I think you might know what this is...
Thursday, March 31, 2005
holidays in cambodia...
… as she had been voted ‘torture unit’ prefect for the year, jessica swanned off for her first lesson in ‘nails down a chalkboard’
This is the second time I have had to write this today due to this fucking website going tits up again…it probably won’t be as brilliant and as funny as the first attempt but I will give it a go…
Today I am heartbroken , dismayed, I feel cheap and used and really shit upon…do you know why, because Christopher ecclestone is quitting Dr Who after only 13 episodes…what does he think he’s fucking doing…does he not care about the viewing public, obviously nhot. I think it’s a money thing although he says that he doesn’t want to be typecast…?...what, as an ugly big nosed manc with floppy ears who can’t hack the pace…hmmm too late buster! Selfish selfish selfish Christopher…
Fascinating fact…further on from my writings about male prostate massaging, I was doing some research with Lisa and realised that the womans G Spot is in exactly the same place as the male prostate…so that’s it, it makes sense it’s a unisex area of pleasure to be explored by everyone…isn’t that just stunning!
Memories of Africa…I lived in Africa between the years of 1972-75 if I remember rightly? (my sis will tell me any different). We first landed at Cape Town where we spent 6 months while my father became settled in his place of work…I remember the water but I don’t remember beaches and swimming, why is that?, perhaps we didn’t swim..
I remember taking the cable car up to the top of table mountain, one of the most fabulous views in the world, and then being covered in a fine mist of cold cloud which was known as the tablecloth…I remember we were there for quite a while before we could get down again.
I remember taking the Blue Train across the Great Karoo desert to our next destination which was Johanesburg…I think the train took about 3 days in which time the only living thing we saw was an Ostrich…(to be continued)
Lets talk about Chubbies, gainers and feeders…I have recently been exploring the chubby chatrooms, a safe environment where fat men like me can be admired by what they call Chubby Chasers (slim guys) or Chub for Chubs, which speaks for itself. I discovered a strange underbelly whilst researching, I was messaged first of all by a young guy who was a gainer and wanted me to tell him what to eat to achieve my size, it was really weird being adored for my weight after years of my weight being a millstone round my neck and causing me many travels to the dark side of thought. I had a few messages from similar people, all wanting to meet me and talk to me about weight gaining, they also mentioned sex but that seemed to be an after thought to them…also there were a few guys who contacted me because they admired me for my looks but I wasn’t quite big enough for them, they wanted to wine me and dine me and dine me and dine me until I was the right size for them, some of them asked if they could have before and after shots of my stomach and bum and I found this really surreal and I thought it was quite sad the fact that there are people who would let themselves be abused in this way. I still talk in chubby land but I want to be the first guy that says he’s a reducer..hopefully…it’s a really strange world out there.
…Jessica was now bored of the ‘whistling in the ear’ class, so she nailed terrys testicles to the table instead…
This is the second time I have had to write this today due to this fucking website going tits up again…it probably won’t be as brilliant and as funny as the first attempt but I will give it a go…
Today I am heartbroken , dismayed, I feel cheap and used and really shit upon…do you know why, because Christopher ecclestone is quitting Dr Who after only 13 episodes…what does he think he’s fucking doing…does he not care about the viewing public, obviously nhot. I think it’s a money thing although he says that he doesn’t want to be typecast…?...what, as an ugly big nosed manc with floppy ears who can’t hack the pace…hmmm too late buster! Selfish selfish selfish Christopher…
Fascinating fact…further on from my writings about male prostate massaging, I was doing some research with Lisa and realised that the womans G Spot is in exactly the same place as the male prostate…so that’s it, it makes sense it’s a unisex area of pleasure to be explored by everyone…isn’t that just stunning!
Memories of Africa…I lived in Africa between the years of 1972-75 if I remember rightly? (my sis will tell me any different). We first landed at Cape Town where we spent 6 months while my father became settled in his place of work…I remember the water but I don’t remember beaches and swimming, why is that?, perhaps we didn’t swim..
I remember taking the cable car up to the top of table mountain, one of the most fabulous views in the world, and then being covered in a fine mist of cold cloud which was known as the tablecloth…I remember we were there for quite a while before we could get down again.
I remember taking the Blue Train across the Great Karoo desert to our next destination which was Johanesburg…I think the train took about 3 days in which time the only living thing we saw was an Ostrich…(to be continued)
Lets talk about Chubbies, gainers and feeders…I have recently been exploring the chubby chatrooms, a safe environment where fat men like me can be admired by what they call Chubby Chasers (slim guys) or Chub for Chubs, which speaks for itself. I discovered a strange underbelly whilst researching, I was messaged first of all by a young guy who was a gainer and wanted me to tell him what to eat to achieve my size, it was really weird being adored for my weight after years of my weight being a millstone round my neck and causing me many travels to the dark side of thought. I had a few messages from similar people, all wanting to meet me and talk to me about weight gaining, they also mentioned sex but that seemed to be an after thought to them…also there were a few guys who contacted me because they admired me for my looks but I wasn’t quite big enough for them, they wanted to wine me and dine me and dine me and dine me until I was the right size for them, some of them asked if they could have before and after shots of my stomach and bum and I found this really surreal and I thought it was quite sad the fact that there are people who would let themselves be abused in this way. I still talk in chubby land but I want to be the first guy that says he’s a reducer..hopefully…it’s a really strange world out there.
…Jessica was now bored of the ‘whistling in the ear’ class, so she nailed terrys testicles to the table instead…
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
in the still of the night...
... everyone in the temple looked around when rashid asked if there was any instruction in the koran on how to keep pigs...
Whats right with the world...
