Matt's mysteries!

Morning all, blogmaster here, just welcoming you all to world Moby day and hence the reason the blog will be posted early today, as me lisa and steve are off to view the wonderous bald headed one at the Academy in Brixton. My blog tomorrow so a review is bound to follow!...enjoy matts blog...


Well who would have thought that the simple pleasure of pulling on a pair of Jog pants would have caused so much reaction. It seems that the wearers come in all shapes, sizes, and everybody has an opinion. And they’re worn in a variety of different ways. With or without underwear seem to be hottest topic at present. I’m a both kind of person depending on when I am putting them on. After work when you get in “with”, after a bath at night “without”. Ill just sit this one out and join in with the winners as they slouch there way through the day.

Any way onward, never one to dwell on something its time to point my mouse at a new subject and offer my thoughts. Hoping that it will set a spark somewhere deep inside the brains of the poor souls who can’t find anything better to do than read this personnel tirade once a week.
I was struck by a thought as I walked around Tesco’s the other day. (Yes I was pushing the trolley and it did have value products in) Something made me remember a conversation I had with my brother in law a few months before, let me try to explain. A man will need to buy a new DVD, Stereo, suit, car or anything else that he might fancy. Notice I said need not want. All these very important lifestyle choices are essential. And once his mind is made up if left alone he will not change it. We need that new camera it’s got more features on it. It will remind you to take your sock to the dry cleaners whilst telling you the time in seven different countries whilst underwater. He will then think about what is needed. All those brochures need to be studied with all those lovely tables in the back. Our man will probably make a list to clarify all the info in his mind. And then do some more hands on research, this will usually involve asking his mates opinion. This is so he can make sure his is the latest model better spec etc. Believe me keeping up with the Jones’s is nothing this is a war where the winner gets to prove his willy is bigger than all his friends. Well for a week or so, or until either the technology moves on or the same is done to him by one of his mate’s. Then after all this he will actually go and buy said TV, Car etc.

And this ladies and gentlemen is where my point is heading. A man when he goes to buy something does just that buys not shops. Saturday afternoon and armed with all the info he can find on his chosen quest our subject will drive to the local shops. Park the car walk to the appointed emporium by the most direct route. Pickup the selected item, pay walk out back to the car. All without deviation from the plan. You see men “Buy” they do not “shop”. Shopping is a totally different pastime. Let me try to enlighten you, (well the men who read this anyway). A woman thinks it might be a nice idea if there hand bag were bigger, smaller, taller, wider, or just a different colour. At least that’s what she thinks she thinks. Because two hours later the bag is fine but the shoes are wrong. And then the coat is to long, to short, to tight, to loose, etc and that’s before you even think about what colour it needs to be. And then there is make up earrings and all manners of strange accessories. They then all have to match the wallpaper in great aunt Mildred’s second bedroom. Just in case your caught short in that part of town and need to pay her a visit.(Are you beginning to get it now boys. The difference between buying things and shopping for them.) All this of course has happened in a split second. There will then follow a series of focus groups over the course of a few days. Each designed to allow all parties the chance to agree and reinforce any decision that might be made, or not made. Or made again but modified. Unlike men there is no one-upmanship. Women need to no that their decision fits in with their friends and check that there moving in the same direction as the high street. These meeting of the shopping high priestess can take place at work, at lunch, whilst having a pee with your friend in the next cubicle in fact almost anywhere but mostly on the phone. Oh God the phone, how can anyone spend over an hour talking about nothing to someone you’re going to see in less than twenty minutes.

And this is the essential difference. Shopping is a social occasion with all the fun and expectation of a great night out, or the will he won’t he of a first date. It is never about buying an end product. And if by some miracle you do somehow manage to spend some money, women will do there utmost to make sure it’s not actually theirs. And when as is usual they don’t decide on the pink or the black, well it’s an excuse to do it all over again next time. Unless of course they changed their minds. Matt.

Lisa's lashings!

Well its that time of the week another blog to write Neil phoning up and pressur... oops I mean reminding me that I haven’t sent him one

I just wanted to say what a fabulous time I had last week at the Rufus Wainwright gig in Cambridge for all of those who missed it – you should have been there it was fantastic! I was standing next to a girl and we got chatting and it turns out that we both use to frequent Rock City in Nottingham around the same time and saw the same gigs there too! How bizarre is that it was great reminiscing about how great Rock City was.

Anyway I thought I would tell you about my fabulous night on Friday I did not go to the Wellie on Friday night I hear a good time was had by all and Neil was suffering from a hangover the next day.

I went to Milton Keynes to see Miss Saigon with the crowd from Homeless – we went to a fabulous Italian restaurant before the show called Zizzi and the food was incredible I highly recommend it (zizzi.co.uk).

If you have never seen the show you really should I cried, it was lovely the whole production was brilliant the visual aspects were really good and the cast were fantastic I cant say enough about it.

Now I am so looking forward to Thursday and the trip to London with Neil, Steve and Jean Claude who I am looking forward to meeting. (I promise to be on my best behaviour lol) I am just waiting to see if there will be any more gigs to attend this year I only have one more in June to see Green Day at the Milton Keynes Bowl with my brother Paul and his mates.

On a lighter note I was sent an email on the pros and cons of dating a younger man and dating and older guy so here it is

Younger Man
Pros
Sexy firm fit body (well most of the time)
Fewer hang ups fewer bad relationships to be scarred from (who says)
You can enjoy looking at his mates
Open to instruction from a sexually experienced older woman

Cons
Sexually inexperienced
No Money
Smelly flat and flatmates always hanging around
You might get insecure about younger women around him

Older Man
Pros
Sexually experienced (you hope!)
Often richer and more successful (where are these ones then!)
Because of the above more likely to have their own home(s) cars and money to lavish on you (yeah right)
More confident, self assured – they have been through the twenties angst already (who are you trying to kid)
You’re the nubile young thing (!)

Cons
Baggage ex-wives, weird past, children,
They might not wear there age well
Nothing in common with your friends or with you out of bed (most important thing if your friends don’t like him maybe he is not the man for you!)

Ladies do we agree with this or not?

Well I am off to check this theory out so will let you know! Oh maybe not that will involve having to shave my legs………………………..

Lisa x

I am ashamed to say that these are from my own cupboard! lol 

Gina's Gymnastics!

Hi Folks...it was meant to be Lisa here today but unfortunately she has not made the deadline again...so here we are with an early blog from Gina for you and hopefully we will have Lisa's for tomorrow...take it away Gina...


Confessions of a Shopper!

After the giblet session last week, I am pleased to report I am feeling more like the old me! Yippee!! That's one of the best things about this site, you can off load or just share trivia with people, often when it's serious I think we make constructive honest comments, and for me this really helps, so can I just thank everyone who gave me loads of support, help, and love, on and off the blog, it's great to have such terrific friends.

That's the serious stuff dealt with, here's the trivia:-

To date on the blog we have spoken about loads of different subjects , sex, birthdays, sex, exercise machines, sex, autobiography's, lounge pants, relationships and loads of other stuff. Today I would like to talk about supermarket value labels!(Oh bugger I hear you shout, she really has lost the plot!)

Value labels? It's not a subject I know much about as I have to confess to never buying them. I do find I tend to judge people at the check-outs who have a trolley full of those white and blue items, and I'm sure I'm not the only one!

Well, if you're a dry cider drinker, hop, skip and jump to your nearest Tesco and purchase their value cider, it is fab. Don't be put off by the fact it looks like someone's over enthusiastic urine sample, which is due to it being in a slightly discoloured plastic bottle, it's light, dry and scrummie!

So, am I now a reformed character? Will you see my trying these cheap alternatives? Or will snobbery prevent me from becoming a value shopper?

Piddy's Pickings

well...another week of holiday begins, and another week of bad weather begins! Just bloody typical...and it's 11.29 am and Glaser has just managed to buy the rest of the shares to take control of Manchester United..ha ha bloody ha!..that'll teach the smug overpaid bastards!

What do i want to tell you today...I want to tell you that I am getting dead excited about seeing Moby on Thursday and spending the day with Lisa, Steve and Jean Claude...should be a rollicking fun day.

Now singing along with Akro...lonely, i'm mr lonely, i have nobody of my own....listening to Jo whiley on radio 1, she has just sent an email thanking me for her Rufus photos, so i thought i had better listen to her radio show!

The exercise regime is ongoing and I am gliding like a goodun...managed to do over a mile in just over 10 minutes so my striding is definitely getting wider....soon to have buns of steel!

Have to work this afternoon, must make a mental note to stop volunteering so enthusiastically...its just that i find it really enjoyable so i find it hard to refuse!, and thats where the problem is lol

Steve and Matt have both got new pictures on www.flickr.com and are well worth a visit, if you haven't got an invite to get into the site just drop me a line and let me know...

I had an email from a guy I was chatting to on the web and he lives in Bournemouth with his partner. He sent me an email saying that his partner was going away in June and would i like to go down to Bournemouth and make love to him...who the fucking hell does he think i am...I was pretty disgusted at this and sent him a message saying so...i probably won't hear from him again! lol

Oh well, we have a good lot of blogs from all the gang this week...Lisa, Gina, Matt and Steve are all ready to entertain you so keep those eyes peeled on the blog..

