Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween spookiness!

Bugger me, it's halloween and here I am sat working in an undertakers...i've already had flickering lights that never ever flicker and a couple of temperature drops...I feel like i'm on a vigil with fucking yvette fielding and the 'Most Haunted' crew. It's a bit disconcerting but "I ai'nt afraid of no ghosts" as Ray Parker Jnr once said...bring it on!

1. Diets Ahoy!....
First of all for those that know me you will know that i am a big fat motherfucker and so I have decided to yet again do something about it. I have joined 'Slimbuddy.com' and so far results are good...I have been following their plan since last Friday and have lost 12lbs in weight. Now I know you lose more in the first week but even so it's pretty good going. I am being helped along by some wonderful Hoozier tablets (plant which is like a cactus but has amazing fat burning properties, without the shitting through the eye of a needle thing that goes on with normal fat burning tablets). If the truth was known you could see that i am just starting to make room for the xmas food and drink that I will devour, well you have to don't you!

2.Remote viewing...
Fascinating subject, just been reading about people who can explore rooms and houses by just sitting in a chair and visualising. Wouldn't that be great, you'd be able to listen in to your friends conversations until they got to the point where they say "and that wanker Neil, what a big fat motherfucker he is" and then that wouldn't be so nice. It could have it's plus points though, I could become a big fat James Bond type who wears a mumu instead of a tux, drives a mobility scooter for easy access and drinks Macdonads chocolate shakes instead of Martinis...very classy.

2a) Top Tune..




3. The good the bad and the pikey...

a)the good...Mother teresa for her work with the poor and the sick, Lt Colombo for all the crimes he solved in a raincoat. Dame Julie Andrews for incresing the tourist trade to Austria and for the fashion of dressing children up in curtains. . Dame Edna Everage for showing our royalty how a real queen should behave. Ian wright for showing people that you really can be thick AND famous. Dame Shirley Bassey for proving that not all pub singers are bad.

b) The Bad...
pooh, Christopher Robin and Roo who should really get off Eeyores case. Bob Dylan for thinking he could sing for the last hundred years. People who make films about ladies who have a terminal illness when there are children and small mammals involved. Petrol pump attendants who dribble and expect you to pay for it. George Bush for still being alive when he has 'died' in front of cameras so many times. the people who print 'small children can choke on peanuts' on packets of food.

c) the pikey...

David and Victoria,The Queen (too much bling), the pope, Pete Docherty, Tranny and Susannah.

In a perfect world I could go on for hours...ciao x

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ian Wright how could you (walks out of the room and slams the door hard!)