Thursday, February 17, 2005

Are all neutred cats gay?

...suddenly the blood shot everywhere and it was in that moment that trainee nurse suzie remembered the difference between a vein and an artery...

Lets talk about sex advertising...a couple of years ago I thought i might be able to make a bit of money on the side on one of those sex talk lines, you know the ones 'I have the glory hole that you want', ' Cum to my room' or 'I need some playmates' or perhaps you don't know...anyway I phoned up and was told that i had a good voice for the phone and should go along for a test and an interview. As the pay was about 20 pounds an hour I thought it might be a good laugh for a couple of hours, so i went to the address that i was given, it was a hovel, there was guys all over the place, dirty unwashed with that heroin chic look. The place stank of weed and this guy came over to me and asked me to go to the office upstairs, I went in to the empty office and sat down, the phone started to ring and somebody shouted out to answer it...to cut a long story short the guy tested me by telling me what he wanted to do with me and i think i gave all the right answers and moaned a fair bit, he shot his bolt and then the phone went dead...the guy came to the office and said that was great and when could i start so we started discussing money, it turns out that the company pay 20 pounds an hour but you have to hire your space as such on the lines...in fact just like hairdressers rent their chairs, with added cum. So you only really get about 8 pounds an hour so i told them to screw it...I suppose if you are desperate enough it's alright, it seemed quite a laugh and guys were sat there doing puzzler and crossword books whilst metaphorically sucking somebody dry and playing with their chocolate starfish...but it wasn't for me...well, this time anyway! This may have all been a dream, i'm not quite sure!

Todays European film is "Life as a whore"...A Russian youth goes on the run to Moscow to escape from gangsters who were taking his money from him and forcing him to perform sexual favours. He realises that he could make money for doing the same so goes in search of clients for himself. Along the way he meets a blind girl who he decides to look after with his rent boy earnings and they set up in a small room on the outskirts of the city. Eventually after turning a few tricks he makes some very important contacts and becomes fabulously wealthy...the blind girl suddenly becomes terminally ill and he has to spend his money on hospitals and medication for her. She eventually dies, which leaves him destitute and desperate...he catches a cold which then turns into pneumonia and the youth curls up into a ball and dies as the snow falls around him...the last shot is of one of the gangsters (from the beginning of the film) visiting Moscow who throws a coin in slow motion which lands on what he believes is just another young vagrant but it is in fact the young man that he stole from originally...fade to black

Day 390. I am about to give birth, the nuns have been very good and told me the lord is with me throughout my sin, which is quite nice to know, but not very helpful. Papa has not contacted me for the last two months, it seems he has married Tina...what am I to do wimpleless and poor, how will i bring up my child...are we really destined for the workhouse?...

(please tell me what you want to happen next in Jane Eyres Diary...just a couple of words and we shall take the story on a journey which i will write for you.)

Smelly people...there is no excuse, soap costs pennies and there is no excuse not to change your underwear. We should not have to stand in queues behind people smelling of wee! The shopkeepers should not have to spray everytime a certain person leaves the shop...its an outrage...all people who smell should be terminated or at least put in a bath with some coal tar soap until their elbows bleed!

..."Super", said Georgie as she examined her new hermatically sealed Tupperware with executive air lock...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fantastic blog, did you really do the phone sex thing. Ok, ok, but I need to know these things! Did you have a bad experience whilst shopping today, it sounds horrendous, but forget the terminating part, we need to keep a full house? Gx

Anonymous said...

Could Jane rediscover a long lost interest in a previous lesbian love, perhaps you could use the wimple as an early prototype femedom ?

Anonymous said...

Ho hum im now back and fully equaled and diverse. Your blog seem to be getting bigger mate. Can we run a book as to the name of the smelly resident you refer to.£8 an hour for phone sex mate don't tell Don he will start filling the wee small hours when on nights , he could probably fit a few in between the faggs and alarm calls. M

Anonymous said...

you over excelled tonight sweetie - loved it by the way - you need to read the jane austen book club fabby book! i need commision all the books i have been recommending lately

Still the no 1 best seller is he not that into you which i can honestly say i have bought numerous times and passed on to the willing females eager to shrug off all those losers lol

Lisa xxxxxx

ps the latest addition is fine and Gina i checked my laundry basket all my `smalls` still intact and not hidden round the house lol - and for those of you not in the know its an `inside` joke xxxx

Anonymous said...

hi neil you dont mention much about your mates in your blogs anymore apart from Lisa and Gina what about the others? T

Anonymous said...

Lisa, I have to say my "smalls" are also intact!!!!
One day I packed J off to his dads, when he returned, S handed me back my smalls, they were stuck to the velcro on J coat!!!!! G

Anonymous said...

lol Gina have you thought about writing a blog that was so funny lol I know I shouldnt laugh at someones misfortune but at sometime in my life been there done that brought the t-shirt, book, mug lol Lisa xx

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa
Title:- it's a good job my small's are small!!!!!
Shall I tell you about the time I was shopping in town, felt a lump in my jeans, put my hand down them and pulled out a dirty pair of pants. How red did I go, I quickly shoved them in my coat pocket, looking around and hoping no-one had noticed! Now I make sure that I always remove my jeans and pants seperately, and place pants in laundry basket. lol!!!! Oh God, why do I feel the need to write about such things, lets hope I never get a sex life, would not want to make you all jealous.