Friday, February 25, 2005

a friend in need is a nuisance

...Mindy hitched up her skirt and let Chav explore her inner desires, that was until the fanfare started and the bride started to walk down the aisle...

Lets talk about exorcisms...namely Channel 4's much touted live exorcism which was in fact recorded earlier in the evening. What we wanted was...heads turning 360 degrees, lots of swearing and projectile vomiting, a priest shouting "May the power of christ compel thee", lots of rasping noises, bloodied crucifixes with a demon shouting "Look what she did to me, your cunting daughter", priests flying downstairs and beds floating up on the ceiling. WHAT WE GOT! was... a small northern man being hovered over by a lay preacher for about 50 seconds and then the northerner said "Yeah I'm alright now"...and that was it! I looked astounded at the TV as they had dedicated 2 whole fucking hours for a northerner to utter Yeah...I'm...Alright...Now!!!...you have got to be fucking kidding, some people somewhere are having a fucking good laugh...but Channel 4 ..I AINT ONE OF THEM...Tossers!

Next thing...I turn on the TV this morning to have my daily fulfillment of sofa jollifications when up pops Katie Price aka Jordan. She proudly declares that she is singing a song which may represent britain in the Eurovision song contest this year but we have to vote for her at the competition next week. She looks awful, yellow hair, ultra orange tan and deffo too much make-up. Anyway it goes to break and comes back after a few mins.."and here she is...Katie Price"...the music starts and then it happens, this noise comes out of her mouth like a thousand randy tomcats at a pussy fest, I have never heard anything so god damn awful in my life, who on earth told the bitch she could sing...I wonder if it was her singing superstar boyfriend Peter Andre. If this represents our dump of a country at the big event, then i will definitely turn straight and go after a date with Edwina Currie...PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR KATIE PRICE...SHE IS EVIL...

Day (i forget the numbers now...) Darcy is growing up very quickly, he is only 4 and already has whispy hairs on his chest, he does seem to frown a lot and has picked up a nickname from the nuns who now call him 'arsey darcy'...I caught him in the stys the other day exploring a pig, this does not seem a healthy pastime for a boy. His father came to see me, he has now gone back to Africa to see if we could live out our lives on his fathers land but i don't know whether i will ever see him again. Papa is happily married with fifteen children now and I myself have found a lover. His name is tebold and he works for the local council picking up leaves with a little stick which he fashioned himself out of willow. Tebold is a simple man but he shows a lot of love for my son and myself. The nuns wonder what i see in him but when i tell them the size of his cock, they all understand and smile wistfully. My wimple collection is getting rather large, I wonder if they will ever go out of fashion...

...and she sat down in the greek sunshine and cried to herself, totally fucking forgetting that the marathon was going on around her...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

well at this time of night i did not think i would be the first - i did start watching the exorcism and fell asleep so thanks for filling me in sounds like a hoot lol glad my dreams were more vivid - The Grudge if you want to hang off the ceiling watch it in the dark with Neil i had to sleep with the light on all night strange noises were all around (realised it was the cat in the wardrobe checking out my shoes! lol but imagine if i had turned the lights out ) oh i heard the wailing this morning of gmtv too how did the presenters keep straight faces because i would not have been able to it was dire but the devil in me did think of voting for her just to see you have a date with Edwina lol - i wish i was as outrageous as mindy she has all the fun lol well has done the last couple of days at least
take care honey Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Good morning
Well last night was a first for me! I'm not feeling well and could not face typing a comment. I think I have a cold, it is so nice of you to share it with your mates, Neil, unlike the picture you promised me, I think he needs my approval before you meet!!!!! Gx

Anonymous said...

Gina hope you are feeling better soon :) Lisa xxxx