At the end of last weeks little ditty I ended by saying that I was going to revisit an old favourite. Yep the jog pant is back on the agenda just like nuclear power really. Tried it, thought it was the dogs bollocks, was told there was an alternative, became unfashionable, then everyone realises there is no alternative.
But with time and the application of technology the humble jog pant/house pant has evolved. With new man made fibre and designs, it is set to stride across the twenty-first century leaving all in its wake. Let me elucidate my son, him of the Laptop and the long hair has this pair of trousers that I thought were the perfect job for travelling long haul on a plane. There the sort of thing that you can get in outdoor shops for walking across the moors or in Next if you just want to walk across the road. They are made from a man made fibre that breaths and is slightly elastic. They have an elasticised waste essential criteria for jog pants and side pockets to put everything from your passport to Worthers originals in. But the best bit is they have a zip just below the knee so you can remove the bottom half. (I can see you’re sold on the idea already)This turns them into a sort of long shorts if you get my drift. There brilliant and 100% jog pant. Ok now I had to have a pair for the trip so I could unzip at the other end when the sun is hot but have them long on the cool early morning on the way to the airport.
Rant coming up. What the fuck is up with this place (Britain) it’s the last half of August when I saw these wonder jog pants. So I go into my local town to find a pair of similar. The sun is beating down and everybody is in summer holiday mood. Except the shops, who have decided to put out the winter stock? FUCK>I don’t want to look at long coats I am off on holiday in two weeks. Its like the chemist shops do they not think that people like to go away in the winter to somewhere hot? To get away from the miserable cold dark days and enjoy time in the sun. Have you tried to get sun tan cream out of the summer? BASTARDS
Rant over back to buying 21st century jog pants. In the end I found a pair that fitted the bill. I had to go in the end to Primark (In another town needing a special journey) great shop and it shows you do not need to charge a fortune to give the consumer what they want. So there I was all set zipped jog pants and a long trip to do. At this point I thought it might be a good idea to try these wonder pants on. All ok so far then I thought it might be good to unzip the bottoms. Well I thought I looked quite good if you must know. Ok so my legs are quite white and the socks were wrong but in my defence I was just trying them out. Ok I will admit that what a 16 year old can get away with is not always going to work for his dad. And after all this the wife was less polite and laid it on the line in plain words (she is from up north). Am I a man or a mouse? Did I buy them will I listen and be told what to do no I am an idiot.
It was half way through the plane journey that I got up to go the loo. Whilst on the subject of airplane loos how does anyone manage to get to be a member of the mile high club.(Before you Email I know what to do just in that space ?????) There so small. I bet that if you tried to get more than one person in there regardless of the position someone’s arse would be sticking out and on view. Mind you it is probably better to look at than some of the movies that get put on. Go on next time you are in the loo of a plane try and work it out. Anyway there I was as I sat down I noticed that the seam had gone in the trousers. Thank god they had a lining otherwise, well that’s probably illegal in California as well. So its jeans again to travel in for me.