Peace and out!

Ulverston St Marys Church 

ulverston Victoria school 

Ladeeez and genulmen, i proudly present part the third of Steve M's autobiography 'Life in a northern town' (a hey now now now now now oh yeah, a hey now now now oh oh oh oh oh..)

I had a shit summer holiday that year as you can imagine, it turns out that my dad was seeing the woman next door whom we had all been on holiday with spent time in each others houses and so on, so it was a shock to find this out, I now know why she was trying to be so friendly all the time.
My brother Graham soon began to miss our father, he used to go and visit him quite often where as i would not at all, if i saw him in the street i would run away home. One day Graham said that he wanted to go and live with my dad at his new house at a place called Barber Green a hamlet close to the village of Cartmel, Dads lady friend Mary would be living thier too, around about this time mum was getting quite friendly with mary's ex husband George, It was a wierd time for me at this point 'cos i was being bombarded with bribes from my dad trying to get me to go and live with him {I was having none of that} and George telling me how useless my dad was, it didn't take long for him to start saying i was useless too, but what can you say when you are eleven years old?, so i had to grin and bear it.

I started school at the local comprehensive in 1977 which took the pressure of the home life off me for a while, luckily i ended up in the same class as two of my best friends Kieth who you met in the first chapter and a boy called Peter Weeks we were the people to be seen with as we were regarded as the hardest guys in our year.

Ulverston Victoria High School had two main buildings the lower school on Hart Street and the upper school on Springfield road now these two buildings were a mile and a half apart and sometimes you had lessons in both buildings on the same day so we had to walk between the two quite regularly, on one occasion there was pete, kieth and myself walking to the lower school you know the score, smoking, ties off , long hair and ousing attitude when we came across a milk float parked outside the indoor market {well, we just had to} pete got in the drivers seat kieth and i got on the back with all the lovely dairy products, we set off down new market street into market street heading for our school kieth and i had great fun throwing eggs and yoghurts all over the road god the police got involved and everything we were so bollocked and were grounded for ever or so it seemed.

Christmas came and went, they were not very good at this point so i'll skip them if you don't mind.

In the spring of 1978 mum got word that she had been allocated a council house it made her so happy i had not seen her this happy for ages, so a few weeks later we moved to 10 Birchwood Drive on the Croftlands Estate, life for me went downhill rapid from this point on
Mum and George got married as did Dad and Mary,I did not go to either wedding, I still find it wierd the way they just swapped partners! but thats life i suppose,

I was asked by my dad if i would like to go on holiday with him, mary and my brother as i had not seen Graham for a while i said i would dad said he would clear it with my mum ,so off we went to sunny stratford upon avon camping we had a fantastic time sight seeing, going on trips to different places and i bought my first LP record which was LIVE AND DANGEROUS by Thin Lizzy fantastic!!.

When we got back to Ulverston i made my way back home to croftlands estate, i was greeted by my mother at the door, i went in to find all my stuff packed in a cardboard box, i said whats going on and mother said if you can go on holiday with him you can go and live with him as well, turns out dad hadn't mentioned he was taking me on holiday he had just pushed a note through thier door the night before we went to tell them i was going with them, i said i didn't want to leave and unpacked all my thingsand it was not mentioned again but i did suffer a lot of mental abuse from George as everything i said or did was ridiculed by him i tried to tell my mum but she would have none of it i even tried telling my grandparents in coniston but they said that George was not like that they just could not see what was going on {personally i think they were all scared of him, because of what i know now, plus he was loaded and that can blind the sharpest eyes}

During all of this there was somthing of a happy event in the offing, My wonderful Nan had met a fella at the bingo {as you do} he was called Douglas Stephenson he was from Barrow in Furness, he was a bull of a man hands like shovels we got on really well and had lots in common like cricket, rugby league and football
he also introduced me to the geegees later on but we'll come back to that any way my Nan and Doug got married in st. mary's parish church ulverston in 1979 it was a great day they had tier reception at the fishermans arms in baycliff just down the road from ulverston, I had my first glass of red wine at this happy event!.

I'll finish on that happy note, see you next week, Steve.

The Lounge pant poem

I have a pair of lounge pants
to wear about the flat
they're comfy and their cosy
and they slip on 'just like that'

My lounge pants are so roomy
my todger loves the space
to swing and play with constant ease
but covered just in case

My lounge pants are a second skin
a 'blanky' for the legs
and when they're washed they keep their shape
when hanging on the pegs.

Lounge pants...i love you.

Rufus Wainwright 12/05/05 Cambridge 

Rufus remembered...

A piece of musical heaven happened last night when the glorious and gorgeous Rufus Wainwright took to the stage at the Cambridge Corn Exchange. Myself and the fabulous Lisa (robed in a beautiful new outfit) witnessed a moving and thrilling night as the magic unfolded before us.

He meandered onto the stage with his band through raucous cheering and proceeded to entertain, alternating between piano and guitar, with his voice scaling angelic heights in the acoustics of the Corn Exchange Building.

Rufus never left the stage in two and a half hours, delighting the crowd that anticipated his appearance. Of course he had his little 'set' pieces, the trilogy of songs written for mum, sister and dad respectively, he also has his tribute to Jeff Buckley and his 'folk' set as he put it.

Rufus was charming throughout the performance, using his camp wit to great effect but not coming over too much as the gay icon that he is starting to be. The highlight of the show had to be where Rufus stripped down to a sparkly blue jockstrap, stripey 'dorothy' knee socks and the red pointy shoes to perform a couple of songs off 'Want One'...resplendant with a sash that said 'Miss Cambridge'. Rufus CAN laugh at himself and that is why the Corn Exchange had a capacity crowd last night. His music is accessible on all levels, ranging from folk to classical, visiting raucous rock outs on the way through.

Just a quick word about his band, they were so so together and all having really good fun on stage which was noticeable as they all interacted with Rufus. Overall a fabulous night and one that will remain in the old memory blocks for a long long time. Once in a while, a musical excitement comes along...for now, that excitement is Rufus Wainwright.

I have put one photograph above this blog but you will be able to see more pictures at www.flickr.com later on today. If you need an invite to this site, please let me know.

piddy77

mmmm...jogging pants 

Matts Mingers!

After last week when I vented my views on some of the more stupid adverts that are doing the round at the moment I have decided this week to concentrate on another of my fave subjects. The Television or TV if you prefer, whether its ITV, the dear old Auntie or one of those new digital channels I’m going to examine and of course give an opinion. Because airing my view is most of the fun. And nobody can stop me. Fucks cunts, Shiite, shit, buggery, and all that. Once I’m in full flow that’s it I’m off. (Unless of course your Dr Sensual and the moral high ground police report you to teacher for not being good and clean and telling it how it should be.) Anyway enough of this before I get into and deep and meaningful discussions about TV I want to talk about a subject that has come up as a result of a conversation between three blog writing friends of which I was proud to be one.

My wife had until very recently convinced me that I was becoming old and giving up. In essence I had “let it all go” as my Fortieth birthday approached. According to her I had come to accept the ageing process and was just along for the ride. This attack on my person had taken many forms over the proceeding months, mainly though they centred on my clothing or in particular one item I had come to wear. Now as items of clothing go this is not particularly offensive or indeed a fashion faux par. For instance it pales into the ironing basket of time compared to the Hippie Art student look I had throughout my time at college. Well I did actually go to Art school and I was young enough not care so it was almost a uniform to us at the time. I mean there not a bad colour or cut in a way as to show off my arse crack (that’s a clue) or indeed offensive in any way. And until the other day dear sweet “She who must be obeyed” had me convinced that my next stop was the old folk’s home with a blanket on my knee. Yep if you have not guessed already I’m on about the pair of Jogging pants I bought to wear around the house. The great Piddy refers to them as “house trousers” but they’re all the same things.

Made of a cotton or a Jersey material and cut for comfort, with a draw string for the waist band and the option of an open or elasticicated leg the “Jog Pant” has its place in my heart. And in the hearts of others as well. The afore mentioned Piddy can’t wait to slip into a pair when off duty. Even the love god Dr Sensual uses a pair around the love pad. And lets face it ladies and gentlemen if Dr Sensual thinks there ok then that good enough for me. My two chums and I are at a loss to see why these practical comfortable (very very comfortable) men’s must have’s could be the target for such venom. There is nothing nicer than slipping on a pair when you get out of the bath. You can then get strait into bed when the time is right because they will double as JimJam bottoms. And with a practised flick of the wrist the draw string cord can be undone and the garment whipped off to give access in those intimate man woman/ man man moments. No need to fiddle with buttons zippers or catches ever again. Even the legend that is Ozzy Osbourne can be seen wandering around the house in these cutting edge fashion accessories. Fuck me even the Prince of Darkness wears them.

The medical profession has been telling men about the dangers of too much heat around the scrotum and it’s effect on sperm production for years. Fuck the cold showers and the Airtex pants. The answer is the Jogging Bottom all that room to swing a dead cat or indeed a large ball sack in,the cut for relaxing crotch. I once made the mistake of nipping to the local Tesco without changing and my better half refused to go around with me .Its not like I had my knob on show or anything. Perfect for the home, practical in the park, wonderful in the winter. The trouser department has never looked so comfy. So there we go, we men must all hang together slouch with pride and be proud to put comfort first.