1 More gay marriages are legalised every day :-) (up yours anonymous wanker!) (see previous days comments)
2 More people are given the right to freedom of speech every day
3 women can ask guys out if they want to
4 Men can turn round and say no thank you without repercussions
5 more ice cream flavours are being developed every day
6 ?
and i have really struggled for anymore! lol....anyone have any suggestions?
Its been a quiet old world since easter, nothing much going on at all...I have been promised a guest blog by Robbie for next week as there was a slight breakdown in communications this week.
I understand that once again people had problems posting comments yesterday...i will see how it goes but if it doesn't improve i may have to move the blog to another provider. I hate to give you a bad service and i know how important it is for some of you to mouth off occasionally !
I saw an advert today that got me all nostalgic, can't remember the name of the album but it was a triple 1980's album with a lot of different 12" singles on it from supremists such as Spandau Ballet, ABC, Ultravox etc...its got that sort of university disco feel to it. My memories of the 80's consist of being a fairly famous south coast dj with a guy called hammy, we used to dj all the alternative student nights in Southampton, Portsmouth and Bournemouth and used to make a really pretty penny from it. I also had a platinum blonde flat top haircut at one point and walked around in wild paisley shirts with silver bootlace ties. I was in a band called 'Rupert hates Pooh' which only ever did 2 gigs but caused riots as people wanted to get into the 2nd one but couldn't. It was a great band, a cross between sigue sigue sputnik and the Men they couldn't hang!, the band consisted of Me and Terri (a darling girl called teresa) on vocals, two guys on sequenced keyboards, metal percussion (such as oil drums, old boilers etc..) with echo boxes attached to it and a trumpeter...now doesn't that sound wild!...We released one cassette tape in an arty package called a 'pooh bag' (how very bloody art student!)...would love to hear your memories of the 80's, come on now don't be shy!
Just a quick big up to Morcheeba who have just bought out a new album which is absolutely amazing and well well well worth a listen peeps!
... Brenda the church verger knew her christianity was on the line when she accepted a booking for the church hall from Satan & sons Ltd...
Whats right with the world...
1 More gay marriages are legalised every day :-) (up yours anonymous wanker!) (see previous days comments)
2 More people are given the right to freedom of speech every day
3 women can ask guys out if they want to
4 Men can turn round and say no thank you without repercussions
5 more ice cream flavours are being developed every day
6 ?
and i have really struggled for anymore! lol....anyone have any suggestions?
Its been a quiet old world since easter, nothing much going on at all...I have been promised a guest blog by Robbie for next week as there was a slight breakdown in communications this week.
I understand that once again people had problems posting comments yesterday...i will see how it goes but if it doesn't improve i may have to move the blog to another provider. I hate to give you a bad service and i know how important it is for some of you to mouth off occasionally !
I saw an advert today that got me all nostalgic, can't remember the name of the album but it was a triple 1980's album with a lot of different 12" singles on it from supremists such as Spandau Ballet, ABC, Ultravox etc...its got that sort of university disco feel to it. My memories of the 80's consist of being a fairly famous south coast dj with a guy called hammy, we used to dj all the alternative student nights in Southampton, Portsmouth and Bournemouth and used to make a really pretty penny from it. I also had a platinum blonde flat top haircut at one point and walked around in wild paisley shirts with silver bootlace ties. I was in a band called 'Rupert hates Pooh' which only ever did 2 gigs but caused riots as people wanted to get into the 2nd one but couldn't. It was a great band, a cross between sigue sigue sputnik and the Men they couldn't hang!, the band consisted of Me and Terri (a darling girl called teresa) on vocals, two guys on sequenced keyboards, metal percussion (such as oil drums, old boilers etc..) with echo boxes attached to it and a trumpeter...now doesn't that sound wild!...We released one cassette tape in an arty package called a 'pooh bag' (how very bloody art student!)...would love to hear your memories of the 80's, come on now don't be shy!
Just a quick big up to Morcheeba who have just bought out a new album which is absolutely amazing and well well well worth a listen peeps!
... Brenda the church verger knew her christianity was on the line when she accepted a booking for the church hall from Satan & sons Ltd...
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
an alternative ulcer!
...and so with one person being hung, the house wasn't so crowded anymore...
Whats wrong with the world...
1 There are not enough shops that stock ben and jerrys ice cream
2 they don't make nappies with built in floral fragrances
3 It is still unreasonable to be different
4 mens and womens fragrances cost about 40 times what they cost to make.
5 politicians can't agree with each other
6 there are still people with built in unchangable intolerance
7 there are still hidden food additives
8 there are people that can't see or won't see progress
9 there are too many mobility scooters
10 strawberries don't taste of strawberries anymore
11 winter has just become another part of autumn
12 there are still people who die for religious reasons
13 there is still greed
14 95% of the worlds wealth is managed by the 5% that are wealthiest
15 children aren't allowed to be children anymore
16 companies have slowed down aids research because of the amount of money that they make on exisiting medicines.
17 Tsunamis and earthquakes are becoming more frequent
18 dogs
19 there is still apartheid in south africa
20 most third world leaders live in palaces
21 there are still countries that won't drop the third world debt
22 people still cannot see the difference between art and pornography
23 the average person in the uk does not retire wealthy
24 the United States still insists on being the leader of the whole world
25 the British film industry is nowhere near funded enough
26 the price of basic food is too high
27 water companies can get away with increased charges every year when the amount of water being used doesn't change
28 Compact discs are about 4 times more expensive than they need to be
29 people now know too much about sex
30 the word 'cunt' is still shocking
31 there are still people that would kill someone because of their sexuality
32 english policeman have lost all approachability
33 too many people are frightened about the food they eat
34 'being on' is the excuse that women use to be bossy
35 its still frowned upon for a man to cry in public
36 competancy based interviews are bad things and should be obliterated
37 there are still too many people relying on other people to provide their living expenses
38 Roman Polanski is still not allowed to enter America
39 booking fees/charges should not even exist
40 the environment is slowly dying
...tulip turned on the steamer and regretted ever having applied for the job as a stripper...
