Greetings one and all
The Sun is out and all is happy with the world and its going to get hotter and hotter by Saturday it could be up to 31 degrees – funny that when most people will be sat in front of their TV cheering on England lol. Isn’t it funny that as soon as the sun comes out thousands of half naked pasty bodies suddenly appear from nowhere. People seem to loose any dress sense in summer and mix and match colours and styles. And all that bare white flesh that has been hiding all winter suddenly appears and within hours becomes burnt and red because they forget to cover up with lotions and sunscreen will they ever learn. Its babies and children I feel sorry for pushed around in buggies with no protection in the full glare of the sun.
Well Neil announced that I would be writing tonight’s blog and it would be racy, I had to laugh how can you write a racy blog when your single and have no love life so to speak! I would need a manual for guidance. I mean to say why is it that half the time some people who are in a relationship want to get out of it and be free and single and half of the singletons want to be in a relationship.
Anyway the last time Dr Sensual decided to write helpful tips here Neil had to remove the offending blogs personally thought it well written and informative but it obviously offended somewhere out there on the world wide web.
I could tell you about the time I went on this date with this guy who bragged about his prowess in bed and that when he drove women wild – wild I bet they were furious he was a crap shag – fore play for him was a few words in your ear and then he went for goal a few thrusts and it was all over.
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
MARRIAGE ADVICE BY KIDS
How Do You Decide Who to Marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kirsten, age 10
What is the Right Age To Get Married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6
How Can A Stranger Tell if Two People Are Married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8
What Do Your Think Your Mom and Dad Have In Common?
Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8
What Do Most People Do On A Date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10
What Would You Do On A First Date That Was Turning Sour?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
- Craig, age 9
When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them & have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8
Is It Better To Be Single or Married?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9
How Would The World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8
How Would You Make a Marriage Work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10