Shit run out of space and your all probably dying to rush out and get yourself a pair. Honestly you won’t regret it. Ill have to talk TV next time unless another more pressing rant comes to mind. Matt

Ginas Giblets!

Relationships and me!!

Married, long term partner, single debate, these three things have feature greatly during my life, when I'm in one I appear to want something else. Is it because I'm naive, just plain stupid, or still waiting to meet the right man.

I was married for an amazing 3 years,(it was only amazing by the fact that it lasted 3yrs) he's a nice chap but thought I was a crap “housewife”, I managed one day to point out that a housewife usually stays at home all day, looking after her man, the home and at some point a few kids, not working full time and trying and do all those things with no help from him, he was brought up to believe that certain jobs around the house were only done by women.

He also thought the grass was greener and went off with a friend, after the initial hurt, I wished them luck and eventually was very grateful to her for removing him from my life. He still, from time to time phones to check I'm ok, and I can say he would do anything for me if I asked.

Long term partner, I've had two. The first liked all the comforts of being in a relationship but thought more about his mates, golf, snooker, rugby and going to the pub, than he did of me. I put up with this for a staggering 9 years, although I had tried to end it twice during that time, I found it very difficult to cope with the upset I was causing each time we split, so I took the easy option and stayed with him.

One September he went off on his annual golf trip abroad, I was looking forward to a weeks peace and quiet, but during that week I made my decision to end the relationship. On his return I remained focused and told him the moment he arrived home(in reflection that was really cruel, but I was worried I would get cold feet). In the following weeks I discovered from friends that on his return he was going to propose to me. It still amazes me how two people in a relationship can be contemplating such totally different options!

Long term partner number 2. Most of you have lived through this with me, so I will say no more.

Current status-single, and over the last few months I have thought more and more about want I really want, conclusion, I don't have a clue.

Speaking to a variety of friends who I'm sure will not mind me sharing their thoughts, some of them are married and don't want to be, some feel trapped, and surprisingly very lonely, and a couple are still really happy. The question I really want answering is how do people stay married or in a long term relationship and remain happy. How do you keep the spark alive or are you content with the secure, stable, loving environment, but secretly you crave excitement?

Please if you have the answer or just want to share your experiences with me, do.

On a slightly lighter note, can we talk about texting! Is it harmless? I receive text messages most days from a very dear friend. I thought they were harmless and I have to admit they make me feel really good. Today another friend asked me how would the person's wife feel if they knew that their hubby was texting me most days? She know's that it is just a bit of fun and all very innocent, but asked, would they still text me if I was married etc. I now have to admit to feeling a little unsure about the whole thing, but when something makes you feel so good, is it wrong?

That's my off load for this week, and I can't talk responsibility for it being late. I have heard through the grapevine that the Blog Master is tied up this evening!!

it's Lisa time...go lisa go lisa 

the world according to ...lisa xx

Hello all

Well I just thought I would share with you the some of the lovely things that happened to me over the weekend. It started on the Friday when I walked into the office to find a huge box sitting on the desk. I knew instantly it was from Neil, a beautiful bouquet of flowers (roses and lilies), a bottle of champagne and some gorgeous chocolates and the most beautiful card which I know Neil wont mind me sharing with you because it brought a tear to my eye

`Darling Lisa I love you more than everything on earth – Happy 40th Birthday Neil xxxxxxxx`

I received lots of cards and gifts and well wishes that I will be thanking people personally for xx

On Saturday I had a lovely meal with my family in St Neots – I did ask Neil if he would like to come as Steve my older brother asked me specifically if Neil was coming, (sorry Neil it wasn’t Paul who asked lol) but Neil declined muttering something about Kylie on Channel 4 later in the evening. (I thought I was number one in his life but I cant compete with Kylie!

It was lovely to be with my family and made me realise that the only time families ever really get together are on special occasions, and it was nice to have my nieces and nephews there too. Ethan the latest edition at 14 months was in real form having discovered the art of walking a few days before, did not appreciate being strapped into a high chair. He insisted in walking around all the family and having a hug and blowing kisses to everyone. His sister Emily was trying to show me the delights of a new craze called `scoobies` pieces of plastic string you make into different shapes she even offered to show me slowly as I was old! Oh the joy of being 11!

My Brother Paul’s 3 children were there his oldest Jade 19 years old! We did try to make him feel old, but it didn’t work. Kye who at 13 was more into his handheld game console than talking to us. And Shauna who gave me a big hug and wished me a lovely birthday and then said loudly `did you get a big birthday cake Auntie Lisa as it would have to be big to put all the candles on!` Brought howls of laughter from my brothers and sister in laws. I was just speechless for once. The only other time she has left me speechless was when she asked me if dinosaurs played in the playground when I was at school. – I was just not quick enough with a good answer. (I still can`t think of a good one now so just incase it comes up again – any suggestions send them on a postcard to dinosuar.com)!

I did try to point out to my younger brother that it would be his turn next year. But Paul has decided that if we want to celebrate with him, we had better start saving, as he plans to go for a long weekend to New York to celebrate his. (So piggy bank is now out and all spare change is going in – as its one place on my wish list of places I want to visit – Neil if you want to join you better start saving too)

After the meal we all go back to Steve and Pips house to carry on the celebrations and to see how drunk we could get my stepmother Gaye.
We did laugh when we got there as we had managed to have a meal in the restaurant without my Dad saying Grace. Which was a miracle in itself because many a time we all have been caught out round my Dads as we tuck in to the meal and suddenly look up to see my Dad with his hands clasped. He doesn’t normally ask us anymore as one Christmas he asked my sister in law Michelle to say Grace and we all bowed our heads and waited Michelle said `grace` and then started tucking to her dinner while we were all trying not to laugh. My Dad did see the funny side,

My brother sends me into the dining room to get a chair and as I open the door I see this enormous bouquet of flowers, a cake in the shape of a bottle of champagne, balloons, streamers and a pile of cards and presents.

I opened all the cards and presents and blew out the candles (Pip had been kind and was obviously thinking of the fire risk so had not attempted to put 40 candles on the cake. The kids were disappointed but I wasn’t I don’t think I could have blown them all out)

They had saved the best present for last they had booked me a Legends tour of Arsenal Stadium on 15 June with Kenny Samson. (Kenny who I hear you cry he played for Arsenal of course and was in the England team that played the infamous game against Argentina in 2002 when Maradona did the famous `had of god` and we crashed out of the quarter-finals.

I will have a tour of the Marble Halls, the home dressing rooms, Trophy cabinet, Directors box, Press conference room, Players tunnel, the dug out where Arsene Wenger sits, and the Museum. After which there is a question and answer session with Kenny Samson so I can ask him how he felt that day against Argentina lol.

Oh I cant wait I am sorry to all you who hate football but it’s a passion and I love it! So have booked the day off and am counting down the days lol.

We did have a great night consumed numerous bottles of wine and after everyone had left crept up to bed a little worse for wear – it took me ages to get to sleep though too much excitement for one day – too much wine – and dreaming of my day trip to arsenal zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lisa xx

Sitting on a rock
looking at the pond life
wondering what is living
in a world that isn't wet.

I feel like that sometimes, and today finds me in sort of a reflective mood, feeling that i have gone full circle in the last 10 years and ended up where i was before. My world is a lot richer in experience and emotion but the fact remains that i am and always will be a no brainer...i mean i can fool myself by getting a degree and pretending that it matters but what good is it at my age. Where can it possibly take me that isn't six feet where i stand before my peers today. This is a pretty negative thing to say but i suppose that one day i was going to have to be honest with myself and i think this is it, I am facing up to my life and my mortality. The idea of this posting is not for people to feel sorry for me and come up to me and say 'Everything will be fine', because it fucking won't be and that,ladies and gentlemen is the truth that i have to throw at myself.

I always knew that i had made a wrong career move when i left school and to this very day I am paying for making this very dreadful error. Well, there's nothing I can do, here i am in a job that i like but feeling empty and worthless. Perhaps this is just a today feeling but we shall see over the next couple of days. I know some people who are reading this are thinking 'pull yourself together' and 'here he goes whining again' but thats not what i need right now. Perhaps I need some sort of therapy or counselling, i really don't know.

Excuse me for using this as an offload page today but it's hard when you don't have anyone to share things with...lets see if Mr computer will give me some answers on what i'm feeling.

Love and Peace

levers water and coniston 

Sensual Steve...part 2

Ladies and Gentleman, I am so proud to have this on my blogsite so i present to you, part the second of the Steve M autobiography, as sponsored by Kleenex.

The school summer holidays were always great, but the summer of 1975 was an absolute scorcher and it did not rain between May and October, we finished school in July and we normally spent the first two weeks at home with Mum + Dad and the rest of the time at my grand parents in Coniston. They lived in a row of slate built houses in the shadow of the Old Man of Coniston {mountain} with a fantastic panoramic view of the lake and Grizedale Forest beyond.