Whats wrong with the world...
1 There are not enough shops that stock ben and jerrys ice cream
2 they don't make nappies with built in floral fragrances
3 It is still unreasonable to be different
4 mens and womens fragrances cost about 40 times what they cost to make.
5 politicians can't agree with each other
6 there are still people with built in unchangable intolerance
7 there are still hidden food additives
8 there are people that can't see or won't see progress
9 there are too many mobility scooters
10 strawberries don't taste of strawberries anymore
11 winter has just become another part of autumn
12 there are still people who die for religious reasons
13 there is still greed
14 95% of the worlds wealth is managed by the 5% that are wealthiest
15 children aren't allowed to be children anymore
16 companies have slowed down aids research because of the amount of money that they make on exisiting medicines.
17 Tsunamis and earthquakes are becoming more frequent
18 dogs
19 there is still apartheid in south africa
20 most third world leaders live in palaces
21 there are still countries that won't drop the third world debt
22 people still cannot see the difference between art and pornography
23 the average person in the uk does not retire wealthy
24 the United States still insists on being the leader of the whole world
25 the British film industry is nowhere near funded enough
26 the price of basic food is too high
27 water companies can get away with increased charges every year when the amount of water being used doesn't change
28 Compact discs are about 4 times more expensive than they need to be
29 people now know too much about sex
30 the word 'cunt' is still shocking
31 there are still people that would kill someone because of their sexuality
32 english policeman have lost all approachability
33 too many people are frightened about the food they eat
34 'being on' is the excuse that women use to be bossy
35 its still frowned upon for a man to cry in public
36 competancy based interviews are bad things and should be obliterated
37 there are still too many people relying on other people to provide their living expenses
38 Roman Polanski is still not allowed to enter America
39 booking fees/charges should not even exist
40 the environment is slowly dying
...tulip turned on the steamer and regretted ever having applied for the job as a stripper...
Monday, March 28, 2005
*****
hello all...just having a blog away day today...normal service will be resumed tomorrow...
enjoy the bank holiday x
enjoy the bank holiday x
Sunday, March 27, 2005
ooeeeoooo, eeeooooo, oo oo oo oo e oo
...Alice took a bite out of the little cake that said 'eat me' and was immediately muff dived by the awaiting pack of living playing cards...
All hail to the mighty writing of Russell T Davies and the magnificence that was the first episode of Dr Who 2005. I was nearly in tears, everything was just right, the characters, the special effects, the comedy and the music although i must say that the new theme is fantastic but it needed either more volume or beefiness in the opening credits...and the use of surround sound wasn't what it could have been...but all criticisms aside I shall gladly pay my license fee for another year..thank you BBC.
OOh its the big day today when Marie gets to see her punk heroes Stiff Little Fingers in Cambridge, they are taking Lisa and Steve with them...lets hope Lisa stays out of the mosh pit! Have fun guys and a good tip is that if your ears start bleeding its probably too loud!
Forgot to say that when we were in the pub the other night Eric the Landlord had a real ale on tap which was called 'Stuff the royal wedding' ale...great cartoon on the beer pump...you have to laugh!
Really enjoying Easter break, just mellowing and watching films that I needed to catch up on...yesterday I watched Baz Luhrman's (Strictly ballroom, romeo and juliet, moulin rouge) version of Puccini's 'La Boheme' as staged at the Sydney Opera House in 1993...it was just magnificent, if you get chance to rent it please do...its all neon lit signs saying 'L'amour' and the transformation scene to the latin quarter is just awe inspiring...you can deffo see where the moulin rouge ideas came from. Of course its very sad so a box of tissues would be handy...
I think I have mentioned on these pages about the NIRAH aquatic life eden type project thing that will be built near Stewartby, well its happening and now the animal rights protestors are coming out in force. I have been on Nirah's website www.nirah.org and have every faith in them creating a justifiable research establishment as well as a public exhibition space. The protestors are saying that the aqautic life will be experimented on etc.. this is what nirah says on their website...
1. NIRAH is not just there for the entertainment of the fee paying public, apart from playing a vital role in public education, NIRAH aims to help prevent species and habitats from slipping into extinction.
2. Apart from those animals needing special facilities, NIRAH will display all of its animals as openly as possible. Tours showing visitors ‘behind the scenes’ and quarantine areas, will allow them to see newly arrived animals and specialist breeding habitats.
3. To be truly effective for public and scientific education, researchers must be able to study actual living organisms.
4. Captive breeding needs extensive and realistic surroundings for the species concerned, which should be visible to all.
5. An understanding of the fragility of environments is vital in understanding why species are endangered.
6. Sadly some species have no habitat left in the wild; they need the provision of a safe, secure and stimulating home just to survive.
7. As a caring & responsible species, we cannot leave critically endangered species (some below their breeding population – threshold requirements) to their own devices and hope that they survive.
I say good on them, it will be an exciting project that i personally will look forward to visiting and i think its about time the whining 'lets keep animals fluffy' brigade shove it right up their arses and let people get on with saving the planet in a methodical and efficient way...
...after kissing frogs for a lot of years, davinia decided to concentrate on other types of aquatic life instead...
All hail to the mighty writing of Russell T Davies and the magnificence that was the first episode of Dr Who 2005. I was nearly in tears, everything was just right, the characters, the special effects, the comedy and the music although i must say that the new theme is fantastic but it needed either more volume or beefiness in the opening credits...and the use of surround sound wasn't what it could have been...but all criticisms aside I shall gladly pay my license fee for another year..thank you BBC.
