Thursday, May 25, 2006 that the waiting list for the Big Brother house?

Well since I wrote my piece last week on the problems we seem to be told we are having with water it has done nothing but rain (as I write this on Monday evening) which lets face it just adds to my argument that there is no real water problem. The men on telly tell us it the wrong kind of rain? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Water is just water it has the damn chemical constituency whether it fall in Great Britain or Greece. H2O, it’s wet whether it has big spots or is that little fine stuff.

The water problems in this country are man made. Or should I say more accurately the water storage problem in this country is man made. We have built on lots of the natural flood plains so that when it does drop out of the sky instead of soaking in it all runs down the nearest drain and into the river and out to sea. And then we go and import bottles of the stuff, and sell it with a nice label in the supermarket. Brilliant I am so proud of us.

Ok now its raining its time to talk about the most British of pass times the BBQ. Actually I only really have one question about BBQ’s and that is why? A more pointless waste of time effort and good food I cannot think of. Don’t get me wrong I am as guilty as the next man (why is it always men) of having them. Perhaps it’s the instinct to be outside. In the dark cold days of winter you remember the summer with affection and through rose coloured glasses. You remember all the nice things about being outside forgetting that we are in Great Britain where it rains, as we have previously discussed more frequently than gay men get on big brother.

I have a really nice kitchen at home with this magic machine in it called a cooker. So why the fuck do I every year drag people outside to eat things I would not normally feed a dog, when less than 50 yards away I (Well it’s actually the wife) have the facilities to create cordon blue food inside and away from the elements. In nice warm countries where they have a history of eating out and the weather is nice you can understand it. Hear “Throw another shrimp on the BBQ” and you know the weather is always nice and your in the big island down under, you know the one we filled it with all our rejects back in the 19th century.

So what is the attraction of sitting on uncomfortable chairs in a draft with wasps flies etc homing in on your plate like it’s the best thing since that pile of dog crap they crawled over in the street? Eating food that if it came out of your oven looking like that you would turn it off and call a repair man, because lets face it if it looks like that there must be something wrong with the oven. I mean what is the attraction of a sausage that is black on the outside, raw on the inside and tastes like the striking side of a match box. And don’t try and tell me yours are better there not your deluding yourself.

To answer my own question I have no idea what the attraction of the summer BBQ is. If you think about it they defy logic, but I will be out there at least a couple of times this year doing it too assuming it stays dry long enough to cook. But what am I saying we have a water shortage.
Matt x

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