There were three families with children on the same terrace all were around the same age or a bit older than my brother and I and we all became really good friends. The Jenkins family lived next door to my grandparents they had three children, Russell, Alison and Lindsey, Russell and I would become great friends virtually inseparable in the holidays.

The Carroll family lived around the corner on, “The Level” “probably the flattest piece of road in the whole of the Lake District”. They had four children, Tessa, Stephen, Duncan and Jeffrey. Tessa was an absolute snob and would say things like “oh I’m not associating with riff raff from Ulverston”, until one day when she lost her purse in the sand pit in the park and your’s truly found it for her at which point she must have gone mad or something ‘cos she kissed me full on the lips, would have been nice to if she had not just eaten a tube of parma violets yuk!

Stephen was the typical “clark Kent character {dark haired and bespectacled}
An absolute wimp but this guy introduced me to the almighty Hawkwind, Pink Floyd and Black Sabbath for which he has my undying gratitude.
Duncan was mad keen on sport especially football, he always wore George Best slip on shoes they were black with red soles with a figure of the Irish soccer player carved into them.
Lastly there was Jeffery, he was the same age as my brother and they would fight and fight and fight some more over the slightest thing, and then be best of “friends” the next {nudge nudge wink wink say no more}but that’s another story.

It was so hot this summer and we all got on really well and we didn’t have a care, we would go off exploring the surrounding hills and mountains pretending to be the mountain rescue team, on one such occasion we set off in search of a resovoir called Levers Water it seemed to take ages to find, on the way we discovered some old copper mines so we went in to investigate and it was a relief to get out of the heat

The river flowing through the mine was the most beautiful sight, sapphire blue with white eddy’s swirling around the rock pools but the roar of the water was deafening
And after a short rest we set off again. About an hour later we arrived at Levers Water
Where we set out our rugs and had a picnic, then without warning Alison and her sister Lindsey stripped off completely and jumped into the water before long we were all in the water skinny dipping, when I think now of what we used to do when we were kids it’s frightening ‘cos there would be no way any child of mine would go hiking up mountains and swim in reservoirs without me being present, God how things have changed

1976 was also very hot if I remember rightly and this year things started to get a little weird at home, Mum gave up her salon to become a cleaner at Ulverston Victoria High School while Dad took on a early morning newspaper distributing round delivering the news to the people of Grange over Sands and the surrounding district he would start work at 04:30 am pick up his papers at the train station in Grange O Sands and work through till about 08:30am then he would have a break and go and work in the garage until 17:30pm, mum started work at 07:00am till 10:00am and 15:45pm till19:00pm, so that meant my brother and me had to see ourselves to and from school each day!

At the end of each day we would go to my Nans flat until Dad finished work bearing in mind my Uncle Barry and Auntie Fernanda both worked full time also, My Nan had to look after my cousins as well {god it must have been hard for her} we carried on with this arrangement for about a year.

1977 what a fucking year this turned out to be with the Queens silver jubilee,
The Sex Pistols and my family went tit’s up .
My Dad would take us home from my Nans when he finished work and warm up the meal my Mum had left us in the oven and we would all sit down and watch “Crossroads” {oh my god I here you cry} and eat then when mum came home it was time for bed {no problem you may think}.

One day we got home dad warmed up the meal as usual but today was different he seemed nervous and was in a rush, he said “here’s your tea, now eat it quietly and I’ll be back in a minute……. An hour later he returned and went for a bath, he would be downstairs just before mum got home, this went on for weeks.

The jubilee came and went, God save the Queen was at number 1 even though it was banned from the airwaves and my brother and me were packed off to a summer camp at the Y.M.C.A for a weekend, it was a great camp we did canoeing, archery, orienteering, pottery and painting. At the end of the week all the parents arrived to pick up their kids {you guessed it} but our parents didn’t, my dad had phoned the camp to say that he was too busy to pick his two sons up {what a fucking hero}

Two days before the start of the summer hols of this year my dad takes us home as usual gives us our tea it was some sort of stew I did not like it but my dad was determined I should and says “you will eat it even if your sick in it” {bastard!}
So I eat it, then he brings us some ice cream while we are eating he comes and sits next to me and starts saying things about him and mum not getting on and that he would be leaving the house before mum gets home I said “what do you mean leaving”
He said “I am leaving for good and I am going to live at your nans for a while” and off he goes leaving me and my brother in tears and with the task of telling our mother the news. Mum was devastated!


Next week picking up the pieces!
Steve.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Lisa...Happy Birthday to you xxx 

Lisa - A tribute for her 40th Birthday

What can I say about Lisa...she only came into my life about 3 years ago and since that day I have never really had a day where I feel lonely or feel that I have no one to talk to, because Lisa is a person that is always there for you in times that are bad or good. I have Martin to thank for introducing us and guiding us to a path of happiness and friendship.

Lisa is a generous and loving person who would rather see herself go without something rather than allow a friend or colleague to be suffering in some way. She is beautiful, spiritually and physically, and the turmoil that surrounds her sometimes is just an emotional eddy that whips around all in her presence.

Lisa does have her bad points such as being the anti establishment queen of goss! (only playing!) but all the people she meets are people that will remember their lives being touched by a gentle spirit. Lisa is always in my thoughts and my heart and i just wanted to thank her for the joy she brings to my life.

Happy Birthday xxx

what the f... is Boswelox? 

Matts Moods...

Well its that time again when I get to write a few lines about whatever comes into my tiny warped little mind. And for this Thursday I thought I might look at a subject that we are all aware of, sometimes without ever knowing its having an effect Advertising. Not just any old adverts but the ones that have made me cringe, or cry, or laugh, or just want to throw the nearest household object at the TV. Because lets face it most are beamed strait into or rooms and minds when we are at our lowest ebb. The turkey twirler is sitting heavy on your stomach mixing with the chips and coffee. Your feet are up and it's ok to undo the top button of you trousers because none of your friends can see.

So ok there you are and what greets you? Fucking Boswelox that what having searched the web and can find no basis in reality for this product. Apart from the fact that a clever ad-man at Loreal made up a name for their stuff to sound like Botox which is a trademark. So what do they do, take one super model who already happens to look fantastic and try and persuade you that if you smear this gunk on your skin you to will look like the person you always imagined you would.

Its all one great con, fact your skin loses its elasticity as you get older. Not to mention the late nights, booze, fags, chips, and just living. Lets face it smiling talking singing etc all give your skin that lined look. And then they tell you "Because your worth it". Don't be conned, Mrs Chav ain't going to look like Claudia Schiffer in a million years, lets face it not even if she spent a million quid. Spend you hard earned on enjoying yourself, leave that crap on the shelf.

Talking of being conned why oh why do people buy potpourri (there he goes...on about pot pourri...nothing wrong with pot pourri, it'll be "blessed are the cheesemakers next") the greatest con of the last century. Get a handful of wood Chipping's or better still go to your local Forest and collect a spade full of dropped leaves and twigs. Take them home, separate into piles, dye each pile a different colour, mix back up, spray with some god-awful cheap scent, bag up and sell in your local supermarket for a fortune. For some unknown reason ladies (and men) of a certain age think this is the height of taste and leave in bowls around the house gathering dust. Incidentally the smell wears off after the packet has been opened for more than ten minutes.

Whilst I'm on the subject of adverts and advertising I have to mention my personal favorites. All those ads that try their hardest not to mention what you actually do with toilet paper. Soft, Strong, and very very long give me a break. What you really want to know is when you wipe your arse will your finger go through. Or does it have the strength to deal with the aftermath of the Saturday night curry. Nobody in their right mind is going to buy a product that turns to a sodden mush at the first sign of a moist turd. Which the consumer magazine could do a survey with trials as new products come on the market. We could have the international turd rating. Number One for those little lady jobs, you know the ones they pretend are all delicate and fragrant. Going all the way up to a five for all those builders logs that could be used as pit props. Mind you they would have to come up with the standard turd as a reference point.

My final picking is, Digestivus Bifidum What the fuck? Why do companies think that giving a product a long complicated name will make you buy it. The add is another euphemism for bodily functions. Oh I'm feeling bloated says the mother, I used to get that says the daughter. But now I drink one of these a day and I don't get bloated anymore. "I'm feeling bloated" why can't they just script "I'm bunged up inside and haven't been for a crap for a month." Get some fiber in your diet and take a bit of exercise each day. Remember all there trying to do is sell you stuff you never new you needed. Its all a load of old boswelox just remember whatever they tell you "it probably doesn't do exactly what it says on the tin. "

See you next week. Matt

This is what every boy needs...i have one and i LOVE it! 

Gina's Gyrations!

Firstly, can I apologise for letting you all down last week. I won't waffle on with lame excuses, but I truly am sorry.

Quite a mixed bag of topics this last week, and my absence has been noticed. No, I have not found the love of my life, so dropped everything else........................... let my explain.

* I don't do lists(other than the essential shopping list).

* My knowledge of music is fairly limited so my list would be rather boring.

* I don't watch many films, tend to fall asleep!

* I lost interest in Matt's blog(sorry), Tony, Michael and Charles just don't do it for me!

* Next came Neils all singing, all dancing, keep fit machine, with false male model.

