Saturday, January 14, 2006

Mangey Managers....

Modern Day Management Techniques...

Pay
You can really confuse the staff by paying well but treating them
badly.
It's harder to leave and really screws them up.


Thanks
Make sure that you notice and comment on every little error your staff
make.
But don't ruin it by thanking them when they do a bit extra or
achieve something.


Prepare well for the Annual Review
A really good trick is to make no comments all year and then make some
major criticism at the annual review.
This can save a fortune on your salary budget.
Some staff can be difficult to deal with

i.e. they are bigger than you.

Avoid confrontation - Moan about them behind their back.


Operate an "Open Door" Policy
Say stuff like "My door is always open, if you need help". When the
staff come pestering, try one of these tactics:
"I'm just off to a meeting"
(Actually, as a manager, you should be in meetings all the time)
Keep looking at your computer screen or writing, while they talk.
They'll soon get the hint.
Make a big promise such as "Leave it to me. I'll get that sorted out
for you."
Then forget all about it. Chances are they won't dare bring it up
again.


Top phrases to shut up whingeing staff
"I'm surprised you have time to think about that. The rest of us are
far too busy."
or the more subtle:
"I'm not sure that is what you should be focussing on."


Practice motivational techniques
Managers should never use physical cruelty.
Mental torture is so much more effective (and leaves no tell-tale
marks).


Keep Your Staff Informed
Being a manager means that you are expected to feed information to the
proles.
Here are some alternatives for dealing with this:
"I'm too busy." They'll find out eventually, via the grapevine.


Taking Responsibility
If you have to get the staff to do something that they might not like
and you can't use any of the techniques above, then try this:

"Well I know this is a pain and I feel the same as you, but the exec
say that we have to do it."

Mmmmm ........see you soon

steve x

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow food for thought - but very near the mark and very good
Keep up the good work
J

Anonymous said...

In my expericnce managers have a far harder time that some people realise. Try looking at the problem from the other side, with the crap coming at you from both directions you can be caught between a rock and a hard place. It is not a great idear to moan and make life difficult for the people who could make your life great or so shit. If your job is so bad get another one stop complaining. If you cannot afford to leave because the pay is that good then put up and shut up.Nobody is given loads of money without having to give something back. As I said earlier if you feel that strongly leave there is more to life than work.

3Steel said...

Who said i do not like my job!! anyway this was supposed to be a bit tongue in cheek but if you feel that strong about this then all i can say is that the truth hurts.
steve.