OOh its the big day today when Marie gets to see her punk heroes Stiff Little Fingers in Cambridge, they are taking Lisa and Steve with them...lets hope Lisa stays out of the mosh pit! Have fun guys and a good tip is that if your ears start bleeding its probably too loud!
Forgot to say that when we were in the pub the other night Eric the Landlord had a real ale on tap which was called 'Stuff the royal wedding' ale...great cartoon on the beer pump...you have to laugh!
Really enjoying Easter break, just mellowing and watching films that I needed to catch up on...yesterday I watched Baz Luhrman's (Strictly ballroom, romeo and juliet, moulin rouge) version of Puccini's 'La Boheme' as staged at the Sydney Opera House in 1993...it was just magnificent, if you get chance to rent it please do...its all neon lit signs saying 'L'amour' and the transformation scene to the latin quarter is just awe inspiring...you can deffo see where the moulin rouge ideas came from. Of course its very sad so a box of tissues would be handy...
I think I have mentioned on these pages about the NIRAH aquatic life eden type project thing that will be built near Stewartby, well its happening and now the animal rights protestors are coming out in force. I have been on Nirah's website www.nirah.org and have every faith in them creating a justifiable research establishment as well as a public exhibition space. The protestors are saying that the aqautic life will be experimented on etc.. this is what nirah says on their website...
1. NIRAH is not just there for the entertainment of the fee paying public, apart from playing a vital role in public education, NIRAH aims to help prevent species and habitats from slipping into extinction.
2. Apart from those animals needing special facilities, NIRAH will display all of its animals as openly as possible. Tours showing visitors ‘behind the scenes’ and quarantine areas, will allow them to see newly arrived animals and specialist breeding habitats.
3. To be truly effective for public and scientific education, researchers must be able to study actual living organisms.
4. Captive breeding needs extensive and realistic surroundings for the species concerned, which should be visible to all.
5. An understanding of the fragility of environments is vital in understanding why species are endangered.
6. Sadly some species have no habitat left in the wild; they need the provision of a safe, secure and stimulating home just to survive.
7. As a caring & responsible species, we cannot leave critically endangered species (some below their breeding population – threshold requirements) to their own devices and hope that they survive.
I say good on them, it will be an exciting project that i personally will look forward to visiting and i think its about time the whining 'lets keep animals fluffy' brigade shove it right up their arses and let people get on with saving the planet in a methodical and efficient way...
...after kissing frogs for a lot of years, davinia decided to concentrate on other types of aquatic life instead...
Saturday, March 26, 2005
RRRRRingggg RRRRRingggg....Hello?
...Mindy decided to see what it was like to be rogered by a donkey but it didn't go down well with the parents and teachers at the university nativity play...
just a quick blog today due to easter festivities, plus i have a bit of a hangover!...had a really good night last night at The Wellington but nothing overly funny happened (well, nothing that i have remembered yet!)...spoke to Steves wife Claire on the phone and she sounds utterly charming and didn't mind at all at being asked if Steve was coming out to play!...oh and apologies to Steve for slapping his head alot! (you had to be there!)
Lisa was as lovely as ever and was resplendent in make up and nails by Piddy77!...Matthew and Marie were as fun as ever...its nice to have friends around you...but there was NO extension, it wasn't that busy and i really couldn't have drunk anymore but thats not the point! The evening finished with the 'regrettable in the morning' Chinese food and late night chat with Lisa.
Lisa was asking me about my Goodsphere that I had working in the lounge, its something i normally keep running in the bedroom and if you haven't seen it its great...its like an air washing machine...bad air goes in full of polutants, dust, mites etc and out gets blown moistured air full of essential oils...have a look here
http://www.goodsphere.co.uk/
its great for anyone with asthma and allergy problems, sinusitis etc and i wouldn't sleep without it...advert over! lol
Well enjoy the football later on England v somebody or other and I am now SO EXCITED about DR.WHO this evening...it had better be good otherwise you wait till tomorrows blog!
...Chav decided to watch himself in the mirrored glass while he was knocking one off but didn't realise that he had an audience on the other side of his office windows...
just a quick blog today due to easter festivities, plus i have a bit of a hangover!...had a really good night last night at The Wellington but nothing overly funny happened (well, nothing that i have remembered yet!)...spoke to Steves wife Claire on the phone and she sounds utterly charming and didn't mind at all at being asked if Steve was coming out to play!...oh and apologies to Steve for slapping his head alot! (you had to be there!)
Lisa was as lovely as ever and was resplendent in make up and nails by Piddy77!...Matthew and Marie were as fun as ever...its nice to have friends around you...but there was NO extension, it wasn't that busy and i really couldn't have drunk anymore but thats not the point! The evening finished with the 'regrettable in the morning' Chinese food and late night chat with Lisa.
Lisa was asking me about my Goodsphere that I had working in the lounge, its something i normally keep running in the bedroom and if you haven't seen it its great...its like an air washing machine...bad air goes in full of polutants, dust, mites etc and out gets blown moistured air full of essential oils...have a look here
http://www.goodsphere.co.uk/
its great for anyone with asthma and allergy problems, sinusitis etc and i wouldn't sleep without it...advert over! lol
Well enjoy the football later on England v somebody or other and I am now SO EXCITED about DR.WHO this evening...it had better be good otherwise you wait till tomorrows blog!
...Chav decided to watch himself in the mirrored glass while he was knocking one off but didn't realise that he had an audience on the other side of his office windows...
Friday, March 25, 2005
Eggs, Eggs, Eggs
...it was'nt until the carpenter saw jesus up on the cross that he realised that the romans hadn't made him build a mast for a sailboat after all...
