from me today... just thought i would share a great message that i got from the universe a couple of days back...

"Next time you overhear someone say they're only human, Neil, be compassionate. But remind them it's only temporary. That before long they'll be able to see their wings again, speak in tongues and blaze trails through eternity upon chariots of fire.
Much more dignified than just smacking them on the bum.

Though you might also point out that the whole reason they're here in the first place, Neil, is because that whole chariot-gibberish-flapping thing got pretty boring. "
Tallyho,
The Universe

Ciao...Neil


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Oh MY God!

This is a link to Lea, off Big Brothers, porn film...only click on this if you want to see her for the tramp she really is! MUM do NOT click on this link! lol :)

http://www.totallycrap.com/media/bbleawalker

allez oop too....

The blog you are about to read was written just over one week ago. The reason I missed last week was due to an unforeseen technical hitch My computer god blesses little cotton socks decided that the monitor was surplus to requirements and therefore decided not to give me any picture this happened at 11.30 at night just as I was about to post my blog to Neil for the following Thursday and only five hours before leaving to go on holiday. So the apologies for the technical hitch normal service has been resumed, and I will start talking about the journey through France and of course making regular references to the cheese eating surrender monkeys that inhabits that their country so sit back enjoys the read and see you next week. By the way As you read the blog will notice there’s one question I have asked and the answer is yes.

Hello and welcome to this week’s blog. I’m very excited as I write my blog this week because for the first time I am not actually writing anything I am using a feature of windows XP that allows me to talk at my computer and it miraculously types exactly what I say.

For me this is obviously a much quicker way to type or rather not type because I’m in fact just dictating, at present my computer is about 98% accurate and as I use this feature more and more it just gets better and better. The computer actually learns from what I say how very Blake’s Seven is that, very 23rd century. Now the interesting thing is that anybody with a microphone and a computer that has Microsoft Windows XP loaded on it can use this facility. It’s not quite at this stage Of Star Trek, it won’t for instance allow me to close or open a programs and unfortunately it can’t talk back, Or perhaps that’s a good thing, but I can control all the web browsing facilities in Internet explorer, also view edit and move around all my emails in outlook, and it will allow me all the functions in word, which incidentally I am using to write this little blog today. I can also control all the features of Excel and PowerPoint. So that’s a big thumbs up to Microsoft who for once have really given us a useful piece of software and it’s all the better the being included completely free inside every copy of windows XP that’s already out there.

Go on give it to go the neighbours will either think your completely mad talking to your computer, or be dead jealous how computer savvy you really are the choice is yours. Just one little recommendation if you’re thinking of having a go at talking to your computer, I would recommend one of those microphones that clips over your ear they are a lot more comfortable and you don’t feel like your Smashy or Nicey talking into a microphone on some sad radio station.

And believe it or not that seems to be about all for this week I cannot remember a week has been so quiet with nothing happening. I can’t think of a single thing to rant about but perhaps that’s just because I am in a pre holiday mode. The first of my four holidays this year is about to start and as usual it’s the night before we go and I haven’t done a single piece of packing ironing or any of the preparation yet. I did manage to amaze myself by actually organizing the foreign currency two days ago and am still getting over the shock. The only other shock Is that yesterday I have only just got around to looking at the ferry tickets and realized that the sailing from Dover is at 6.25 in the morning, now the ferry company recommend that you are there half an hour before and with the journey time from Bedford to Dover I reckon we’re going to have to leave at three in the morning. But what I can’t work out yet is whether it’s actually worth going to bed.

I’ll let you know how I survived on my return when I write the story of the trip to France I reckon I should be all right as long as I remember to turn right coming out of Calais instead of left other wise ill end up in Belgium. As soon as I’m back some photos will be posted on my flickr, website Speak to you next week.
Matt x

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

There once was a time if I just closed my eyes,
I could see us together as one.
But after these years of growing apart,
I can see that dream is done.
You were the one who knew me inside and out,
And always knew just what to say.
Any problems I had would disappear,
When you said it would all be okay.
There was always a special connection with us,
And these days it seems to be gone.
Whatever we had died a long time ago,
But it's just so hard to move on.
Those times I'd drown in the blue of your eyes,
You never noticed a thing.
There were nights I laid awake and thought,
Of the love our friendship could bring.
No matter how hard I've been trying,
The truth is so hard to see.
I guess it takes a while to let go,
Of something not meant to be.

a chocolate box full of memories...

