Sunday, January 29, 2006

just a bit of self help...

The end of a relationship...

Relationships are difficult to end and to have ended because of the emotional and physical investment involved.

However, one has the right to end a relationship and to be told that a relationship is ending because it is no longer working, either of you would rather be with someone else, or with no one at all.

This period is difficult for both of you and requires clear communication, time, and self-care.

Feelings May Include

Denial ...we can't believe this is happening to us, and we can't believe the relationship is over

Anger...we are angry and shocked that our partner has shaken our world so much

Fear...we are frightened by the intensity of our feelings and by our need to face our partner

Self-blame...we blame ourselves for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over

Sadness...we cry and feel sad for what sometimes feels like an eternity for our loss

Guilt...we feel guilty especially if we end the relationship because we don't want to hurt our partner, yet we know the relationship is not for us

Disorientation & Confusion...our familiar world has been shattered

Hope...sometimes initially for a reconciliation and later for a new and better world for ourselves

Bargaining...we plead with our partner to give us another chance

Relief...we can be relieved that there is an ending to the pain, and the fighting

Ways to Cope
Pamper yourself

Express your feelings: cry, punch the pillow, talk out loud, go for long walks, do what you need to do

Try to keep your sleeping and eating habits regular and continue or begin an exercise program

Recognize that although some feelings may seem overwhelming, they are all "normal" reactions and are necessary to the healing process

Talk to your friends and/or family and keep the other aspects of your life going

Rekindle friendships that may have been neglected during your romantic relationship-- most people are forgiving and pleased to spend time with you

Get Help. Take advantage of resources such as the Wellness Center and Personal Counseling.

What to Avoid

Rebound relationships. Don't start a new relationship before fully working through the issues around the end of this relationship.

Giving mixed messages to the other party involved. Take some time to think through what you want and how you are feeling to avoid giving false hope.

Excessive use of alcohol, tobacco, caffeine and other drugs. Sometimes these substances are unhealthily used to block out feelings of pain.

Neil x

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