Tuesday, June 20, 2006

...Upstairs noises...


With all the talk about the World Cup the ITV showed a programme last night hosted by Trevor MacDonald on his tonight programme about Domestic Violence.

It was fascinating and scary watching during the 4-week period of the World Cup an estimated 10 women will lose their lives through Domestic Violence.

This is a massive increase and one that has been of concern since the last big football tournament EURO 2004 and looking back at the last world cup in 2002, Police, Women’s Refuges have seen a huge increase in the contact they have had from victims wanting help or support. Domestic Violence is on the increase and not just against women, men too suffer at the hands of a partner although most is never reported due to the stigma attached to it.

Domestic Violence has no concept of race, religion, age, gender it can happen to anyone at anytime.

As those of you who know me will know I suffered Domestic Violence with my ex-partner over a period of years. At the time it was happening I had no idea that I was suffering DV, and thought like everyone who has been there, that it was my fault because I had not done something or said something I should have.

People often ask why I stayed, but when I first started seeing him, he was not like that if there had been any whiff at the beginning I would have left him there and then. But over the years he managed to make me feel so worthless and grateful that he put up with me, I lost all confidence and self-esteem. I could see no way out and nowhere to go. I never told anyone not family or work colleagues what was going on at the time although I think that some may have had their suspicions.

Eventually it came to a head over a period of a few months, I knew the violence was getting worse, both physical and mental. I use to lie in bed thinking of ways to leave and having no options or so I thought.

Every morning in those last few weeks his mental cruelty was getting worse and before he left for work he would say to me that he hoped I would die in a car crash and put everyone out of there misery as no one wanted me.

It was having a conversation with a colleague at work that changed my life, we were talking about work and she asked me where I saw myself in a years time and I thought in a years time I will probably be dead he will have killed me or I would have killed myself it was then that I decided I needed to do something about the situation I was in.

And with that I took the biggest step of my life and spoke to my Manager and then it was like a roller-coaster within hours I had an appointment to see someone in the Homeless Department and a place in a Refuge.

My life has completely changed since then, the Refuge I was in was brilliant and if it had not been for them I would probably have gone back to him. Even when I left he was still calling me and trying to get me to come back.

It’s been over 5 years now and though I have had ups and downs since then I am my own person and make my own decisions whether good or bad. My confidence and self-esteem is slowly coming back and the most important thing that I have realized is that it was not my fault, it was his.

Lisa x

...and just for something extra...here is SUSIE from Big Brother shaking her money maker!...I know its not really, but it doesn't half look like her!

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