Hello all...neil here....just to clarify something before lisa's blog...somebody contacted me and told me that i had got the founder of the mormons name wrong ...they are saying that it was in fact Joseph Smith and not John Smith...but i really don't believe them because whoever heard of a pint of Joseph Smith's ...stupid fuckwhit!



Greetings Peeps

Wow what a fantastic week of sunshine we have had, who needs to go abroad to get sun when the temperatures have soared here. It’s a shame we don’t have an inkling otherwise we would have all booked it off and made the most of it.
We are just not use to this hot and humid weather, and you would think with the mention of global warming that when building new houses they would incorporate air conditioning.

Anyway enjoy the sun while it lasts

I wanted to wish my brother Steve and Sister-in-law Pip a Happy Anniversary they were married on the 12 June 1993 a year I wont forget because for anyone who knows me will know my Mum died 13 days before, aged 47. So not only did we have to organize a funeral but we were also putting together the finishing touches to the big day.

A few weeks before the big day my Dad, Russell and Jade had taken my Mum to Milton Keynes to buy an outfit and hat, I had managed to borrow a wheelchair so that my Mum could get around all the shops, she found a beautiful dress and hat in John Lewis’s and shoes in Marks and Spenser’s.

Sadly she never got to wear the outfit on the day but she did get to see the Wedding Dress that Philippa was going to wear. On the Wednesday before she died I rang Pip and asked her if she had picked up her dress yet and she said she had just picked it up along with the bridesmaids dresses. I asked her if she would bring it round to show Mum as I don’t know why I just had this feeling, that I cant describe that she was not going to make it to the big day.

Pip came round about an hour later and I remember Pip and I helping my Mum out of bed and then helping Pip put on her dress and her standing on the bed doing a twirl. My Mum cried when she saw the dress and said how lovely she looked. I am so pleased that she got to see the dress and I know that even if she was not there in person on the day she was there in spirit.

My brother gave a lovely speech at the Reception and there was not a dry eye in the place. Looking back over the last 13 years there has been so much that I and my brothers have wanted to share with my Mum. From the births of nieces and nephews to just a good chat about things going on in life and for her words of wisdom or just a hug.

I believe that she is watching over us and there must be times when she smiles with us and when she cries with us but most of all I know that she would be proud of what we have all achieved in life.

Changing the subject and on a lighter note I could not end this blog without mentioning the world cup although Neil would like it to be a World Cup Free Zone  just wanted to say that I am loving it – I have managed to see most of the games so far and I think that we are in for a tough game on Thursday against T&T.

Lets hope I am proved wrong

Ciao for now
Lisa xx

SNOW PATROL _ YOU`RE ARE ALL THAT I HAVE

Strain this chaos turn it into light
I've got to see you one last night
Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere

Just give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have

You're cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones

Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have

There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to

Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have



Lisa x

Monday, June 12, 2006

My life as a mormon...

NO...I am not a mormon, but what if i wanted to be a mormon...can you be a gay mormon?..that means i could have 3 husbands...well one would do to start with.
I would have to get over the fact that I can't really believe that The Christ visited an american forest, smokey bear leaflet in hand, and spoke to the guy who brews bitter, John Smith, and persuaded him to start his own following...hmmm...doesn't really hold together well does it...first of all we don't know whether the ultimate being was sticking to his flight path, and secondly John Smith was probably too pissed to realise that it was his wife telling him to get back home immediately and not some sort of ethereal figure....
Tonight on channel 5 is a new drama series about mormons, looks like a hoot, I shall be watching to escape the idiocy of the football...stay tuned

Yes Yes Yes, posh suzie has answered our prayers in the BB HOuse, that horrible little insect known as Grace is up for nomination...lets see where your nastiness gets you now bitch! HA!...I bet she walks out before Friday though, i reckon that she won't be able to handle people booing at her...we shall see, snidey little fucker!