Oh ho ho ho...it's easter time and the bunnies are running wild, there are fountains of chocolate everywhere (which i can't eat, so fuck you all), and newsagents are rubbing their hands with glee in praise of St. Tin foil who covers cheap bits of chocolate to make them look reasurringly expensive. Children are running round the gardens on easter egg hunts, looking for those secret painted boiled eggs that contain the unformed embryos of fluffy little chicks, and lovers are gazing into each others eyes waiting expectedly for presents that will never come (because the newsagent never ordered enough fucking eggs)..so happy fucking easter and bollocks to it all...I have now decided to have these sweat bands and things re=embroidered to now say WDJD - what did jesus do? !
There is nothing worse than getting a boil on your scrotum (not that i have one at the moment, but i do have a distant memory...) and they just seem to pop up at the most inappropriate time, I remember I was on stage once playing the Kralahome (prime minister) in the King and I and I had to wear this sort of Sumo outfit and the day before we went on I had a huge boil come up on the top of my thigh nearly at the buttock area, no amount of concealer would hide it so there i was backstage with the poor old costume lady on her knees squeezing my buttock for all its worth to try and rid the area of poison, it actually burst about half an hour before curtain on opening night and we had to write in the script that i had been hit by a stray bullet just in case people were concerned about the mixture of blood and tissue plasma oozing down the leg. The scrotum story doesn't really need to be gone into...yet...lol !
From my blog the other day a couple of people were curious about me walking to the balcony doors unclothed, but its okay the lounge is sunken into the roof so I can't be seen, not that i care anyway...I mean i used to be shy and would always be the last one into the showers so no one else would see etc etc....but when you go into hospital for an op and the doctor unveils your bottom half to 12 student doctors you tend to lose, a) a grip on reality and b) all sense of prudishness...so now I am quite happy to say that I parade at will and on request but nowhere where i can be arrested (except for when trousers fall off in a drunken stupour!)
I've already had a couple of right answers to the blog competition this week so keep them coming...
Its Easter pub night tonight and that means an extension, so if i survive I will be back tomorrow...love you all
...and all that Jesus could think of in his final moments was 'well just one shag would have been nice...'
Oh ho ho ho...it's easter time and the bunnies are running wild, there are fountains of chocolate everywhere (which i can't eat, so fuck you all), and newsagents are rubbing their hands with glee in praise of St. Tin foil who covers cheap bits of chocolate to make them look reasurringly expensive. Children are running round the gardens on easter egg hunts, looking for those secret painted boiled eggs that contain the unformed embryos of fluffy little chicks, and lovers are gazing into each others eyes waiting expectedly for presents that will never come (because the newsagent never ordered enough fucking eggs)..so happy fucking easter and bollocks to it all...I have now decided to have these sweat bands and things re=embroidered to now say WDJD - what did jesus do? !
There is nothing worse than getting a boil on your scrotum (not that i have one at the moment, but i do have a distant memory...) and they just seem to pop up at the most inappropriate time, I remember I was on stage once playing the Kralahome (prime minister) in the King and I and I had to wear this sort of Sumo outfit and the day before we went on I had a huge boil come up on the top of my thigh nearly at the buttock area, no amount of concealer would hide it so there i was backstage with the poor old costume lady on her knees squeezing my buttock for all its worth to try and rid the area of poison, it actually burst about half an hour before curtain on opening night and we had to write in the script that i had been hit by a stray bullet just in case people were concerned about the mixture of blood and tissue plasma oozing down the leg. The scrotum story doesn't really need to be gone into...yet...lol !
From my blog the other day a couple of people were curious about me walking to the balcony doors unclothed, but its okay the lounge is sunken into the roof so I can't be seen, not that i care anyway...I mean i used to be shy and would always be the last one into the showers so no one else would see etc etc....but when you go into hospital for an op and the doctor unveils your bottom half to 12 student doctors you tend to lose, a) a grip on reality and b) all sense of prudishness...so now I am quite happy to say that I parade at will and on request but nowhere where i can be arrested (except for when trousers fall off in a drunken stupour!)
I've already had a couple of right answers to the blog competition this week so keep them coming...
Its Easter pub night tonight and that means an extension, so if i survive I will be back tomorrow...love you all
...and all that Jesus could think of in his final moments was 'well just one shag would have been nice...'
Thursday, March 24, 2005
cock a hoop
...tessas mum tried to remove a condom from the protesting girls bedroom, she didn't think it was fair that her boyfriend was still attached to it...
The male equivalant to 'does my bum look big in this' is ' does my cock look good in this'...doesn't quite have the same ring, does it.
Hmm lets just quickly mention 'Christians who aren't', don't you just hate pious people who wish you gods blessing and a peaceful easter and then slag you off at the closing of the door. These people are evil and should be publicly stoned...or flayed for a bit at least...bastards
Oh dear its a dull day but pleasantly warmish...just dossing today and having a nice time not having to think about anything. Sat here listening to James Blunt album, its beautiful and well worthy of the praise being lavished on it...I really want a new Damien Rice album to listen to but thats a while off. If you remember I told you all that we went to see a band a while back called the 'DoMeBadThings', well the album is out now and is a great mix of rock metal funk..sort of scissors sisters on speed...remember you heard these names here first!
...and still no one has answered my Frodo question from yesterday...come on you lot, i want a proper answer!
I think I shall set an Easter quiz today which will go on till Tuesday...heres the question and its a music one...
Who composed and recorded the music to Martin Scorseses film 'Last temptation of Christ'
answers to piddy77@ntlworld.com by Tuesday morning please.