* Lastly, "Mac's" from the heart entry.

Shit, what the bloody hell can I write about?

Maybe you could help me to decide what to buy my soon to be 7yr old son for his birthday? He seems to enjoy listening to music, it started with Pop Idol, and his idol was Gareth. Things have moved on(thank god), and his favourite CD's at the moment are Maroon 5, Robbie Williams, Bryan Adams, Delamitre, The Erythmics, Alison Moyet(oh god, I'm starting to make a list).

I really want to buy him a "walkman" are the techie terms now, a CD player, MP3 player, ipod? Last option will probably break the budget, but any ideas are welcome, as you can clearly see I do not have a clue. If I don't go for the CD option, how do you download music? Help me! Had also thought about buying a portable DVD thing, any thoughts?

It's at times like these when I do need a man in my life, but hopefully my male friends will come to my rescue, so need for full time male companion will not be required. I also need to sort out the sex thing at some stage(oh no, sad and desperate is surfacing again), but pressie buying for now top of my list of priorities.

Sorry I should mention that said music device must be small and portable as we are off on our hols, so I will need to squeeze it into my suit case.

Gx

lisa's arse! 

Apologies from Lisa

Lisa has failed to deliver a blog today. She blames it on sexual tension and lacivious thoughts. May God protect Lisa and I hope she heals in time for next week.

Pidd77

a map! 

bloggie bloggie bloggie, oi oi oi !

well...happy bank holiday everyone...i am now sunburnt as i am typing this blogette. Lisa and myself decided to go to Grafham Water (a sewer pit with trees around it) for a picnic today. It was my very first time there and i thought it was really smashing. Unfortunately as it was breezy i didn't realise how strong the sun was and so i have ended up with pink arms and a pink nose. We stayed there and tarried about an hour away by lying on this lilac blanket and counting clouds in the sky. The food went down well...me tucking into homemade onion bread filled with cheddar, gammon and coleslaw and lisa tucking into corned beef and pickle (i think)
We then went on to St Neots to see her older brother and family and spent a lovely afternoon chatting in their lovely garden and cooing and awwwing over the children (apart from me who gets shit scared as soon as a crawling poo machine comes near him!)...I must say i quite liked St Neots, Lisa also took me round Kimbolton which I had never visited and that was also lovely and rural. All in all a lovely country day in the sun...

Ulverston...home is where the heart is...

An outstanding entry!

Ladies and Gentlemen...today i proudly present to you part one of Steve M's autobiography. It is a truly moving piece of work and I hope you will give Steve all the encouragement he deserves...enjoy...blogmaster

I was born on the 29th December 1965 at Oubas house maternity home in Ulverston
Lancashire {well it was Lancashire in’65} to William and Margaret McDougall , they had a bit of trouble thinking of names for me so they asked around the family for suggestions to no avail until they asked uncle Jimmy Mac, who said “give him my fathers first name and my middle name and I’ll leave him something in my will, when I’m gone” so obviously thinking I was going to be rich they named me Stephen Cole McDougall, sadly when uncle jim died he was skint so I got fuck all, just my luck!

Growing up in Ulverston was great, it is such an interesting place with its cobbled streets and grand Georgian architecture and everybody was so friendly.
We lived at 11a Town Street from 1966 to 1977 I remember these years fondly as they were the only years I lived with my parents and brother as a proper family which while writing this fills me with great sadness.

My Mum was a hairdresser, her salon was in the village of Coniston a small village in the lake district ,where my mum is from, I remember she used to use me to test out her new products like perms and dye’s {you can imagine the stick I got at school}
So I blame her for being folically challenged now.

My Dad was an hgv driver for a frozen food distributor and covered Cumberland, Westmorland and the north east, he did that until 1969 the year which my granddad died in a car crash, This is probably my first childhood memory we were travelling back from a day out to Morecambe { I think!} my parents, brother {Graham} and me were in our car a Ford Corsair , My granddad was travelling with my dads friend in the car in front , I cant’ remember what it was but it was a two seater sports , we were 4 miles from home at a place called Arrad Foot, when the car in front lost control and smashed into a wall, my granddad was killed instantly, the driver got away with a broken collar bone, it turned out that the car had odd tyres on one axle {crossply + radial} which tragically altered the handling of the car, I think back now and it all seems like a dream , we were taken to the local hotel so as not to see the events of the aftermath, I remember my dad was devastated thumping the roof of his car and my mum just cuddling my brother and me, what a great first memory hey!.

Time went by and my Nan moved out of the farm she lived in and moved to a large flat in Market Street in Ulverston with her sister Mabel, Mabel could not read or write and was addicted to Coronation Street which over the years sparked a few arguments!.
Underneath the flat was a large space which used to be a stable for the breweries’ horses, My Uncle Barry and My Dad set up in business as mechanics in the space under the flat and called it “Mac’s Garage” they stayed in the garage business until 1982, “I’ll come back to these years later”.

I started school in1971 aged five and a bit at Dale Street Infants School, My first teacher was Mrs Robertshaw , I remember we all used to sing a lot and she used to play the piano.
I also had my first visit to the headmistress’ office in this year for pouring paint down Carol Wilson’s dress, it was a place I would come to know quite well over the years.

These days were so happy go lucky especially in the school holidays, my friends at this time were Tony Wilkinson, Kieth Rushforth and his sister Claire, Alan Stainton and my cousins Micheal and Tony McDougall we used to get up to allsorts of mischief, like, tying door knobs together and ringing both door bells we would be in hysterics watching the people trying to open their front doors, or we would throw eggs at each other followed by flour but most of all we would play football in the street .

My second teacher was Mrs Birkett who was an absolute tyrant she was always shouting and had a very red face, woe betide anyone who was late or forgot their dinner money “ooh it chills me just thinking about it”.

A new boy started school this year his name was Mark Fisher he made his mark on his first day by hitting me over the head with a blackboard rubber OUCH!! needless to say we became the best of friends and spent the rest of our school life in the same class.

My last infant school teacher was Mrs Wilding, wow this lady had the biggest beehive hairdo you could imagine long finger nails painted blood red and always wore thick green eye shadow “thinking about it now she looked like a drag queen” she was the one that always gave out the worst punishments, she would make you stand in the corridor with a chair right behind you and she would say” DO NOT SIT IN THAT CHAIR OR ELSE” god it was torture.
That’s it for now, next week junior school years and the family breakdown.

what i hope to look like except for the hair!!! 

?~???//???/?////?//////?/???/

I really am having a struggle recently knowing what to write, i don't feel i can go on with the story at present, it doesn't feel right...everyone is bored of lists now and my life is very humdrum at present, well except for a possible new love interest....all praise to the 'Gazelle Elite' exercise machine, I just had one delivered and i was gliding happily last night, it's a terrific machine so expect me to be ultra thin in the next few months with buttocks of steel which i will be happy to show to anyone who asks! lol

Its pub night tonight so i wonder what shenannigans we will be up to this evening...working tommorow afternoon so i have plenty of time to get rid of a hangover. On Sunday lisa and myself are off for a romantic picnic to grafham water (is that how you spell it) so look out on flickr website for the lisa watersports shots!

ciao x

Matts Meanderings...

For this weeks outing I thought it might be a good idea to look at the General Election. And a few of the issues that come with the inevitable bun fight that happens.
I suppose at this point I should say that I’m not a massive political animal, although I do have a few views as I’m sure you’re about to find out.

Are you thinking what we are thinking is the slogan that the Tories have chosen to plaster all over the front of any lectern you see at a press conference. Well yes I am as it happens. You’re completely fucked is actually what goes through my mind whenever I see it. Of course it’s now way way to late to change. The papers and all those political hacks would have a field day. And lets face it old “There’s something of the night” could never be seen to back down, he has to live up to his past. This is the last chance for one of Margaret’s little yes vegetables to be something other than a joke in the eyes of the public. Well at least they dropped the Vote Blair get Brown slogan, because it turned out the great British people like that. There’s probably no doubt that dear Tone is going to be replaced by Prudence at sometime during the second half of the next parliament. In fact poles have said for some time that Gordon is a much more votable property that Blair. It was probably the single biggest boost the blues could give the reds. Imagine the look on the faces of the Labour Gods sorry New Labour Gods. When they all sat round the fire burning the last copies of clause four just before the off listening to what Lord Campbell has as his plan to slip the voters the Scottish Mickey Finn. When the word comes in that there’s no problem the opposition has already done it for them. Not that the New Tories sorry Labour should rest on there majority, there old faithful are just as pissed off as any chinless Thatcherite, It’s just they have nowhere else to go. What’s the option for the old red army, orange I don’t think so. The trouble is the papers in this country don’t give you a balanced view of what’s happening. The owner will decree his allegiance to whoever he or she thinks is more likely to give them a gong on retirement. And the reporter is sent by the editor to dig up some juicy political in depth tit bit about the last time a minister drank Forty-two pints and crapped in a flower bed. Let’s face it there’s not much to choose between the two or three main political parties. I’m willing to bet that if you gave Joe public a copy of the manifestos of each without telling them which is which they would be hard pressed to tell them apart. And that is probably the main problem today. As each colour nosedive towards the centre, in a bid to capture the vote of middle England. We inevitably end up with a sludge brown colour.