Pinota's note of the other day received some good feedback and I am sure she will send another one shortly...have not heard from her for a few days, I hope Castro and his bullies haven't found her..

Panic! at the disco...great album, great song titles...great great great, please listen...

Pop socks are in...tankini's are out...official (from Tranny and Suzandah)...wear a pop sock on your tit today...

Congratulations to 3steel who managed to score 66 runs in his cricket match yesterday..he will be celebrated in the local newspaper on Friday.

One word film review....."American Dreamz".....joyful



Ciao babies
Neil x

Saturday, June 10, 2006

shit stirrin' son of a bitch...another day in the big brother house!

hello all...Yippee sams gone..thats all about big brother!....well football fever is in the air and do i give a fuck?...no is the simple answer, I aim to stay away from flag wavers, air horns and car tooting wankers for the next few weeks...what a waste of fucking time, i hope England lose quickly so we can get on with normality.

I know you were expecting a blog from Steve today but I am here as I forgot to do one yesterday, too much sun methinks! Hope fully we will have a blog from Steve which I can post tomorrow.

Just watched an incredibly brave film, 'United 93' about one of the planes in the 9/11 scenario. It was a very affecting film and at the end I was fairly traumatised for a couple of hours...it seemed to be more horrific because it was real. I am not quite sure what the film achieved, it amy have achieved some form of 'closure' for the families of those on board but the film itself was really well made and not the slightest bit gratuitous. The most heart breaking part is where they are all on the phones to their families as the plane is plummeting to earth...please watch it...

On a lighter note I watched the new version of 'The Omen', once again I didn't really see the point of the remake, as good as it is, because the original is a 'classic' of the horror genre. I could understand if somebody wanted to make a decent version of a rotten film, but this was not the case. The film is played out almost word for word and scene by scene of the original (SPOILERS..DO NOT READ IF YOU INTEND TO WATCH THE FILM) except for an amazing death of the photographer which is different to the original and a great grande guignol set piece (SPOILERS OVER)
Overall the film was excellent and it was really nice to see Mia Farrow in the Billie Whitelaw role..she is utterly over the top and insane :) ....good gracious I do believe it's another one to watch!

I have only just come across the greatness of 'Richard Cheese'...Dick to his friends lol who has a greatest hits compilation out this week...the guy is a lounge big band singer who covers songs by slipnot, nirvana, system of a down, radiohead etc..all in band stylee...it has to be heard to be believed , but it's summer and it's fun and it certainly made me smile!



Enjoy the damn weather, enjoy the damn football (but seriously...be good and play nicely!)
I'm outta here
Neil x

Thursday, June 08, 2006

allez oops!

Apologies from Matt today...I received a text at 6.20am yesterday telling me that he had not sent his blog and was half way to france for a week...so no blog my friends...here instead is some french cheese...



Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Pinota....letters from cuba...

Hello...my name is Pinota..I live in Cuba and asked Mr Piddy if he would let me take some time on his page to tell you about my live...I live just outside of Havana in a district called habana vieja just near the estadio latinoamericano and life is very good for us...my father is a singer with a hotel band called Cuba Libra and we have lived in this house for the 24 years that I have been alive...

I work as a tourist guide and that is how I know English...it is not a job without its charms and i feel that i like the british people the best because you are down to earth and funny rather than the stuffy and very demanding Americans that visit us on the quiet!

I was walking down the Ave 20 de mayo the other day and went into the 'Jose Marti library' to surf the internet for a while and that is when i came across Mr Piddy's Place after I finished reading the blog site of my friend Anna Martina. I was fascinated with the freedom with which you speak. Mr Castro is a bit funny with Westerners ideals and the only way we really get to learn is by reading on an iliicit computer which has the censorship turned off. There are many 'man to man' people in Cuba but it is almost hidden and most of them end up in showcase bands for the tourist hotels.

