Well there i was sat in front of my friendly doctor trying to cram everything I wanted to say in my government alloted 8 minutes per patient and after filling him with gory details (which i will spare you lovely folk) he looked at me sternly and said ..."Neil, I am going to refer you to the chap that deals with Bowel Cancer at South Wing Hospital." At this point, please do not freak out, it's not been confirmed but is pointing in that general direction...Michael my doctor has always been honest and upfront with me and basically knows that I can deal with medical stuff in a factual and calm way but this really threw me... I started to wonder why I hadn't gone to the doctors sooner, always thinking about other people and work (you know how it goes)...he then threw in that what i thought was asthma was actually my heart probably not responding to the meds anymore that i have been on for the last few years...so here we go again, emergency blood tests, visits to the hospital, visits to the doctor on a never ending wheel of the NHS Carousel.
I got home and was a bit deflated but threw myself back into work mode, I couldn't help thinking 'what if?' all afternoon though, what if i have got cancer, what if this is me facing my mortality?...hey, you know what though..when i get through having things shoved up my arse and down my throat and find its not the answer i really want, i don't know how i will react. It could be something embarrassingly familiar such as piles (not the right symptons though), it could be just inflamation of the bowel or any number of things, lets hope for the best. I hope people don't mind me sharing this with them but its a scary situation to deal with by yourself. I told Lisa and Martin but i could see in their eyes that it may be a situation that they might not be able to deal with...but I have to get through now whatever the big guy wants to throw at me.
Blood test tommorow, back to docs on Monday week and perhaps a letter from the hospital consultant in the mean time...I wil keep you informed (if you don't mind?)
love to all