Today I came across a transvestite but unfortunately he wasn't very convincing, it turned out to be a guy i used to know who worked on Bedford gay switchboard. I was talking to him in the street and i could tell people were staring at us both. It made me feel really uncomfortable and to be honest i tried to get away as soon as i could...I have nothing against transvestites or gender reassignment but i feel awful now that he probably wanted to talk and i sort of turned away. What would anybody else have done? Just to give you an idea it was sort of a Emily from Little Britain moment but in more modern dress...over to you.
...Ping...ping....ping..................ping snap, was the sound of jerry trying to free his jockstrap from the door of the shower cubicle he had just entered...
The male equivalant to 'does my bum look big in this' is ' does my cock look good in this'...doesn't quite have the same ring, does it.
Hmm lets just quickly mention 'Christians who aren't', don't you just hate pious people who wish you gods blessing and a peaceful easter and then slag you off at the closing of the door. These people are evil and should be publicly stoned...or flayed for a bit at least...bastards
Oh dear its a dull day but pleasantly warmish...just dossing today and having a nice time not having to think about anything. Sat here listening to James Blunt album, its beautiful and well worthy of the praise being lavished on it...I really want a new Damien Rice album to listen to but thats a while off. If you remember I told you all that we went to see a band a while back called the 'DoMeBadThings', well the album is out now and is a great mix of rock metal funk..sort of scissors sisters on speed...remember you heard these names here first!
...and still no one has answered my Frodo question from yesterday...come on you lot, i want a proper answer!
I think I shall set an Easter quiz today which will go on till Tuesday...heres the question and its a music one...
Who composed and recorded the music to Martin Scorseses film 'Last temptation of Christ'
answers to piddy77@ntlworld.com by Tuesday morning please.
Today I came across a transvestite but unfortunately he wasn't very convincing, it turned out to be a guy i used to know who worked on Bedford gay switchboard. I was talking to him in the street and i could tell people were staring at us both. It made me feel really uncomfortable and to be honest i tried to get away as soon as i could...I have nothing against transvestites or gender reassignment but i feel awful now that he probably wanted to talk and i sort of turned away. What would anybody else have done? Just to give you an idea it was sort of a Emily from Little Britain moment but in more modern dress...over to you.
...Ping...ping....ping..................ping snap, was the sound of jerry trying to free his jockstrap from the door of the shower cubicle he had just entered...
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
somehow, somewhere, in summertime
...frederick untied his harness and told megan that he had done enough horseplay for today...
I woke up in a balmy afterglow sweat this morning (without the sex), the sun was shining gently through the window and birds were in chorus singing the humming song from Madame Butterfly, I walked unclothed through the flat and opened the balcony doors to the roof, a gentle breeze blew in and then for once and for all i decided it was spring. Its the first of my days off today and i feel so so happy...how long that will last is up to the weather!
Really good blog from Steve this week and hopefully we have robbie guesting for you next tuesday. I loved that bit about 'rodeo sex', that was a hoot!
I am going to do something for my sister now...Stephen Deane (my ex brother in law) is a cheating (shagging away from home whilst working away) lying bastard who now lives in Luton with a common old slut for a girlfriend. He doesn't pay any maintenance for his son (my fantastic and brainy nephew) and does not contact him. The guy is an idiot as I have always said and I doubt he has any bollocks because if he did he would have faced up to his responsibilities by now... thats that off my chest!
I finally got round to watching the last part of the lord of the rings today, aww it was very moving but can anyone tell me why Frodo had to get carted off on the death boat at the end?...I was a bit confused there...the battle was simply magnificent though, especially in 5.1 surround.
Wow, something really stiunned me today...a sex survey was done in the states and guess what one of the top things that straight males like their ladies to do to them during the deed is...wait for it...about 60% of the guys that they surveyed liked their girlfriends to insert a finger into their rectum and play around with the prostate area...i was quite shocked at that , especially from straight guys...dare i ask whether anyone has experience on the aforementioned...don't forget you can be anonymous if you want!
I really thought about getting the pool out on the roof today to start filling it up but i thought in the end that it was a bit enthusiastic and a couple more weeks wouldn't hurt. I will be having an evening roof pool party this year so watch out for further details on that.
I am toying with the idea of getting a cat but don't really know whether i could handle the smell of cat litter or the worry of wether the cat will jump off 15 storey high building...hmmm perhaps not!
...it wasn't until pip was in mid air that he noticed there was no rip chord and realised his parachute jump was next week and he was only on the ryanair flight from Dublin to Luton...
I woke up in a balmy afterglow sweat this morning (without the sex), the sun was shining gently through the window and birds were in chorus singing the humming song from Madame Butterfly, I walked unclothed through the flat and opened the balcony doors to the roof, a gentle breeze blew in and then for once and for all i decided it was spring. Its the first of my days off today and i feel so so happy...how long that will last is up to the weather!
Really good blog from Steve this week and hopefully we have robbie guesting for you next tuesday. I loved that bit about 'rodeo sex', that was a hoot!
I am going to do something for my sister now...Stephen Deane (my ex brother in law) is a cheating (shagging away from home whilst working away) lying bastard who now lives in Luton with a common old slut for a girlfriend. He doesn't pay any maintenance for his son (my fantastic and brainy nephew) and does not contact him. The guy is an idiot as I have always said and I doubt he has any bollocks because if he did he would have faced up to his responsibilities by now... thats that off my chest!
I finally got round to watching the last part of the lord of the rings today, aww it was very moving but can anyone tell me why Frodo had to get carted off on the death boat at the end?...I was a bit confused there...the battle was simply magnificent though, especially in 5.1 surround.