My mother does not work anymore, she is able to rest in the home as we have staff that do housework for her...her name is Maria, she does not speak English and she is very beautiful indeed...if i get chance i will find photo and show you..i hope i take after her!

Well, that is just some story about me for the while...I will write again in due course and I thank you and Mr Piddy for your time...If you have any questions about Cuba you would like me to answer then please let Mr Piddy know and we can correspond again
Much Love
Pinota Agrerres

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Who are you?

Greetings one and all

The Sun is out and all is happy with the world and its going to get hotter and hotter by Saturday it could be up to 31 degrees – funny that when most people will be sat in front of their TV cheering on England lol. Isn’t it funny that as soon as the sun comes out thousands of half naked pasty bodies suddenly appear from nowhere. People seem to loose any dress sense in summer and mix and match colours and styles. And all that bare white flesh that has been hiding all winter suddenly appears and within hours becomes burnt and red because they forget to cover up with lotions and sunscreen will they ever learn. Its babies and children I feel sorry for pushed around in buggies with no protection in the full glare of the sun.

Well Neil announced that I would be writing tonight’s blog and it would be racy, I had to laugh how can you write a racy blog when your single and have no love life so to speak! I would need a manual for guidance. I mean to say why is it that half the time some people who are in a relationship want to get out of it and be free and single and half of the singletons want to be in a relationship.

Anyway the last time Dr Sensual decided to write helpful tips here Neil had to remove the offending blogs personally thought it well written and informative but it obviously offended somewhere out there on the world wide web.

I could tell you about the time I went on this date with this guy who bragged about his prowess in bed and that when he drove women wild – wild I bet they were furious he was a crap shag – fore play for him was a few words in your ear and then he went for goal a few thrusts and it was all over.

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
MARRIAGE ADVICE BY KIDS


How Do You Decide Who to Marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kirsten, age 10
What is the Right Age To Get Married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6
How Can A Stranger Tell if Two People Are Married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8
What Do Your Think Your Mom and Dad Have In Common?
Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8
What Do Most People Do On A Date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10
What Would You Do On A First Date That Was Turning Sour?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
- Craig, age 9
When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them & have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8
Is It Better To Be Single or Married?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9
How Would The World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8
How Would You Make a Marriage Work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10



lisa x

Monday, June 05, 2006

too much sun makes me think of punk rock!



Blog resumes tomorrow with a racy number from our next jackie collins...oh yes, lady lisa will be in the house...btw if you want to have more fun, you can find us all on myspace.com...look for lisa, piddy77, 3steel and mcaretaker....the party is endless!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Just call me Violet...Violet, the organ grinder...

hiya hiya hiya....

and boy oh boy do i feel fresh and funky today...almost spunky in fact!....I have no tales to tell, no wisdom to impart but hey! it's a blog to read...

Really am enjoying camera work at the moment...please feel free to click on my flickr box on the right....might even progress onto people soon, so if anybody would like to volunteer for a photo shoot to let me try out my skills i would be most grateful...not that I am not thankful to my friends but you can only take so many pictures of the same people!

I am glad to say its still hot enough outside to cook eggs on the roof terrace but i have a problem at the moment...I hate my big operation scar and won't ever go topless anymore! ever again...I just can't face it...it looks nasty, it may go with time but until then i will remain shrouded in clothing and be as pale as a snowdrop in winter....aaaahhhh

Watched 'One hour photo' last night and forgot how good robin williams was in that film, I have seen it 3 times now but i still get confused about the end photograph...can anyone help?

Just another quick plug for the summer album of the year which is Zero 7 'The Garden', it should be heard at every great barbecue...what an album!

Well I'm going back to look for more photo opportunities now so you will forgive me if i state my leave....I will leave you in the capable hands of Violet the organ grinder...