Once upon a time when I was a lad the Labour party all wore red rosettes and sang the red flag at every opportunity Men who smoked pipes and wore unfashionable suits were in charge. And they admitted that the unions ran the country. Tories all wore bryll cream in there hair and pin striped suits and had a mistress in town. But the public has got wise to this, or is it more stupid.
Mr and Mrs Chav want gossip sleaze and to feel that there small little lives mean something. And that’s where papers like The Sun come in, no news, no in-depth analysis, and no factual content of any kind. Just tits. Honestly if you get your information from the Sun and it’s like’ you deserve all the crap that life throws at you. Most of the Sun readers I know are ill informed ignorant small-minded little people. Having said all that I still think that your write to vote is the most important single thing you have. There are many parts of the world where people still die fighting to have what we take for granted. Make sure you use it; you have no write to complain if you don’t.

Let me leave you with a quote from a man called Jonathan Lynne who co wrote with Peter Jay the most cutting and accurate political satire ever Yes Minister. This is from the later years when Jim Hacker had become Prime Minister and is talking in the cabinet office to Sir Humphrey and Bernard about the press enjoy and goodnight.
- ;Jim Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by.people who think they run the country.
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;-
The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?"Bernard Woolley: "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."

Matt

This was meant to be Gina's blog spot today which due to unforseen circumstances didn't materialise. So here we have a picture of Dr Sensual for all the ladyeeeze... 

me on a good day! 

Lisa's bits!

Hi all

I was going to follow on with more endless lists but I think the girlies amongst us don't get the list thing. I could be wrong - so apologies to all you girlies.

So that left me with a blank sheet of paper and a lot of thinking as to what to write about. A few things popped into my head, but after Dr Sensual`s banishment from the blog I quickly popped them out of my head and straight into the recycle bin lol

As I was getting ready for work this morning a programme came on after GMTV called Peoples Court and basically people come on to the programme and then let the viewers decide there fate the one I saw this morning but did not catch the verdict got me thinking and so I am posing it to you all for your decision

Basically two morning radio presenters were on and what had happened was that the male presenter had put the female presenter on the Internet for guys to bid for a date with her all done in the aid of charity , but the female presenter had taken exception to the fact that the male presenter had offered her up for auction and used the words Hot date , he could not understand what all the fuss was about and said he was doing her a favour as she was young attractive and single

So my question to all of you is what do you think?

This should start a healthy debate amongst the sexes

Which leads me onto the next quickie

What do guys expect on a first date?

Meal at a nice restaurant and lovely conversation
Nice Pub and lovely conversation
Meal then back for a coffee
Meal then coffee and then I will leave that to your imaginations lol

I was just wondering for all us single females out there what the male etiquette is as its not the same as mine J

Anyway sorry it short and sweet but I am looking forward to the comments and maybe I will do a list next time my 15 favourite things to do in bed ....... apart from snore! :-)


Love Lisa xxxxx

Cruel Destiny...

After making such a rip roaring introduction on Saturday, it is with great sadness that I announce the death of Dr. Sensual who appeared to drown in a pool of lube after one of his more orgiastic parties...it is with regret that we shall no longer be able to offer the sexual advice clinic for the time being so please no more emails on the subject as my right hand needs a rest after all your stories...

Today I present for your delictation and delight my 20 favourite films, please respond at will...

Piddy's Big Movie List! (in no particular order)

01. Brief Encounter - celia johnson and trevor howard, so typically typically english!
02. Casablanca - I always wanted to be Rick
03. Now Voyager - Bette Davis's finest moment
04. Jaws - the first and the best
05. Nightmare on elm st pt 1 - the daddy of all modern horror films
06. The English Patient - I just can't help crying every time i watch this one.
07. Jean de Florette - Classic French family drama
08. Manon des Sources - part two of Jean de Florette and equally magnificent
09. Cinema Paradiso - a very beautiful example of Italian cinema
10. Close Encounters of the 3rd kind - I just remember being in awe as the mothership made its appearance
11. Decalog - Kaslowski's 10 hour comment on Polish life, so so satisfying
12. Priscilla Queen of the Desert - Drag queens with attitude, excellent cinematography.
13. Until the end of the world - Wim Wenders 3 hour treat of love and sci-fi in the australian outback
14. Romeo and Juliet - Baz Luhrman's exciting and visionistic version. Shakespaeare with bollocks!
15. Muriels Wedding - one of the best Australian films ever made
16. Picnic at Hanging Rock - the other best Australian film ever made...simply beautiful and atmospheric
17. True Romance - violence in extremes but a bloody great film
18. Pulp Fiction - a work of art which i can watch over and over again
19. Magnolia - Tom Cruise as the chauvanistic sex therapist is outstanding, this P T Anderson film has to be near the top of my list.
20. The Usual Suspects - Everything was just so right about this film, Brian Singers masterpiece.

I hope you enjoyed that, I could have gone on for hours but I thought i might give you all a chance to have a go...

Prince...live! 

Lists, lists, lists...

For those of you who thought you were going to get the next section of the book today, you are wrong. For those of you who thought that piddy77 was going to jump on the list band wagon currently rolling, then you are right...I really can't resist a really good list....

Todays list....the top 15 acts that I have enjoyed live (in no particular order)

1. Prince...has to be the 'Lovesexy' tour though. Have seen him 32 times and counting!
2. Queen ...The Works tour...lucky to see Freddie sing!
3. David Bowie...Astoria Theatre, invited personally to a gig for 300 people that he did...wow!
4. The Cure...all tours, just always amaze me how together they are on stage.
5. Siouxsie and the Banshees...especially the 'Ju-Ju' tour where i got to sleep in the same room as Robert Smith after going to a party with them.
6. Diana Ross...the glam queens all join hands for a glam night out!
7. Kraftwerk...it was just so surreal
8. Katie Melua...we were there at her first ever gig (Matt, Lisa and I)...bloody marvellous but loses marks for shite support acts
9. Sigue Sigue Sputnik...just absolutely amazing live, never really transferred to vinyl well.
10. Mike Oldfield...Tubular Bells 10th anniversary concert 1982, wembley...just absolutely amazing and so many guest stars on stage.
11. Pink Floyd...Venice, in the middle of the lagoon sat in a gondola with the floating stage in front of us...just so so wild...
12. The Tubes...if only for Fee Waybills cock!
13. Depeche Mode...always consistenly electric live
14. U2...when the first album came out in a small London club, i was there at the start.
15.cocteau twins...elizabeth was so nervous she couldn't stop shaking, but out came the voice of an angel...

Hope you enjoyed that, it's nice to reminisce...

Just a word of warning about the blog tomorrow, I did wonder whether to print it or not but i gave in and will present to you Steves blog unedited and uncensored...serious warning though that those who are easily offended by sexual writings please do not read tomorrows blog.

I love you all....blogmaster x

Lets talk vinyl, baby! 

Marvellous Matt makes his move!

There I was it was Sunday night and a hard weekend of relaxing was coming to an end. The TV was not good but The One hundred greatest Albums was due to start and as I’m a music fan it looked fun, all that reminiscing with the wife about music long forgotten. Well to cut a long story very short I was very disappointed, there was so much missing and their top album well I have it and it's not a seminal work. (Radiohead's - OK Computer)
The whole thing left me feeling cheated it was not the greatest albums of all time more like a reflection of the demographic of the channel four watcher. Anyway this got me thinking about my fave albums of all time, the ones that changed my view of music and got me, no kept me interested. It was much much harder than I thought mainly because I had put some rules in place to stop this little game turning into a monster Nic Hornsby moment. Rule one I was really ruthless and limited the list to only ten. Rule two there could be no multiple entries i.e. I could only have one album per band or artist. Otherwise I might just have had Ten Pink Floyd or Fleetwood Mac etc… Rule three the albums chosen simply had to have taken me on a journey and not just been one offs, they sound good, play it to death and never touch it again crap. I then also had to get myself into the mind set. Pretend that these chosen few were the only music I was ever going to be allowed to have for the rest of my life. After many hours thinking and soul searching I had my list, but the order was impossible. That’s when I came up with the last rule. Rule Four each of the ten are equally important not a list but my ten. So here goes in no particular order with a little commentary for each.
Making Movies by Dire Straits.1980. The third fantastic album sealed Mark Knopfler as the greatest lyricist of his generation.
Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette. 1995. Poetry with angst set to music, sharp and very fresh. On as I’m writing.
Joan Armatrading. By the artist of the same name.1976. The sheer class and sophistication of this album along with the quality of Joan’s voice and the delicate production make it the perfect late night music. Try “love and affection” with a pair of head phones. It will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
Rattlesnakes by Lloyd Cole and the commotion’s.1984. From the first bar of perfect skin to the end of the album people listen in silence. One of the most accomplished debut albums ever.
Rumours by Fleetwood Mac.1977. What can I say if you don’t know it just listen to” Gold Dust Woman” and you will understand why it spent more time in the album charts than any other album so far.
Suzanne Vega by the same.1985. Fantastic debut solo album from the first of the modern day female singer songwriters. New York grit on vinyl.
The Lipstick conspiracies by Thea Gilmore.2000. My wild card I’m guessing that most of you has no idea who she is. English female singer songwriter. Records to an independent label fucking stunningly fantastic. Look her up on the net and get any of her albums. I promise you will wonder why she is not bigger than Joss Stone.
Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel.1970. Sorry I grew up with it and I love it every track a classic. If you go to a party you will find it in the collection of most people of my generation. And they can also recall the entire track list in order. How many albums have had that effect.
The Hounds of Love by Kate Bush.1985. It’s like modern Art, Ballet, and Opera all rolled up. Where is the next album?
Last and by no means least The Division Bell by Pink Floyd.1994. Every body singes the praises of dark side of the moon. Yet I think this is more mature and somehow complete and a more thoughtful album.
Well that’s it; of course all these are my opinion. Feel free to disagree or post yours back in the comments. It’s a fun thing to do and quite cathartic.

