Thursday, June 09, 2005

Tinkerings of a trilobyte

Well now that summer is just around the corner, well it’s the Seventh of June and for once the sun is out. I’m actually sitting in a pair of shorts as I write. Yes I know what your thinking It’s amazing bare legs and no jog pants. I say summers around the corner as if we know when its going to start. But judging by the performance so far this year the lazy days and hot hot nights could be postponed until next year and no one would be surprised.

Perhaps I’m getting old and I know this seems to be a reoccurring theme this year as I write. But the clothes people wear are getting worse. And by worse I mean less suitable, with more pasty flesh on show. I see hundreds of young girls (and unfortunately some not so young girls) going around with slightly flabby stomachs stuffed into a pair of faded designer jeans. Well mostly not quite stuffed in, sort of hanging over. With a belly button bar thrown in for good measure. And if you’re really lucky a bit of Elastoplast to cover the fact that it’s weeping. These young girls (lets from now on call them Chav’s as I think this social class needs to be ridiculed as much as possible) nearly all hang around in small groups with one good looking one ruined with too much make up. And a couple of fat friends who think that hanging around with good-looking people will some how rub off. The boys aren’t much better. Why does every body think it looks good to dress like a black rap artist. It just does not work without the Afro hair dark skin and a second hand BMW to deal drugs from. Look in the mirror you’re a Pratt. These people are going to look back on the way they dressed in the first part of the Twenty-first century and die of embarrassment. I know all kids aren’t like this, but the proportion is rising at an alarming rate.
I have just had a fantastic idea. The hunting lobby are desperate for something to shoot and we have a growing population of Chav’s. Put the two together and its supply and demand. You heard it hear first folks. I’m going patent that one. Ok time to stop picking on the young and mentally unstable (sorry I mean Chav) lets go for the more middle aged in society. Every year during the warmer day between May and September. You can go to any park shopping centre street etc and see a certain type of man who thinks its ok to wear sandals with socks and shorts. The sandals are usually brown Jesus types. And the socks are pulled up to just below the knee and white. We have all seen them, do these poor misguided souls a favour and tell them next time they come into view.

The Thong now there is a piece of clothing to get the imagination of every man going. I guarantee that all the heterosexual men reading this will have a mental picture in their minds the minuet you mention the T word. It will involve bending over and about two inches of flesh between low cut jeans and the top of a thong. That’s ok and it can be viewed most days in most high streets in the country. But I bet the reality is different on the majority of most real women. In the good old days back when pants were an item of clothing to be feared, and Helen Fielding was forming opinions about that sort of thing the pant had an important job to do. And the most important of jobs was to cover the arse of the wearer. Let me put it like this. Most normal real women don’t have a super model bum. They have jobs and kids and sit on the bus etc and cellulite and there arse reflects this. The idea of the thong was to stop the VPL that most people spend their spare time enjoying looking out for. And VPL is bad, and I’m sure the majorities of people who have it don’t know how they look from the rear and would rather die than think they look like that.

Now I might be on my own. But I think that a pair of traditional arse covering “mummy pant horror” jobs look far better even with a bit of VPL than a thong on the wrong bum. And fucking hell aren’t there some horrendous sites out there. Along with it has to be said the odd vision of loveliness in skin.

The Thong lets all those imperfections show. Some of our more mature ladies who are trying to hold on to there youth end up with a map of the moon traced on the outside of there trousers. You know the type early fifties thinking there eighteen still. I just wish people would act their age and not hang on to youth. Getting older does not mean behaving like your OAPs. Society the paper the media all seem to be pushing younger and younger. If you don’t believe me look at the average age of the acts in the charts or TV presenters, or any number of other areas I could mention. Funny as it’s an ageing population. There are going to be more and more disenfranchised people. And as ageing is inevitable we are all going to feel that way at some point. Just a thought.


Anonymous said...

personally i don't like the sight of the thong poking out from top of jeans, but i do like the glimpse of a nice tattoo on the lower back...........steve.

Anonymous said...

Having just returned from my hols I have seen it all, so felt I needed to comment
1. 40+ lady, topless, huge scares under each breast(poss really bad 80's boob job), let's not cover up but have a large nipple ring and tattoo to really drawer attention to yourself.
2. Teenage daughters, fully madeup, sitting around the pool with hoodies on.
3. Man wearing speedo's.
4. 40+ single mum who purchased a cheap bikini from Tesco's, jumped in pool, surfaced with right boob on full display.
5. 40+ single mum who only took thongs on holiday, if you want to see a slight, sunbathe all day, shower etc, ready for a night out, then put on your underwear, walk around the apartment, and see the horror on your mums face when she see's your bum!
Must agree with Steve on the tastefull lower back tattoo, my only worry is how will they look in 20+ years time. Gx

Anonymous said...

oh its nice to see all the gang back and writing comments - not sure about the token fat friends who hang round with the good looking people hoping it will rub off on them - is that me and Neil i am thinking lol

But must make a mental note not to sunbathe topless in Egypt i dont want to be a comment on a blog lol lol Lisa xxxxxx