Wow, something really stiunned me today...a sex survey was done in the states and guess what one of the top things that straight males like their ladies to do to them during the deed is...wait for it...about 60% of the guys that they surveyed liked their girlfriends to insert a finger into their rectum and play around with the prostate area...i was quite shocked at that , especially from straight guys...dare i ask whether anyone has experience on the aforementioned...don't forget you can be anonymous if you want!
I really thought about getting the pool out on the roof today to start filling it up but i thought in the end that it was a bit enthusiastic and a couple more weeks wouldn't hurt. I will be having an evening roof pool party this year so watch out for further details on that.
I am toying with the idea of getting a cat but don't really know whether i could handle the smell of cat litter or the worry of wether the cat will jump off 15 storey high building...hmmm perhaps not!
...it wasn't until pip was in mid air that he noticed there was no rip chord and realised his parachute jump was next week and he was only on the ryanair flight from Dublin to Luton...
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
is it unusual to slip on coconut milk?
...there were tears all round when the ugly ducking found out that everyone had been lying and he was just in fact a duck...
Its guest day today and may i give a warm hand of welcome to the northern element of our readership...today i give you stone cold steve..woo hoo! (i'm now having a day off writing so enjoy all)
Hello bloggettes & bloggers!!
Welcome to the guest blogg spot, I am a little nervous writing this after reading all the other guest bloggs ( all of which were superb and funny),so i have a lot to live up to, So lets kick off tonight with the fuckin' students who live next door I have been in my house now for a year the first six months were great, then one day, the students from "lets be loudmouthed bitches university" moved in and for the past six months I have had to put up with them throwing fag buts over the garden wall,playing football at 3am with a space hopper in the front street!! and ....the loudest shag noises you have ever heard. well i suppose the latter isn't so bad,I dont reaaly mind them having a party now and again (especially if they invite me ha!ha!)as long as they dont wake Edward up as that is a different sort of nightmare .......
joke time.....
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you wank,
do you think..
A. you need more time together
B.she is a fucking prude
C. she should have sat elsewhere on the bus.
Iheard of a new technique for having sex the other day, its called "rodeo sex" now what you do is, do everything that you would normally do but as your partner is reaching orgasm whisper someone elses name in thier ear and see how long you can stay on for!!!!
joke time.....
Statistics show that the most popular sexual position among married couples
is doggy style!
The husband sits and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead!!
I can't wait for easter sunday as i am off to see "stiff little fingers" at the junction in Cambridge with matt and marie should be great fun as i have not seen the band since i was at school and the bass player in the band is bruce foxton previously of "the jam",who were also a good band.
i seem to have developed wankers... sorry writers crampso i'll signoff now, hope you enjoyed the read, keep it moist, Steve.
ALL HAIL NOBHEAD!!!!!!!
(2 Days Later...)
after showing neil my piece (I beg your pardon?) , he was not impressed with the length of it, so
after intensive fluffing by my partner, i am endeavoring to make it longer!even though i thought size did not matter.
great night out on friday night with lisa,neil & myself, i now know all the ins and outs of "love eggs", bob's and the like as lisa was in full flow!! ( gushing like a verbal waterfall she was!)
i did not know you could get an orgasm at the checkouts in supermarkets, lisa!!!!.
i think we must have upset some people cos' they did not sit next to us very long,(obviously couldn't take the high brow conversations we were having),they would sit there a few minutes, then move to another table tutting to themselves (wankers)but we carried on regardless, it was great.
just another quick mention of the fuckin' students,saturday night they decided to have another party, but it seemed to have a wierd dress code, all you had to wear was a lacy top and no pants!!!!! great viewing but not for kids (as edward said "that lady has no pants on" at the top of his voice.)i said "ladies they are not" or words to that effect, all in all a good
weekend can't wait for the next one.
see you, steve.
Excellent stuff, thank you mate for entertaining us for a while...I just wanted to thank everyone for reading...yesterday I had 161 openings of my web page so that probably equates to about 120 reading it which is quite wild! The record for page viewings was February 3rd when the page was viewed 284 times, i think that might have had something to do with matts birthday pics!...anyway thanks again, if you could also click on the google ads or ad links when you arrive that would really help me out and get up the list on the search engines...love to you all...
...justin was embarrassed when his family all turned up in his class because they heard that he was talking about the theory of relativity...
Its guest day today and may i give a warm hand of welcome to the northern element of our readership...today i give you stone cold steve..woo hoo! (i'm now having a day off writing so enjoy all)
Hello bloggettes & bloggers!!
Welcome to the guest blogg spot, I am a little nervous writing this after reading all the other guest bloggs ( all of which were superb and funny),so i have a lot to live up to, So lets kick off tonight with the fuckin' students who live next door I have been in my house now for a year the first six months were great, then one day, the students from "lets be loudmouthed bitches university" moved in and for the past six months I have had to put up with them throwing fag buts over the garden wall,playing football at 3am with a space hopper in the front street!! and ....the loudest shag noises you have ever heard. well i suppose the latter isn't so bad,I dont reaaly mind them having a party now and again (especially if they invite me ha!ha!)as long as they dont wake Edward up as that is a different sort of nightmare .......
joke time.....
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you wank,
do you think..
A. you need more time together
B.she is a fucking prude
C. she should have sat elsewhere on the bus.
Iheard of a new technique for having sex the other day, its called "rodeo sex" now what you do is, do everything that you would normally do but as your partner is reaching orgasm whisper someone elses name in thier ear and see how long you can stay on for!!!!
joke time.....
Statistics show that the most popular sexual position among married couples
is doggy style!
The husband sits and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead!!
I can't wait for easter sunday as i am off to see "stiff little fingers" at the junction in Cambridge with matt and marie should be great fun as i have not seen the band since i was at school and the bass player in the band is bruce foxton previously of "the jam",who were also a good band.
i seem to have developed wankers... sorry writers crampso i'll signoff now, hope you enjoyed the read, keep it moist, Steve.