Matt.

Gx's ginormous ramblings!

I would really like to talk about work, but that subject is taboo and rightly so! But you know when things happen and you just need to share the event with friends, that how I feel at this moment, but as I love my job and would not wish to harm the organisation in any way shape or form, I will say no more! Gag applied and will remain in place until this article has been edited by the Blog Master.

Talking about the "master" why do we both fancy the same men? Neil and I are very different people, but it does not seem to matter if they are straight or gay, we often like the same things about them, gorgeous eyes, bald head, nice smile, erection showing through jeans, lines on body leading to vital bits, etc, please could some-one explain this.

I am still doing the sad and desperate.com, but I have decided to stop. It's all wrong, you spend weeks emailing, texting, phoning, then meet and think, oh bugger, thought I knew him, but this is a complete stranger with really annoying habits that of course I could not see on the internet or over the phone. Well when I say I am stopping, I have to confess to emailing 3 long term contacts,(none have seen a photo of me) 2 I don't fancy at all and have been fairly upfront with them, but they still seem happy to continue to contact me(of course until something better comes along). The 3rd is rather gorgeous(here I go again), and of course modest with it(yes Neil, I think you would like him). Do I want to meet him? I'm not sure I can be bothered, this is how this dating games makes you feel. I thought the idea was to put loads of effort into sustaining a relationship, and the early days should be fab and exciting, this way of dating means by the time you meet you are knackered and pissed off with the time and effort spent arranging the first date. Am I doing something wrong?

Gx

Here's Lisa!

Hello Everyone...Lisa Here...

Well doesn’t the time go quickly – here I am again writing another entry in the blog and as I am sitting here watching another series of `Hells Kitchen` it made me think of disasters in the kitchen I am sure you can all think of at least one (ok maybe not Steve I hear you are a culinary genius although I have yet to taste any of it lol – ifs that not a huge hint then I don’t know what is) Marie’s cakes are talked about for days and days and are gorgeous and Neil can cook but your not always guaranteed what’s on the menu it depends what the corner shop has on special and if he can think of a good title for it!!!

This made me think of disasters that happen and I can remember one time when I was much younger and I had a birthday party – had lots of friends from school and we had a really good time and then came my birthday cake. My Mum had baked a fabulous chocolate cake with icing and candles, and everyone sung Happy Birthday and my mum cut the cake and started to give it out – my brother (who shall remain nameless) was the first to taste it and pulled the most awful face and spat it out shouting `yuk. ` All eyes turned and looked at him in horror. My Mum who wanted to know what was wrong took a bite of the cake and then went quiet, she then went into the Kitchen and came back out and took the cake off the table and went into the Kitchen and returned with Ice Cream!

When all my friends had gone home and we were clearing the table, my grandma turned to us and said that Mum had picked up the wrong packet from out of the cupboard and instead of chocolate had added bisto, we all started laughing – my poor Mum never lived it down it was always mentioned at parties and weddings and even at her funeral.

I have had some cooking disasters in my time usually its around timing (no innuendoes please). But I have to say that one of the best dishes I have made in a long time was on Eurovision Night at Neil’s last year. Martin, Lauren, Neil and I cooked a different dish from countries that were performing in the Eurovision. We put the names of the country in a hat and drew one out and the country we pulled out we had to cook a dish from that country. Mine was the main course and the country was Greece.

I made moussaka from scratch it cost a small fortune but was worth it, as I have to say it was one of the best dishes I have cooked for a long time. Gina and Neil and maybe some others may agree with me here but when you are single and live on your own you don’t get much of a chance to show off your culinary skills and I do love to cook. But maybe it would be nice to do a dinner party in the not too distant future (another hint at Steve lol).

Anyway thanks for letting me waffle on and I will see you next Tuesday x



A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight." The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"


The manager hired a new secretary. He was young, smart, handsome and polite. One day while taking dictation, he noticed the manager’s fly was open. When he was leaving the room, he courteously said, "Oh, by the way sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?" The manager did not understand the secretary’s remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling him in, he asked, "By the way Mr. Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was also quite witty, replied, "Why no, sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

on a sickie!

sorry but due to illness there will be no blog posting today, the blog will continue as scheduled tomorrow with the next instalment of the story on friday...sorry...

'YOU' made this kitten feel bad!

.

an Aye for an aye!

On March 9th 2005, I ordered a shiny new computer from a web based company, which will remain nameless but it rhymes with bell,
After filling out screen after screen of info they wanted from me, I finally got to the place your order section, which I did, after a few minutes I received an email confirming my order. As I had decided to pay by finance they also emailed the finance documents too, this
Is where the fun starts!, Because my printer is knackered I emailed them back to ask if they could post the documents instead, to which they replied “of course, no problem at all” . Days went by and there was no sign of the documents, meanwhile I was being bombarded with email demanding that I return the docs A.S.A.P. and I would reply “I still have not received your documents” so after three more attempts to post me the docs (that never arrived) I decided to phone them, I asked them “Are you sending the docs to the right address” it turns out that they are and they sent me out another copy,

Saturday March 12th 2005
Six rather large envelopes arrived in the post today all with the same logo on them, yes! they were all from “Bell”, after opening
One of them I discovered the finance documents, I sign and date the relevant forms and post them back the same day, “job done” I hear you say! As did I.

Wednesday March 16th 2005
Logged on to the Bell web site to track my order, I entered the receipt number and clicked “find”, yes you guessed it they said
“we are sorry but we could not find your order!” oh my god!! The red mist was descending fast!, I decided to give them another ring, I spoke to a guy called “Simon” he took my order number , after a few minutes he came back to me and said “that order had been cancelled” I said “you what?” he said “that order has been cancelled” I said “why? and who by?” to which he said “we cancelled the order because we did not hear anything from you, and we did not get any forms back” then I said “@#’;.,$%^&!!!!!!” or something like that, then he said “would you like me to email you some more documents” I said “you can stick them and your order up your fucking arse you idiot” and gently replaced the receiver.

Friday April 8th 2005
I was telling Gina of my plight at work today, and she suggested I try ordering from the company where she bought hers from.

Saturday April 9th 2005
I got an email from Gina this morning giving me the link to the web site she ordered her p.c. from, I quickly typed the address into my browser and before long I had ordered my new computer, again I chose to pay by finance and I asked them to send me the documents to sign in the post.

Monday April 11th 2005
The documents arrived in the post this morning, I filled them out at lunchtime and posted them in the letterbox at work.

Tuesday 12TH April 2005
I received confirmation that savastore had received my documents
By email today.

Wednesday 13th April 2005
I got a call at work today from shaun of savastore telling me my order is being processed, but I had forgotten to order a back up disc
And did I want one, I said “yes please”, he also said he “throwing in a anti surge plugbar,and if I had any other queries to phone him immediately.

Thursday 14th April 2005
Hopefully I will be writing my next blog on my new computer woohoo!!
Next time you want a computer for godsake don’t ring the “Bell”
Go to savastore.com instead.
p.s.
thank you Gina for the link.

A woman goes to the doctors and asks if you can get Pregnant having anal sex.The doctor says of course you can where do you think scousers come from?.