Ciao babies
Neil x

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Friday, June 02, 2006

A infintisimile dot on the literary landscape



well fuck me, the weather is good today....have just been signed off work for another six weeks, which is not really a good thing as I won't want to go back afterwards! Believe me if I had the money I would be off to far off lands to settle down as quick as possible...vrooom, like a rat out of an aquaduct...this damn country has nothing going for it anymore, the whole place stinks of social neglect and a malaise of emptiness. People hate each other, morons are led to believe that the whole country will change if we were to win one competition or another...lets face it people THIS ENGLAND is completely fucked and will never ever be an important power that other countries will want to work alongside. I still believe that the monarchy should go and a presidential electorate should take place...whether that would bring winds of change who knows but something has to happen...we are becoming world laughing stock and i for one am joining in with the world to laugh with them...

phew...where did that come from...and now for something fluffy...i texted lisa today but she didn't really seem that interested...there i was eating breakfast toast with my pot of marmalade and swirls of freshly churned butter when up pops that lovely young lady kerry katona on the television...what she goes on to tell me has a great importance and effect on my life...it turns out, and this is from the mouth of St. Kerry herself, that Iceland are producing luxury ice cream at only 1.99 a litre...the ice cream is comparable to the holy grail of ice cream which is known as Hagen Daaz...I was moved and thrilled at the same time...how can she tell me this at 10.30 am when hardly anyone is watching...I have just informed News at Ten of this revelation...I am awaiting their reply...

It is musically fascinating at the moment....too much to tell but keep a lookout for...scott matthew, Skye, west end girls, sufjan stevens and the Spinto band....

ciao babies
Neil

Thursday, June 01, 2006

And the rain still comes down in buckets and they say we need more!! Bollocks if you drive out from my town towards the north you will see standing water on the fields, and if you walk just fifteen minutes from my house towards the local marina (Not an abandoned old Morris but the place to put your boat) you will find the level of the river just at bursting point. I have a suspicion that all this talk of water shortage is a cunning plan to get everyone on a water metre. Set panic and get people worried about the amount of water they use, put them on a metre for free or at least very cheap, and when we are all paying for every drop we use hike the price through the roof. Remember the money grabbing bastards also known water companies are in it for a profit not to give you a service.

I went to the cinema over the bank holiday weekend twice, now I am not proposing to review the films I saw, other than to say both were panned by the critiques but I thought they were great. And so did the other people I went with so it just goes to show always make your own mind up about something. No I want to talk about the state of the Cinema’s themselves. In my town “Bedford” there is what can only be described kindly as a flea pit. Now I like going to the pictures and the whole event of seeing a film for me is miles better that even the best home cinema systems based around your TV.

First off the whole area around our cinema resembles a de militarised zone somewhere on the boarders of an eastern block country. Nowhere for sane adults to go before the film to eat or have a drink, and again nowhere to have a meal after. Oh there is some sort of Pizza franchise but as I said nowhere that serves food. Inside is not much better, the staff all look like there on work experience. Some of the work experience kids behind the till I swear have not yet uttered English in any form that I can understand since I have been going. The carpet is a colour I can’t tell what. The stuff that is served for you to eat before you go in Hmmmmmm what can I say. The coke is wet and brown. They encourage you to have ice because it reduces the amount of drink and therefore ups the profit.

As for the rest of the food no comment, reconstituted meat compressed into various shapes. And when you get inside to see the film Aggrrrr. What ever happened to cleaning the cinema between performances? Where are the ushers who should be telling groups of kids to behave or get out? (Come to think of it where are the ushers telling the adults to behave.) Why can’t some parents keep there kids under control or better still they could dip into the benefit fiddled pot of money to pay for a baby sitter to stop the poor things being dragged to a film they do not want to see. Or perhaps they do want to see it but have never been taught how to behave. Going to the flicks is great but my local is a disgrace to all and a blot on our landscape. It does not take a genius to work out that if you give people shit some will behave in that way and the remainder just stay away.

Until next time…………………………………………M




when do i get to sing my way?