ALL HAIL NOBHEAD!!!!!!!
(2 Days Later...)
after showing neil my piece (I beg your pardon?) , he was not impressed with the length of it, so
after intensive fluffing by my partner, i am endeavoring to make it longer!even though i thought size did not matter.
great night out on friday night with lisa,neil & myself, i now know all the ins and outs of "love eggs", bob's and the like as lisa was in full flow!! ( gushing like a verbal waterfall she was!)
i did not know you could get an orgasm at the checkouts in supermarkets, lisa!!!!.
i think we must have upset some people cos' they did not sit next to us very long,(obviously couldn't take the high brow conversations we were having),they would sit there a few minutes, then move to another table tutting to themselves (wankers)but we carried on regardless, it was great.
just another quick mention of the fuckin' students,saturday night they decided to have another party, but it seemed to have a wierd dress code, all you had to wear was a lacy top and no pants!!!!! great viewing but not for kids (as edward said "that lady has no pants on" at the top of his voice.)i said "ladies they are not" or words to that effect, all in all a good
weekend can't wait for the next one.
see you, steve.
Excellent stuff, thank you mate for entertaining us for a while...I just wanted to thank everyone for reading...yesterday I had 161 openings of my web page so that probably equates to about 120 reading it which is quite wild! The record for page viewings was February 3rd when the page was viewed 284 times, i think that might have had something to do with matts birthday pics!...anyway thanks again, if you could also click on the google ads or ad links when you arrive that would really help me out and get up the list on the search engines...love to you all...
...justin was embarrassed when his family all turned up in his class because they heard that he was talking about the theory of relativity...
Monday, March 21, 2005
a tinkle in time does not save nine
...the producer looked around at the empty theatre and realised that they shouldn't have put the fat lady on stage in the first song...
Okay...flocculate a flocculent, isn't that a couple of great words, try using them in a sentence, doesn't it sound sexy! I have no idea what it means and i don't particularly want to spoil the illusion, but i have decided that flocculate will be the word of the day for today...
After retelling or recounting the car park story of the other night i reminisced about the slapping noises that were to be heard and it bought me back to an old favourite subject of mine...that of 'tea bagging', now i only heard about this while watching Graham Norton about 3 years ago, and for those of you who don't know 'tea bagging' is what they call the point when your bollocks slap against the other persons fanny/arse/forehead/chest etc...during an intimate moment. I don't know why its 'tea bagging', i think it was just a made up term by the gay glitterati just to give it a name...so remember now (and try not to laugh) during the intimate moments when your partner starts tea bagging...it means its getting good!...
I am practising a PMA work ethic at the moment...Positive Mental Attitude (and not Post Menstrual Anaemia as Steve put it!), I just feel that now when people moan or complain its a positive thing because we can help them to get the end result that they are after (and then call them miserable cunts under our breath)...well it works for me anyway!
Heard of a great thing happening in suburbia land...after the charity brunches and the bridge parties, a new form of wife swapping is taking place. Its not the old keys in a bowl job but now has to do with vibrating phones...all the ladies at the house put their respective mobiles on vibrate and discreetly place them in the lady garden area. They then put their telephone numbers in a bowl and the fellas get to choose a number, the fellas phone the number and the lady who squeals goes off with them to swappie heaven to enjoy all sorts of plushie things!...whatever next...
Hope you all had a good weekend...have been enjoying Casanova on BBC3, very bloody funny indeed and the guy that plays young Casanova is marvellous...if you haven't seen it watch out for it on BBC1 soon...its a very sumptuous affair!
...Mindy had just managed to fit Chavs other bollock in her mouth when the cabin crew told her that the mile high club was meant to take place in a toilet...
Okay...flocculate a flocculent, isn't that a couple of great words, try using them in a sentence, doesn't it sound sexy! I have no idea what it means and i don't particularly want to spoil the illusion, but i have decided that flocculate will be the word of the day for today...
After retelling or recounting the car park story of the other night i reminisced about the slapping noises that were to be heard and it bought me back to an old favourite subject of mine...that of 'tea bagging', now i only heard about this while watching Graham Norton about 3 years ago, and for those of you who don't know 'tea bagging' is what they call the point when your bollocks slap against the other persons fanny/arse/forehead/chest etc...during an intimate moment. I don't know why its 'tea bagging', i think it was just a made up term by the gay glitterati just to give it a name...so remember now (and try not to laugh) during the intimate moments when your partner starts tea bagging...it means its getting good!...
I am practising a PMA work ethic at the moment...Positive Mental Attitude (and not Post Menstrual Anaemia as Steve put it!), I just feel that now when people moan or complain its a positive thing because we can help them to get the end result that they are after (and then call them miserable cunts under our breath)...well it works for me anyway!
Heard of a great thing happening in suburbia land...after the charity brunches and the bridge parties, a new form of wife swapping is taking place. Its not the old keys in a bowl job but now has to do with vibrating phones...all the ladies at the house put their respective mobiles on vibrate and discreetly place them in the lady garden area. They then put their telephone numbers in a bowl and the fellas get to choose a number, the fellas phone the number and the lady who squeals goes off with them to swappie heaven to enjoy all sorts of plushie things!...whatever next...
Hope you all had a good weekend...have been enjoying Casanova on BBC3, very bloody funny indeed and the guy that plays young Casanova is marvellous...if you haven't seen it watch out for it on BBC1 soon...its a very sumptuous affair!
...Mindy had just managed to fit Chavs other bollock in her mouth when the cabin crew told her that the mile high club was meant to take place in a toilet...
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