See you later, steve

Belly bouncing in Bali....2

...I realised from experience that the uninvited guests (at this point please play Alanis Morisette - Uninvited) would take about an hour to get to the village from where they were at the moment. I looked at the time and decided it was the right moment to wake Simon. Simon often hit me and treated me with disrespect but i loved him for it, and i wondered what sort of mood he would be in today. I retraced my steps to the bedroom, slowly peeled back the rest of the sheet and just stood there and watched him for a while, my vision of male dominance lying prone before me, his cock did a cute jump as it realised it was exposed to the light and air and Simon rolled towards me and opened his eyes. I knelt down on to the bed and he grabbed my hair and pulled my face quickly towards his morning dragon breath, "What the fucking hell are you doing..." were the first morning words of love that he whispered to me that day. I made lots of snivelling apologies and told him of the events of the last half hour. He jumped out of bed, unhappy at the thought of being up early and unhappy at the thought of visitors. He took his anger into the shower and i watched him relax in the cool water as it cascaded out of the silver tongued shower head. He took joy in exploring the whole of his body and i had to go and put the coffee pot on with images of Simons jumping cock dizzying my thought process.
We quickly had coffee and went out to the front of the house, where in approximately 15 minutes the travellers would turn the bend and witness the village in front of them. People had started moving round the village by now, totally unaware of what was about to occurr. Kai (40 year old male, married with two children) and his wife Milly (25 year old female) were cooking monkfish and trying to seperate their children, ruth and Joseph (missionary aquired names) from fighting. The fishermen of the village had taken the nets and were already working, as were the sponge divers, and the women of the village operated a sort of communal laundry system which was worked out on a rota basis which i had never really got to grips with.
Strangely, Simon turned and gave me a kiss and it made me worry because public displays of affection were really not Simon. He told me he loved me many times before, over and over again but this was always just before being hit and fucked to unconciousness. It was a never ending cycle, but if i wanted to keep Simon that is what I had to put up with. A kiss scared me, what would a kiss mean?
Around the corner walked the first of the visitors, a young 18-20 year old blond girl who was actually looking for a place to take a piss amongst the bushes. She looked shocked as she saw us looking at her, the villagers were shocked at seeing strangers, and so the whole area just recinded into silence, no voices, no bird song, even the sea stopped its salty song for that fleeting moment. "Fuck me" were the first words spoken by her colleague, a guy of about 23, whose shirtless body glistened in the bright morning sun. Slowly more and more people came around the corner rocks and inhabited the village...a group of 20 was the final tally, 10 boys and 10 girls, all exploring an island which they thought was uninhabited.
We moved amongst them with messages of welcome and offers of refreshment, I noticed a glint in Simons eyes, a look that i hadn't seen since he first arrived at the village and saw me, but this time the look was saved for a younger man, athletic, supertanned, defined stomach lines which led to the small area of hair above the pubic bone...his name was Patrick...I hated Patrick...

Well it’s Thursday night and this is the first of a weekly column that Neil has asked me to do so hear we go. I thought for our first little outing it might be quite nice to look at something we all have in common, the thing we all use to gaze into the world of Piddy and Blog the computer. Or as I have heard it referred to that fucking thing that never does what it’s supposed to. If that sounds even a little familiar then read on if not or your PC never lets you down then sorry and next week is your turn. (The instructions below should only be carried out on your personal computer and not on any workplace networked pc’s, thank you – Editor)
As you read this you’re on the Internet and probably using Internet Explorer. At the top you will find a number of words in a row, File, Edit, and View etc click on the word “tools” and a little drop down box appears. The bottom line says Internet options, click it and a bigger box will appear. Under Temporary Internet Files you will see “Delete Cookies” click that with the old rodent and then do the same to the “OK” box. Next point and click on “Delete Files” again click on the” ok” button but this time first put a tick in the “Delete all offline content” box. If you have never done these before don’t worry that horrible little egg timer might be there for a while. When I went to a friends house recently to do just this and more her offline folder was so full it took twenty minutes to clear.
Job two find the “My computer icon” it’s probably on your desk top near the Recycle Bin. If not click” start “at the bottom left hand corner of the screen and it will be in the menu that pops up. You are now looking for your hard disk probably called “Local Disk (C)”.Point your cursor at the picture and use the right hand mouse button to click. Guess what a box appears, at the bottom is the word “Properties” point and left click this time. Fuck me another box with a round circle telling you how much crap is stored on your PC pops up. Just beside this little pie chart is a little box saying “Disk Cleanup” Two guesses correct first time with the left button this time. Then tick all those little boxes saying “Downloaded Program Files” and “Temporary Internet Files” etc. Then left click the ok tab at the bottom of the box a small box opens and asks you if you’re sure you want to perform these actions, left click yes and it starts to do its magic. When it’s all done hit the red X at the top right of your page and get on with the rest of your life. What you have just done with these two jobs is clear all the stored muck that surfing the net drops into your PC. Over time this will clog up your system and make your PC crawl along at a snails pace. I would strongly recommend doing these simple things most days to help things run at there best. If you have never done them before, do it now go on. Next week how to build a working model of Neil using only readily available household products and a banana.
Bye, Matt

proposed schedule

Hi all
this is the proposed schedule for the blog week...please email me the blogs at least 1 day before publication...any problems just mail me!

Monday : Neil
Tuesday: Lisa
Wednesday: Gina
Thursday: Matt
Friday: Neil
Saturday: Steve
Sunday : Blog day off

Occasional jottings by my sister, Robbie and anyone else who would like to participate.

The Village... 

Belly bouncing in Bali....

It was the wind that woke me up that night, I had slept peacefully on the island for at least 1000 days and it was the first time that I had been woken from my deep slumber...the wind sang eerily through the passage between the two mountains and the village rustled with meteorological energy. I slipped the sheet off me and lay there in the night humidity, a small rivulet of sweat running from the small of my back to my buttocks which in turn slowly dampened the mattress that we lay upon. I got up and looked at my partner fast asleep on the bed, he was dead to the world and it would have taken a hurricane to waken him properly. I touched his cheek and smiled a little, thinking of how lucky I had been when my life in England had changed all those years ago...that was the past, here we are NOW and i had to discover why the wind woke me up. There was an unatural stillness in the air, no bird song, no monkey-jump noises, silence personified.

I padded quietly from the bedroom onto the ocean-facing veranda and stared intently at the sea, the tide was making it's way slowly in, ready to invite the morning fisherman to rape its waters of the sea-life it contained. The moon still glistened on the surface of the water as it played with its own reflection. Everything seemed okay there so I passed through the house from back to front and looked out onto the village scene in front of me. The small family huts were quiet as people slept away the excess of the night before. The villagers were big drinkers, the norm around these parts, whether it was boredom or social habit had never been explained to me but I knew that it was the only reason I found my partner that now slept so soundly, one night of drink, fumbles in the dark, illicit kisses and longed for passion...then he moved in, it was as easy as that. His name was Simon and he had come to the islands as a back-packer two years ago, in theory only staying for a couple of days but history was to decide differently. Simon was fit and had been on the reserve team for a second division football club...I snapped out of thinking about him as the noise from the mountains made me gasp...it was an excited scream, female, followed by laughter from others, two or three i think but could not tell from the distance they were away from the village. It was a long time since there were visitors and it felt uneasy and dark to think that we were soon expected to play hosts to an unknown party...

Due to Public Demand...

...Tomorrow...belly bouncing in bali......

Robbies Guest Blog

Hi, well I am the guest blogger for this week. I have to apologise actually- I was supposed to be last weeks, but when Piddy told me, I thought he was joking! As you can tell, its not often I get asked my point of view.

Anyway, there has been some discussion about what I am going to talk about. The facts are that I play the bagpipes1fairly well, good enough to play them for medium sums of money in pubs and village halls on New Year and Burns night. Also, When I was on holiday last year in Fuerteventura, we went to the nudist beach at the dunes in Corralejo. Incidentally, the dunes are one of the most fantastic sights that I have ever been privileged to see, one of natures natural and untangled with wonders- well worth a visit. The nudist beach was quite good too! If you ever want to see men behaving like bulldogs, then thats the place to be. As a matter of fact, at one point I was laughing so much, my friend refused to walk along with me until I shut up, and if any of you have heard me laughing, you can understand why he felt that way. By the way, has anyone ever been to a show called Puppetry of the Penis? Two blokes stand on stage, get their dicks out and arrange them into the most amazing shapes, from hamburgers to making them disappear altogether. Its grrrrreat! Sadly, I have never been to the show- I couldn't find anyone to go with me at the time, so I just have the DVD. Anyway, back to my original plan. As I say, the favourite points under discussion seemed to be bagpipe playing and nudity. I can assure anybody reading this that bagpipe playing is not the most elegant hobby in the world, and takes a significant amount of deep and steady breathing. As such, the thought of seeing me in the nude AND playing bagpipes is enough to turn a man completely. I have seen photos of myself doing both activities but never at the same time, let me assure you. To combine the two would be a disastrous mistake!

Anyway, another suggestion was to talk about S-E-X and if I get any. There are two points of view on this, one being that I am getting more than my fair share, and the other being that I get less. I am afraid that I will have to leave it that way- my reputation couldn't stand that one being solved.

So, I think I have managed to get through the blog quite pleasurably actually. I have quite enjoyed doing it. Although it took me ages to put together, so I will leave you with one of my favourite jokes.

Four nuns die and go to heaven. On arrival at the pearly gates, they are greeted by St Peter. Before you come in, he tells them, you must tell me if you have ever had the slightest contact with a mans penis. The first nun steps forward and says that she once saw a mans penis. OK, says St Peter, wash your eyes out in the bowl of water and enter the kingdom of heaven. The next nun steps forward and says that she once touched a mans penis with her hand. Fair enough says St Peter, wash your hand in the bowl of holy water and pass into the kingdom of heaven. Suddenly, the other two nuns start scuffling and pushing each other. St Peter says "quieten down, you two, what is the matter, there is room for all in the kingdom of heaven "
Sister Mary pushes forward and says " If I'm going to have to wash my mouth out in the holy water, I want to do it before Sister Martha sticks her bottom in it!"

Thanks for reading my drivel, I hope it gives you a small amount of entertainment.
Robbie